The Night's Dawn Trilogy (379 page)

“Um. When?” he asked.

“Before you went to Norfolk. Remember?”

He grinned, almost shy. “We’ll never know the exact time then. There’s an awful lot to choose from.”

“If I had a choice, I think I’d make it the one in Adul Nopal’s apartment.”

“Oh Jesus, yes. The middle of his dinner party.” He flopped down onto the sand, and grinned up. “Yeah! That would be fitting.”

“And Joshua. It was very deliberate. I’m not in this state by accident.”

“Right. Thanks for consulting me. I mean, I thought we’d already established the next Lord of Ruin with Marcus.”

“Just say no.”

He put his hand round her head, and pulled her down, kissing her. “I think we’ve already confirmed I can’t.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“No. Worried, maybe. More about the future than anything. But then the kid won’t have it any different to the rest of the
human race when he dies. We can’t fear for that, or we’d be utterly paralysed. The Kiint found a solution, the Laymil, too—for
all it’s inapplicable. We damn well can.”

“Thank you, Joshua.”

“I’d like to know why, though. I mean, we already have the next Lord of Ruin established.”

She closed her eyes, shutting out his gentle curiosity.

“Because you’re perfect,” she whispered. “For me. Great body, good genes.”

“Little Miss Romantic.”

“And a wonderful lover.”

“Yeah, I know that bit. I carry the burden well, though.”

She laughed spryly, then she was crying helplessly.

“Hey. No.” He cradled her, hugging lightly. “Don’t do that.”

“Sorry.” She wiped a hand across her eyes. “Joshua. Please. I don’t love you. I can’t love you.”

He flinched, but didn’t recoil. “I see.”

“Oh God damn it. Now I’ve gone and hurt you. And I didn’t want that. I never wanted that.”

“What the hell do you want, Ione? I don’t understand. Don’t tell me this was convenience, that I was the male easily to hand
when you happened to make your mind up. You wanted my baby. And now you’ve told me about it. If you hate me so much, you wouldn’t
have done that.”

“I don’t hate you.” She gripped him tighter. “I don’t.”

“Then what?” He made an effort not to shout. Every emotion in his head was freefalling. Thought was almost impossible, only
instinct, blind response. “Jesus Christ, do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?”

“Well what do you want out of this, Joshua? Do you want to be a part of this child’s life?”

“Yes! Jesus, how can you question that?”

“What part?”

“A father!”

“How will you be a father?”

“In the same way you’re a mother.”

She took both his hands in hers, quelling the trembling. He shook her loose angrily. “You can’t be,” she said. “I have an
affinity bond with the baby. So does Tranquillity.”

“Jesus. I can get symbionts, I can be equal to you and this bloody habitat. Why are you trying to block me out of this?”

“Joshua. Listen to me. What would you do all day? Even if you were my consort, officially my husband. What would you do? You
can’t run Tranquillity. That’s me, that’s what I do. And then it’ll be the job of our first child.”

“I don’t know, I’ll find something. I’m versatile.”

“There is nothing. There can never be anything for you in Tranquillity, not permanently. I keep telling you this, you are
a starship captain. This is your port, not your home. If you stay here, you’ll become like your father.”

“Leave my father out of this.”

“No, Joshua, I won’t. He was the same as you, a great captain; and he stayed here in Tranquillity, he never flew after you
were born. That’s what wrecked him.”

“Wrong.”

“I know he didn’t fly again.”

Joshua looked at her. For all his instinct, his experience, that beautiful face defeated him every time. What went on inside
her head could never be known. “All right,” he said abruptly. “I’ll tell you. He had it all, and lost it. That’s why he never
flew again. Staying here didn’t break his heart, it was broken before that.”

“Had what?”

“Everything. What all us owner captains fly for. The big strike, a flight that kills the banks. And I had it with Norfolk.
I was
this
close, Ione, and loving it. That mayope exchange deal could have earned me hundreds of millions, I would have become one
of the plutocrats that infest this bloody habitat. Then I would have been your equal. I would have had my empire to run, I
could have bought a fleet of ships just like Parris Vasilkovsky. That’s what I’d do during the day. And we’d be able to get
married, and none of this question about how
worthy
I am would ever arise.”

“It’s not about being worthy, Joshua. Don’t say that, don’t ever. You stopped the Alchemist from being used, for heaven’s
sake. You think I look down on you for that? How could some dusty deskbound company president compare to what you are? Joshua,
I am so proud of you it hurts. That’s why I wanted you as the baby’s father. Because there is nobody better, not just your
genes or your intuition, there can be no heritage finer than yours. And if I thought for one second there was a single chance
you would be happy staying here with me, as my husband, or my partner, or just fitting me in as one of your harem, then I
would have
Lady Mac
flung into a recycling plant to stop you leaving. But you won’t be happy, you know that. And you’d end up blaming me, or
yourself; or worse, the child, for keeping you here. I couldn’t stand that, knowing I was responsible for your misery. Joshua,
you’re twenty-two, and untamed. And that’s beautiful, that’s how it should be, that’s your destiny as much as ruling Tranquillity
is mine. Our lives have touched, and I thank God they have. We’ve both been rewarded with two children by it. But that’s all.
That’s all we can ever be. Ships that pass in the night.”

Joshua searched round for the anger that had blazed so bright just a moment ago. But it had gone. There was mostly numbness,
and a little shame. I ought to fight her, make her see I’m necessary. “I hate you for being right.”

“I wish I wasn’t,” she said tenderly. “I just hope you can forgive me for being so selfish. I suppose that’s my heritage;
Saldanas always get their way, and to hell with the human fall out.”

“Do you want me to come back?”

Her shoulders slumped wearily. “Joshua, I’m going to drag you back. I’m not forbidding you anything, I’m not saying you can’t
be a father. And if you want to stay in Tranquillity and make a go of it, then nobody will help and support that decision
more than me. But I don’t believe it will work, I’m sorry, but I really don’t. It might for years, but eventually you’d look
round and see how much you’d lost. And that would creep into our lives, and our child would grow up in an emotional war zone.
I couldn’t stand that. Haven’t you listened to anything I’ve said? You’re going to be the joy of your child’s life, he’s going
to ache for when you visit and bring presents and stories. The times you’ll spend together will be magical. It’s you and I
that cannot be inseparable, one of history’s great love affairs. That’s the
convention
of fatherhood you’ll be missing, nothing more.”

“Life never used to be this complicated.”

The sympathy she felt for him was close to a physical suffering. “I don’t suppose it was before I came along. Fate’s a real
bitch, isn’t she.”

“Yeah.”

“Cheer up. You get joy without responsibility. The male dream.”

“Don’t.” He held up a warning finger. “Don’t make a joke of this. You’ve altered my life. Fair enough, encounters always result
in some kind of change. That’s what makes life so wonderful, especially mine with the opportunities I have. You’re quite right
about my wanderlust. But encounters are chance, natural. You did this quite deliberately. So just don’t try and make light
of it.”

They sat with their backs resting on the dune for some time, saying nothing. Even Tranquillity was silent, sensing Ione’s
reluctance to discuss what had been said.

Eventually they wound up leaning against each other. Joshua put his arm around her shoulder, and she started crying again.
A sharing, if not of sorrow for what had been done, then reluctant acceptance. “Don’t leave me alone tonight,” Ione said.

“I will never understand you.”

______

Preparing to go to bed took on the quality of a religious ceremony. The bedroom’s window overlooking the underwater vista
was opaqued, and the lights reduced to the smallest glimmer. All they could see was each other. They undressed and walked
slowly down the steps into the deep spar hand in hand. Bathing was accomplished with scented sponges, graduating into erotic
massage. Their lovemaking which followed was deliberately extreme, ranging from aching tenderness to a passion that bordered
brutality. Each body responding perfectly to the demands of the other, an exploitation that only their complete familiarity
with one another could achieve.

The one aspect they could never recapture was the emotional connection they’d experienced in the previous few days. This sex
was a reversion to their very first time, fun, physically enjoyable, but essentially meaningless. Because they didn’t mean
the same to each other. The attraction was almost as strong as before, but of the devotion there was little evidence. Joshua
finally conceded she was right. They’d come full circle.

He wound up lying across the bed, cushions in disarray around him, and Ione sprawled over his chest. Her cheek stroked his
pectoral muscles, rejoicing in the touch.

“I thought the Lords of Ruin sent their children off to be Adamists,” he said.

“Father’s and grandfather’s children became Adamists, yes. I’ve decided mine won’t. Not unless that’s what they decide they
want to become, anyway. I want to bring them up properly, whatever that is.”

“How about that; a revolution from the top.”

“Every other part of our lives is changing. This particular little ripple won’t be noticed amid the storm. But having a family
in whatever form will move me closer to my human heritage. The Lords of Ruin have been terribly isolated figures before.”

“Will you marry, then?”

“That really is stuck in your brain, isn’t it? I have no idea. If I meet someone special, and we both want to, and we’re in
a
position
to, then of course I will. But I am going to have a great many lovers, and I’ll have even more friends; and the children
will have their friends to play with in the parkland. Maybe even Haile will come back and join in the fun.”

“That sounds like the kind of neverland I’d want to grow up in. Question is now, will it ever happen? We have to survive this
crisis first.”

“We will. There’s a solution out there somewhere. You said, and I agree.”

He ran his fingers along her spine, enjoying the happy sighs it incited. “Yeah. Well let’s see if this Tyrathcan God can offer
any hints.”

“You’re really looking forward to the flight, aren’t you? I told you, this is what you are.” She snuggled up closer, one hand
stroking his thigh. “What about you? Will you marry? I’m sure Sarha would be interested.”

“No!”

“Okay, strike Sarha. Oh, of course, there’s always that farm girl on Norfolk, you know… oh what’s her name, now?”

Joshua laughed, and rolled her over, pinning her arms above her head. “Her name, as you very well know, is Louise. And you’re
still jealous, aren’t you?”

Ione stuck her tongue out at him. “No.”

“If I can’t hack it as a consort for you, I hardly think a life tilling the fields is going to enthral me.”

“True.” She lifted her head, and gave him a fast jocose kiss. He still didn’t let go of her arms. “Joshua?”

He groaned in dismay, and collapsed back onto the mattress beside her; which sent out slow waves to flip the cushions. “I
hate that tone. I always hear it right before I wind up in deep shit.”

“I was only going to ask, what did happen to your father that last flight?
Lady Mac
got back here with a lot of fuselage heat damage and two jump nodes fused. That couldn’t be pirates, or a secret mission
for the Emperor of Oshanko, or rescuing a lost ship from the Meridian fleet that was caught in a neutron star’s gravity well,
or any of the other explanations you’ve come up with over the years.”

“Ye of little faith.”

She rolled onto her side, and propped her head on one hand. “So what was it?”

“Okay, if you must know. Dad found a xenoc shipwreck with technology inside that was worth a fortune; they had gravity generators,
a direct mass energy converter, industrial scale molecular synthesis extruders. Amazing stuff, centuries in advance of Confederation
science. He was rich, Ione. He and the crew could have altered the entire Confederation economy with those gadgets.”

“Why didn’t they?”

“The people who’d hired
Lady Mac
to prospect for gold asteroids turned out to be terrorists, and he had to escape down a timewarp in the centre of the xenoc
wreck.”

Ione stared at him for a second, then burst out laughing. Her hand slapped his shoulder. “God, you’re impossible.”

Joshua shifted round to give her a hurt look. “What?”

She put her arms round him and moulded her body contentedly to his, closing her eyes. “Don’t forget to tell that one to the
children.”

Tranquillity observed Joshua’s expression sink to mild exasperation. Elaborate thought routines operating within the vast
neural strata briefly examined the possibility that he was telling the truth, but in the end decided against.

______

Harkey’s Bar was having a modest resurgence in fortune. Relative to the absolute downtime endured during the quarantine when
its space industry clientele were careful with their money, this was a positive boom. Not back up to pre-crisis levels yet;
but the ships were returning to Tranquillity’s giant counter-rotating spaceport. Admittedly they were mundane inter-orbit
vessels rather than starships, but nonetheless they brought new cargoes, and crews with heavy credit disks, and paid the service
companies for maintenance and support. The masters of commerce and finance living in the starscraper penthouses were already
making deals with the awesome Edenist industrial establishment in whose midst they had so fortuitously materialized. It wouldn’t
be long before all the dormitoried starships were powered up and started travelling to Earth, and Saturn, and Mars, and the
asteroid settlements. Best of all, the buzz was back among the tables and booths, industry gossip was hot and hectic. Such
confidence did wonders for liberating anticipation and credit disks.