The O'Conners: A Made for Love Novella (11 page)

I shake my head as I take his hand and begin leading him to the bathroom.
“
I just got the nervous pees. I
’
ll be fine.
”

“Do you want me to
—”

“You don
’
t get to leave me again, Hottie. So don
’
t even think about it.
”

“Okay. Yeah. I
’
m right here,
”
he assures me, giving my fingers a squeeze.

Our bathroom is tiny. There really isn
’
t room for the both of us to be in here. Usually, the only time we share the space is if one of us is in the shower and the other is brushing our teeth. Or
…
if
both
of us are in the shower. I blush, wondering if we
’
re really pregnant, which encounter sealed our fate?

“You ready?
”
Grayson asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

My answer is
no,
but I nod anyway. He hands me the first test and I sit to pee. We decide to start with two, saving the third for if one of them comes up negative.  When I
’
m finished, we set both tests on the sink and then stare at each other.

“I feel like I might throw up,
”
I admit, twisting my fingers anxiously.

He nods before taking my hand in his.
“
I won
’
t lie, Ave. This whole thing scares the shit out of me.
”

“So we
’
ll just be scared together,
”
I whisper past the knot in my throat.

“Yeah. Together.
”

We wait silently, standing side by side, squeezing the life out of each other
’
s fingers. I don
’
t know how much time passes, but I know we give the tests longer than necessary to populate a result. As if we can read each other
’
s minds, we look at each other in the same moment, each of us silently asking if the other is ready. My gut tells me that we both already know the results we're about to see and neither of us are ready. Again, I nod anyway. When Sonny reaches behind us for the tests, our fears are confirmed.

I
’
m pregnant.

The sun is rising. The light of dawn invades our bedroom, gently reminding me that the world is still spinning, even if mine feels as though it has stopped. I wonder where the night has gone. It feels like no time has passed. Did my restless mind really battle against sleep for the duration of the moon
’
s visit?

I feel another one of Avery
’
s stray tears as it spills onto my bare chest. She
’
s still dressed in nothing but my button-up shirt. Her short, bare legs are tangled with my long ones, her arm draped over my middle as I hold her securely against my side. I think it
’
s been hours since either of us has moved.

I bring my hand to rest around the back of her head, burying my fingers in her hair as I lean down to kiss her forehead.
“
Have you slept?
”
I ask, barely above a whisper. She shifts in an attempt to get even closer to me as she shakes her head
no
.
“
Me neither.
”

Another tear greets my skin and my chest tightens. Honestly, I
’
m surprised her body has anymore tears to shed. For at least an hour after we saw the results of the pregnancy tests, she was inconsolable. Overwhelmed with my own fear and panic, I didn
’
t know how to comfort her. I didn
’
t have any words to give her. Instead, I picked her up and brought her to bed. I got undressed and climbed under the sheets with her. My arms were all I could offer. I can
’
t say for sure whether it was my tight grip or simply the passage of time that helped calm her down.

What I do know is that we
’
ve spoken hardly at all, despite the fact that we
’
ve been awake for hours. Each of us has been wandering around in our own thoughts. I realize, as the sun begins to shine brighter, that we
’
re never going to get past our shock if we don
’
t tell each other what
’
s going through our heads. It
’
s like she said last night
—
everything is better when we're together.

Gently, I roll us over. Resting between her legs, I prop myself above her. My beautiful bride looks both devastated and afraid. Her puffy red eyes about break my heart and I know, in this moment, I
’
ve got to man the hell up. Right now, how she feels matters more than anything in the world. She needs me to be the husband I promised I would be. I need to be the strong one, regardless of how strong I actually feel.

I dry her cheeks and then press my lips against hers. As I pull away, I draw in a deep breath, willing myself to get it together.
“
Talk to me, Shorty.
”

“I
’
m going to be a horrible mother!
”
she manages to squeak out before she bursts into a fresh round of tears.
“
I
’
m supposed to be happy! I
’
m supposed to be thanking God for the miracle of a child
—
our child
. I
’
m supposed to be excited! But I
’
m not
—
I
’
m not!
Instead I feel miserable and selfish and horrible.
I
’
m horrible
—
horrible, horrible, horr
—”

“Stop it,
”
I interrupt with a scowl.
“
That
’
s
not
true.
”

“We
’
re not ready to have a baby,
”
she sobs.
“
We
’
ve barely been married a year! We
’
re still in school. We have
no idea
where we
’
re going to be next summer and
—”

“Sweetheart,
”
I mumble as I bring my lips to her tear streaked cheeks. I shower her face with soft kisses, whispering her name over and over.
“
Shhh,
”
I shush against her lips.
“
You need to listen to me.
”

She hiccups, holding back her cry as she gives me a nod. I tuck her hair behind her ears as I admire her for a second longer. I wish I had broken the silence sooner. How many hours has she allowed these thoughts to fog up her mind? How could she possibly believe that she'll be a horrible mother? She
’
s the most caring person I know.

“Listen to yourself when you talk. Do you hear the things that concern you? You
’
re scared
—
you're scared because you
care
. I
’
m scared too, sweetheart
—
scared because I don
’
t know shit about being a good dad.
”
I shake my head, thinking about Patrick. It
’
s hard for me to believe that he ever loved me. More like
tolerated
me, and that was only when he was sober. When he was drunk, I barely existed at all.

“You
’
re going to be an amazing father, Sonny,
”
Avery whispers, bringing her hands up to wrap around my face.
“
I know what it
’
s like to be loved by you.
”

“And I know what it
’
s like to be loved by
you
.
”
I rest my forehead against hers and close my eyes.
“
You taught me what unconditional love from another human being looks like, feels like, tastes like. Avery, I
’
ll never be able to express the weight of your promises to me
—
your promise of forever. Those are things I never got from either of my parents. So, you see, it
’
s not even possible for you to be a horrible mother. You
’
re not made that way.
”

She pulls her hands away from me and turns her face to the side.
“
What kind of mother wishes she wasn
’
t pregnant?
”

“You
’
re looking at this as if the situation is black and white. It
’
s not, Shorty. It
’
s not. There
’
s a difference between wishing the timing was better versus not wanting the baby at all. Correct me if I
’
m wrong, but the latter
—”

“Of course I want to keep it!
”
She snaps her head, aligning her gaze with mine. Her eyes pool with tears but I can tell she
’
s trying her damnedest not to let another one fall. A single blink eradicates her efforts.

“That
’
s what I
’
m saying, sweetheart. Don
’
t you see? Not all mother
’
s feel that way. Mine included. Look
—
this pregnancy isn
’
t an accident. No, we didn
’
t plan for this, but we
’
re not the ones in control here. What are we constantly being reminded of at church? God knows us. He
knows
us, Ave. He knows who we are. He knows what we can handle. He knows. Apparently, He thinks we can do this.
”

“But what about
—
"

I place a finger over her lips and shake my head. I
’
m exhausted and I don
’
t have it in me anymore to think about
what ifs
at the moment.
“
Today. Let
’
s just worry about
today
. We aren
’
t going to be able to figure this out all at once. So
…
maybe today we just stay in bed. The three of us. Maybe today you and I just try and wrap our minds around the fact that we
’
re
three
now.
”
As I say the words, I move my finger from over her lips and slowly unbutton the shirt that covers her. I pull it open and look down at her bare body.
“
We
’
re going to be parents,
”
I murmur, resting my hand just below her belly button.
“
Let
’
s just pause here for a day, okay?
”

“Okay,
”
she whispers.

I lean down and steal a kiss.
“
We
’
re in this together. Always together.
”