The Officer and the Southerner (Historical Western Romance) (Fort Gibson Officers Series, Book 2) (21 page)

Ella giggled. “All right. I’ll be here.”

Nervous excitement came over Ella. Why hadn’t she thought just to tell him in the first place? Pride. Nerves. His perception of her. But Allison was right, none of those things seemed very important anymore. Only telling Jack that she loved him and wanted to share every bit of herself with him.

Ella spotted Allison walking up to the men, and from the corner of her eye, she saw Gray hit the ball. He hit it wrong, and instead of going out toward the men in the field, it came hard to the left. Ella’s eyes were transfixed as it flew through the air and landed next to the only man who’d worn his uniform today.

The man bent down to retrieve the ball as the sun glittered off the metal on his hat and coatee. Ella’s heart pounded in her chest. It was hard to tell because she was at such a distance, but the man’s uniform looked identical to her
father’s
. She narrowed her eyes but couldn’t see him clearly enough as he stood and threw the ball back toward the men on the field. Panic and unease and confusion shot through her. She twisted around to look behind her. She’d wondered what Allison had been looking at before but hadn’t worried too much about it.

When her eyes fell on that all-too-familiar carriage, dread filled her heart and choked her as a new possible reason for Jack’s distance filled her mind: he truly didn’t think she belonged and meant to send her back to her father.

~Chapter Thirty-Three~

Excitement shot through Jack and he scowled. He didn’t want to feel this exhilaration at the prospect that Ella was ready to return to their room. But the truth was, he’d had a hard time thinking of anything other than hauling her back to their room and finishing what she’d started by the river. The vulgar suggestions from the other men since he’d arrived late hadn’t helped. He swore under his breath and handed Allison his bat so she could go after Gray.

“
Who’s he?” McCorkle asked, tapping Jack on the shoulder just as he’d turned around to go to his wife.

Jack craned his neck to see the man who’d just bent to pick up Gray’s wayward ball. “I have no idea.”

“You should,” Colonel Lewis said, clapping Jack on the shoulder. “That’s your father-in-law, General Samuel Davis.”

Jack’s heart fell to his stomach. What was he doing here? Who had sent for him? His eyes shot to the chair where Ella had sat, but she wasn’t there.

He pushed away from the men around him and sprinted for the barracks. Did she think to leave him and return to her father? The air evaporated from his burning lungs. He couldn’t let that happen. His life would never be the same if she left. He
had
to stop her. Convince her to stay. Convince her that he was worth staying for.

He glimpsed the skirt of Ella’s blue dress near the barracks and ignored the shouts of his name behind him as he pressed forward. “Ella! Ella, stop!”

She clamored up the stairs as he ran down the boardwalk calling her name.

He was closing the gap between them and she knew it. From the stairs, he saw her trip, and his arms ached to pick her up and comfort her. But she didn’t wait for him. She sniffled as she pushed herself up and reached for the door he knew to be locked.

He slowed his steps to catch his breath as he joined her at the door. Neither spoke as he unlocked the door.

She went in first, her breathing just as hard as his and her face red and shiny from exertion and perhaps more blasted tears.

“What is this about?” he demanded, locking the door.

She whirled around to face him, arms crossed. “I should be the one asking you that.”

“Asking me what? Why you sent for your father? I don’t know. Because you don’t like it here and want to go back home?”

Ella’s light eyes blazed with fire. “That’s not true. I like it here.”

“Oh, so then it’s just me you don’t like, is that it?”

“
I never said that.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Perhaps not in so many words, but you’ve implied it enough times.”

“I know and I’m sorry, but
I
didn’t send for my father and we both know that.”

“
And you believe that I sent for him?”

“
No, but you knew he was coming and didn’t stop him.”

He gaped at her and the workings of her mind. “Stop him? How was I supposed to stop him?” He didn’t even know the man was coming! How could he have?

“You would have thought of a way if you truly wanted me to stay.” The hurt and anguish in her voice made his knees weaken.

“
I never said I didn’t want you here, and I know I never said anything of the kind to make you feel that way.” He curled his fingers into fists to resist the urge to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“
You didn’t have to say it. Your actions prove it.”

“
What actions do you speak of?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Would it be when I was spending my days and nights cooling your skin and coaxing you to drink water to stay hydrated, or was it when I snuck off under the cloak of darkness to go see a madman about a cure for your infection?”

“
Must you sink so low as to throw that in my face?”

He rocked back on his heels. “Throw what in your face?”

“That I don’t belong here.”

Jack stood frozen. “What do you mean?”

She shook her head sadly and sat down on the edge of the bed. “My father came because he didn’t want me to be a mail order bride.”

“
So you think you don’t belong here because your father thinks you don’t belong?” he asked for clarification. Though he was completely confused.

“
He thought if I stayed, I’d find the right husband,” she continued, ignoring his question. “You asked once if I ever actually looked for a husband. The truth is, I did. Unfortunately, nobody thought I would make a good wife.” She took a deep breath and wrung her hands. “I had more suitors in the past two years than some girls have in a lifetime and got to witness just as many proposals. Only, none were meant for me. I wanted to believe their interest in me was genuine, but for some reason, not one of them ever felt I belonged with him.”

“
You have a husband now,” he said quietly.

A steady torrent of tears streamed down her face. “Yes, but not because he thought I belonged with him.”

“I most certainly did, otherwise I wouldn’t have continued to write and offer to arrange your fare so many times. I didn’t do that for any of the others who wrote.”

“
Others?”

He nodded. “You weren’t the only one to respond, Ella. I got a letter last month asking if I’d found a wife yet. Yours was the only letter I responded to.”

“Why?”

“
There was just something about how you worded it. It was short and to the point, and full of wit. It intrigued me.
You
intrigued me.”

“
But then I arrived and ruined everything.”

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t say you ruined everything, but you certainly didn’t come off as endearing that first night as you had in your letters.” He reached for her hand. “But it didn’t put me off, Ella. I was annoyed and frustrated, yes; but I didn’t give up hope. Living out here takes a lot to get used to, and you were right, the description I gave wasn’t very clear.”

“It’s not even about that.”

“
Then what is it?” he burst out. Wasn’t that the reason she’d been upset with him this entire time? That he’d misled her?

“
You don’t think of me the same way as you did when I arrived.”

“
I’m fairly certain that I do.”

“
No. You see me as someone who’s weak and needs to be taken care of.”

“
Don’t you? Need to be taken care of, I mean?”

She closed her eyes. “Never mind.”

“No, not never mind.” He reached for her chin and turned her to look at him. “Tell me.”

“
It seems since my illness that all you see when you look at me is someone who’s sick and needs your care. Not as a woman.”

Jack let his eyes trail to her breasts. “If you knew my thoughts right now, you’d know just how wrong you are.” He placed her hand in his lap and shuddered when her fingers touched his erection through his trousers. “Isn’t it obvious how painfully aware I am of your being a woman? This happens to me every time I so much as think about you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to change positions to hide my interest.”

“Why haven’t you acted on it?”

Jack ignored the quiver in her lip. “Why do you want me to?” He held his breath. What would her answer be? Did she truly want him, or did she just want to please him?

“Does there have to be a reason?”

“
Yes,” he choked through the bile rising in his throat. He’d die right here if she told him she wanted to offer him intimacies for any reason other than because she loved him and desired to share herself with him that way.

***

Ella’s heart slammed in her chest. She had to give him an answer. They’d come too far and she’d risked too much already for it not to be the truth. She swallowed. Then again. “Because I love you.”

“
You love me,” he repeated slowly, his face unreadable. “Why? How?”

“
I don’t know the answer to either of those questions, Jack. I just know that I do.”

He twisted his lips. “I know the answer.”

“Then please share it.”

“
Ella, you’re mistaking some sense of guilt or appreciation for my taking care of you for love.”

Ella put her hand over his. “No. I don’t think I am. I know I haven’t always been a good wife to you, but I do know the difference between love and appreciation—and most certainly guilt. I very much appreciate the care you gave me, and I’ll admit that I feel terribly guilty for my attitude toward you when I arrived and after I recovered, but I haven’t confused those things for love.” She intertwined their fingers the way he’d done so many times. “I believe I mentioned my many suitors? What I didn’t mention was, I never cried when they proposed to another because I thought I loved them. Rather, I was upset because I’d been publicly embarrassed. None of those men could make my heart race with a look or set tingles to my skin with the barest of touches. Only you can do that, Jack. Only you can make me want my leg to never heal so you’ll keep helping me bathe. Only you make me wonder what it would feel like to have your hands on my breasts at inappropriate times during the day. Nobody else has made me abandon my pride and modesty so fast. Only you.”

“I love you, Ella,” he whispered hoarsely.

“
You don’t have to say that.”

“
I know I don’t. I want to.”

She sighed. “Please don’t mock me. We both know there isn’t a single reason for you to love me.”

“No?”

“
No.”

“
Perhaps you’re right,” he agreed, coming to his knees in front of her. “But I wasn’t aware that love needed a reason. I might be mistaken on that, of course, but Verdigr
isss
, Verdigr
ezzz
, I don’t care.”

She felt a smile pull at her lips at his nonsense. “And when did you come to the conclusion that you loved me?”

“Like you, I don’t know when it started—with our letters perhaps, but I knew it was genuine when I realized that if you were trying to seduce me for any reason other than because you loved me, it would destroy me.”

“
You knew I was trying to seduce you?”

“
I assumed so. But I was afraid it was because you wanted to make amends for our bad start or—” he swallowed— “because you thought you owed it to me for taking care of you when you were sick.”

She shook her head so vigorously she could feel her hairpins slipping. “No. Never.”

Jack idly rubbed his thumb over her row of knuckles. “You know that I have no money. No family name known for prestige and honor. I have nothing to offer you except myself.”

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. “That’s all I need.”

“And my love?”

How could he possibly love her after she’d accused him over and over of being a liar, when he wasn’t? “You know that I don’t deserve that.”

“Does anyone?” He released her hands and put his hands on her waist, then leaned forward to close the gap between them. He brushed his lips over hers. Then again and again. “I want you,” he whispered in her ear. Then he pressed his warm, moist lips to the spot just behind her ear, leading her to shiver. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, Ella, but I won’t continue until you tell me that you accept that I love you.” He opened his mouth slightly and brought his lips down to her neck. “What will it be, Ella? Will you accept my love and let me show you exactly where you belong?”

“
Only if you’ll accept mine in return and tell me that I belong with you.”

“
With pleasure.”