The One Addicted (43 page)

    
“Right - I can’t see anything at the moment but that’s not to say there’s nothing there to see. You have a rather steep retroverted uterus and we may find it easier at this early stage to do a Transvaginal Ultrasound. So, if you can nip out and empty your bladder then come back in - Ok?”

    
I nod mutely at her. It’s always the case with me and my blasted body. I had the same issue with Finn and the delays were always concerning. The fear that had gripped me when I saw her face though; the thought that there perhaps wasn’t a baby, surprised me. I think I really want this, even though the timing is so off? I think I really want Seb’s baby.

    
I head out the door, past the waiting patients and around the corner, where I remember the toilets being last time. Thank God, they’re still here - any further and I’d need a clean up on aisle 4! I have the most rewarding wee, the pressure dissipating immediately and pain relinquishing from my bladder and then wash my hands. As I open the door, ready to face things head on, no matter the outcome, I hear my name called by a cheeky-chappy and in an exceedingly familiar accent.

    
“Lulu - what you doing here?”

    
“G?”
Oh bollocks!

    
“Suzie’s just having some extra blood tests but you’ve missed the scan love - was over half an hour ago.”

    
Think, think woman.
“Oh no, I was going to leave you two to enjoy that special moment together as man and wife G. No I’m here for a scan too - you know how I have women’s problems? Well it’s just my regular check up.”
 

    
There that should floor him.

    
As expected it has the desired effect and he looks uncomfortable. “Ahh, well good luck, Lu. I’ll tell Suze you were here. Shall we wait for you? Will you be long?”

    
“No don’t be daft I’ll be fine. Look I better go - they’re waiting for me back in the room - I had to pee halfway through - the joys of being a woman.” I lean over and kiss his stubbled cheek. “Is everything ok with the baby?”

    
“All good, Auntie Lulu.” He gives me the thumbs up and I grin back at him.

    
“Brilliant, such exciting times for you both. Give Suze my love and tell her I’ll call her tonight - and please thank her for dropping Finn at Crèche this morn.”
 

    
I don’t wait for an answer before dashing back to the safety of room 4, disappearing into darkness once again. That was far too close for comfort, but hopefully, he’d not realise that today was Maternity clinic on the Ultrasound Ward and that they were not doing gynaecological scans in this part of the hospital that day.
 

    
The Radiographer scans me, using the gigantic dildo shaped wand, complete with condom and yet more jelly and after telling me to relax, which is never going to happen, I do my best to do just that, so that she can get the best assessment.
 
The minutes feel like hours, and I have to remind her that I only have one ovary when I see her puzzled expression, when reviewing that area for the notes - it was always the same, since I lost it during the birth of Finn. Finally, with a smile she pulls the screen towards me so I can see more clearly.

    
“Right, this is the gestational sac…”

    
I peruse the small teacup shaped blob bobbing about in the black hole inside my uterus and feel my chest grow tight and tears begin to well. She’d found him or her - they existed; had been hiding.
 

    
Our baby.

    
“I would say that you are 7 weeks and 3 days and from this scan we can calculate a due date for you. I take it you are pleased with the news.”

    
I roll my lips to control my breathing and stop the overwhelming gush of emotions filling me at that second. “Very.”

    
“Well congratulations. I’ll send a report to your GP and you can clean up now. Would you like a picture?”

    
“Yes please.”
 

    
I dress hastily but in a daze. It was already real but after the first scan had shown nothing, I’d convinced myself it was all in my head. Nope - you’re pregnant. Preggers. Up the duff. In the pudding Club. Knocked up. Up the spout. With child. Expecting…
 

   
My head reels until I consider the one idiom that makes me calm and warm inside - I’m ‘going to be a mum again’ - yeah, I like that one. Another little Finn or Finnetta - either would do. I didn’t think I’d have another child - I suppose I never really considered it, after splitting with Niall.
Holy shit - everything is going to change.

   
Walking down the corridor, I’d wandered up less than hour before, nervous and expectant, now just as nervous, yet at least I’m informed. I hold the scan picture in my hands; there was no point putting it off any longer, I had to tell Seb.

*****

    
I grab my phone and first text Seb.

Are you free tonight? We need to talk.
 

I’ll get a sitter. Let’s make a date of it. Xx

    
His reply is almost instant.
 

TFFT. I thought you’d gone AWOL. I was worried.

Crap, he wasn’t happy, there was no kiss. I check the side of my phone and remember that it is still on silent from the hospital and see it is, and then notice the many many messages from him. Call me! Evytg OK? See you 2nite? I also see an email from Jackie alerting me to several missed calls in the office from Sebastian, Suzie, Carolyn Walters and a supplier I used for soft furnishings. Sebastian is my priority right now.

I’m fine just knocked phone to silent. U up for a date?

*

S’all good. I’ve got just the place.
 

Will pick u up at 6.30. Wear a dress. Missed u x

    
I smile at his response, of course he would arrange where we were going, ever the controller, then again everything was about to change between us tonight and after the snippets of conversations we’d ever had about our future and kids, namely in the Maldives, I’m not sure how he would take the news. To be blunt - I am shitting myself. Control is fast slipping away so I’m happy to allow him this last piece of the power pie.

    
I text Suzie next, to return her call and see if she’ll babysit for Finn. She agrees to come to mine for 6pm. Right, all I have to do now is get ready - what does one wear when they’re informing their very early-days boyfriend that they are about to become a father?

*****

“Hey you.”

“Hey you, yourself.” Sebastian enters and regardless of Suzie standing behind us, he steps into my body, and frames my face with both hands, gently forcing me to face him, look at him, before lowering his head in a sweet hello kiss that makes me forget my surroundings and stand on my tiptoes. “I missed these lips. I missed this nose, these eyes.”

“I missed you too.”
 

“Is Finn in bed?”

“He is - just gone.”

I see the look of disappointment cross his eyes and am filled with a sense of happiness that he wants to see him so much. Surely if he feels like this about Finn, he could love another - his own biological child?
 

“I missed you too, Seb.” Suzie interrupts my thoughts giggling from the steps, her impressive 5month bump unmistakable.

“Hey, Suze. Wow, look at you, Mama - how you doing?”

“Everything’s fine. We had our baby scan yesterday, in fact G saw Lu there - anyway it was the big halfway scan and it went well. Gino cried of course.”

Seb looks across at me for a second and then laughs at Suzie. “Big G is so excited about the baby!”

“He is that. He’s driving me potty Seb. He definitely needs a boy’s night out soon - some male bonding time. I think he’s more hormonal than I am!”

“No probs - tell him I’ll ring him this week and we’ll go for a beer. I’ll rope Nathan in too.”

“Fabby. You look very well. Was the holiday out of this world?”

“It was perfect - rather like your sister here.”

My eyes flick back to his and the heat I see there makes my body tingle. How am I going to get through tonight when all I want to do is jump him?

“Alright, you two sizzlers. Off you go and be… alone.” She pats her belly and pouts. “It’s official I’ve become a big fat gooseberry.”

I kiss her cheek. “I won’t be late. Thanks for sitting.”

“Not a problem - you kids go have some fun. “ Her wink makes me smile and we leave.
 

Right, it was now or never.
 

*****

The drive to our location, which Sebastian will not divulge as it was a surprise, was difficult and eerily quiet - it was my fault completely and I was aware for the entire journey that Sebastian was uncertain of my behaviour.
Sort yourself out Lu, before you fuck this up!
 

I spend most of it on a knife’s edge, waiting for him to ask me why I’d been at the hospital yesterday, and when he doesn’t I figure he’d probably not picked up on that little snippet of information from Suzie’s lips.
That is really not like Seb though - nothing usually gets by him.
 

I gaze at myself in the wing mirror, my inner voice drilling it into me to just
come out
with it but how? How do I ruin the wonderful relationship we were building? Instead the butterflies continue to dance around in my belly, as the nerves build. The weight of the small grey baby scan picture, in the inside zip pocket of my bag, becoming heavier by the second. Oh to be able to have a stiff drink right now to calm them. By the time we reach our destination I’m a bag of anxiety.

“We’re here, Lu? You Ok?”

Am I OK?
I drop the mirror and re-touch my lipstick, surprised how calm the woman in the reflection appears.
I can do this. Let’s enjoy the date and just being with my man and then I’ll tell him. It doesn’t have to be now. Let me have tonight.

    
The old-school cinema is housed in what appears to be an abandoned warehouse, yet as I enter I realise I couldn’t have been more wrong. My creative eye is piqued the moment my feet squish into the plush black carpet. Predominantly decorated in a 1950’s black and white theme, hundreds of old movie imagery are pasted like wallpaper newspaper cuttings to the ridiculously high loft ceilings and large industrial staircases spiral in the corner to the upper levels. It is fabulous and completely unique!

“You like?” Sebastian’s inquisitive but happy expression is as childlike as my own.

“I like! This place is out of this world. The ambience, the decor; how did you find it?”

“I knew you’d love it. I found it when I was working in Manchester. It reminds me of that old cinema we used to haunt during our Uni days - you know the one on Drury Lane?”

“Totally, but this one is so much more plush.”

We head up the steps to the first floor, where a huge bar and waiting area awaits, complete with
 
an old-fashioned popcorn maker, old sweet shop, hotdog stand and a pizzeria restaurant to the right. The place is deserted though.
 

Where is everyone?

“Are you sure its open, Seb? There’s no one here!”

His cheeky wink is so sexy I gasp inwardly. “I had a word with the owner and we have the place to ourselves. Come, let’s choose some treats and drinks and they’ll bring some extra canapes into us, when we get hungry.”

I’m hungry already, but not for food. The man is just gorgeous and he’s all mine. The thought of sitting next to him, for the next few hours, in the dark makes my tummy flip-flop in anticipation. I just love being around him and now that I’ve decided to forget all things pregnancy related for a few hours I can just indulge my cravings.