The One She Left Behind (Harlequin Super Romance) (10 page)

Savannah saw a prime opportunity and grabbed it. “I’ll help you, Gracie,” she said as she practically jumped out of the chair.

Gracie seemed rather pleased by the offer. “I’d enjoy the company, Savannah.”

Jim stood and kissed Gracie on the cheek. Sam, on the other hand, remained rooted to his seat.

After Jim and Jamie filed out of the dining room and headed toward the back door, Gracie picked up the serving dishes while Savannah walked around the table gathering plates. When she leaned over to take Sam’s, her nerves were strung as tight as a guy wire. But he didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t touch her. In fact, he shifted slightly to prevent any contact.

Without even a passing glance at Sam, she followed Gracie into the kitchen that was more familiar than her own. She’d spent hours there with Sam’s then-housekeeper, chatting nonstop while she honed her cooking skills. Skills that she rarely used these days.

The area had remained much the same with butcher-block counters and an oversized white farm sink that she began to fill with hot water. She lost all semblance of concentration when Sam sauntered into the kitchen, hands in pockets. But he didn’t give her a look as he left out the back door.

Savannah blew out a breath of relief as she opened the lower cabinet and fumbled around for a minute, knocking over several items before she finally found what
she’d been searching for. She’d been fumbling like an imbecile all day, thanks to Sam.

When Savannah straightened and set the dishwashing liquid on the back of the sink, Gracie moved to her left and smiled. “No need to do anything but rinse off the dishes, sweetie pie. Jimmy gave me a brand-new dishwasher for a wedding gift.”

Savannah kneed the cabinet closed and looked to her right to discover the shiny stainless appliance that Gracie so deserved. “It’s about time.”

“But not so romantic,” Gracie said as she rinsed off the utensils and set them aside on the drainboard. “I told Jimmy that if he’d go out to the workshop and get a tow chain, I could wear it around my neck and maybe then I wouldn’t be so disappointed that he hadn’t bought me a necklace.”

Savannah laughed yet internally cringed over the “workshop” reminder. “I suppose it’s the thought that counts, huh?”

“Yes, and I count my lucky stars that I finally got him to the altar after twenty some-odd years. Did you know it took him five whole years to kiss me?”

“No, I didn’t know that.” Savannah opened the drawer to the washer and lined the top rack with glasses. “I’ve never even heard all the details about how you came to be Jim’s housekeeper, only that you just showed up one day, according to Sam.”

This time Gracie laughed. “Dumb luck or fate sent me here, I’m not sure which. I was twenty-one years old and working at the feed store. Someone told me about the job and I was so sure it would be easier than standing on my
feet all day. So I applied and Jimmy hired me. Grandpa Mick, Jimmy’s dad, was still alive then, so that made three males in this house, and after seeing the state of the place, I almost left and never came back.”

Savannah could picture Gracie way back when, before time had painted silver in her dark hair and fine lines above her brow. “But you did come back. Why?”

Gracie wiped her hands on a dish towel and leaned a hip against the cabinet. “Because I took one look at that lost little five-year-old boy who didn’t know why his mama had left him behind, and I couldn’t leave.”

When Savannah had met him, Sam still possessed some of those lost-boy traits—a risk-taker and borderline troublemaker. Had it not been for his father’s iron-hand influence, he might have turned out differently considering his mother’s careless disregard. “Your feelings for Jim didn’t play a role?”

Gracie smiled. “Actually, not in the beginning. Jimmy was an old grump all the time. But deep down I knew his bad attitude had to do with getting his heart stomped. I just hung in there until he finally came around.” She sighed. “Finding forever with your first love is worth all the trials and tribulations. And the waiting.”

Finding forever with your first love…

Since she’d wised up in adulthood, Savannah had begun to believe that concept was only a fantasy. Rachel and Matt were the exception, and so were Gracie and Jim. Not everyone could be quite that fortunate.

She rinsed off a plate and handed it to Gracie. “There wasn’t anyone special before Jim?”

Gracie leaned over and slid the plate in the dishwasher.
“Not really. I dated a couple of boys in high school, but they didn’t hold my attention that long. Of course, for years I had this fear that Linda would show up one day and take Jimmy and Sam away from me.”

A justified concern, in Savannah’s opinion. “Speaking of Linda, does Sam ever hear from her?”

Gracie shook her head. “Up until a few years back, she sent birthday and Christmas cards, but that’s about it. Then a year after Jamie was born, she called Sam. I don’t know what she said to him, but I do know he was upset for days afterward. Everything stopped the following year. No cards or calls. That’s when we discovered she’d passed away from cancer.”

Steeped in shock, Savannah went momentarily silent. “I had no idea.”

“Not many people know,” Gracie said. “You can count on Sam not to say anything. And it’s really very sad. She’d remarried and had a daughter who should be in her early twenties by now.”

Just one more thing Savannah hadn’t been aware of. “Then Sam never met his sister?”

Gracie took a large blue bowl from the refrigerator and placed it on the counter. “No, and I doubt he ever will. As far as I know, Linda never told her husband or the girl about Sam. At least that’s what she said to Jimmy that time she called. I can’t imagine living a lie all those years and carrying it to the grave.”

In some odd way, Savannah did understand why someone might keep that secret, right or wrong. When life rocked along smoothly, many wouldn’t want to upset the applecart.

The screen door creaked open followed by Jim calling, “Gracie and Savannah, the concert’s about to start and I’m ready for my dessert.”

“Hold your horses,” Gracie called back. “We’ll be out in a minute.”

Savannah grabbed one of the bowls from the counter and helped Gracie dole out the banana pudding. They worked in companionable silence until Gracie said, “Just so you know, I didn’t mean to embarrass you over what happened between you and Sam earlier.”

Savannah could issue a denial, but Gracie would see right through her. “It was just one of those things.” One of those things that she would probably live to regret.

Gracie patted Savannah’s cheek. “I know, honey. I imagine it’s hard to control that attraction to each other, even though that could create a bushel of problems for you both.”

Before Savannah could respond, Gracie was halfway out the kitchen with three bowls of pudding balanced in her grasp. Before she could insist that she wasn’t rediscovering anything with Sam. Clichéd animal lust was one thing—caring was another altogether. As she’d told him in the shop, she didn’t feel anything for him. She didn’t dare. And she sure as heck wouldn’t kiss him again.

After she’d had some time to regroup, Savannah carefully walked down the three steps leading to the backyard to join the group. She set the two remaining bowls on the picnic table, then slid onto the chair next to Gracie. Sam was seated in a green metal lawn chair across from the table with Jamie standing next to him.

As he tuned the guitar, Savannah centered her attention on his hands. Hands that she’d always found so strong and appealing, calluses and all. She thought about the men in Chicago, the pretty boys whose idea of manual labor consisted of pounding a computer keyboard. She couldn’t recall one who had hands as strong as Sam’s.

After offering Jamie the guitar, Sam said, “Okay, Joe, it’s all yours.”

The little girl looked suddenly shy. “I want you to sing with me.”

Sam frowned. “This is your show, kiddo.”

“Please, Daddy?”

“Go ahead and sing with her, son,” Jim prodded.

“Yes, do,” Gracie added before turning to Savannah. “You have to see this.”

Jamie took the guitar from Sam and climbed into his lap, her brow furrowed in concentration as she began to strum the guitar. Together father and daughter sang a simple, familiar and beloved lullaby about mockingbirds and gifts.

As Savannah witnessed the tender scene, a host of emotions bore down on her. The pride in Sam’s eyes and the gentle way he treated his child reminded her that she’d known he had a great capacity to love, virtually untapped until he’d been given this precious little girl.

She also thought of her own father, how close they’d been. How she’d always been able to count on him during troubled times, except when it came to battling
her mother. But then she’d once relied on Sam as well, before everything had fallen apart.

Savannah summoned every ounce of strength to maintain her composure until the song ended. But when Jamie looked at Sam and said, “I love you, Daddy,” and he replied, “I love you, too, kiddo,” she could no longer trust herself not to break down.

She joined Gracie and Jim in a round of applause before she rose from the chair. “That was beautiful, Jamie,” she said around the knot in her throat. “And I really have to go now.”

Gracie sent her a concerned look. “You haven’t touched your pudding, Savannah. And your dress is still drying.”

“I’ll finish the pudding and Sam can drop the dress off tomorrow,” Jim said. “If the girl needs to go, we should let her.”

After Jamie slid from Sam’s lap, she walked to Savannah and gave her a hug and a sweet, sweet smile. “Floyd liked that song, too. Do you think he can hear us in heaven?”

She softly patted Jamie’s cheek. “I’m sure he can, and I know he enjoyed it as much as I did.”

When Jamie let her go, Savannah clung to her last scrap of self-control. “Thank you for dinner, everyone. I’ll see you soon.”

She barely made it up the steps before the tears began to flow like a country stream. A rogue sob slipped out as she opened the back door and she prayed no one had heard it. As she made her way through the house, she tempered her steps though she dearly wanted to run. Run
from the feelings hovering just beneath the surface. Run from the realization that she did still have some latent feelings for her first love. Run from Sam.

It’s best to quit running away from the truth, or one day you’ll wake up to find you’ve run out of places to go….

As Savannah walked out the front door, she acknowledged that for once her mother could very well be right.

W
HEN
G
RACIE STOOD AND
announced, “I’ll go see about her,” Sam immediately came to his feet and said, “I’ll go.”

“Can I go, too?” Jamie asked.

He bent and kissed her cheek. “You can go to bed. I’ll tuck you in when I get back.”

Before his daughter could object to the order, Sam sprinted up the cement stairs, Gracie dogging his steps. He didn’t make it past the kitchen before she called to him to wait. He didn’t want to wait. He wanted to get to Savannah and find out what was wrong, even though he had a few theories.

Out of respect, he turned to his stepmother. “What is it, Gracie?” he asked as he unsuccessfully tried to keep the impatience out of his voice.

She grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the counter and handed them to him. “She’s going to need these and your kindness.”

Like he didn’t realize that. “I don’t plan to treat her with anything but kindness.”

“She also doesn’t need you toying with her feelings right now. So don’t go thinking you’re going to take advantage of her vulnerability by charming her back into
your bed. And don’t forget that no matter what you do, she’ll be leaving again.”

He didn’t need that reminder, and he didn’t need the guilt trip, either. He opened a kitchen drawer and removed a flashlight. “If you’re done with the sermon, I’ve got to go. She could be halfway to Chicago by now.”

She waved him away. “Fine, but don’t forget your manners.”

If he didn’t leave right away, he would.

Sam rushed out the front door and jogged down the path that led to the Greers’ farm. Since Savannah had a head start and seemed to be in a big hurry, he doubted he’d catch up to her before she made it back to the house. But when he emerged from the break in the tree line a few minutes later, he discovered he wasn’t too late after all.

For Sam, the bridge had been the means to get to her. For Savannah, it had served as a refuge for as long as he’d known her. The three-quarter moon provided enough light to outline her silhouette and although he couldn’t make out many details, he figured she’d been crying. Maybe she still was.

When he reached the bridge, Sam approached her slowly so he wouldn’t startle her. But the rasp of wood beneath his boots drew her attention and she began swiping beneath her eyes with her fingertips.

Classic Savannah—trying hard to hide the tears. Sam wasn’t sure what to offer first, the tissue or a talk. He handed her the tissue and decided to let her talk when she was ready. He turned off the flashlight, set it on the railing and then took his place beside her.

They stayed that way for a time, the occasional croaking bullfrog and hissing locust the only sounds interrupting the country quiet.

After a few minutes, Savannah finally broke the silence. “Have you ever gone through something so heartbreaking that you’re not sure you’ll ever get over it?”

Yeah. The day she walked away. The unexpected thought jarred him, but he didn’t want to analyze it now. “You mean losing your dad.”

She glanced at him before turning her attention back to the landscape. “Yes. Seeing you and Jamie together brought it all back. I wonder how long it will take before I can remember him without becoming an emotional mess.”

“You give yourself some time to grieve, then you go on. Eventually it gets easier.”

She faced him and rested an elbow on the rail. “How long did it take for you to get over your mother’s death?”

Obviously someone in his family had enlightened Savannah. Probably Gracie, who always had good intentions, even if she couldn’t leave well enough alone. “I barely knew my mother.”

“I know, Sam, but it still had to hurt. Especially learning she’d died after the fact.”

She was trying to lead him into forbidden territory and he didn’t care to take that trip. “I don’t want to talk about her.”

Savannah showed him her famous sympathetic look, the one that never failed to make him want to confess to his crimes. “You’ve been carrying this burden around
for as long as I’ve known you. It might help if you did talk about her.”

He recalled what she’d said in the shop and that provided a way out. “Why do you care? Best I recall, you told me earlier you didn’t.”

She lowered her eyes. “I don’t like to see anyone suffer.”

Now he was just anyone. But if she wanted the sorry facts, he’d give them to her, if only to make her understand why he’d always avoided the topic. He’d begin by telling her something he’d never told another soul. “I knew all along she was sick.”

Even in the dim light, he could see the shock in her expression. “When?”

“She called one day and asked if she could come for a visit. I didn’t see much point in it. When I told her that, she said that she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be around. I told her I didn’t believe her and hung up.”

Savannah shook her head. “I know you hated what she did to you, but I can’t imagine why you’d think she’d stoop low enough to make up an illness.”

No, she wouldn’t understand, unless he revealed everything. “My last memory of my mother was the day she left the farm. She told me that as soon as she had a nice place to live, she’d come back for me. And we all know how that turned out.”

She laid a hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

He didn’t want her compassion. He wanted to move past this point in their conversation. “I learned long ago that sooner or later everyone leaves, by choice or by death. It’s just a part of life.”

“Do you regret not seeing her?”

He’d avoided those feelings by not thinking about it. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done, and I can’t go back and undo it.”

“You’re right about not being able to change the outcome, but I still have a difficult time believing the sadness magically goes away.”

How well he knew that. “At least you had some good memories of Floyd. I imagine that helps ease some of the pain.”

“It does,” she said. “But when I realize how much I’ve missed over the years because I stayed away, I feel so guilty.”

Sam wanted to ask if she’d ever missed him. If she regretted leaving him behind. He refrained for fear he might not care for the answer. “Like I’ve told you before, Floyd was proud of your accomplishments. And like you said, he understood why you didn’t come home.”

“I suppose so. But it still doesn’t seem like real justification for not visiting him more often.”

Sam would have to agree, but he wouldn’t kick her while she was down. “Again, you can’t wind the clock backward. You just have to live with it and learn from your mistakes.”

“That’s a lesson I’m having a hard time learning, especially where you and I are concerned.”

Not once had he ever thought of her as a mistake, even after the bad ending to their relationship. “Are you talking about then or now?”

“I’m talking about my behavior in the shop.” She turned back to the view, both palms braced on the railing
like she needed support. “I thought I knew all the stages of grief. I had no idea sexual acting out was one of them.”

He should cut her some slack but he didn’t like feeling used. “And I thought you just couldn’t resist my charms.”

She sent him a solid frown. “Your sarcasm isn’t justified since your actions were a contributing factor.”

He put up both hands, palms forward. “Hey, you kissed me, not the other way around. I only reacted like any man would.”

“You challenged me and you knew I couldn’t resist. I wish I had a nickel for every time you pulled that on me. I could buy my whole condo building with that fortune.”

“I was just seeing if you were still the same Savannah.” And wondering if she felt the same spark that he did. According to her, that hadn’t been the case. She’d only been navigating some weird stage of grief. Sam still wasn’t quite buying that speculation.

“I am still the same in that respect,” she said. “I don’t like to back down, which makes me good at what I do. Unfortunately, that trait didn’t work in my favor today. I should never have kissed you and I’m really sorry I did. It won’t happen again.”

No one was sorrier than Sam that it had happened, and that it wouldn’t happen again. “Believe it or not, I know where you’re coming from. I’ve been known to use sex as a means to forget.”

She sent him a sideways glance. “Is that what you did after the divorce?”

That’s what he’d done after she left town. “Sometimes you just need someone to hold to help you make it through a loss. At least that’s what you think you need. Meaningless sex is a sorry substitute for having a real friend to lean on.”

“Real friends can be hard to come by in my world.”

That was an acknowledgment he’d never thought to hear coming out of her mouth. “I’ve always known you to have a slew of friends, Savannah.”

She tugged at the hem of the too-big T-shirt.
His
T-shirt. “I’ve been too busy building my law practice to socialize that often. And when I do attend the occasional cocktail party with colleagues, it’s hard to tell a prospective friend from someone who’s just playing you to get ahead.”

Nothing like a cutthroat career. “That’s pretty sad, not having friends.”

“That’s the price you pay for being in my line of work.” She hid a yawn behind her hand. “What time is it?”

Sam turned on the flashlight and checked his watch. “It’s nearly eleven.”

She stretched her arms above her head and faced him again. “It’s getting late. I need to go home and you have a little girl waiting for you to say good-night.”

For some strange reason, he didn’t want to leave Savannah just yet. “Since Jamie’s probably already asleep, I’ll walk you home.”

“I can make it on my own.”

He was well aware of that. Deciding not to push, Sam
grabbed the flashlight and tried to hand it to her. “Then take this, just in case.”

She waved the offer away. “That’s not necessary, either. The moon’s bright enough to light the way. Besides, I could walk this path in my sleep.”

“You could, but I don’t want you to fall and break something.”

“If that happens, I’ll yell loudly and you can send out a rescue party. Have a good night.”

“You, too.”

She started away, then turned back to him again with a smile that went straight to his soul. “Oh, and I forgot to say thanks for listening to me. Believe it or not, you’ve really helped.”

Sam had a hard time believing that anything he’d said had been beneficial. Then he suddenly realized he’d been going about this all wrong. Great sex hadn’t been the only major aspect of their shared past. Honest-to-goodness dialogue had been the cornerstone of their relationship. “Feel free to call me if you need anything.”

She laid her palm against her chest like a practiced drama queen. “Why, Samuel McBriar, you’re actually being nice to me. What’s the catch?”

He couldn’t blame her for being suspicious. “No catch. I just thought you might need a friend while you’re here, in case you end up on the wrong side of Ruth.”

And he thought she couldn’t look more amazed. “You’re actually suggesting friendship?”

Yeah, he was in a sense. “Stranger things have happened. Now, I’m not saying we have to pal around. I’m just saying I’m willing to listen if you want to talk.”

“Do you really think we can do that, Sam? We’ve said some fairly hurtful things to each other. I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to get past that.”

Neither was Sam, but he was willing to try for her sake. Maybe even for his. “We just had a fairly decent conversation and I don’t remember more than a couple of flying insults.”

“That doesn’t mean we won’t slide back into bitterness mode again. Perhaps we should just end it on a friendly note and leave it at that.”

That might be a sensible course of action, but solid sense hadn’t always come into play when it came to Savannah. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll abide by the decision. But the offer still stands if you change your mind.” And he could come up with a few ways to help her change her mind, all involving his mouth, but only in the talking sense.

“I’ll think about it,” she said as she headed for home.

As Sam watched Savannah start across the bridge, he realized that if he wanted to show her what she’d been missing, friendship was the best way to go. He just wished he’d thought of it before she’d kissed him. Of course, spending more time with her meant he’d run the risk of getting his heart pounded again just to prove a point. He could handle it. Hell, he was raising a daughter and running a farm. Remaining emotionally distant couldn’t be any tougher than either of those responsibilities.

Problem was, he’d originally thought a little revenge would taste mighty sweet. Now he realized that after all the things she’d said to him today, he had something to
prove. He needed to prove he wasn’t that cruel kid who hadn’t been able to swallow his pride in order to wish her well. He needed to prove that the man had moved on without her, and he could do it again. More important, he needed to prove it to himself.

Life would be much easier if he made peace with the past, and that’s what he planned to do before Savannah left in the next few days. Only this time, he’d be the one to walk away.

A
S SHE ENTERED THE DARKENED
house, Savannah tried to be as quiet as possible in deference to farm-life rules—in bed by nine, up before dawn. Yet as she scaled the stairs, the wood protested her weight with a series of creaks. The same noises that had gotten her into trouble when she’d stayed out too late with Sam.

Sam…

Even now, he continued to invade her mind like a favorite poem. Even years later, she’d fallen into old behaviors that should have been erased from her life long ago. Maybe those behaviors
had
stemmed from grief. Perhaps she had needed someone to turn to for comfort and he’d simply been available. If only it were that easy. If only that were true.

More important—and extremely surprising—he’d confided in her about his mother, hard secrets she wagered he’d kept from his family. She questioned why her and why now, but the answer seemed fairly obvious. They’d been confidants from the beginning. The fact that they’d so readily taken up where they left off
tonight did disturb her, but not enough to completely rule out his proposal.