The One We Feed (38 page)

Jinx tapped me
with his foot. “So what’s next, Kimosabe?”

In an
ostentatious show, I grew out my Rakshasa nails one by one, then combed my damp
hair, while the hacker beside me hissed. “I have a few errands to run.”

“Me, too.”

“Get the site
up and running, won’t you? But leave off all the stuff about us. Just focus on
making humanity pay attention.”

“Done.”

The station
suddenly exploded in a huge, searing cloud, sending out a percussion wave in
its wake. Debris flew outward at all angles, like shooting stars against the
sky. Some of the old cars caught too, and in one massive pyre Mara’s Hell ate
itself.

“Wicked,” Jinx
said appreciatively. “Call me when you get wherever you’re going?”

I put my arm
across his shoulders and hugged him close. “You betcha.”

“I had some
time on my hands…,” he whispered. “Wasn’t sure when the shit would hit the fan,
so I just entered every date this week into your sister’s book code. When the
results came out, I knew which day you’d...you know, bust out.”

I glanced at
him. He was watching the flames stoically, but his fingers squeezed the can so
tight it rippled.

“What did it
say?”

He reached
into his pocket and handed me a piece of well-worn paper. On it, in Jinx’s red
ink, was a short but sweet message.

“My dear, now
we come to the end. Walk through the floating door and meet me on the other
side.”

I shook my
head. The calculating mind of Devlin reached out from within me and grasped the
message tightly. It seemed like gibberish. Before, that would have bothered me,
but now I knew that Eva was a genius and that every word set down meant
something. I had absolute faith.

Our
relationship had continued to improve even after her death.

Cheers, Ev.

“So...this is
the Floating Door, yeah?” the boy wondered, toasting the fire as a car tire
burst with a loud pop.

I nodded. He
had been thinking the same thing I had, just like a good sidekick.

This
was
the
Floating Door, a second Crossroads. The Buddha had called the ones on their way
to enlightenment the Stream-enterers, but I didn’t want to just enter the
stream. I wanted to transcend it, dam it up, change the tide of everything. There
was no name for what I wanted to do. No words to describe the unending process
of evolution we were both envisioning.

We would ride
the river and open the door.

Devlin’s best
grin was the only fitting reply.

Another
explosion blew the awning over the gas pumps sky high. Soon the pumps
themselves would go, and that would be a glorious sight, indeed.

I raked my
claws through my hair again. It was drying quickly in the heat from the fire. “Wish
I brought some marshmallows.”

“You don’t
eat.”

“It’s
symbolic.”

Jinx rolled
his eyes. “Like we don’t have enough of that going around.”

Chapter
31

The
Stonecutter

He opened the door, his tie
half-undone, his sleeves in mid-roll. When he recognized me, he froze and his
face lost its color. I couldn’t blame him. It had been nearly a year since we
parted ways, and I looked very
very
different.

“Lily?” he
croaked.

“Hello,
Howard.”

He blinked and
grabbed the doorknob as if to block me from whatever insanity he expected from
someone who was
obviously
deranged enough to stalk him and his new
family.

I smiled and
couldn’t resist the joke. “Not going to invite me in?”

“No. You’re
not supposed to be here.” The deeply cut frown lines furrowed even deeper. “How
did you find us? What are you doing here?”

My smile
widened, and for an instant I hoped my teeth seemed sharp. “I came to see the
baby.”

He stared at
me, boggled. “N...no!”

“Don’t worry,
Howard, I’m not going to drink its blood,” I said. “There’s just something
important I need to say.” He was about to protest again, but I raised my hand
and blocked any further objections. “I know you’d like to think I’m still
caught up on what went wrong, but I’m not. I’ve grown a lot and I know when and
where I was wrong. I accept that and hope you can forgive me for what I did. I
need you to know I forgive you, too. But I’m not here to say any of that. I’m
here to see the baby.”

His mouth fell
open in wonder. After a few moments of twitching, he finally let his hand fall
and stood aside. I could feel his retreat, both physical and mental, could
sense the effect my aura was having on him. I closed my eyes and composed
myself, pulling back the tendrils of my several more invasive talents. He began
to relax and, after a few moments, cleared his throat sheepishly.

“Trish should
be back with the baby soon.”

I stepped past
him. The house was cool inside, the hall lined with photos of a sweet little
boy, wearing a ball cap, a tuxedo onesie, starkers with a tiny red bow tie. I
reached out and traced the line of his adorable face, unable to suppress a
giggle.

“You did good,
How. And the girl? What’s she up to?”

“She’s gone
back to school for her nursing credentials,” he said from just behind me.

I nodded and
moved into the living room to take a seat on the edge of the sofa.

“You...uh...you
want anything, coffee, water?”

“No, thank you.”

He sat down
across from me and ran a hand through his graying hair. “How’s Eva?”

“Dead,” I
said. I didn’t want to traumatize him, but I needed him to understand the
alterations my life had undergone. I managed a sad smile and leaned back,
pulling a stuffed animal from behind me.

He gasped. “What?
How?”

“She….” I
glanced around. A perfect, well-appointed home, out of the chaos of our life
together. It was all I could ask for. “She died saving someone’s life.”

I heard him
swallow. “I...I’m so sorry, Lily.”

I brushed the
comment aside. “You know me. I’m dealing with it.”

He was silent,
unable to form cohesive thoughts. He hadn’t spent much time with her, but he
knew
my
Eva, through my rantings, my venting of frustration, my feelings
of inadequacy, and, rightfully so, could find no way to comfort me. To his
mind, she had been a burden on my thoughts. What can one possibly say to the
knowledge that that burden has finally vanished? The clock on the mantle ticked;
the whisper of his breathing grew calmer. We stared at each other and for once
had no walls between us.

The door
opened, and there was a rush and jumble of movement as Trisha tried to balance
shopping bags, diaper bag, and baby in her thin arms. Howard leaped to his feet
to rescue/warn her, while I sat peacefully, my eyes tracking the little cherubic
face smeared with something sticky. He had his mother’s good looks and Howard’s
serious gaze.

He was
perfect.

When his
mother saw me, she nearly dropped everything. I could see the old fire there,
the resentment and jealousy that had existed before she won our little duel. It
was tempered by motherly concern, an emotion that gave her a kind of divine
maturity that I would not even try to match. I met her expression with Ananda’s
winning smile and waited for her to sit down.

The groceries
were forgotten as she snatched the baby up in a protective embrace. They sat
across from me stiffly, but the baby was wriggling uncontrollably. Somehow,
with that elastic contortionism that only children possess, he twisted out of
her arms and, balancing against the coffee table, waddled to me, the curiosity.
Trisha reached for him, but Howard captured her outstretched hand and gave her
a reassuring squeeze.

“There he is. Already
walking,” he said to me. “Would have run around the house the day he was born,
if he could have.”

My eyes misted
over. I blinked it back. Looking at him, an eerie sense of completeness filled
me. “What is his name?”

“Mason.”

Without
meaning to, I chuckled.

The
stone-cutter.

“Well done!” I
caught the boy’s body as he flopped forward in an uncoordinated step and gently
lifted him up to sit in my lap. Trisha was tense.I could feel her vibrating
like a harp string I’d plucked, but she had nothing to worry about, and I told
her so with a glance. “That’s quite a strong name you’ve got to live up to,
Mason!”

He gurgled at
me and shoved a finger at my nose.

I hooked it
and shook the whole group of them. They barely took up the length of one of
mine. There was a moment then when our eyes connected, and I knew exactly what
kind of person he had the potential to be, exactly the kind of person I could
help
him be.

Stand on
bedrock. Lay the Cornerstone. Build on that.

I tipped him
forward and brought his rosebud lips to mine. No one noticed the thin sheen of
red on my mouth. No one saw it stain his skin and change him forever.

Baby-eating
banshee.

I leaned back
and watched the transformation come over him as the magnificent nectar absorbed
into his bloodstream and made him immune to any disease.

I could not
give you children, Howard, but I can give your children part of me.

Mason stopped
the aimless jittering that toddlers dance, when brain moves faster than limb
but forgets twice as quickly. He would remember every day, every meeting, every
moment after this; I had made sure of it. And since this would likely be his
earliest memory in years to come, I made sure to sit still and let him take in
my face as if he were a baby bird imprinting on its mother.

“Strength,
wisdom, and compassion, all come from stillness, little Mason. Be sure you
remember that.”

He turned and
looked at his mother with eyes only I could understand. I think it frightened
her. She stood up and took him from me before I could say anything else, then
walked him over to a playpen and sat him down inside. As soon as she turned her
back, he got to his feet, and leaning against the rail, stared at me fixedly.

I pulled the
envelope from my pocket and laid it on the coffee table. “This is for you.”

Howard picked
it up and opened it. He scanned only once before understanding dawned in
wide-eyed astonishment.

“It’s a bank
account,” I said. “Babies are expensive..”

Howard showed
the paper to his new wife, and she in turn gaped at me.

“I only have
one request.”

He turned and
laid the paper down. “We can’t accept this.”

“It’s not for
you. It’s for him. I want him to have your best, and to give him that, you need
this.”

Trisha’s hands
knotted together in her lap. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

“Because you
have made a very special boy, and I want him to succeed. Eva would have wanted
it too. Which is why I am passing some of her wealth on to him. Did I tell you
she was rich when she died?”

“What’s the
catch?”

I stood,
feeling lighter than I had in many weeks, as if a huge burden had been lifted
from me, a burden I didn’t even know I had carried, I had had it so long. I
stretched, feline muscles strangling the skeleton beneath, then cradling it
gently. With a yawn, I laughed in sheer joy.

“When I call
to check in on him, let me speak to him. It’s the price for being his kindly
old benefactress.”

Trisha’s face
writhed. “What makes you think I want you in his life? I’m his mother.”

I bowed my
head. “Trust me when I say that you do. Or better said, you will.”

She scowled. “What
the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

I lifted my
hands. “I just want to hear what he’s up to, get updates. That’s all.”

She was still
glaring at me. I could not stop smiling.

“Trisha, you
won. You have everything I could have ever wanted…. I have other goals now. And
they do not include harming an innocent child.”

I turned and
walked back to the hall, around the pile of parcels, and carefully opened the
door. From his pen, Mason chirped as if sad to see me go. I waved at him and
smiled at his parents.

“I’m happy for
both of you. I hope you have an amazing life together.”

Howard was
already following me. I was halfway to the truck when he caught my elbow and
slowly turned me. “Lily, are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes,” I
whispered.

He examined me
for a long moment, until his wife appeared in the doorway and lanced his back
with a hot stare. “You seem different.”

I laid my hand
over his and gave a firm nod. “Believe me, I am.”

He let me go. I
went back to the car, waving as I pulled away. I imprinted the image of them standing,
looking after me in confusion into my perfect memory and turned the radio on.