The One Year Wisdom for Women Devotional: 365 Devotions through the Proverbs (83 page)

November 11

Softhearted or Weak Enabler?

     
Take the garment of him who is surety for a stranger,

     
And hold it in pledge when he is surety for a seductress.

First of all, when poeple assumes responsibility or security for another’s obligation in case of default, they themselves are at risk. Therefore, this proverb advises us to not be carelessly entwined financially with others who are careless. This is not wise.

So when are we to be lenient and gracious, and when should we step back and be firm?

In the last few years we’ve heard the word
enabling
more and more. We know that the Lord is a gracious and merciful God. He teaches us to be kind, tenderhearted, giving, and forgiving. That will never change. But there’s a difference between being softhearted and being a soft touch and a weak enabler.

When someone shows a pattern of foolish, irresponsible behavior, we are not obligated to continuously fill in the gap for them. Moms, we all know it is hard to say no, especially to your kids. But when your son finds himself in a jam because he did a business deal with a shady character or he has a girlfriend losing her car because she’s a druggie, don’t help him. Even if he vents his anger, don’t cave in. Don’t enable. When you enable, you’ve endangered your own self, and you have not really helped him. In Missouri they say, “That’s pouring money down a rat hole.”

Make It Personal . . . Live It Out!

I once took a class on ministering to the addicted. I have a deep burden for people who have fallen into addiction, and I believe that anyone can be restored—if they want to be restored. The teacher of the class was a former addict herself and knew the inside scoop. She told us, point blank, that people with addictions lie. It’s what they do. They work us. They work on our sympathies; they make us feel guilty. If you are helping someone, hold that person accountable. You don’t have to be hard-hearted to be wise. Ask God to give you both compassion and insight.

One Year Bible Reading

Ezekiel 23:1-49; Hebrews 10:18-39; Psalm 109:1-31; Proverbs 27:13

November 12

The Blessed Friend

     
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning,

     
It will be counted a curse to him.

I guess the bottom line of this proverb is, don’t be annoying. As we see, this man got up and shouted cheerfully to his friend, and it went over like a lead balloon. Can you think of anyone in your life who is constantly annoying, doing little, actually harmless things but nevertheless annoying?

Let’s think of things that we do that can cause friction in our friendships because we’re not being sensitive to what irritates our friends.

Example: if your friend is a scheduled person, don’t constantly frustrate her by showing up late. But if it’s your friend who is the late one, don’t badger her. Greet her with joy. Make your schedule more flexible so there is no harm done when she’s late.

Does your friend feel hurt when you forget her birthday? Mark your calendar and send her a card.

Is your friend a night owl? Make it a habit to never call her before 10 a.m.

Have you lost a few pounds and your sister hasn’t? Don’t be annoying. Don’t keep going on and on about it so she feels like a failure.

Friendship is built on a thousand thoughtful little moments. Every true friend is worth making sacrifices for. As Charles Swindoll said, “I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.”

Let’s face it. Friends make life a lot more fun.

Make It Personal . . . Live It Out!

Hmmm
—let me ask you, do your friends think you are a joy to be around? Do your coworkers? When you arrive for Thanksgiving dinner, are you a breath of fresh air? Do you pitch in when others need a hand? When you borrow something, do you give it back on time and in good condition? Or do you call on the help of others too often? Do you nettle others over little things? Do you forget your promises? Are you unreliable? I’m just checking. It’s good to do inventory once in a while. If it’s time to restock the shelves of your relationships with the positive, then as Nike says, “Just do it.”

One Year Bible Reading

Ezekiel 24:1–26:21; Hebrews 11:1-16; Psalm 110:1-7; Proverbs 27:14

November 13

Gripe, Gripe, Gripe

     
A quarrelsome [nagging] wife is as annoying

          
as the constant dripping on a rainy day.

     
Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind

          
or trying to hold something with greased hands.

Our topic today is nagging. Ladies, this proverb is aiming right at us and for good reason. I wish I could say I have never and will never nag my husband, but that would be flat-out lying. But one thing I do know for sure: kids hate it, husbands hate it, and friends hate it. So let’s look at what nagging is, why we do it, why it’s bad, and how to stop.

What is nagging? It’s ragging. It’s complaining and criticizing. It’s not courteous because it’s meant to punish.

Why do we nag? Because it just comes naturally. We see something we don’t like someone doing, and we want them to change. So we say it. If there is no change, we say it again, and again, and again.

But get a grip, nagging doesn’t help. I have never heard a testimony of a wife that said, “Yes, I tortured my husband with nagging a thousand times. Now he cheerfully picks up his socks.”

How do we change? Turn your cares into prayers. Honestly, if socks on the floor are your pet peeve, have you ever even once taken it to the Lord? Let me suggest that for just one week every time you’re annoyed and tempted to nag, zip your lip and pray instead.

Of course, our hope is that our husbands and kids
will
change, but if you try this for just one week, I guarantee you, that
you
will.

Make It Personal . . . Live It Out!

In August 2009 a Chinese man ran from his cabin on a ship. His hands were over his ears as he jumped into the Yangtze River. He couldn’t take his wife’s nagging anymore. True to form, his wife chased after him, leaning over the rail and ranting as he sank in the water. The question we could ask her is “When was enough, enough?”

Let’s Pray

Lord, tie my tongue from nagging. Show me why I get so annoyed and can’t let things go. Am I driving others away? Help me change. And please help me look on the positive and overlook the negative.

One Year Bible Reading

Ezekiel 27:1–28:26; Hebrews 11:17-31; Psalm 111:1-10; Proverbs 27:15-16

November 14

Iron Sharpening Iron

     
As iron sharpens iron,

          
so a friend sharpens a friend.

My grandfather was a Missouri farmer. If his knife or his plow blades got dull, his work was much harder. So he had a grinder wheel, and he used it regularly. As the wheel spun, he held the blade just close enough to see the sparks fly but not so close as to chew away too much of the edge. I loved to watch. When he was done, the edge would be shiny and sharp and would cut anything like butter.

How does this apply to friendships? I hope this helps us see that we become dull when we isolate ourselves or just choose friends that tell us what we want to hear and never challenge us. Hebrews 10:24 says, “Let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works” (
NKJV
).

Look around. Could it be that the Lord has sent people into your life to hone you?

There are sandpaper people. They grate us. This is good. Maybe God is wanting to sand off your rough edges by teaching you grace and patience.

There are those with whom, when you talk together, there are sparks. Good. I love to be around people who challenge me to trust God more fully, pray more, and step out of the boat more.

Jesus had such an interesting assortment of disciples. Peter was like Tigger. Thomas was like Eeyore. John was like Winnie the Pooh. Matthew had worked for the government, and James had worked with his hands. Variety. Variety is good for all of us. They must have had some really interesting discussions at the dinner table.

Make It Personal . . . Live It Out!

Do you shy away from friendships with people who are a little different than you? If so, you are missing out. In the family of God, there are amazing things going on. People have a passion for some important missions and ministries. Some are reaching out to prostitutes and women who are trafficked. Some serve on skid row, some minister to foster children, some to street kids or skateboarders. Come on, stretch your borders. Find a fellow believer who is out there serving her heart out for the Kingdom. And let her be iron sharpening iron.

One Year Bible Reading

Ezekiel 29:1–30:26; Hebrews 11:32–12:13; Psalm 112:1-10; Proverbs 27:17