THE ONE YOU CANNOT HAVE (12 page)

As the cab makes its way through the darkness of the city lights, I sit close to Aman, my leg touching his and my shoulder brushing against his. He makes no attempt to move away. It feels good to be this close to him physically. I desperately want to take his hand in mine, but don’t. I sit very still. He doesn’t talk and neither do I. We’re comfortable in the silence.

And when the cab reaches my place, I say ‘bye’ and quickly squeeze his hand and kiss him on the lips. A tiny peck. He smiles.

And as soon as I enter my room, there is a message from him.

‘You’re amazing, Anjali. I had a great time. Thank you for a fabulous evening,’ it reads.

I want to sing and shout and dance with joy.

Instead I type back that it was the same for me and go to bed insanely happy, happier than I have felt in years.

Chapte
r
16

Aman

Anjali is definitely a livewire. It is hard to have a dull moment with the girl. And yet she is perceptive and sympathetic too. Maybe it is all the analysing she does for writing her pieces! I am surprised that I have told her all about Shruti. I have never opened up like that to anyone but Anjali
is
so easy to talk to. Or perhaps after seeing Shruti’s profile on Facebook, I needed to somehow get it out of the system because I have bottled it up long enough. Or maybe it was the way she asked. Or maybe it was just the wine. Who knows!

Whatever it is, I am glad I did it. Shruti is a closed chapter now (forcefully shut I must admit, but closed nevertheless) and even though it hurts when I think about her, I think Anjali might inadvertently have given me a push in the right direction—a push towards moving on. She did surprise me with that peck on the lips last night. I know she is ready to take this relationship to its next level. But I do not want to ‘get involved’ with a woman unless I am very sure about her. Till then it is best I keep Anjali in the ‘friend zone’.

I am neck-deep in work. I report to Vikram only indirectly. But I am one of the ‘star players’ as Rao puts it. All of that is good, but it just means that I don’t get breathing space. Our company has made an acquisition of a shared service centre, which is a part of the strategy to access a new business segment, dealing with financial services. As large global firms look to reduce their costs, they are turning to companies such as ours to become more efficient. My jump to this division gives me exposure to a completely new function. Vikram has the overall responsibility for the financial services vertical. He wants nothing to go wrong, and this in turn translates to micro-managing by Rao. Most of the time, Rao gets on my nerves. Honestly, I feel like telling him to sod off, but I control my irritation and get down to work. Anjali’s mails come as a welcome respite. They make me smile.

These days, I have got into the habit of checking my mail every now and then and quickly scanning through the deluge in the inbox to see if there is a mail from her. Today, sure enough, there is yet another mail from her.

From: Anjali Prabhu

To: Aman Mathur

Sub: Your forecast for this fortnight

Double hey!

You know I have a confession to make. After your last mail (the one where you told me about your uncle and his astrology), I actually went and checked the column by Praneeta.

This is what it said for my zodiac sign:
You will realize early this fortnight that progress depends upon your willingness to work diligently and remain focused on details. It is definitely time to get down to business, to focus on work, and finish anything that has been left undone. You are laying a foundation for the future, proving to yourself and others that you are worthy of the responsibilities and challenges.The temptation to shirk will be strong, but do not give in. ‘Focus’ should be the mantra.

And this is what it said for
your
zodiac sign:

Your energy is strong and focused. You can concentrate even when work becomes routine and boring. You are in a crucial stage in your life, but you have got the energy and a take-no-prisoners attitude that will lead you to success. The best way to balance such determination is to get in touch with nature: take a walk in the woods; sit at the edge of the lake; feel the earth and her connection with it.

Looks like Praneeta Menon can read my mind! I had half a mind to take sick leave (a massive hangover and inability to focus on work counts as an ailment, right?) but I am trying to do what she advises and I am trying to ‘Focus’.

What about you? Is your day any better? Are you that focused?

Luv

Anjali

I smile as I read her mail. Judging from her earlier mails, this is vintage Anjali. She just dashes off what’s on her mind in a mail without pausing to think. And she doesn’t mind if you do not reply. In the early days, I used to find it puzzling how someone could write so many mails. But I had soon got used to it. Anjali was born to write. Today I am happy about it.

I see at least thirty ‘Urgent’ mails in my official inbox, all work-related and yet this one mail from Anjali in my personal one, I decide, needs to be replied to immediately.

From: Aman Mathur

To: Anjali Prabhu

Re: Your forecast for this fortnight

Hey hey!

Praneeta Menon is right. I
am
focused. Slogging my butt off. The works (literally and metaphorically).

And I so need that walk in the woods, the edge of the lake and I need to feel connected to the earth.

Any options?

Aman

The rest of the day I have meetings and video conference calls and so I don’t get time to check mails.

However, when I reach the guesthouse and retire to my room after a sumptuous meal which the staff has kept ready (they are so efficient and sweet and pamper the residents), the first thing I do is check my mail.

Sure enough, there is not one but two mails from Anjali, one from Vikram and there is one from Mark. I want to savour Anjali’s mails, so like a child, who saves a chocolate for later, I read Vikram’s mail first. It is crisp, friendly and yet to the point, much like the man himself.

Aman,

Trust all fine with you.

Good progress on the work front. Am travelling from tomorrow and if all goes well, we ought to acquire Core-Cubo ACS, which will be fantastic.

About your acco, I think there are some fully furnished options. Dipika can help you look if you want. Both the girls say hi and want to know when you will join us for dinner next. Let me know.

Vik

I am surprised at how cleverly Dipika is playing her cards, even after what has happened between us, and even after I have clearly told her I can’t give her whatever it is that she wants from me. I wonder if Dipika planned it and told Vikram to mail me or whether it is his own idea. Whatever it is, I certainly do not want to go house-hunting with her. About Vikram’s dinner-invite, I can always make excuses and keep putting it off. I don’t want to have another ‘episode’ with Dipika. I am clear about that.

Then I read Mark’s mail. Mark has gone ahead and booked his tickets to travel to India. He arrives in about a month and a half from now and he is taking a three-week break. He is travelling to Delhi first. He is then doing white water rafting at Rishikesh and after a week, he flies to Bangalore. He says that he wants me to help plan his itinerary and asks me to join him.

Then I read the mails sent by Anjali. I read the one sent earlier first.

From: Anjali Prabhu

To: Aman Mathur

Sub: Options

1. 1.
   Coorg (nice walks)
   
2. 2.
   Sakleshpur (coffee estates—you can substitute it for woods)
   
3. 3.
   Bandipur (wildlife, nature—connection with earth)
   

All three can be reached from Bangalore, in three-four hours.

But if you do not have time for any of them, my terrace is a great option. I have deck chairs and greenery all around, and it makes you feel like you are in the midst of woods.

See—you ask for options and I give you so many!

Got an article to write. Jeena on my ass to submit.

Later!

Anjali

I smile reading her options and for a few seconds, I actually consider a quick holiday. A weekend getaway. Honestly, a break like that, would be a terrific idea. But there is such a lot of work, and also I have to find a home soon and shift out of the guesthouse. While the company guesthouse hospitality is welcoming and everything is taken care of, I will not be able to stay for more than three months as per company norms. I make a mental note to call up the company brokers and go house-hunting. I wonder if Anjali would like to accompany me. I find it boring to see homes on my own and it would indeed be nice if she does.

The second mail from Anjali is an article she wrote. She says that she felt moved by what I shared with her, about my relationship with Shruti. She says that while she hasn’t been in such a situation herself, she has hand-held countless friends who have broken up. She wants me to read what she has written and give her a honest feedback as to how I find it, whether it is useful and whether she has covered all the points. She says she partly used what I shared with her too, and that is what gave her an impetus to write this piece. I find her request hugely flattering. I open the attachment and begin to read:

How to Get Over the One You Cannot Have

By Anjali Prabhu

If you are in your mid-twenties or older, chances are you have definitely been in a relationship before. Perhaps two or three or may be even several. They have ended for whatever reasons, but sometimes, there is that one person, no matter how hard one tries, that one cannot get over.

The harder one tries to get over that person, the deeper they seem to fall for them. Loving somebody who does not reciprocate your feelings or who cannot be in a relationship with you, can be one of the most painful experiences of life. It can be heartbreaking and can completely shatter one. More so, if you encounter that person every single day at the work-place or at college.

How does one get over that one person, who will never be yours (for whatever reasons), and then move on?

Here is a five step plan which if followed is very likely to help.

1. Acceptance

The first would be to ask oneself if one really wants to move on. Have you accepted that this person and you are never going to have a relationship and you cannot even be friends? Have you decided that you truly want to get over them and move on with your life?

2. Axe the sentimentalism

If so, then one has to be ruthless, hard-hearted and determined. Remember, you are trying to reclaim your life. You do not want to keep checking out their photos on social networking sites. So block that person and delete all the old mails, chats, texts and any reminders of the past. The more you hold on to them, the harder it will be to get over the person.

3. Distract yourself

The moment you find your mind wandering to their thoughts and what they used to say, do, look and sound like, distract yourself quickly. Show a red light to your mind and ask it to STOP. Hit the gym, go for a walk, do something, but don’t think about that person.

4. Remind yourself that you are loved

Just because that person does not love you, it does not mean you are worthless and your life is going nowhere. Remind yourself of the people who love you—your best friends, your family. Spend more time with them and surround yourself with them. If you have had relationships before, then think of how you overcame them. If you did it once, you can surely do it again. Also remember that there are new people waiting to enter your life. Just like we need to get rid of clutter to make space for something on a shelf, so too we need to clean up our mental space.

5. Drown yourself in a hobby or a passion

One is spoilt for choices when it comes to recreation these days. Take up your once forgotten hobby. Join a dance class. Go para-sailing if that is what makes you happy. Do not wallow trying to figure out why that person does not want you. Remind yourself that you are truly worth more than clinging to somebody who does not care in the same manner you do.

It may be hard to follow the above initially. But steel yourself and do not waver. Before you know
it, you would have reclaimed your life.

I read the piece once and I read it again. This seems to have been written exactly with me in mind. It seems to be speaking to me. I feel as though Anjali is begging me, pleading with me to move on and let the past lie. Of course, that is what I intend to do. What she has written is excellent. I feel an overpowering urge to speak to her right then and so I dial her number. I am disappointed when she doesn’t answer the phone.

I get busy typing out a reply to Mark, telling him that by the time he arrives, I would probably be in my own house, and hence he could stay with me. I tell him that I will plan out an itinerary for him soon.

Just as I am concluding the mail, Anjali returns my call.

‘Hey, sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower,’ she says.

‘Shower at this time in the night?’ I smile.

‘Yeah, at this time and I am wearing a bathrobe and speaking to you,’ she says and giggles.

I smile at how candid and unself-conscious she is.

‘Your piece, it is brilliant. It is so well-written, I had to call you and tell you,’ I say.

‘Yay!’ she says. ‘I am so glad you like it. You know, I wrote that with you in mind.’

‘I know. That’s why I called. You seem to know me so well, Anjali.’

She is quiet for a while. I wonder if the connection in the phone line dropped.

‘Hello, are you there?’ I ask.

‘Yeah, very much. You know what, Aman, I feel the same way too. I feel I have known you forever. All my life,’ she says.