The Orchid House (22 page)

Creeping towards it, she turned the handle silently and pushed the door open.

Olivia let out a gasp of horror. Harry was standing by the fireplace, with his back towards her. She could see Archie’s eyes were closed as he continued to kiss her husband, unaware of Olivia’s presence. She stood there for a few seconds longer, looking at the way Archie was clasping Harry to him, as his lips moved against her husband’s mouth …

Feeling the bile come to her throat, she gagged, then fled down the corridor in the direction of the nearest lavatory and was violently sick.

After a nearly sleepless night, a devastated Olivia woke to Christmas Eve. She was glad to have the distraction of helping Adrienne decorate the traditional Christmas Tree – culled from the grounds of Wharton Park and placed in the entrance hall. Carols were playing from a wireless somewhere in the background and everyone, apart from Olivia, seemed to be full of Christmas cheer. She dug deep inside her soul to garner strength, biting her lip hard again and again to prevent herself from crying out loud in sheer misery.

Venetia, Archie and Angus were ready to depart for London at lunchtime. Olivia hid upstairs in her bedroom, unable to face the thought of seeing Archie and having to be polite. Venetia came to find her.

‘Darling, I’m awfully worried about you. You look quite ghastly today. If you ever need me, you know where I am,’ Venetia said, as she kissed Olivia goodbye.

‘Thank you,’ Olivia gulped. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Venetia what she’d seen the night before.

Somehow she got through the day, and the traditional present-opening that took place after dinner. As soon as she could, Olivia took herself off to bed and lay miserably, huddled up under the blankets against the cold, which tonight seemed to be eating into her bones.

An hour later, Harry came into the bedroom.

‘Darling, are you awake?’

When she did not reply, he walked around the side of the bed. She felt his face lean down towards hers.

She sat bolt upright and screamed: ‘
NO!
Don’t touch me!’

Harry stepped backward, shocked by her reaction.

‘Whatever is it?’ he asked.

She jumped out of bed, desperate to be away from him.

‘I know I can’t do anything about the fact I’ve married you, fool that I am! But I beg you, promise me now you will never try and touch me again. You …
repulse
me!’

Harry turned and followed her as she walked over to the fireplace, shivering from cold and anger. ‘Darling, please calm down. What on earth are you talking about?’

She looked straight at him, disgust in her eyes. ‘I saw you – with
him
,’ she spat. ‘Last night, in the library.’

Harry looked away from her into the distance, then nodded. ‘I see.’

‘For all these weeks, I’ve been wondering why you didn’t want your wife as any husband should, why you never made to touch me. I’ve been utterly desperate, thinking it was me, that I was doing something wrong. And, of course –’ Olivia laughed harshly – ‘you were never going to want me, were you? I’m the wrong sex!’

She watched him without sympathy as he sank down into a chair by the fire and put his head in his hands.

‘Olivia, I’m so dreadfully sorry. You shouldn’t have seen what you saw last night –’

‘– And you shouldn’t have been
doing
what I saw last night! How could you, Harry? In this house! Anyone could have walked in and caught you … like I did!’

‘I swear to you, it has never happened before and it’ll never happen again. I – we – were drunk … got carried away –’

‘Please, spare me the excuses, Harry.’ Olivia wrung her hands in despair. ‘Are you really trying to tell me that you couldn’t resist the arms of another
MAN
?’ She checked herself, knowing that she was in danger of becoming hysterical.

‘Darling –’

‘Don’t call me “darling”! I am not your “darling”,
he
is!’ Then she started to sob helplessly. She walked over to the bed and sank on to the end of it. ‘Harry, how could you be so cruel? How could you marry me, knowing what you were?’

‘I didn’t – I don’t know – Olivia, maybe you don’t understand, but at school –’

‘I don’t care what happened at school!’ She looked at him in disgust. ‘You are married now, with a wife! How could you allow me to waste my life with you, knowing that you had feelings for men and could never really love me? I know you are shy, Harry, but I didn’t think you were cruel.’

‘Please, I promise you, Olivia, I do have feelings for you. And after last night, I know that – what you saw – it’s not for me, really.’

‘Oh, how jolly convenient for you to say so, now you’ve been discovered,’ she threw back. ‘You do realise you could be thrown out of the Army in disgrace for this? And your parents, your poor parents.’ She shook her head. ‘Your mother keeps asking me when I’m going to produce the next heir. Harry,’ she said, as the last of her reserve crumbled, ‘how can I bear this?’

‘Darling, please don’t cry.’ He made to come over to her, but she put her arms out in front of her.

‘I said,
don’t touch me
!’

Harry walked back to the chair and sank down into it. They sat in silence for a while.

‘You know,’ said Harry eventually, ‘it’s not completely unusual for men to struggle with – who they
are
, Olivia. And I promise you, my darling, after last night, I know who I am now. And please, if you’d let me, I wish to make it up to you, make our marriage work. I accept last night was very wrong, but I honestly did it with the best of intentions, if you’d only let me explain how –’

‘Please,’ Olivia shuddered, ‘spare me the details. Forgive me for not wanting to enter your grubby little world.’ She gave a long sigh. ‘I think, when we have both calmed down, we must discuss what we must do. I have to decide whether I can live with this.’ She looked up at him. ‘If I can’t, Harry, will you grant me a divorce?’

Harry looked horrified. ‘There’s never been a divorce in our family.’

‘Maybe there’s never been a homosexual in your family!’ She spoke the word bluntly, saw Harry flinch and enjoyed it.

‘Please stop saying that, Olivia!’ he begged. ‘Truly, it’s not what I am. Yes, I did think for a time it was a possibility, which was why I needed to find out. But really, darling girl, believe me, I’m not. So many things have become clearer in my mind today. And that’s the very reason why I came to you tonight. I wanted to finally consummate our marriage.’

‘That’s awfully noble of you, Harry,’ Olivia was suddenly exhausted, ‘but I’m afraid I don’t believe you. I don’t think you love me and I wish I’d never fallen in love with you. Now, please, we have another long day tomorrow and I must try to get some sleep.’ She looked up at him. ‘And I want you to promise me one thing.’

‘Anything, Olivia, darling, really.’

‘I want you to promise me that you won’t come near me or touch me whilst I think what to do.’

‘Of course,’ he agreed sadly, ‘I understand.’

22

In the weeks that followed, Olivia needn’t have worried about Harry touching her. Harry was barely home. He was out with his men, working round the clock manning the North Norfolk coastal defences. Food rationing had begun in earnest, and the Ministry of Agriculture had visited Wharton Park to discuss the fallow fields that should be turned over to growing further crops and vegetables.

Olivia had visited the local recruiting station to sign up as a Wren. But when they heard she lived at Wharton Park, the woman in charge had suggested to her that she might meet with the local head of the Women’s Land Army, to see if that would suit her better.

‘There’s going to be a number of girls billeted at estates around the county, including yours. You might find, given your credentials, you’re just what the WLA needs.’

Olivia duly met with the woman concerned, who was thrilled at the prospect of having someone who’d be of a similar age to the girls and already living on an estate. Olivia took on the role of Organizing Secretary for the area, in charge of liaising with the local farms to discuss how many girls would be needed and where to billet them.

Between that and trying to help Adrienne keep the house itself going on what was fast becoming a skeleton staff, Olivia was extremely busy. The fact she had not a moment to think helped her to bury the pain of what had happened, and the hole it had torn in her heart. This wasn’t a time to think of herself, or the future. There was an ironic comfort in the situation and she managed to take each day as it came. Besides, at least now she knew the reason ‘why’, and that helped enormously.

Harry had done all he could, in the rare time he had, to convince her of his love. He copied out, in his exquisite writing, her favourite romantic poems and left them for her under her bedroom door, had flowers from the hothouse delivered to her daily, so that their suite of rooms basked permanently in a fragrant smell, ordered packages of books he knew she particularly liked and had them sent from London.

It was exactly the kind of behaviour she had wanted from him when they were courting. But now … it meant nothing.

Her heart was numb.

The Land Girls assigned to Wharton Park arrived by bus at the beginning of March. Olivia had been warned by the WLA representative that many of the girls were from industrial towns, with no idea of the job ahead of them. She had commandeered three workers’ cottages in the Quadrangle to house them. The cottages had been unoccupied for a number of years, pending renovation. They were damp and dark, but Olivia had set to, with the help of Elsie and others, to scrub and brighten the cottages, and make them habitable.

On the night the Land Girls arrived, they filed into the kitchen, all of them overawed at the size of the house. Olivia ate with them, hearing about where they’d come from and how ghastly the uniform was that they had to wear.

‘You should try them Aertex shirts, Mrs Crawford,’ said a girl with a strong Birmingham accent. ‘They scratch like no one’s business.’

‘And they’re too big for us,’ commented another girl. ‘I think the breeches were made for men, not women. We’re all going to look a sight tomorrow morning, aren’t we, girls!’

Everyone giggled and Olivia was glad to see they seemed like a good bunch. She’d had warnings from the WLA representative about the problems of girls who were complete strangers being billeted together and the cat-fighting that could ensue.

After supper, Olivia stood up and clapped her hands together for silence. ‘Now, girls, first of all, I want to say welcome to Wharton Park. It’s a beautiful estate in a lovely part of the country, and you should all count yourselves jolly lucky to have ended up here. Mr Combe will talk you through how you will be organized on the land, but I wanted to brief you about the domestic arrangements whilst you’re all staying here. Bread, milk and eggs will be provided for you in the cottages at breakfast time. Work will commence at eight o’clock and you are to assemble in the Quadrangle, where Mr Combe and his staff will give you your allotted tasks for the day. There’s to be one morning break of fifteen minutes then, at noon, a sandwich lunch will be sent down from the house to wherever you are working. The afternoon resumes at one o’clock, finishing at five, and supper will be provided here in this kitchen at six. We’d appreciate it if, between five and six, you would wash and change and not arrive up here in your muddy uniforms,’ Olivia smiled.

‘I’m going to wear me ball gown and tiara to eat me tea here, missus, never you fear,’ chirped one girl, to resounding laughter.

‘You will all have one day off a week,’ Olivia continued, ‘and that will be on a rota basis. There’s a bus to Cromer that leaves from the front drive at eleven a.m., if you wish to go into town for supplies. It returns at four thirty. There’s a copy of all these details in each of your cottages. Many of you will be unused to living in the country,’ she added. ‘There are no picture-houses or bright lights on your doorstep. I suggest you arrange amongst yourselves the evening’s entertainment – quiz nights, board games and such.’

Olivia saw the lack of enthusiasm at her suggestion, so she swiftly continued. ‘We’ve also decided to hold a Wharton Park knitting competition. My mother-in-law, Lady Crawford, is organizing socks, hats and scarves to be sent from Norfolk to our boys overseas. If you don’t know how to knit, you’ll be taught. And the girl who produces the most items within a one-month period, will get a pair of –’ she opened a paper bag that was on the table and pulled out its contents – ‘these.’

The girls ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ at the pair of nylon stockings Olivia was holding up. She was relieved to see that her carrot-and-stick technique had been the right approach.

As Olivia left the kitchen, Adrienne, who had been out of sorts all week, barely leaving her bedroom, was standing in the entrance hall. ‘Will you join me for a drink in the library, Olivia?’ she asked. ‘I certainly feel I need one.’

‘Of course,’ agreed Olivia, although she was exhausted after her long day and it was the last thing she felt like.

With Sable seconded to driving a tractor, Adrienne had to pour her own drinks. ‘Gin?’ she asked Olivia.

‘That would be absolutely marvellous,’ Olivia agreed, flopping into a chair.

‘How did it go with the girls? What are they like?’ Adrienne asked nervously, passing Olivia her drink and sitting down opposite her.

‘They seem like a nice sort, but I suppose one can never tell. They don’t have one jot of experience between them, but they’ll learn,’ said Olivia. ‘And any port in a storm …’

‘Yes,’ agreed Adrienne. ‘And whatever hardships we must face here, it is nothing compared to what our boys will face. And it will not be long, Olivia,’ she sighed. ‘But at least you and Harry have had more time than most.’

‘We have, yes,’ Olivia answered mechanically.

Adrienne stared at her daughter-in-law. ‘
Chérie
, I do not mean to interfere, but is all as it should be between you and Harry?’

‘Yes,’ nodded Olivia, a shiver of apprehension running through her at Adrienne’s gift for perception, ‘we enjoy what time we have.’