The Orphan of Awkward Falls (21 page)

Felix heard the sirens in the distance first.

He put his sensitive bat ear to the ground. “Listen! The cavalry’s comin’, I can hear ‘em…two fire trucks and a police car…and it sounds like the police car needs a new muffler.”

“Finally!” said Josephine. “The police can rescue Thaddeus. I hope it’s not too late.”

The Cravitzes and Felix hurried around to the front of the house, keeping well back from the raging fire. They reached the street just as two very old fire trucks with men hanging off the sideboards rumbled into Oleander Alley, plowing their way through the snow that covered the street, sirens screeching. The trucks were closely followed by a black and white Awkward Falls Police car, its bubble light flashing on the roof.

All of them, including Felix, jumped up and down in the middle of the street, waving their arms over their heads and shouting, as if
there might be some doubt as to where the emergency was. Josephine had to remind Felix that he should probably act like a normal cat when other people were around.

“Oops, sorry,” he said. “Meow.”

As the fire trucks pulled up in front of the house, a gang of oddly dressed firemen piled off and began scrambling to unroll hoses and unload ladders. The men, some in ties and dress shoes, some in workers’ coveralls, two in hockey uniforms, were obviously volunteers, not professional firefighters. Still, they set to work with their axes and hose nozzles, blasting jets of water at the blaze and hacking at doors as if they knew what they were doing.

Josephine dashed straight to the police car as it came to a stop next to the fire engines. There was no time to lose.

“Officers, come quickly!” she yelled as the two policemen stepped out of the vehicle and came toward her. “The escaped killer Fetid Stenchley is right next door!”

Instead of uniforms, the officers wore jeans and flannel shirts, and each had a badge clipped to his pocket. Ball caps with the letters AFPD emblazoned on the front served as their official headgear.

The senior officer, a potato of a man with enormous red eyebrows that resembled fox pelts, looked Josephine over with unhurried curiosity. He hiked his gun belt up so that the buckle sat on top of his large belly. The holster, which held a half-finished sports drink instead of a gun, slid right back down as soon as he let go.

“Morning, folks,” said the officer. “Sergeant Cole and Deputy Flange, Awkward Falls PD. We were in the area and saw the smoke from the conflagration. Thought we’d best check it out.”

Deputy Flange, who was much younger and many waist sizes smaller than Sergeant Cole, whistled when he got a good look at the burning house. “That’s some fire ya got there, eh. Five alarmer, I’d say.”

“Yes, it’s awful,” Barbara said. “But I believe there is a more urgent emergency next door.”

“So you’ve seen the escapee, have ya?” Sergeant Cole asked Josephine, who was squirming with impatience.

“Yes, it was definitely him,” she exclaimed. “He’s at the house next door right now!”

“He bit our daughter!” said Barbara.

“And he’s holding a boy hostage!” added Howard.

Flange pushed his hat up and read slowly from the form on the clipboard he carried. “I’ll need to get your legal names, folks, for the record.”

“Um, Josephine. Cravitz.”

“I’m Barbara Cravitz, and this is my husband, Howard.”

“Howard what?” Flange asked.

“He would obviously be a Cravitz, too, wouldn’t he, Clarence?” said the sergeant. “Now, put the blasted clipboard away. We’ve got a code periwinkle on our hands here.”

“Should I call for backup, Sarge?” Flange reached for his walkie-talkie. “I think the Mounties are still in town. Maybe they could bring a couple o’ helicopters or a tank or something.”

“Don’t be a hoser, Clarence. This is the chance we’ve been waiting for to show those big-city boys how the AFPD handles a situation. Now get the SWAT gear, on the double.”

“Aye, roger that.” Flange paused and scratched his head. “Where’d we put the SWAT gear again?”

Cole nodded toward the rear of the car. “It’s under the spare tire, Clarence, right where it always is.”

“You really should hurry, officers!” Josephine pleaded. She started toward Hibble Manor and motioned at them to follow her. “He could be hurting Thaddeus!”

Flange returned from the car with a large fishing net, a tranquilizer gun, and two goalie masks. They each put on a mask, with Cole grabbing the gun and Flange wielding the net.

“You folks stay here, and don’t worry about a thing,” said the sergeant. “Let us trained professionals handle this.”

As the policemen strode off in the direction of Hibble Manor, a short boy in a white suit came stumbling toward them across the side yard.

“Look!” Barbara pointed at the runner.

“It’s him!” Josephine shouted to the officers. “It’s Thaddeus!” The boy was moving faster through the deep snow than she would have guessed he was capable of. Then she saw why.

He was being chased by Fetid Stenchley.

Of course, the short boy in the white suit was really Fetid Stenchley, not Thaddeus, and the hunchback chasing him was Thaddeus, not Fetid Stenchley, but there was no way for Josephine or anyone other than Thaddeus and Fetid Stenchley themselves to know this.

“Thaddeus!” yelled Josephine, incorrectly, jumping and waving her arms. “Run!”

The chubby boy looked terrified as he hustled awkwardly through the snowy side yard. The loping hunchback, clothed only in a pair of boxer shorts, charged behind him, yelling crazily. As if the awful sight of Stenchley in the light of day weren’t scary enough by itself, it sounded as if he was yelling Josephine’s name.

Cole slid a moose-tranquilizer dart into the chamber of his weapon and took aim. “Prepare to apprehend the fugitive, Clarence.”

Deputy Flange crouched low with the fishing net poised over his head. “Aye aye, Sarge.”

“Be careful!” called Josephine. “Don’t hit Thaddeus!”

The sergeant laid a furry eyebrow on the gun’s scope and leveled the barrel at the hunchback. The tranquilizer gun popped and the target yelped, a small dart punching him squarely in the shoulder. Flange whipped the net down over the criminal’s head as he stumbled past, his eyes already glazing over. The hunchback teetered, the dart’s narcotic swiftly shutting down his nervous system.

“Jos—,” he began, as his ugly bulging eyes met Josephine’s for an instant, then he pirouetted and plopped down in the snow.

“We got him, Sarge!” yelled Flange. The deputy began to do a little jig around the netted fugitive. “Yahoo!”

“Of course we did,” said Cole. “Who needs Mounties and helicopters when you got moose darts? Now, stop that silly dancin’ and get him in the car before he comes to. I can’t wait to see the looks on those big-city boys’ faces when they find out we caught Stenchley.”

In no time, Flange had the unconscious hunchback cuffed and stowed in the backseat of the cruiser.

With the person who appeared to be Stenchley captured, the sergeant scooped up the dazed person who appeared to be Thaddeus and carried him like a watermelon toward the Cravitzes.

“I gotcha, lad,” the policeman said. “You’re safe now.”

Josephine ran over as the policeman set him down.

“Thaddeus! Thank goodness you got away,” Josephine said. “Did Stenchley hurt you?” She stepped back and looked him over quickly.
There were no obvious signs of injuries, though he had several bald spots on his normally heavily thatched head. The boy, still panting from the exertion of his narrow escape, just stared at her, his eyes wild and wide.

Felix rubbed against Thaddeus’s legs, looking up at him happily.

“So, is this laddie your brother, then?” asked Sergeant Cole.

“No, he’s…he’s actually my friend.” Josephine put her arm around Thaddeus. She hoped he wouldn’t choose this moment to reject her again. The boy stiffened at her touch, but said nothing. “He’s, um, staying with us.”

Barbara shook both policemen’s hands. “Thank you, officers. It’s such a relief to know that awful man is in custody again.”

Sergeant Cole’s belly swelled with pride, causing his holster to slide toward his ankles. He caught the buckle quickly and pulled it up again. “All in a day’s work, missus. It’s what we get paid for.”

“What will happen to Stenchley now?” Howard asked the sergeant.

“We’re taking him straight back to the Asylum for the Dangerously Insane, where he belongs,” said Sergeant Cole. “If we leave now, he’ll be jacketed and locked in his cell by the time the tranquilizer wears off.”

“Wait,” said Josephine. “What about the monsters?”

Cole and Flange paused. “Monsters?”

“Yes, I know it sounds strange, but there were these…huge beasts,” Howard began, “a whole herd of them. They broke into the
house, and we had to fight them off, which is how the fire got started in the first place. The whole bunch just ran off into the woods over there a few minutes ago. You might want to call someone from animal control. They’re extremely dangerous!”

The police officers perked up at this unexpected information. Deputy Flange took out his clipboard again and began writing everything down.

“What kind of beasts were they, sir?” asked Cole. “Wolves? Bears?”

“Not exactly,” Howard said, choosing his words carefully. “The species was hard to determine. They may have been mutations or crossbreeds of some kind.”

“Mutations?” The sergeant looked puzzled.

“How do you spell
mutations?
” asked Clarence.

“Sound it out, Clarence,” said the sergeant. “What kinds of mutations, sir?”

“I…I’m not really sure. Look, officer, the point is, the things are very large and dangerous, and still on the loose. They tore holes in the walls!”

The officers looked at each other with raised eyebrows. “Tore holes in the walls, you say. With what? Their paws? Hooves? Teeth?”

“All of the above, yes. One of them clawed me.” Howard showed them his bandaged arm.

“That’s certainly a nasty scratch. What did these animals look like, sir?”

“Well, one of them resembled a buffalo, but its body was more like that of a big cat. It had paws, not hooves.”

The sergeant scratched his head. “You’re sure it wasn’t a grizzly? We get those around here every now and then.”

The deputy snickered. “Bet it was a moose. Yanks always get spooked by the moose, eh.”

Howard shook his head. “Definitely not a bear or a moose. Another one was more spiderlike, with eight legs, although its head appeared to be simian.”

“What’s
simian
mean?” asked the deputy.

“Look it up, Clarence!” said the sergeant, scowling at the deputy. He turned back to Howard. “And this ‘simian’ spider tore a hole in the wall, sir?”

“Well, yes. It was a giant spider, actually,” Howard explained.

“A giant simian spider.”

“Yes, I’d say about seven feet tall. With fangs.”

“It’s true!” Josephine insisted. She could see the policemen were beginning to think they were a bunch of crackpots. “It chased us around and tried to kill us!”

Barbara weighed in at this point. “We all saw it, officer! And I’m a nurse, by the way,” she added, hoping that might make her sound less crazy.

“How do you spell
simian
?” asked the deputy.

“Never mind, Clarence.” The sergeant closed the deputy’s clipboard for him. “I think we have enough to go on here.”

He put his hand on Howard’s shoulder in a fatherly way. “Mr. Cravitz, you and your family have been through a terrible experience. You’re cold and tired. I suggest you let one of the fire trucks take you to the doc to get your injuries looked at, then get yourselves a nice meal and a warm hotel room and try to forget the whole thing. Leave the giant spiders and buffalo-lions to us, eh?”

“But…but…you have to do something!” shouted Josephine as the policemen climbed into their car. “They could hurt someone!” But the doors slammed shut and the car sped away, its lights flashing and siren whining.

Josephine stomped her foot with frustration. “What are we going to do now, Dad? They thought we were nuts.”

Howard shook his head. “For the time being, there isn’t much we can do. At least the creatures were headed north into the wilderness, away from town.”

Josephine gazed toward the tree line behind the house. The forest appeared as still and quiet as always. “I hope they stay there.”

In spite of the danger being finally over, Josephine noticed Thaddeus was still ill at ease. As Barbara took his pulse and checked other vital signs, his eyes darted left and right nervously. He seemed ready to bolt at any moment.

“It’s all right, Thaddeus,” Josephine said, trying to calm him down.
She really wished he would say something. His silence was beginning to worry her. “My mom’s a great nurse. She won’t hurt you.”

“Let’s give him a little space,” said Howard. “The poor guy’s been through heck.”

The boy said nothing. He looked at them all as if they were complete strangers, which of course they were.