The Other Side of Someday (29 page)

“Maybe I
have
tried,” he whispered. “Maybe I decided months ago that I didn’t want it to work out anymore. Maybe I finally realized that I’d never be happy in New York, no matter what. Because…” He took a step closer, our bodies almost touching.

“Because…?” I swallowed hard.

“Because sometimes you need to fall in love with the wrong person. Sometimes you need to go through a failed relationship. If you know what it feels like to be with the wrong person, when the right person finally comes along, you can breathe again and say…”

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him. This was so wrong. It went against everything I believed in, but all of my concerns had flitted away and were now strolling down Sunset Boulevard.

“Yes?” I whimpered, closing my eyes as I basked in Sebby’s embrace. It felt as if I had finally found what I had been looking for my entire life.

“You can finally say, ‘This is how it’s supposed to feel’.”

“How what’s supposed to feel?” I craned my head back. Sebby’s breath set fire to my lips, and every inch of me tingled with anticipation.

“Love,” he murmured, his lips brushing mine. It was subtle, a ghost of a kiss.

“Sebby…,” I exhaled, placing my hands on his firm chest.

“Yes?” He nuzzled my neck, making me want to drag him upstairs into one of the hotel’s rooms. Returning from my trip to cloud nine, I pushed him away.

“Sometimes, Sebby…” I let out a breath. “Sometimes the grass may look greener on the other side, and maybe it is at first. Maybe it’s something new and exciting, so it feels like you’ve finally found what you were missing for years. But then the novelty will wear off and you’ll be left regretting everything.”

“Are you really going to stand there and tell me you don’t feel this?” His voice was powerful as he gestured between our bodies. “Tell me you feel nothing and I will happily return to just being friends…if that’s even possible.”

I wanted to say that I felt it, that I had never been so drawn to another man in my entire life, but I didn’t. All I could think of was Mercedes and how she would react if Sebby left her for me. I couldn’t turn her into me. Worse, I refused to let Sebby become a Will.

“I feel nothing,” I uttered through a clenched jaw, spinning around.

“Bullshit,” Sebby mumbled.

“What did you say?” I asked, facing him once more.

“You heard me.” His eyes were narrowed and my heart raced at the fire and unyielding passion in his gaze. “I know you, Baylee, probably better than anyone else.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

“You can deny it all you want, but deep down, you know the truth. That you want this more than you’ve wanted anything. I get it. You’re scared. So am I. I’m petrified of ruining one of the best friendships I’ve ever had because of the realization that, over the past few months, I’ve been unable to stop myself from falling in love with my best friend. But life is all about taking risks. I would think your mother’s bucket list has taught you that. Think of all the experiences you would have missed out on if you didn’t throw caution to the wind and live. And that’s what I want to do. I want to show you how to live… How to laugh… How to love…and I’m not talking about what you’ve been led to
believe
love is. I’m talking about how to
really
love someone.”

“You make it sound like you’re so wise when it comes to this stuff, but you’re just like everyone else…flirting with me even though you have a girlfriend! You don’t know the first thing about love, Sebby! If you did, you’d be up there with her, not out here with me!” I started to lower myself into my car. I wanted to rewind the clock to Saturday when I felt so free as I jumped from that plane, not a care in the world. Things were simpler twenty-four hours ago.

A hand grabbed my arm as I was about to get behind the wheel. Before I knew it, Sebby had me trapped against my car. “I know that I don’t want to go another day without you next to me. I know that you fit in my arms better than anyone I’ve ever been with. I know that you make me happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”

Before I could utter a word in protest, he crushed his lips against mine, his tongue invading my mouth. Fireworks erupted in my heart, in my veins, on my skin. His kiss was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was electric. It was fulfilling. It was…magic. I wanted Sebby, but I was petrified I’d never find all the pieces that would be left if he broke my heart.

Just like he was breaking Mercedes’ at this moment.

“We broke up,” he murmured against my mouth.

My body stiffened and I flung my eyes open, unsure of whether I heard him correctly. “What?”

“I said,” he began in a smooth voice, his arms still wrapped around me, “we broke up. We’re not together. It’s been over for weeks now.”

I stared at him, shaking my head.

“That day you went to the farmer’s market, then I came over and we cooked dinner together, you talked about how a relationship between two polar opposites is doomed to fail.”

I swallowed hard.

“It made me think, Baylee. Before that, I was blind to all the tugging Mercedes was doing. I always thought if I didn’t give her what she wanted, she’d think I didn’t care about her like I did. But my happiness is just as important, so I ended things.”

I gaped at him, incredulous at what he was telling me.

“I refused to stay in a relationship with her when my heart wanted someone else.” He ran his fingers across my cheek, the contact welcome, albeit confusing.

Needing distance, I pushed away from him. “You haven’t been together for weeks and didn’t tell me? You watched me struggle with my guilt regarding my feelings toward you and didn’t say anything?”

“I know it sounds stupid.” He ran his hand through his hair. “At first, I didn’t want you to know because I was worried things would change between us and get weird. After you found out I had a girlfriend, you were more carefree. I saw a side of you I hadn’t been able to crack open during the previous weeks, and I tend to think it’s because you thought you had to impress me.”

I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I refused to admit he was right.

“I knew I couldn’t keep the truth from you forever. After a week, I decided to take a risk and see what happened. But you kept going on and on about how we were better as friends. And maybe you had a point. What if things didn’t work out between us? I’d lose one of the best friendships I’d ever had. I wanted to take things to the next step with you, but I valued our friendship more. I regret not telling you from the start, but I’m rectifying that right now because I know what we have is unmatched anywhere. I know we’re meant to be together.”

I should have been thrilled with this news. It was exactly what I wanted. Instead, all I felt was betrayal all over again. My nostrils flaring, I spun from him, about to get into my car.

Sebby darted in front of me, stopping me. “I thought you’d be happy,” he said. “I thought—”

“You lied to me!” I exclaimed.

“No!” he declared passionately. “I may have left out a few details because I didn’t know how to tell you, but I never lied to you.”

“A lie of omission is still a lie, Sebby,” I murmured. After my last failed marriage, a marriage destroyed by a lie of omission, I couldn’t put myself through that again, no matter what my heart thought it wanted.

“Baylee…” He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. I didn’t fight it. After weeks of dreaming and fantasizing about what it would feel like to have his body pressed against mine, I couldn’t resist him. “Don’t you feel this, Baylee?” he asked, his voice husky as he ran his fingers down the contours of my abdomen, chills overtaking me. “It feels like…”

“Magic,” I breathed, lost in the sensation of his lips whispering kisses down my neck. Closing my eyes, I flashed back to my life in North Carolina. After walking in on Will and my best friend banging on my kitchen island, I put on a front. I didn’t want anyone to see how much his infidelity hurt. I had analyzed our marriage, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. As I did, I recalled some of our happier moments. They were all tainted by his lies, just as all my happy memories of my time with Sebby would be tainted with his dishonesty.

Letting out a long breath, I pressed my hands on Sebby’s chest, melting into him briefly. “But that’s all it is… An illusion.” I pushed him away and hopped into my car, peeling away from the hotel. As I looked in my rearview mirror, I saw him catch himself as he stumbled, confusion and heartbreak plastered on his face.

All the tears I had kept in streamed down my cheeks. Refusing to go home, where I’d only be faced with memories of Sebby, I drove around LA into the early hours of the morning, feeling as if my world were falling apart around me. When the sun came up and I was too exhausted to drive anymore, I finally returned to my condo. I half expected Sebby to bang on my door at some point during the day to confront me for my childish reaction. I didn’t know what upset me more. That my stubbornness prevented me from admitting the truth, or that Sebby never showed up.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY
-F
OUR

“W
HAT
’
S
UP
WITH
YOU
, Baylee?” Uncle Monty asked as we sat at an upscale restaurant in Beverly Hills on Saturday, the last day of his visit. In a few hours, I’d be saying goodbye to him. I needed my life to return to some sort of normalcy, although I wasn’t too sure what that was. The only normal I really had in my life in LA was Sebby. We hadn’t spoken since he revealed the truth about his relationship with Mercedes. Every time I walked by his condo, I contemplated knocking on his door. I never did. My stubborn personality prevented it.

I had analyzed the situation with Sebby over and over throughout the past week. Maybe I was just overreacting. Maybe his failure to tell me the truth wasn’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Then I remembered the guilt that consumed me whenever I tried to reconcile my feelings for him with the fact I was under the impression he had a girlfriend. He saw it plain as day, yet said nothing to assuage my feelings or remorse. I didn’t know if I could ever forget that.

“Baylee. Earth to Baylee!”

I snapped out of my thoughts, returning to the present, only to be reminded of Sebby once more. Since the only exposure I had to the sites of LA was from hanging out with Sebby, the restaurant I was currently sitting in with my uncle was one I had been to with him.

“Hmm? What?” I stabbed my eggs benedict with my fork and knife. I didn’t know how long I had been in a daze, but I had completely missed our server dropping off our meal.

Sighing, Uncle Monty threw his napkin on the table. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been out of it all week. After our discussion at the hotel bar, I haven’t been able to get you to talk about this neighbor of yours anymore.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I shot back, shoveling a huge portion of egg, Canadian bacon, and English muffin into my mouth, as if it were the first time I had eaten in weeks.

“You can’t pull the wool over my eyes,” he said, his country accent coming through. “I’ve known you since you were in diapers. Hell, I changed quite a few of your shitty ones. Tell me what’s
really
going on. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Doubtful,” I mumbled.

“It’s worth a shot. I’m not getting on that plane until you finally talk to me, even if it means delaying my flight this afternoon. It’ll put me in a bit of a bind, considering I have a hearing scheduled for Monday morning, but family comes first.”

I scowled. There was no arguing with my uncle. It was always a losing battle. Taking a long sip of my Bloody Mary, I swallowed the spicy drink, then wiped my mouth.

“Sebby and his girlfriend aren’t together,” I admitted softly.

“Really?” My uncle’s eyes widened. “That’s wonderful, Baylee!”

“Yeah. It’s great.” I rolled my eyes.

“It’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but…” I slouched into my chair.

“But what?”

“He lied to me, Uncle Monty! They broke up weeks ago! Weeks! And he kept it from me, letting me believe they were still together. He saw me struggle with my guilt for how I felt about him and said nothing.”

“And why’s that?” he asked, resting his chin on his hands.

“He says it’s because once I found out he was dating someone, I became more open and he didn’t want to lose that side of me. Then he claims he was going to tell me but didn’t because I kept going on and on about how we were better as friends and I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship. The only reason I kept saying that was for
my
benefit. I wanted to believe we were better off as just friends. It hurt knowing I had such strong feelings for this man and he couldn’t be mine. Then I find out he could have been all along, but he never told me!”

My uncle considered my outburst for a moment. He was never a big talker. He always chose his words carefully, as if he only had a finite number he was permitted to use.

“And you think by him keeping this from you, he lied to you?”

I nodded.

He turned his head, watching people scurry up and down Rodeo Drive. It was the perfect late autumn day. The street lamps were decked out with garland and ribbons, signaling the start of the holiday shopping season. Returning his eyes to me, he grabbed my hand across the table.

“You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course,” I responded, shrinking into my chair. I had heard those words from him before, usually when he was about to berate me for being unreasonable, another trait he claimed I inherited from my mother.

“And you know I’ll always support you, regardless of how asinine or impractical your decisions may be.”

I nodded, swallowing hard.

“Then don’t be upset when I tell you you’re acting like a fucking child.”

“What?” I straightened my spine, taken aback. I shouldn’t have been surprised by his reaction, but his tone, almost a growl, was unexpected.