The Outlaws: Jess (18 page)

"Someone hurt you. I've known that for a long
time. No need to explain your refusal, Meg. I shouldn't have asked
you to marry me while my future is uncertain. You were right to
refuse. A woman would have to love a man a great deal to leave all
she held dear and take up with a fugitive from the law."

"Jess, I..."

He placed a finger against her lips. "No,
don't say anything you'll regret later."

She bit her lip. "Do you intend to leave
right away?" God, how could she bear it?

"Perhaps not. You might be right about
Bufford. Maybe you hid that wanted poster so far back in the drawer
he'll never find it. I like Cheyenne. I have a thriving practice
here. I won't leave unless I'm forced to."

"I meant what I said. I'll be your lover for
as long as you want me."

"I wouldn't ask that of you. Go to bed, Meg."
He started to leave.

"Wait! Don't go."

He swung around to face her, his expression
fierce. "Don't tempt me. We both know nothing can come of this
passion we share."

Meg knew but it made no difference. "Stay
with me tonight."

The air between them crackled with charged
energy. Meg could feel its powerful pull nudge them toward one
another. "I need you," she whispered.

She heard him groan, saw his eyes turn murky
with indecision. Then he was beside her, touching her face with a
tenderness that brought tears to her eyes.

"One day I hope you'll trust me enough to
tell me how Arlo hurt you, and how he turned you against marriage.
I realize I'm not the right man for you, but someday a man will
come along you'll truly love and wish to marry. Then what? Will you
deny him because of what one man did to you?" His voice hardened.
"Will you use Zach as an excuse to refuse him? Will you offer to
become his mistress?"

Meg winced. How little Jess must think of
her. "After you leave, if you must leave, there will be no other
man."

Her words seemed to take the steam out of his
sails.

She pulled back the covers, holding them open
in blatant invitation. "Are you going to join me?"

Jess hesitated but a brief moment before he
shed his clothing, snuffed out the lamp, and eased down beside her.
"I don't have much willpower where you're concerned," he said,
pulling her into his arms.

"Nor I where you're concerned," Meg
whispered, snuggling against his chest. "Let's just take what we
can while we can."

They came together again, all fire and
passion, then slept deeply, until late the next morning.
Unfortunately the problems they had swept aside during the night
returned with daylight.

Meg washed and dressed in silence while Jess
removed himself to his own room to clean up. They met later in the
kitchen.

"There's coffee left from last night and a
hunk of stale bread," Jess offered.

Meg shook her head. "I'm not hungry. I'm
anxious to return home and let Zach know I'm all right."

"Zach, of course," Jess said with a hint of
sarcasm. "We wouldn't want Zach to worry."

"Jess, let's not part like this. You have
nothing to be jealous about. I told you, Zach is like a father to
me."

"I know. I've come to grips with your
feelings for Zach and I understand. I have no say on what you do
with your life, nor can I claim any part of it. I'm an outlaw,
Meg."

Meg shook her head in vigorous denial. "Don't
say that! You're
not
an outlaw. Someday you'll prove your
innocence.'

Jess gave a snort of disbelief. "If you say
so. Come on, I'll take you home."

"I can see myself home."

"No, I promised Zach I'd see you safely home
and I always keep my word."

They rode home in silence. Everything that
needed to be said had been said. An unspoken agreement had been
reached. Neither mentioned Jess's marriage proposal nor Meg's
refusal. Jess tried not to show his hurt pride but it was
difficult. He hadn't asked for the problems that made his life a
living hell. He was not an outlaw, and Lord knows he wasn't cut out
for that kind of life.

Always on the run.

Always looking over his shoulder, wondering
when the law was going to catch up with him. Jess knew things
weren't going to get better. That if he wanted a normal life he'd
have to return to Dodge, face Wingate, and fight the false charges
made against the Gentry brothers.

It was up to him. He was the responsible
brother. He'd even marry Delia, if that's what it took.

They had slowed their horses to a walk and
Meg brought her mare beside Jess's gelding.

"What are you thinking, Jess?" Meg asked into
the tense silence.

"I was thinking that I should return to Dodge
and fight those false charges. I'd even marry Delia if I thought it
would help my brothers."

"You love your brothers very much, don't
you?"

"We've always been close. Hotheaded Rafe,
sensible Jess, and unruly Sam. That's how we were known. I was the
one who tried to keep my brothers out of trouble. Now it's up to me
to make things right again."

"You're not thinking straight, Jess," Meg
reasoned. "Your brothers are grown men. They don't need looking
after, and they probably wouldn't want you to sacrifice yourself
for them."

The longer Jess thought about it the more
convinced he became that he should to return to Dodge and tell his
story to the sheriff. The truth would free him...or would it? he
wondered. Justice in Dodge City left much to be desired. And Meg's
words did make sense. Neither of his brother would want him to
sacrifice himself for them. Perhaps he'd think on it a tad longer
before making a decision.

The house loomed ahead and they picked up
their pace. They saw Zach out by the pump and Meg shouted his name,
surging ahead to greet him. Jess hung back, not wanting to
interfere. Zach and Meg shared a special relationship, and though
he was jealous of it at times, he didn't want to ruin their
reunion.

Meg and Zach were waiting for him when he
rode into the yard. He dismounted and followed them inside the
house.

"There's fresh coffee," Zach said, "would you
like some?"

"Neither of us had any breakfast this
morning," Jess allowed. "Coffee sounds great."

"Sit down, both of you. I'll have breakfast
on the table in a jiffy."

"No, I'm not..." Meg began.

"Don't argue, Meggie," Zach said sternly,
holding a chair out for her. "Sit down. You're looking a mite
pale."

"I'm fine, Zach, really. Ask Dr. Gentry if
you don't believe me."

"That true, Doc?"

"Meg is fine, Zach. Those bruises will fade
in a few days."

Zach nodded, though he didn't appear all that
convinced. "I'll whip up a batch of flapjacks. Meggie is partial to
them."

He poured coffee, then busied himself at the
stove. "You know this finishes you as a bounty hunter, Meggie,"
Zach said without turning around. "Look how I ended up. I'm a
useless cripple because I was careless one time and I won't let the
same thing happen to you."

Meg stared morosely into the contents of her
coffee cup. "I came to the same conclusion on my own, Zach. But
what will happen to us once the reward for Fremont runs out? We
still have to eat."

"I've got a job now, Meggie, remember?
Besides, five hundred dollars will last a long time if we're
careful."

Jess listened to the conversation in silence.
This was between Zach and Meg, he had no business horning in. But
he felt like cheering Zach for putting his foot down.

"What am I going to do with myself while
you're off working?" Meg argued. "You know how folks around here
feel about me. I couldn't get a job even if one was available."

Zach frowned. "Do the things that keep women
busy."

"Most women have husbands and children," Meg
snapped.

Jess couldn't keep quiet a moment longer.
"That's
your
choice, Meg," he said softly.

Zach must have picked up on something in
Jess's voice for he turned away from the stove and searched Meg's
face. "What's Doc talking about, Meggie?"

Meg leaped from her chair and pushed away
from the table. "I'm going to my room to change."

"Hurry back, the flapjacks will be done
soon," Zach called after her.

Jess stared at her departing back, wishing he
hadn't said anything. The last thing he wanted was to upset
Meg.

"What was that all about?" Zach asked
gruffly. "Has something happened between you and Meggie?"

"You could say that."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Believe it or not, I took your advice and
asked Meg to marry me. I know it was wrong to even suggest such a
thing when I'm a..." His sentence ended abruptly. Did Zach know he
was wanted by the law?

"...when you're a wanted man," Zach finished
for him. "I know all about it. Meggie told me."

"I should have known."

"Did you and your brothers really rob that
bank?"

Jess sent him a disgusted look. "What do you
think?"

"I don't think you're an outlaw, if that's
what you're wondering."

"I explained everything to Meg and she
understood."

"But she still wouldn't marry you," Zach
guessed.

Jess's expression hardened. "She was right to
refuse me. I'm not free to marry. There's no future for Meg and me
as long as I'm a wanted man. In fact, I'm thinking about leaving
town. There is no future for me and Meg."

"Meg doesn't want to marry," Zach confided.
"It ain't you. she cares about you."

"Meg said as much but I don't believe her.
Why wouldn't a woman want to marry and have children?"

"Meggie will skin me alive for telling you
this, but the reason she turned you down has nothing to do with you
personally. Meggie has strong feelings for you. She wouldn't have
let you...well, never mind that right now. Let's just say she's
powerful afeared of marriage. She was only sixteen when..."

Zach! What are you saying?"

Keen disappointment made Jess wince when he
saw Meg standing in the doorway. Another moment and he would have
learned Meg's secret.

"Aw, Meggie, Jess has a right to know."

"It's my place to tell Jess, but now is not
the time."

Jess rose abruptly. His presence here was
uncomfortable for all of them. "It's time I left. Perhaps I'll see
you in town, Zach." He gave Meg a curt nod and headed out the
door.

"Jess, wait!"

Her voice held a plea Jess couldn't resist.
He turned to face her, his expression carefully composed. "What is
it?"

"I'm sorry."

"About turning down my proposal? Don't be. I
had no business asking you to marry me. Blame the moment. We were
both carried away by..." He cast a surreptitious glance at Zach,
who seemed to be hanging onto every word, and shrugged. "You know
what I mean."

Meg nodded mutely.

"Keep your secrets, Meg, you don't owe me an
explanation. Soon I'll be gone from your life. We both know my time
in Cheyenne is limited. The danger increases each day I
remain."

Jess spun on his heel and strode out the door
without waiting for Meg's reply. What could she say, anyway? She
knew his life wasn't his to share while he was a wanted man. And
Meg had to come to grips with something that happened to her long
ago before she could face her future. He sincerely hoped the right
man would come along when she was ready.

Meg watched Jess ride out of her life. She
couldn't ask him to stay for fear his past would be exposed.

"Don't let him go, Meggie," Zach urged. "You
know you love him."

Meg rounded on him. "I know no such
thing."

"I know you like a book, Meggie girl. "You'd
not let a man make love to you unless you loved him."

Meg stared at him, appalled. "How...how did
you know?"

"It wasn't difficult. The Meggie I knew from
old wouldn't look at a man with hunger in her eyes. I'm glad,
honey. Now you know not all men are like Arlo. I'm glad it was Jess
who showed you."

Meg studied her hands. "I hurt him, Zach. He
thinks I turned him down because he's a wanted man. It's not that
at all. That same old fear grips me whenever I think of marriage.
How do I know Jess won't turn into an ogre like Arlo once we're
married?"

"Your heart knows," Zach said. "Follow your
heart."

"If only I could," Meg sighed. "My gut tells
me Jess wasn't serious about his proposal. Like he said, it was the
moment. His future is too uncertain to make a commitment to a wife.
Jess wanted me to go to Oregon with him, but you know I won't leave
you."

Zach shook his head. "As much as I appreciate
your loyalty, it was wrong of you to use me as an excuse. Go to
Jess. Tell him about Arlo and agree to go anywhere with him. Men
like Jess don't come along every day. I'll get along just fine
without you."

"It may by too late, Zach. I might have hurt
Jess beyond repair. Angry words were exchanged."

"Is there nothing I can say to change your
mind?"

"No. What happened is for the best."

Zach's sad gaze followed Meg as she turned
and reentered the house.

The following days were tense ones for Jess.
He sat on the horns of dilemma. His gut told him to leave Cheyenne
and seek a safer haven, but his heart refused to listen. It wasn't
just Meg who held him back, but the patients who needed him. Old
Doc Belcher had sunk deeper and deeper into an alcoholic stupor,
leaving Jess the only doctor in the thriving city who knew what he
was doing.

He couldn't leave until he removed the
stitches from little Kerry Wheeler's head wound. And it would be at
least two weeks before the cast could come off Harry Pepper's leg.
Then there was Mrs. Buxley, who needed nerve medicine to get her
through a day with her eight children. And Pearl Lavine whose weak
chest was a constant worry.