The Outsmarting of Criminals: A Mystery Introducing Miss Felicity Prim (23 page)

Miss Prim happily strolled the aisles, loading her cart with reduced-calorie ingredients, sugar substitutes,
and low-fat cheeses. Then she made her way to the front of the store, where she caught Faye’s eye.

“Miss Prim! Come to me!”

Miss Prim wheeled her cart to Faye’s station and began unloading her items onto the belt.

“How are you enjoying your new job, Faye?” Miss Prim asked.

“It’s great, Miss Prim. One of my screenwriting books says you have to be
in
the world to
write
about the world, and I think the author’s right about that. I’m talking to so many people I’ve seen around town but never spoken to before. Of course, I could never set a screenplay in a grocery store. Just the way novelists shouldn’t set scenes in a supermarket. Too mundane.”

Miss Prim glanced up and noticed Miss Lavelle glaring at her. So much for the
rapprochement
. Miss Prim averted her eyes and continued chatting with Faye.

“You h
eard about the break-in at the historical society?” Miss Prim asked.

“Yeah, and
I wonder if Kit had something to do with it. He was there the other day, for a school project or something, and he’s always touching things. He might have moved something, which might have made Gil think someone stole it.”

“What kind of proj
ect is Kit working on? I have a fondness for history and a somewhat deep level of knowledge on the subject. I may be able to help.”

“He’
s looking for information about historic houses in Greenfield. It does sound kind of interesting, but he hasn’t shared many details yet.”

Miss Prim paid for her purchases and was attempting to negotiate her wheelie-cart through the market’s sliding glass doors when she sensed a presence behind her. She turned around to discover Miss Gladys Lavelle an inch from her face.
Complexion scarlet and nostrils flaring, Miss Lavelle attacked.

“You stay away from her, Missy, do you hear me? You want Heavenly Pastures? Fine, it’s all yours. But Prothero’s is
my
place. If you want to gad around town with crazy Lorraine Koslowski, that’s your business. But don’t think I’m going to let you charm Greenfield’s young people into your web. Valeska Reed may have fallen for your shtick, but I won’t let Faye and Kit fall into the same trap.”

“Really, Miss
Lavelle,” Miss Prim sputtered. “You have quite the wrong idea …”

“Ha!” Miss Lavelle spat. “I know
exactly
what you’re up to. I’ve dealt with women like you my whole life. I know a social climber when I see one.”

Miss Prim could
count on one hand the number of times she’d become truly furious. As Papa had always said, anger was not only counterproductive but also self-defeating. But to be called a social climber! This was the one and only type of person for whom Mama and Papa had no patience. “These people,” Mama had pronounced, “live on the surface of life and make a habit of choosing the wrong priorities and the wrong people. They are parasites, and they will betray their closest friend for an invitation to the right party. Avoid them like the plague, children, and devote your time and energies to those with kind hearts and giving natures.”

“Miss Lavelle,” Miss Prim said slowly, “I am many things, but a social climber is not one of them. I simply try to enjoy my life and the relationships I have developed. If people choose to be my friend, it is because they sense I will be a devoted friend in return. And I daresay most, or all, of them would tell you that I have not disappointed them in that regard. If you ever decide to view me as a friend rather than an enemy, I will be most happy to reciprocate your goodwill. Until then, I would be grateful if you would not accost me viciously in pu
blic, for I do not deserve it. Good day.”
With that, Miss Prim turned heel and left Miss Gladys Lavelle standing in the doorway of Prothero’s market, white faced and speechless.

*

As Miss Prim began the walk back to Undercliff Lane, she worked at regaining her equanimity. Losing one’s temper rarely accomplishes anything productive, but she’d had quite enough of Miss Lavelle’s broadsides. To think, only minutes earlier, she had marveled at the softer side of Miss Lavelle, at her kindness toward Faye and her devotion to her career!

As she
passed Cambria & Calibri, Valeska Reed hailed her from the door.

“Mi
ss Prim! Come in for a chat?”

A
pleasant
tête-à-tête
with a burgeoning friend was just what Miss Prim needed after the encounter with Miss Lavelle. She left her wheelie-cart on the sidewalk and entered the store.

“I was hoping to see you,
Miss Prim,” Valeska was saying. “I have a treat for you.”

Valeska went into the back room and returned with a small packet wrapped in aluminum foil. She handed it to Miss Prim, who gently peeled back the edge.

“Oh,” Miss Prim whispered. “Are these … ?”

“
Kifli. Some apricot, some prune. For many years they were my specialty. I dusted off the recipe and made a batch last night.”

“I thought you were adamantly opposed to selling baked goods here at Cambria & Calibri?”

“I made them for Martin. They’ve always been a favorite of his.”

Unable to resist temptation, Miss Prim nibbled at one of the apricot treats.

“I can see why, Valeska. They are quite divine.”

Valeska Reed smiled with satisfaction. “No one would guess they’re made with low-calorie cream cheese and sugar-free apricot
preserves, would they?” She winked, and the two women shared a knowing glance.

“D
id Martin appreciate them as much as I do?”

“Once he got over the shock, yes. Then again, I think he was in a good mood after eating the meatloaf I’d prepared for dinner. A nice change, he said, from the salads and vegetables I usually force on him.”

No words were necessary. Miss Prim simply grabbed and squeezed Valeska’s hand. Valeska returned the gesture.

“As I said before, Miss Prim, you really are quite miraculous. I can’t imagine ho
w Greenfield survived with you. But there’s another thing I wanted to tell you. Someone was in here a couple of hours ago looking for you.”

“Someone?”

“I’ve never seen him before. Tall, young, unkempt, nervous. He wouldn’t make eye contact. It wasn’t just you he was asking about. He also inquired about someone named Dolly.”

This was very strange. “Was it the same man who’d been inquiring after me a few days ago?”

“No. The first man was one of those plastic-surgery aficionados whose attempts to fight aging make them look highly artificial.
This
man was much younger and much taller. He had one of those straggly beards that I so detest. You know, the type that looks as if it is harboring breadcrumbs and microbes. I didn’t like his looks or his demeanor, so I said I’d never heard of you, or of Dolly. Martin told me about your gracious invitation for Sunday—we accept, by the way—but I didn’t want to tell a stranger that I know you, or that I’d heard of Dolly but haven’t met her yet.”

Miss Prim bit her lip. “I can’t imagine why anyone would be looking for her in Greenfield. She lives in New York City.”

“I agree, it’s odd. There was something
off
about that young man.”

Miss Prim shivered a little, not out of concern for her own safety, but out of concern for Dolly’s. Had Dolly told Benjamin o
f her plans to visit Greenfield, and had Benjamin repeated the information to one or more of his unsavory contacts? The man Valeska described could not have been Benjamin, who was well-kept and academic, not unkempt and slightly crazed.

“Well, it is a bit of a mystery, Valeska, but I’m sure the truth will reveal itself.” She added, “At some point.”

*

Miss Prim was placing her purchases in the refrig
erator when the telephone rang.

“Hello, Rose Cottage.”

“Dolly?” A voice she didn’t recognize.

“No, who’s calling please?”

Click
.

Miss P
rim replaced the receiver. The hang-ups were becoming more and more nerve-racking, part of a disturbing pattern. So many wrong numbers and intentional or unintentional disconnections; two men asking around Greenfield about her and Dolly’s whereabouts; the intruder she’d seen in her yard. Her heat beat just a bit louder and faster.

Perhaps it was time to take these concerns to a professional. Should she call Detective Dawes and share
her concerns with him? No, she would not. She refused to become one of those hysterical women who overreact to bumps in the night. She would keep a close eye on the situation and involve the authorities when she had something more than vague suspicions and irrational fears to report. In the meantime, she had both Bruno and the Laser Taser 3000.

As she was calming herself with soothing thoughts, the doorbell rang, not once, not twice, but three times in rapid succession. Sensing danger, Bruno let out several intimidating woofs and bounded to the front door.

“Who’s there, please?” Miss Prim yelled over Bruno’s woofing.

“It’s me. Lorraine.”

Miss Prim opened the door to find a dripping Lorraine Koslowski. Miss Prim had been lucky enough to miss the rain, but the drops had begun falling almost as soon as she’d arrived at Rose Cottage.

“Lorraine! Do come in.
I almost didn’t recognize you.” Today Lorraine wore a form-fitting black dress and a shoulder-length brunette wig. She’d also applied a shockingly large amount of lipstick. The effect made her lips seem twice their normal size.

“Do you like the new look
, Felicity? I’m going for the Angelina Jolie effect. Long lines and easy on the eyes. With that
glow
you see on the silver screen.”

“I
t becomes you, Lorraine. It really does.” Which may not have been perfectly true, but as Mrs. Charity Prim had often said, a tiny lie that pleases a friend is usually a lie worth telling.

“Say, Felicity, I d
on’t suppose you’ve seen Lucian, have you?”

“Lucian? No, I haven’t. I guess I had the impression that he doesn’t leave Ridgemont much.”

“He doesn’t. But he’s gone, Felicity. Gone.” And with that, Lorraine Koslowski did something Miss Prim never would have expected. She burst into tears.

Tea and Sympathy

As Miss Prim brewed the tea, Lorraine explained.

“I thought I had Lucian’s wandering under control, Felicity. I told him I’d introduce him to the King of Siam if he promised not
to leave the house without telling me. He’s not good with time, but he remembers that particular promise, and I keep the ruse going by telling him the King is expected any day now. But when I got home from running my errands downtown, I couldn’t find him anywhere. Not in the house, not in the attic, not in the basement, not on the property. God, I hope he isn’t naked somewhere! One time he left me a note saying he’d gone to visit the sulfur baths in Saratoga Springs. We found him frolicking
au naturel
in the woods near Lake Greenfield.”

“How long were you out of the house, Lorraine?” Miss Prim asked.

Lorraine raised her wrist to consult a watch that wasn’t there. “No more than a couple of hours.”

In her most comforting voice, Miss Prim said, “That’s good news. He can’t have
gone far in two hours. Finish up your tea, and we’ll go to the police station and ask for their help.”

Lorraine grimaced. “It won’t be the first time. Fortunately, Lucia
n likes Ezra and Martin. Spike reminds him too much of my sister Lorna, so he steers clear of her. Says she gives him a headache. Spike does that to a lot of people.”

As the two women scurried to the police
station, Lorraine tried to console herself. “I don’t think he’d do anything dangerous or hurt himself. But Felicity, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, his mind isn’t it what it used to be. He gets confused more easily, and sometimes he thinks the Hessians are stalking him. And let me tell you, he does
not
like the Hessians. He won’t let them take Ridgemont, he says, while making threatening gestures. If someone approached him the wrong way, I don’t think he’d hurt them, but …” Her voice trailed off.

They found the full complement of the Greenfield police squad viewing something on Ezra Dawes’ computer screen. Dawes and Spike munched on crullers while Martin Reed
—surprise of surprises—snacked on miniature carrots from a small Ziploc bag.

Lorraine got straight to the point. “Ezra, Lucian’s gone again.”

Ezra removed his half-moon glasses and stood up. “How long?”

“Two hours max.”

“Any ideas where he might be?”

“Let me think for a minute.”
Lorraine turned to Miss Prim to explain. “Sometimes Lucian will store up conversational details that he’ll get fixated on. The time he took off for Saratoga, for example, it was because a few days earlier I’d bought some new bath salts.”