The Overlap (26 page)

Then his face suddenly brightened.

“But you want to know something? If you promise – I mean you have to swear – to keep this a secret from everyone, even your girlfriends at work.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Last Friday I heard that MetroGen was going to bring your team back in, at least those they could get back from Chicago. I was in Margie’s office when she got the word and she said to me: ‘Who do you think I should ask them to bring back from Chicago?’ So I pretended to think for about five or ten seconds, and then I said ‘they’re all pretty good, but if you can, try to get Lindsey Barnes and Kensington Reynolds back.’ I couldn’t remember your friend Courtney’s last name so I didn’t mention her, and I figured that if I only mentioned you then Margie might think... well, you know...”

I finally smiled for the first time the entire day.

“Thank you,” I said quietly. “You have no idea how bad it was out there.”

“I know,” Zack replied. “I thought that even if we didn’t have a chance to salvage anything between us, that was the least I could do for you, to help get you out of there.”

“Thank you,” I said again.

“You’re welcome, Lindsey,” Zack said, a sad smile now on his face.

I looked down at our untouched beers.

“We need to toast,” I offered.

Zack hesitated as if he hadn’t expected to hear me say that, then nodded.

“You go,” he said.

“Okay, I will.”

I raised my glass then continued.

“To new beginnings?” A toast with a question mixed in; with hope mixed in.

“To new beginnings,” Zack said without hesitating.

*     *     *

“We’re not going to sleep together tonight,” I suddenly said a couple minutes later.

“In fact,” I continued, “I’m not even sure what to do about all of this. I really need to absorb this, to think it through...”

I caught the look in Zack’s eyes.

“I mean me,” I said to him. “I mean what
I
did. Maybe you can come to terms with what happened between me and Dustin after talking to your ex-fiancé, but I’m still pretty messed up.”

“I get it,” he said, but didn’t offer anything else.

I looked at him.

“Zack, tell me the truth. Can you honestly say that if we get back together or whatever you want to call it, you won’t hold it against me for what I did with Dustin? Not breaking up with him and sleeping with him and all that?”

“No I won’t hold it against you,” he quickly replied. “The only thing I want is that you tell me for sure that you
will
break up with him, sooner than later. I’ll give you time to do it on your terms, just like you were going to the first time that didn’t happen. But whenever you decide you’re going to do it, this time you need to go through with it, okay?”

And to emphasize the significance of what he was saying, Zack added:

“I don’t think I could stand winning you back, or whatever you call this, and then
really
losing you. You know what I mean?”

I smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I do.”

*     *     *

I was true to my word. I didn’t sleep with Zack that night or even go to his apartment, though we stayed together at
Cerise
for two more hours. We drank plenty (I felt it the next morning) and ordered dinner but other than a couple of rest room trips for each of us, we never left our table. The place got crowded as the evening went on, but to me and I think also to Zack, there was only the two of us in the world tonight. Now I felt as if it were the last week and a half that was the unfocused, sketchy, fragmented dream. Suddenly all of the memories from the weeks before then, when Zack and I first met and became enthralled with each other, had been given new life and were again as vivid as they had once been.

We made plans to meet at
Vivant
later tomorrow night for dinner after Zack got back from Burbank. We talked about where to go and we both contemplated trying someplace new that neither one of us had been to before. You know, really playing out the “new beginnings” theme, right?

But then we both came to realize: what better place to mark this new beginning than where our “original beginning” – our first dinner date, followed by our first kiss – had been?

I had left
Cerise
and Zack Tuesday night feeling the greatest sense of relief I had ever felt in my life, but by the time 1:00 A.M. Wednesday morning rolled around and I was still tossing and turning in my bed – alone – that relief had largely escaped me.

I had discovered time travel. At least that’s what it felt like as I finally decided to put my bedroom TV on for a little bit in hopes I could find something to half-watch and finally lull me to sleep. I had turned the calendar back about two weeks, maybe a little bit longer, and here I was: starting something new (again) with Zack after a long conversation at
Cerise
and now planning to meet at
Vivant
for a special dinner date, while Dustin was 2,000 miles away in Chicago, thinking his relationship with me was something that it was not as I prepared to break up with him.

This time, though...

I told myself over and over again that this time I wouldn’t be so stupid as to put this fantastic new relationship with Zack at risk because I couldn’t bring myself to start a sentence with “Dustin, we need to talk.”

At the same time, though, I was starting to become uneasy about Zack’s whole story of his San Francisco weekend, especially his explanation for why he didn’t text me. His explanation of that Friday night and then Saturday morning until I finally gave in and texted him... sure, his timeline was plausible but I couldn’t help think that all he had to do was text me
just once
, especially in response to my “U there???” text to him, and things would have turned out way different with Dustin and me. Even Dustin’s flowers and picnic basket and all that wouldn’t have been enough to keep me from looking at him and saying “Dustin, we need to talk” because I would have been certain that Zack was there for me; to give me the emotional support to help me through my inevitable post-breakup depressed feelings.

There was something about his story...

Part of me thought that despite his insistence that he hadn’t slept with his ex-fiancé, he actually had. Or maybe he had gone up together to his room or her room and they had started to play around but didn’t go through with it, and he was standing on a technicality. You know: “I didn’t
have
sex with her, Lindsey” meant that he didn’t
finish
anything with her.

That thought kept coming back to me but every time I did my best to force away the images of Zack and this woman starting to make out and then him kissing her while their bodies pressed into each other’s...

I was in no position to hold it against Zack even if he did have a one-night stand – or maybe a weekend fling – with her, especially given what I did. Still,
if
he did that and lied to me about it, then there would
never
be any foundation of trust between us, and we were doomed.

But I had no evidence whatsoever to lead me to think that’s what Zack had actually done! I kept telling myself that; that I suspected him only because of my own shame and self-reproach at what I had done with Dustin, along with a general skepticism about guys in general when it came to faithfulness. So even when my rational mind asserted itself and tried to send away these disturbing thoughts, what was bothering me?

Maybe I felt that Zack didn’t care enough, or wasn’t attentive enough, or something like that to send me that single text on Friday night or Saturday morning that would probably have prevented me from taking the path that I had that weekend. Like I said, his explanation for the timeline of why he didn’t text me made sense – sort of – but if he had just cared enough to say “oh, what the hell, I’ll take a chance and text her anyway” things may have turned out very differently.

I would never know, but shortly before I
finally
fell asleep sometime around 2:30 I convinced myself – hopefully forever – that this was all in the past now. Whether he did it on purpose or not, Zack’s disappearing act that weekend had set into motion an unforeseen string of events; but I was the one who hadn’t broken up with Dustin and wound up having sex with him almost every day for a week and a half.

But despite all that, the fates had apparently decided that Zack and I deserved another chance and now it was up to me to do things right this time around.

And that’s what I would do, I drowsily told myself as I flicked off the TV.

*     *     *

During lunch with Kensie Wednesday afternoon, I again felt like I had traveled back in time as she listened to my story with a combined OMG-WTF look on her face; the same look she had that Sunday night when I blurted out what had happened with Dustin.

Finally, she said:

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Lindsey, but was your life always this filled with such epic drama?”

I started to bristle at her words, but at the same time I knew exactly what she was saying. The past three weeks had seen the biggest back-and-forth swings in my personal life with Dustin and Zack overlapping each other to the point where my brain felt like it was going to explode. This was so different than going back and forth between guys in high school or even college, even though on the surface it might seem pretty much the same.

I told Kensington that Dustin had texted me yesterday afternoon to confirm that he wouldn’t be coming back to L.A. this weekend, and the rumor mill was sweeping the Chicago team that at least three more weeks straight, weekends included, was what awaited them since the six of us now back at MetroGen had been abruptly pulled from their project. Have to get all the work done no matter how many people are or aren’t there, right?

“So you’re back to where you were a couple of weeks ago, right?” Kensie told me what I already had churned over and over and over and over...

“Yeah,” I replied as I finished the last bite of my turkey baguette. We were seated outside, both of us luxuriating in the afternoon L.A. sunshine after our conference room sequestering that had lasted four excruciatingly long days. Unlike the week before last, though, the thought of heading back into the MetroGen offices didn’t make me want to puke. In the day and a half we had been back, the absence of Dave Evers had been so noticeable! Alan Robbins seemed to be a reasonable, very likeable guy and I immediately had good feelings about him... in a professional sense, of course. Time would tell but he seemed to be the exact opposite of Dave Evers in every way possible. My workdays might actually be enjoyable again!

I had a surprisingly light workload this Wednesday afternoon with only two meetings, so the rest of the time I spent planning my preparation for this evening’s date with Zack. Zack wouldn’t be back from Burbank until around 7:00, he had told me, and suggested we meet at
Vivant
at 8:00 so he could shower and change clothes. The timing was perfect for me since I expected to leave work right around 5:00, and already had an appointment for 5:15 to get my nails done. I didn’t have enough time for a full mani-pedi and then still be able to get ready for dinner, so it would have to just be nails for now and then maybe over the weekend or early next week just my toes to try and get back in synch.

And as much as I would have liked to have gotten a wax, I didn’t have enough time for that either. As that thought came and went, my mind unfortunately traveled back to the entire last week and weekend in Chicago, when I was having sex with Dustin. By that time I desperately needed a wax but even if I had had time in Chicago to get that done, I would have felt really weird doing so. You know, like I was getting myself all nice down there and it was specifically for Dustin. I was
really
overdue now, but even if I slept with Zack tonight, which I was pretty sure I would, I didn’t think he would mind me not being... you know...

Anyway, I figured I would have exactly enough time to get my nails done, get back home, shower, and then get ready. I had already decided what I was going to wear: the exact same thing I wore on our first dinner date at
Vivant
. Staying with the “new beginnings, second time around” theme, right? So this morning I had already laid out my white knit top with long sleeves and the bandeau, and those same jeans from that night. My Steve Madden heels were all set to go, along with my Kate Spade studs and statement necklace. I was determined that Zack would see me
exactly
as I had looked on our first date... even my nails, I had decided. For the first time in my life I would get them done exactly as they currently were with the dual shades of purple separated by the diagonal dark purple line.

I got to the nail salon a couple minutes before my appointment and they were able to get me in right away, so the timing was working out so far. The same girl who had done my nails last time was doing me again, and she apparently remembered that last time I had told her about my upcoming first date. I had been very vague in my description of Zack but had mentioned I had just met him the previous night and was going out with him the next night, and she had responded with something like “must be special, right?”

So today, right after I sat down, she asked me:

“Are you still going out with the guy from last time?”

At first I didn’t know how to respond, because technically I was “going out” with Dustin the last time I was at the salon. But even when I realized she was talking about Zack I wasn’t quite sure what my answer should be. “
Still
going out?” Was I
still
going out with Zack? What about the “interlude” with Dustin?

I decided I didn’t need to – didn’t want to – get into any of that, so I just answered her question with a smile, a nod, and a quick “uh-huh” response and mentioned I was going out with him again tonight. We talked a little bit while she did my nails but I think she could sense my anxiety with the clock ticking down towards my date. She finished up and wished me luck on my date as I hurried out of the salon and headed home.