The Panther and The Pearl (33 page)

“Then compromise. Tell her you will take her back to her family once a year, at that winter holiday she loves so much.”

“Christmas?”

“Yes, yes. You can spare the time once a year, there’s nothing happening here during that period anyway, except a monsoon. Let her see that you don’t expect her to give up everything in order to be with you, that she doesn’t have to abandon her whole past life to become the pashana.”
 

He stared at nothing, pondering her words.

“You have always been arrogant, son of my son. You assume that for any woman, having you is enough. If Sarah marries you and stays here in Bursa, she gives up everything and you give up nothing. She has no trace of her former life and you go on exactly as before, isn’t that right?”

He looked at her. He was listening intently.

“She’s not a trinket that you can acquire and put on a shelf and then take down every so often when you remember it is there and feel like playing with it.”

“You sound just like her.”

“Well, I have learned something too. Sarah needs a purpose in life beyond being your companion. The idea that she will spend all of her time here as the harem women do terrifies her.”

“I have thought of asking her to take over the palace school,” Kalid said.

“Wonderful!” Kosem said, beaming. “Why didn’t you do that before she left?”

“I suppose I was being greedy and wanted her all to myself,” he admitted.
 

“But you just said you can’t be with her every minute! You know already she is not the sort of woman to bathe in the hamman and plait her hair until you decide you want to see her. Let her get involved with domestic matters, let her help you. I have always thought you were intelligent, Kalid, but I shouldn’t have to tell you these things, you should have realized all this for yourself.”

“I was concentrating only on what I wanted, all right? No other woman had to be persuaded that being with me was the right thing for her.”

“And none of them held your interest for longer than thirty seconds.”

He smiled slightly and looked away.

“What is it?” Kosem asked.

“My mother was a challenge for my father, and it seems that history is repeating itself.”

“You are like him in some respects, especially this one. He never desired anything to be too easy, either.”

Kalid bent forward and kissed her cheek. Kosem looked at him, surprised. He was usually not so demonstrative.

“Go, now, and let me think,” he said.

She rose and moved away.

“And grandmother?”

Kosem turned to glance back at him.
 

Thank you,” he added.

She smiled to herself and left.

Sarah realized that she was pregnant about three weeks after she left Orchid Palace. She had missed her period, which at the time she ascribed to stress, but now there was a strange tenderness in her breasts and with each passing day the prospect of breakfast looked less appealing. She could no longer avoid the conclusion when she tried to button her skirt over her shirtwaist and the button flew across the room.

She sat down heavily on the edge of the bed in James’ guest room and analyzed her feelings. Even though she knew that this baby was going to be a problem for her single and unmarried future, she was elated.

Kalid’s baby. She was carrying his baby, and it must have happened the first time he had made love to her completely, after he rescued her from the bedouins. Now she was returning to Victorian Boston with an illegitimate child in her womb, the child of an exotic foreign ruler, the great love of her life, whom she would never see again.

But she was happy, very happy. Even though she had no job and would probably wind up living in her father’s old house alone with her child, she had never felt more hopeful in her life.
 

She decided to tell James and Beatrice about her news right away. She would be in Boston before she began to show, but they would hear about her condition from the letters of relatives. If they ever came home to stay, as Bea wanted, they would have to deal with the ramifications of her situation.
 

New England in the latter half of the nineteenth century was not known for its tolerance of unwed mothers.

At dinner the next night she waited until dessert was served and then said, “I have something to tell the two of you.”

James and Beatrice looked at her expectantly.

“I’m pregnant.”

James closed his eyes and Bea paused with a forkful of lemon cake halfway to her mouth. Under other circumstances their expressions would have been comical.

“I was afraid of this,” James said.

When Bea had recovered enough to speak she whispered, “What on earth are you going to do?”

“I’m going to have it.”

“In Boston?” Bea said. The second word came out as a mouselike squeak.

“It looks like that’s where I’ll be.”

“Sarah, that will be social suicide,” Sarah said. “And you’ll never get another teaching job, your morals will come into question and the school board won’t sanction it.”

“Then I’ll do something else.”

“Like what?” James said.

“I don’t know, take in washing, take in boarders. Father’s house is mine and it has several extra bedrooms. And he left me some money, I won’t be impoverished.”

“But what about the child?” Bea asked.

“What about him?”

“My dear, he won’t fit in, he’ll be an outcast.”

“Why? Because he’ll be illegitimate?”

“Not only that. Won’t he be...dark?”

“Bea!” James said warningly.

“That’s all right, James, let her say it. I’m sure it won’t be the first time I’ll hear it. Yes, Bea, he may be dark, as you put it, or he may look just like me. Of course it’s impossible to say about that now. For my part, I hope he looks just like Kalid, who is the most beautiful man I ever met.”

Bea looked down at her plate, silenced.

James rose and came to Sarah’s chair, bending to kiss her hair. “You have a great deal of courage, Sarah. I have always admired it, but never more than at this moment. You’ll let me know whatever I can do to help you, won’t you?”

Sarah nodded, biting her lip, feeling a little misty at his supportive words.

James left the dining room and Bea said, “Sarah, I didn’t mean...” she stopped.

“I know what you meant, Bea, and I understand. Don’t worry about it.”

Bea shoved her chair back from the table and ran out after her husband.

Sarah stared down at her empty dessert plate and then took another sip of coffee.

She knew that Bea’s reaction would be the typical one back home; Sarah would certainly have her work cut out for her. But curiously enough, she was not afraid.

It was worth enduring anything to have Kalid’s child.

Chapter 14

“There’s someone to see you, Sarah,” James said.

Sarah looked up from her book, her eyes darting to the doorway of the sitting room, which was empty.

“No,” James said quietly. “It’s not him.”
 

He stepped aside and Roxalena came up behind James, breaking into a huge grin when she saw Sarah.

“My American friend,” she said dramatically, and threw open her arms.

Sarah rose to embrace her, surprised to find that tears were filling her eyes. She found that she was very weepy lately; maybe it was her condition.

James bowed slightly and said, “Stay as long as you like, Your Highness. Ladies, I’ll leave you alone.” He went out, closing the door behind him.

“He thinks I am a highness, too,” Roxalena said, laughing, removing the face piece of her veil as James left. She was wearing sky blue silk shalwar with a sapphire blue blouse and a girdle embroidered with pearls and gold thread. A blue velvet cap stitched with pearls perched on her head.
 

Sarah laughed too. “It’s so wonderful to see you. How did you get away from Topkapi?”

“I told my father I was going to the bazaar at Saint Sophia,” Roxalena replied, folding her gold fringed feradge and dropping it on a chair.

“And?”

“And he sent Osman as my escort,” Roxalena added, and winked broadly.

Sarah smiled. “And where is Osman?”

“Down in the street, with my coach.”

Sarah took Roxalena’s hands and led her to the love seat by the window. “How did you find out I was here?”

“Turhan Aga told Osman what happened at your wedding,” Roxalena said. “I didn’t understand it at all, Sarah. At first you were so desperate to get away from Kalid Shah and then you were going to
marry
him?”

“Yes, well, it’s a long story.”

“Did you get the note I sent with the bundle woman?”

“Yes, I did, and you can’t guess how much it meant to me to know that you were out there, trying to get word to my cousin. It gave me hope.”

“So how did you agree to marry Kalid? Or didn’t you agree, was he forcing you?”

“He wasn’t forcing me. I love him, Roxalena.”

A slow smile spread over Roxalena’s face. “I knew it. I told Osman that you had fallen in love with the pasha. I knew it when I heard he was going after you to rescue you from the bedouins. I guessed it would happen when I saw him react to his first sight of you. Few women can resist his charm when he wants something. Or someone.”

“Well, I’m resisting it now. That’s why I’m here.”

“What happened?”

Sarah briefly recounted her history since Roxalena had last seen her. Roxalena listened raptly, interrupting occasionally with a pertinent question.

“And you have not heard from him since you left?” Roxalena finally asked.

Sarah shook her head.

“Were you hoping that you would?”

“I don’t know.”

“If it helps you to know it, he has a continuous guard posted on this house.”

Sarah stared at her. “What?”

Roxalena nodded. “Turhan Aga told Osman.”

“You mean he is having me watched?”

“Yes.”

“What does he think I am going to do?”

“Leave early, before he is ready to stop you?” Roxalena suggested. “I know something else. Kalid told Turhan to bribe the stationmaster when your cousin James came to buy your ticket.”

“What do you mean?”

“The stationmaster said that the seats on the Orient Express were booked for a month. That is not true. Kalid was trying to keep you here.”

“And he succeeded,” Sarah said softly, thinking about James’ reaction to the news.

“Do you really think you can just go back to the US of America and forget Kalid?” Roxalena asked.

“I never thought I could forget him.”

“But you do plan to go home? Why not stay here in Turkey with your cousin?”

“I can’t stay here, Roxalena. I’m pregnant.”

Roxalena’s eyes widened.

“And Kalid does not know?” she whispered.

“No. I didn’t know myself until recently.”

“He would never let you go if he knew you were carrying his child,” Roxalena said quietly.

“That’s why he must not know. If he comes after me I want it to be for me, not for the Shah heir.”

“Then you are hoping he’ll come after you?” Roxalena said, leaning forward eagerly.

Sarah bit her lip. “I never thought I would miss the man so much, Roxalena. I reacted hastily when I found out about my cousin’s attempts to contact me, but the prospect of the rest of my life without Kalid now seems very bleak.”

“Then why not go back to him yourself?”

Sarah’s mouth hardened. “No. He has to want me enough to think about what happened and choose to work it out with me. I can’t go back to him and have him spend the rest of our lives together behaving as he has in the past. If I have to make a future alone at least I will have his child.”

“You’re very brave,” Roxalena said.

“I don’t feel very brave.”

“And very stubborn.”

Sarah smiled. “You sound like Kalid.”

“That’s why I knew you would be a match for him,” Roxalena said, laughing.

There was a knock at the sitting room door and Listak came in, bowing deeply.

“My master would like to know if you ladies desire refreshments,” she said, sneaking glances at the dazzling princess on the sofa. “Perhaps some tea?”

“Tea would be lovely,” Sarah replied.

Listak bowed her way out again and Sarah said teasingly, “She’s very impressed with you.”

Roxalena sniffed. “People are very impressed with my father also, and he is a cheat and a liar.”

“He never admitted he sold me to Kalid?” Sarah said, marveling at the Sultan’s gall.

“He acted like it had all happened beyond his knowledge, like the khislar had acted without his sanction. Oh, I hate him.”