The Pastor's Wife (11 page)

“See,” Lainie said as she jumped in, “this is a situation where you sow some hard work and you reap a whole lot of fun.”

“Aren’t you married to Pastor Nick?”

The question came from the back of the room and made both Maura and Lainie whip their heads around in surprise.

“Who wants to know?” Lainie asked.

A boy at the back of the room shot up his hand and put it down just as quickly. “If you and Pastor Nick are married, how come you aren’t Maura Shepherd?”

Lainie turned to Maura, sympathy clear on her face. “Do you want to answer that?”

Truthfully, no, she didn’t. But Maura knew if she ignored the question, she’d give the teens something to talk about— something to speculate over and make a bigger deal out of it than it was. So even though she’d like nothing better than to walk out of the room, Maura smiled, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before she answered.

“Pastor Nick and I had some problems and we split up several years ago. It doesn’t seem right to use his name when we’re not a couple anymore.”

“But you didn’t get divorced?” This came from a girl sitting up toward the front. By the intensity on her face, Maura guessed the girl had personal experience with the subject.

“No, we didn’t. And I’m not going to get into the details. But I can tell you that the reason I’m back here now is because Miss Hattie Granger left the theatre to me. And that's why I live
in the parsonage with Pastor Nick. It was one of the conditions of her will.”

That seemed to satisfy most of them.

“So Maura changed her last name because of what it symbolizes.” Lainie jumped in, once again coming to Maura's rescue. “That goes right along with what I wanted to talk about tonight. We need to pick a name for our group.”

Using examples from the Bible and from history, Lainie explained how names have meanings and how important they are. Maura found the discussion interesting and tried to stay focused, but her mind wouldn’t cooperate.

Why hadn’t she divorced Nick? Their relationship was broken to the point that she felt compelled to leave. Divorce would be the next logical step. While she’d certainly thought about it, it was never something she had the stomach to follow up on. And what about Nick? According to Rachel, he’d been presented with the opportunity to pursue a divorce, absolved from consequences by the church council. Yet he hadn’t taken it. Now they were back together, a married couple living as virtual strangers. No wonder they were both having such a hard time moving forward.

Heaviness settled in Maura's chest. They couldn’t go on this way. If she stayed in Granger, she and Nick had two choices: either permanently sever their marital ties with a divorce, or … There was another option, but it was so out of the realm of possibility, she hated to even think about it. Though Maura had no reason to believe it could happen, the mere thought lifted her sadness, and for a moment, she let herself bask in the possibility.

Reconciliation.

T
here's a pretty good-sized crowd out there.” Pastor Chris entered Nick's office. “I guess you were right about adding a second service.”

Nick smiled as he adjusted his tie. “Sometimes, I manage to get it right. Of course, it's usually when I’m repeating what the Lord's already told me.”

Strains of music filtered through the door as the praise band started the first song. Nick pulled the door open, feeling the rush of the music as it grew louder. “Time to get out there.”

Chris nodded, stepping ahead of him but stopping in the doorway. “Say, it's great that Maura's here today.”

Nick blinked. “What? You saw Maura? Here?”

“Yeah, I saw her walk in with Lainie.” Chris crossed his arms and cocked his head at Nick. “You mean you didn’t know she was here?”

“That woman is full of surprises.”
At least this is a good one.
His attempt to apologize for past mistakes and to draw her back to the church had been a miserable failure. They’d hardly spoken since that disastrous lunch in the park. He had no idea what brought her here today.

But now, he had more important work to do. He couldn’t let himself be distracted by the shambles of his personal life. It was time to focus on the Lord and ministering to His people. Nick took a deep breath.
No matter what I say or do, let them hear and see you, Lord.

Maura stood in the back of the sanctuary, wondering again how she’d let Lainie talk her into this. She’d been attending the youth group meetings for the last three weeks and even looked forward to them. But then Lainie had come up with the idea of having Maura help during the Sunday service.

“It would be so great,” she’d said while bouncing on the balls of her feet and sending her ponytail swinging. “I’m always looking for new ways to get the point across, and drama is perfect. You could lead the kids through some skits.”

Maura resisted at first, but Lainie persisted. “Look at it this way, if you’re going to teach drama classes at your theatre, what better way to get the kids interested? Give them a little taste of it now.”

She had a point. Besides, if Maura worked with the kids, she wouldn’t have to talk to the rest of the congregation. She could just slip in and slip out. That way, she could avoid actually attending the service.

Lainie had neglected to tell her that the youth group stayed in the church for the beginning of the service and worshiped with the congregation before leaving for their own study time.

From her spot by the wall, Maura watched the sanctuary fill up. Wanting to snag a seat in the back before they were gone, Maura slipped into a pew, trying not to attract any attention. She looked down at her lap, pretending to read the bulletin in
her hands, only to avoid making eye contact with anyone. Her eyes grew wide when she saw the monthly church calendar printed on the back. Almost every day had some event, meeting, or class inked in. And Nick probably attended every one of them.

Maura looked up at the front of the church. As clearly as if it was happening at that very moment, she remembered the day Nick was installed as senior pastor. He knelt before the altar, surrounded by the church elders. They reached out, their hands touching his shoulders, back, head, wherever they could find a spot. They prayed to impart a blessing, but to Maura, it meant something else. From the moment she and Nick arrived in Granger, someone was always reaching out for him, grabbing him, needing his time, his prayer, his attention. As the prayers continued up front, the people sitting in the pews around Maura reached out, laying their hands on her. And in that moment, she knew they wouldn’t stop at Nick. As the pastor's wife, they were already reaching out for her too.

A hand fell on her shoulder. Maura jumped and her shoulders tightened as she turned to see who stood behind her. She whooshed out a sigh of relief as Rachel slid into the pew beside her.

“I had to look twice to make sure it was you.” Rachel took her hand and squeezed it. “It's so good to see you here.”

“Thanks. Where are Derrick and the kids?”

“They’re sitting up there.” She wiggled her finger toward the front of the church.

Maura shifted in her seat, not liking the idea of splitting up a family. “Wouldn’t you rather sit with them?”

“No, I sit with them every Sunday. It's been too long since I had the chance to worship with you.”

Maura didn’t know what to say. In some weird way, it felt good to be back in a church with a friend sitting next to her.
Kind of like putting on a pair of unstylish, but remarkably comfortable shoes. She didn’t want to like it, but part of her did. Thankfully, the band began to play, so she didn’t have to think about it. The congregation rose to its feet to sing a lively song of praise. It was one Maura hadn’t heard before, but she followed along as best she could.

After another upbeat number, the music slowed, becoming sweet and contemplative. This one, Maura knew. The song asked God for more of His love, more of His power. She recognized it as one of Nick's favorites. Up until that point, Maura had resisted the urge to look for him, but now she couldn’t stop herself. With just a small turn of her head, she zeroed in on him. He left his spot in the front pew and moved up the platform steps, stopping in front of the altar. Singing all the while, he joined the worship team as they led the congregation. His eyes closed, and he raised his hands slightly, as if he was open and ready to receive whatever God had in store for him.

An electric jolt surged through Maura. She experienced more than mere awareness of Nick—more than her attraction to him as a man. Somehow, she felt the connection he had with the Lord. There had been a time in her life when she could lose herself in worship and feel that it was just her and God, communicating on a personal, intimate level, even when other people surrounded her. She could tell Nick was in that place now, and for a moment, she yearned to feel it too.

Rachel casually tucked a tissue into Maura's hand. Embarrassed, Maura dabbed at her eyes just as the tears started to fall, hoping the mascara she’d put on that morning hadn’t run all over her face.

How could she let this happen? She should know by now that it was all part of the big show. The emotion, the music, it all played on you, made you open up, so God could come in and knock you over. WHAM! Your husband belongs to me.
WHAM! Your life is not your own. WHAM! I’ve taken away everyone who ever mattered to you.

No, she’d been on the receiving end of God's love once, and she wasn’t about to let her defenses down again.

Maura grabbed the edges of her ragged emotions and pulled them tightly around her as the song faded to a close. By the time the praise team moved away from the microphones and down to the pews, Maura was back in control. Standing front and center, Nick welcomed the congregation and released the youth group to go to its study. With a flutter-fingered good-bye to Rachel, Maura popped from her seat, more than ready to follow Lainie and the teenagers out of the sanctuary.

“Today, I thought we’d talk about weeds.”

The teenagers stared at Lainie in confusion. One stocky boy, who looked like he was built to be a linebacker, dug his elbow into the ribs of the fellow next to him.

“The sheriff already stopped by the high school and gave us that talk. We know we’re supposed to run from weed.”

“Crack is whack!” his buddy yelled out.

Laughter filled the room, and several of the kids shot their arms into the air, hands balled into fists, and shouted together “Just say no!”

Sitting in the back of the room, Maura covered her mouth with one hand, holding back a full-blown belly laugh. Lainie didn’t hold anything back, making a show of rolling her eyes and laughing along with the teenagers. “Sheriff Reynolds will be thrilled to find out he made such an impact on you. But I’m not talking about
weed
. I’m talking about
weeds
. The kind you find in your garden.”

A chorus of moans filled the room, heads sagged, and shoulders crumpled. Maura had been skeptical when Lainie had first approached her with the idea of using weeds to illustrate this lesson. After all, how many teenagers knew anything about gardening? But Lainie was confident it would work. Judging from the reaction in the room, not only were these kids familiar with the subject of weeds, they had strong opinions about them.

“I see you know the kind I’m talking about,” Lainie went on. “The ones you just can’t kill, no matter how many times your mom or dad sends you out to deal with them. Well, that's what unforgiveness is like. It sits in your heart, plants its big, stubborn roots, and it grows up into this ugly, life-sucking monster.”

She made come-to-me motions with her hands, calling Danielle and Steven, two of the more outgoing members of the group, to the front. “Danni is mad at Steven.”

“I am?” The girl glanced over at her friend and gave him a wink.

Lainie nodded. “Yes, for this dramatic illustration, you are.” She turned back to the group. “Let's say he … he promised to help Danni study for a test, but he went to a party instead, and she ended up flunking.”

Danni shook her head. “Not cool, Ace.”