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Authors: E. N. Joy

BOOK: The Perfect Christian
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Chapter Fifteen
“I'm gonna kill him!” Doreen screamed as her tires screeched into a parking spot outside of Our Place. Even though it was cold outside, snow was on the ground, and the ice underneath it was thick. That meant no never-mind to Doreen. She hopped out of that car with no coat, shoes that were ordinarily confined to wearing around the house, and a scarf tied around her hair. She was so hot on the inside that it might as well have been July.
“Well, excuse me,” Doreen heard a woman say as she was fixing to barge into the bar.
“Pardon me. I'm sor—” Once Doreen looked up at the woman she'd nearly trampled over, she almost wished she had—trampled her flat on the ground. An apology was definitely not in order at this point.
“Oh, it's you,” Agnes said in a singsong tone. “The good wife. I almost didn't recognize you looking like . . .” She paused to give Doreen the once-over. “Looking like Aunt Jemima.” She laughed. “Then again, I guess that's a step up for you.” She laughed even harder as she took a cigarette out of the pack in her hand and went to light it.
With the cold winter wind blowing, Agnes was already going to have a hard time getting that thing lit. It didn't help that once she got close to lighting the cigarette, Doreen blew the fire out.
“What you go and do that for?” Agnes asked. “I came out here just to hit my drag in peace—to get a break from all that inside there.” She nodded to the door. “Here you come to mess up that. What's your deal anyway? Why you mad at me? I ain't never did nothing to you.” Agnes cupped her hands around the cigarette and managed to successfully light it this time. “Nothing you can prove anyway.” She let out a gust of smoke into Doreen's face.
“I promise you on the Holy Bible, tonight ain't the night,” Doreen warned Agnes. “I'll beat you like you stole something and repent to the good Lord later. So if you know what's good for you, you'll keep that cigarette in your mouth, and my Willie out of it. You dig?”
Agnes's mouth dropped open as a smile appeared on her face. “My, my, my, the Mrs. done went to see the wizard and got herself some courage. Ain't that about nothing? Either that or Willie's ways are rubbing off on ya.” She took a hit from her cigarette and exhaled as she stared off into the night.
Doreen didn't want to bite the bait Agnes was throwing out there. She wanted to go inside and tend to the business that had brought her out at almost midnight. But Agnes's last comment had intrigued Doreen. “What do you mean by that? My Willie is just as kind as anybody I know.”
“Guess you ain't done nothing to piss him off good yet then. Then again, I'm sure you probably haven't. After all, what reason he got to get ticked off at you about? You let the man do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Why would he want to mess up a good thing like that?” Agnes looked Doreen up and down, taking note of her appearance. “Then again, looks like all that might be about to change. Only a woman who is about to cut the fool will come out of the house looking like
that
.” Agnes laughed as she took another hit from her cigarette.
Doreen shook her head in pity of Agnes. “I'm not even going to entertain you, girl. You don't know my husband. You don't know him at all.” Doreen went and swung the door open.
“No, ma'am, I think you the one who don't know your husband at all,” Agnes said, almost under her breath.
“What did you say?” Doreen had a major attitude at this point and was ready to rumble with Agnes if need be. Like she'd said before, she'd get with Agnes in a New York minute and repent about it later.
“Oh, nothing,” Agnes said, swooshing her hand in Doreen's direction.
“Thought so,” Doreen said, heading back into the juke joint.
“Oh, by the way, I hear congratulations are in order.” She looked down at Doreen's stomach. “I hear you got a bun in the oven.”
Doreen paused but didn't bother to say thank you. She knew Agnes wasn't sincere.
“It's nice of Willie to let you have his child. Spite his actions, he must really love him some wifey.” A look of hurt and sadness seemed to shadow over Agnes at that point as she dropped her cigarette to the ground and put it out with her shoe. “If it was anybody else, he'd probably force them to go visit some back-alley doctor with a dirty knife and a hanger and get it taken care of, if you know what I mean.”
By the look in Agnes's eyes, Doreen knew exactly what she meant. Doreen had heard the rumor that Agnes was pregnant with Willie's child. She turned a deaf ear and just waited to see for herself. She was a Christian—she didn't run her life based on gossip and rumors. As a matter of fact, she wanted no part of it. That wasn't of God. Doreen was glad she hadn't reacted to the rumors when Agnes never appeared pregnant—when her belly never grew. Guess now she knew why.
“Anyway,” Agnes said, brushing past Doreen, “thanks for keeping me company while I took me a smoke break. It can get lonely for a girl like me.” Agnes stopped and looked Doreen in the eyes. “But I promise you, I'll be finding other ways to keep myself company, so you won't have to worry about me anymore. You know what I mean?”
Doreen nodded. She nodded because she couldn't speak. All that Agnes had just told her without actually telling her had her feeling some kind of crazy. But as she pulled herself together and marched into the juke joint, she was about to find out what crazy truly was. And unfortunately, so was Willie.
 
 
“Where is it? Where's my money,” Doreen demanded to know of Willie. She'd stormed into the juke joint and marched right on over to the table where Willie was playing cards.
“Hey, Willie, is that your wife, or did you place an order for some panny cakes?” a gentleman at the table joked as everyone else at the table roared out in laugher.
Doreen ignored the men and repeated, “Where's my money? All that money I been saving up in my drawer. All those cakes I been baking for months and now the money is gone!” Just a half hour ago Doreen had gotten up off her knees from praying. She went to remove her housecoat to get ready for bed. It had been a late night for her. Someone had called on her at the last minute to bake two cakes for a funeral that was the next morning. Once the cakes were picked up, Doreen had placed her pay in her housecoat pocket. Thank goodness she always checked her pockets before going to bed, or she might have forgotten all about the ten dollars.
She excitedly went to add it to her stash. When she opened her drawer, dug around in it only to find that her entire bankroll was gone, she was fit to be tied. With it being just her and Willie in the house, it didn't take her long to figure out who might have taken her money. And now here she was to confront Willie about it.
Willie stared up at Doreen. He couldn't believe she'd actually come out of the house looking like that. He too burst out laughing.
“Oh, you think this is funny? You think this is funny?” Doreen spat. “I'll give you something to laugh at.” Like a woman gone mad, Doreen started picking up the beer bottles from off the table and throwing them on the ground at Willie's feet. Each time a bottle crashed she asked, “Where's my money?”
“Now hold up, gal.” Here came Mr. Tucker with his larger-than-life self. “You ain't gon' just come up in here destroying property.”
“It's just beer bottles, Dad,” Willie shrugged.
Mr. Tucker looked at the ground. “Oh, I guess you're right, son.” He looked at Doreen. “Carry on, daughter.” And as he walked away he yelled, “Agnes, clean up!” Now if Doreen got to throwing chairs and turning over tables, it would be another story.
Doreen was getting angrier by the minute. She'd already been ready to blow her top once she'd pulled up in the parking lot. Her conversation with Agnes added gasoline to the fire. That had only made things worse. At first, every bottle Doreen threw to the ground represented every dollar that had been taken out of her drawer. Then the crashing of the bottles started to represent all the times Willie had probably slept with Agnes, how he had impregnated her, and then probably given her money for an abortion. All of Agnes's words were embedded in her head. She could hear them playing over and over, and she just wanted the crashing sound of the bottles to drown them out.
When Doreen got to the last bottle she yelled out, “Where's my money?” Next, she shocked herself with curse words she never thought she'd fix her lips to say.
There was dead silence at this point, and everyone was waiting on Willie to spill the answer.
“What money?” was all he said; then Doreen walked over to the table next to them and proceeded to pick up a bottle to start throwing. “Okay, okay, okay. I'm just messing around with you, girl. You want to know where your money is? Well, here it is.” Willie pulled out a huge wad of cash from his pocket and placed it in Doreen's hand.
Doreen looked down at the knot of money. It was much thicker than the one that had been taken from her drawer. She had a puzzled look on her face.
“That's all your money with interest,” Willie smiled. He then turned to one of the men at the table and ordered, “Come on, Rufus, get to dealing so I can get to taking the rest of y'all's money.” He yelled over his shoulder toward the bar. “Another round of drinks at this table. And since these fellas barely got a pot to piss in, drinks are on me.”
Willie and his boys proceeded to playing cards as if Doreen wasn't even standing there. She continued to look down at the huge wad of cash. At this point, she didn't know what her next step should be. She'd anticipated going up to the joint and finding that Willie had gambled away all her money, like he'd done with his last paycheck, forcing them to miss paying a month's mortgage and her dodging phone calls from bill collectors. It looked as though there wasn't too much more of a fuss she could make. She'd gotten what she'd come there for.
Agnes showed up with a broom and dustpan and began cleaning up the mess Doreen had made. Doreen briefly locked eyes with Agnes, and then Agnes turned away. Doreen thought about speaking on Willie's situation with Agnes; asking her husband if what Agnes had insinuated outside was true. But what good would any of that do? The deed was done. And in all honesty, that was one truth Doreen didn't know if she could withstand.
Perhaps both her sister and Agnes were right. Maybe she wasn't as strong and powerful in the Lord as she thought she was. Otherwise, why did she sit back and allow Willie to disrespect her and their marriage like that? She had no answers besides the ones she'd been feeding off of: the fact that she truly loved Willie, was afraid of the pain and stigma attached to divorce, and that she had to prove everyone wrong who said she and Willie wouldn't make it.
She might have had her money back, but she had no other answers. So with nothing but a wad of money, with interest, Doreen headed back out the door. Dazed and confused with her mind still wrestling with unanswered questions, she missed that patch of black ice that landed her flat on her back. The last thing she saw was a twinkling star in the night sky. The last thing she said was, “God, help me.”
Chapter Sixteen
“So how many more weeks you just gon' lay around in this bed?” Willie asked Doreen.
Doreen didn't so much as shrug at Willie's question as she lay in her bed staring off yonder.
With even less compassion in his tone than when he'd made the previous comment, Willie said, “You act like you're the one that died.”
Through dry, cracked lips, Doreen spoke softy and slowly. “A part of me did die, Willie, and a part of you too. Now if you're able to function normal through life as you were before I lost the baby, then good for you. But forgive me for having not as easy of a time getting back to normal.”
“I didn't have no choice. If I stayed around this house all day instead of worked, we'd never eat because I wouldn't be able to make no money.” Willie cleared his throat. “Speaking of work, I wanted to wait and tell you this when you got to feeling like your old self again, but it looks like that's a long time coming.” Willie looked down, then continued. “Work is going to be carrying us away from here. West Virginia, I think—something like that. You know how the railroad business is.”
Doreen knew how it was. Her mother had warned her about that too. She'd told her that Willie's job could pick up and send him anywhere across the map to work on railroads. Her being his wife and all, she'd have to go with him. About a month ago, Doreen probably would have felt sad about having to leave Kentucky, where all her family was and her church, but nothing could make her any sadder than she already was. Hearing they'd have to pick up and move to West Virginia was nothing compared to hearing that her unborn baby would never be born. Her fall outside the juke joint last month had been fatal for the baby.
It was no secret that Doreen blamed herself. Had she not been out that night cutting a fool over Willie's behind she never would have been out there on that ice to fall in the first place. Inside she was so angry, not just at herself, but at everybody. She was angry at Willie, blaming his shenanigans for driving her to be out in that nasty weather. She blamed his parents for not doing something about all that snow and ice that was building up outside their establishment. She had a mind to sue them, but she knew that would only drive even more of a wedge between her and Willie.
In spite of Willie's actions, Doreen loved the mess out of that man. Love was what was keeping her from leaving him every time he gambled their money away, came home with dings in the car from driving drunk, every time he lied to her in her face like she was plum dumb, and every time he had another woman upon his knee. Oh, it was true love all right. Even if love hadn't a thing to do with it, Doreen still probably would have never left Willie. She knew the history of the Hamilton women. None of them, not a nary one of them, had ever gotten a divorce—no matter what their maiden name ultimately got changed to. Doreen came from a long line of first ladies, deaconess, and women who just loved the Lord and His ways. They knew how to pray their way through circumstances and situations. Yea, just like Doreen had done a time or two, a few of the Hamilton women had packed up and went to stay with their parents for a spell, but they always went back to their husbands.
Sarina had already accused Doreen of cursing the women that would come after her by letting Willie walk all over her. She wasn't about to cast another one upon them by walking away from her husband. Funny thing was, she couldn't figure out the worst of the two evils.
“Okay,” Doreen said to Willie. “I'll get to packing just as soon as the good Lord gives me strength. I've been praying for strength. Prayer works, so I should get that strength any day now.”
“Well, I hope God answers your prayer soon, because we head out in two weeks.”
“That's fine. Maybe it's best we get out of Kentucky anyway—start fresh somewhere else. Leave all these memories behind.” Her eyes began to tear up. This surprised Doreen, because honestly, she thought she was all cried out.
Willie thought she had been too. “Oh, God, are you gon' start that crying stuff again?” Willie, who had been sitting on the bed next to Doreen stood up in a huff. “I understand what could have been, that we could have been the parents of a nice, bouncing baby girl or boy. And we still can. You heard the doctor. He said your female parts work just fine to produce us another baby . . .” Willie looked off proudly. “. . . that son I've always wanted to carry on the family name.” He then looked at Doreen. “But what you lost wasn't even a real baby yet. It was just this little jellyfish-like thing. I could see you acting like this over a real live baby, but—”
“Stop it! Stop it right now, William Tucker.” Doreen shot up in the bed, as the burning heat through her body evaporated all the tears. “I don't care what it looked like—that was a baby. Once it's conceived, it's real. It's a person, not some thing—or as you put it—a jellyfish. You should repent right now,” Doreen demanded as tears streamed down her face once again.
Willie could see how shaken up Doreen was. He didn't realize how insensitive he was being until that moment. He hadn't meant to be. Sure, he'd wanted his wife to bear a baby to carry on his name, but in his mind, Doreen had been only a little bit pregnant. It confused him to see her acting so depressed over a baby that had never made it outside her womb—that she'd never bonded and made a connection with. For the life of him, he just couldn't understand it. He silently wondered if other people felt the same way as he did. All that mattered now, though, was that his wife didn't feel that way.
“I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean it like that.” Willie was truly apologetic.
Doreen sniffled, and then let her body fall flat in the bed again.
“And don't you even worry about packing. I'll do it all. I'll get some of the fellas and they wives to come help. You're right; I think my job moving us away from here is a blessing in disguise. We do need a fresh start. We can pretend like we newlyweds all over again—like we just got married and picking up to start our new life together somewhere else. Don't that sound good?” Doreen didn't reply. She was still trying to cool off from Willie's previous comment about the baby. “No one will know us, and we won't know nobody. Only God. And speaking of God, heck, I just might get to West Virginia, find me a church I like, and get baptized or something.”
“Really, Willie?” Doreen shot up in the bed once again with the most excitement she'd felt in a long time.
“Well, yeah, you know, like I said, if I find me a church I like.” He shrugged. “Anything is possible.” He slowly sat down on the bed with his back toward Doreen. Good thing his back was to her too. That way she wasn't able to see the look of regret on his face.
“Oh, Willie!” Doreen threw her arms around Willie. “You've just made me the happiest woman in Kentucky right now. Soon to be the happiest woman in West Virginia.” Doreen couldn't describe the emotions that were going through her right now, but she made an attempt to verbalize them to her husband. “If losing that baby meant you getting born in Christ, then maybe it ain't so bad.” She held Willie in her arms as she continued. “God has a mysterious way of bringing His children to Him so that they may have eternal life. Maybe He used the death of our baby as one of His ways.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Willie agreed.
Doreen moved her body so that it was now sitting next to Willie. “I'll get to packing. You don't need to call over none of your friends. I'll do it all. And I don't need the help of none of their wives either.” Doreen grabbed Willie by the cheeks and looked him in the eyes. “I don't ever want another woman doing what I can do myself. You hear me, Willie?”
Oh, Willie heard her all right—loud and clear.
Doreen hopped out of the bed. “Go on out to the supermarket and get us some boxes that they've thrown out by the Dumpster. While you do that, I'ma cook you up a nice breakfast. Okay?”
“Sure,” Willie replied. He stood and went to do as Doreen had suggested.
“Willie, guess what?” Doreen smiled as Willie stopped, turned, and looked at her with questioning eyes, urging her to speak.
“God answered my prayers just that quick.” She snapped her fingers. “I got my strength back.” She held back tears. “And I got my man back. All of him. Right, Willie?”
Willie nodded, and then walked away. Doreen watched the back of him until he was no longer in sight. Once again, good thing Willie's back was to her too. That way, she couldn't see the look of regret on his face. He was regretting that he wasn't able to tell his wife the
real
reason that was taking him to West Virginia.

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