The Perfect Fit - A Psychic Romance, Laney's Past Life & Love (7 page)

Suddenly the doorbell rings. I'm really pleased to see that it's Lawrence. I stop myself from hugging him but can't help but smile at him. He still looks a little sheepish but is smiling too. He's holding a folded carrier bag under one arm.

"Hi. Laney please hear me out. I have something to show you. Can I come in?"

I wave my arm for him to come inside.

"Oh, this looks great, you've changed things around."

"Yeh, I think it looks better. I felt like it needed it. Like I needed it."

Taking off his jacket and putting the bag on the arm of the chair. He comes over to hug me. I don't resist.

"Laney I am so sorry. I wish I'd not lied to you. It was stupid of me and cowardly. I'm ashamed and don't know why I did it."

"I thought you'd left." was all I could say.

Stepping back he said

"Left? No! I needed to go back to my parents to get something. Sit down and I'll try to explain, not that I fully understand it."

We both sit down on the newly positioned chairs.

"I know I shouldn't have lied and I shouldn't have read your journal. I can't undo that but what I didn't get chance to tell you the other day is
why
I read it. It was the picture in there. I had flicked the pages not thinking much at all, until I saw the picture you had drawn in there. I recognised it but didn't know where from, well not immediately. I started reading the page and found I couldn't stop." He stopped talking briefly then continued. "That place exists Laney, that's a real place you drew and I've been there."

Could it be a real place? Surprised, I wait for him to carry on. Picking up the carrier bag he takes something out.

"Look! Here, look at these."

He hands me some old photos. The first few are of woodland and a lake, then as I work through the pile there's one with mountains in the background, pretty much exactly as I had drawn them. One peak and one with craggy steps, easily visible.

"Its Chauvenciere in France!"

Shocked and still silent I look at him. Smiling he carries on,

"Crazy, I know. My grandparents had a cottage near there and we used to go and stay there as kids. I loved that place, we would play up there for hours."

"But that doesn't mean that we knew each other in a previous life Lawrence. That just means the place exists. A coincidence I know but a coincidence all the same."

Looking deflated for a moment he continues. "Sure, but when I read what you had written it felt so right, I just knew it was me and I've never thought much about past lives at all before and probably would have scoffed at the idea, but I think there is really something in this."

He is really quite excited and I must admit I do like the idea. Colin's words float around my mind again, deciding to do as he said I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

"I want to take you there."

"What?"

"I want us to go there. Today, tomorrow.... soon. I want to show you it, for real. The cottage was sold a long time ago but we can stay in the village. I think we should go there. It feels right somehow. I can't explain it but I can't leave things as they are."

Looking at the picture again I agree "It certainly looks like the same place."

We talked for a couple of hours, Lawrence explained how the picture had piqued his interest and he'd started reading and felt that what I had written was real, it had really resonated with him and he was excited and intrigued by the prospect. He felt it explained why we were so strongly attracted to each other and had been very comfortable with each other. He kept apologising for reading and lying to me but now I could see better why he did, even if I didn't necessarily like it. By the end of the afternoon we were back to where we were a few days before. Happy in each other's company and intrigued to find out if there really was a deeper connection that had brought us together.

We each packed a small suitcase for a few days away and set off for the ferry to France leaving Portsmouth at five minutes past midnight, getting us to Cherbourg for 6 am tomorrow morning.

Three hours after arriving in France we are winding our way up a steep incline, shrouded with trees. We are not far away now. Lawrence is eagerly looking ahead and then left had right, waiting for a glimpse of the landmark we have driven all this way for. What did it mean if we had been lovers before? Are we destined to be lovers again? Will it last? Is it just a fairy tale?

Suddenly the car veers into a dusty pull in."Here we are. This is the car park." Hardly a car park but I get the idea. I'm glad to get out of the car and stretch. We'd stopped briefly en route at a small town for fuel and Lawrence had left me in the car whilst he got a few 'bits and pieces'.

Nothing seems that familiar to me yet but apparently there's a short walk involved so I'll just let Lawrence lead the way. He's far more excited than I am. Opening the boot he takes out a large bag. "What's that for? We're not camping!"

"Well, you never know what you might need when you're walking in this kind of landscape, better to be safe than sorry".  Shutting the boot and locking the car, he's smiling as he reaches out for my hand. Pulling me towards him, he kisses me gently, pausing briefly to hold me close. I feel so safe when he holds me, like nothing else matters. My mind seems to stop trying to work things out too, it's as if it just gives up and goes into 'I'm enjoying this' mode; only aware of how good the present moment is.

Lawrence moved and we started to make our way along the wooded pathway. God I hope this isn't a massive waste of time. (Oops welcome back brain!) But even if it is, it's nice to be spending time together again. He's so supportive about the whole idea and it feels as if we're even closer than before. His excitement about the prospect is very infectious.

The ground is overgrown and uneven and I've been walking head down keeping an eye on the path, as Lawrence stops, I almost bump right into the back of him.

 "Look!"

Holding on to his shoulders, I lean around him to see what it is and can't help gasping. There it is! Exactly as I'd drawn it and I've never been here before in my life - well not
this
life.

The mountains are clearly marked against the hazy sky, one peak and there are the steps alongside it. After a few silent moments Lawrence turns, kissing me again. Then pulling me forwards again, "Come on, the lake is just a bit further on". Whether it is just excitement or the discovery of finding that this place really does exist, I don't know but my heart rate has accelerated and I'm impatient as he is to see more.

The path soon opens out and there is the lake, majestically waiting for us to find her, perfectly framed by grass and trees. It looks magical, unreal almost. Still holding hands we start to walk around the lake, my eyes are searching for the spot I had seen in my mind.

About half way round a rocky outcrop catches my eye. "We're close. I remember this, I've seen this before." As we round the bend, there it is; the shale covered piece of ground that led down into the lake.

"I need to sit down, there's so much to take in". It
was
all real.

"OK." Lawrence putting his bag down sits beside me.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Yeh." We sit silently for some time, words seem irrelevant right now. There's a lot to take in and there's part of me trying to make sense of it all. But by far the bigger part is just happy to be sat here, as if I've finally come home. I get such a sense of peace and an almost tangible feeling of love. It's as if my spirit is rejoicing and my heart is bursting with a love that I've not felt for such a long time. Tears form in my eyes. Tears of joy. They are so warm and I am so glad to be feeling them, my heart is crying but not at something lost; at something found.

As they slowly trickle down my cheeks, I absolutely know that we are never alone and that whatever name we call it, something is always there for us. It's as if my heart has reached out and touched the universe, a universe forged in love. This is a moment I will remember forever.

As I look down into the water, I suddenly know that this feeling itself is a memory. I can see an image of me in that previous life. Saddened by the death of Jeanne Pierre and deciding to live alone for the rest of that particular life I had spent many hours by the lake. But believing in the afterlife I had wished long and hard that in future reincarnations I would always know what love was. What it really was. I had sent a future blessing out to myself despite the loss I had been feeling back then. This was a gift from my soul, my spirit to me.

Words cannot come close to describing how this feels, it's as if every cell in my body is kissed by love and the warmth that physically flushes my heart and body is real, the second I feel it, I'm moved to gentle tears of joy. To know that such love is truly possible for me and for us all is a treasure few people find. I know this an absolute gift.

Lawrence reaches over and covers my hand with his. He can see I don't want to move or talk right now and the warmth of his hand is a caring reassurance. I softly pull him closer and lean against him as he puts his arm around my shoulder. I am so glad he brought me here and that I have remembered. We sit like this for some time.

Lawrence had picked up a small stick and had been scratching idly in the sand. I'm ready to move too and have another look around.

"Come on let's explore a bit more." He moves to reach for his bag

"Leave the bag here, we won't go far. I just want to walk for a bit."

As I reach down to give him a hand up, I can see what he has been scratching. Another image flashes a light in my mind. "I've seen that too! But not here on the shore." I look around, "Through there!" I pull him up the verge and towards an overgrown tangle of bushes and small trees.

It was only four simple lines, two upright side by side and two horizontal underneath. I push the small branches out of the way, keen to get where I want to go." Laney, there's nothing here, where are we going?"

"There is, just a second, there - look" I pointed to the entrance of what looked like a cave, but it wasn't deep enough to be a real cave. It was a hollow recess in the rocky outcrop that offered shelter.

"Down here."

"What?"

"Lay down." Already on the floor I pull him downwards.  I have no doubts now. We lie with our heads towards the rocky wall, facing up to the sky, which can just be seen through the dappled cover of tiny leaves. It's a great hiding place. Wiggling to get more comfortable I put my hands above my head and feel for what I know is there.

"Yes, you're right, I remember too" and with that Lawrence throws his hand above his head, feeling along the surface of the wall too. "Here, it's here! God, Laney, it's here!"

Grabbing my hand he guides it to the scratched indentations in the surface. Two vertical lines side by side and two vertical underneath. Jeanne Pierre had carved the two upright marks in our second summer together, to show we stood side by side and this was our place. Then as the children came along they were the vertical lines underneath. Lawrence had remembered too.

We both lay there, feeling the gouges with our fingers, as we had done many years before. It had been a simple gesture but one filled with meaning, Jeanne Pierre had said that the stone would remember our love forever.

Lawrence took my hands and brought them back down to his heart, holding them there. Looking into each other's eyes we silently witness the moment. This
is
for real.
We
are for real. Leaning over to kiss me, I can see tears forming in his eyes. His lips reveal the depth of his love in the gentlest way. I pull him closer to me and hold him tight, holding on to the magic and the mystery.

Eventually we move, making our way back to the lake. The sun stands proud, further up in the sky now and the haze has given out to beautiful sunshine. Lawrence unzips the bag pulling out a rug and lays it out on the ground.

"Here, sit down."

He continues to unpack the bag, with all sorts of goodies. Cheese, grapes, wine and a baguette, it looks fabulous, I hadn't realised how hungry I was.

"And this is for you."

He hands me an apple. I smile and take it, aware of the gesture and the significance. I slowly reach out and take it from him, putting it to one side, the apple can wait.

I pull him close and kiss him. I want to kiss him, hold him and love him. I want to feel him and his love inside me. We are both suddenly fuelled and ignited, each kiss adding to the intensity. It's as if every cell in my body is reaching out for him. I can feel in his touch his own passion powerfully erupting. We make the most beautiful love, a perfect climax to a lifetime's longing.

It's been a while since I've written in my journal. There's quite a lot to catch up on. That afternoon in France I will savour forever. We made love more than once, it was as if we had no words for what we were sensing or feeling. There was a lot to take in, the fact that we had lived and loved before. The way we met and nearly broke up, the fact we could effortlessly feel so strongly about each other. Thinking about it now, my heart seemed to talk straight to his. I'd thought the fluttering were nerves or excitement but they were - they
are,
more than that. They are still there, every time I think about him, talk about him or see him. It happens without trying and I love it. My spirit is so happy to know him and it feels like I've always known him, as if we came from the same place originally, even though I have no idea where that place might be. I don't care. I'm in love and I love being in love.

We are both feeling and sharing what love truly feels like. As if we've both stepped into the most beautiful flowing river of loving energy and it is kissing every aspect of our lives. Up until now I think I must have been walking on a rough bank beside the river and sometimes out of sight of it completely; a barren and rocky place. I don't know for sure, but I would say that many of us spend our lives there, not knowing that the river exists at all.