The Phoenix Trilogy (Book 1): World On Fire (30 page)

They’ve been faking it for
months, and hoping that anybody who starts to show signs of illness will get
shipped over to the medical ward before they become a problem. Truth is, we’ve
got nothing.

So, instead of actually
knowing what really needs to be done, we get to guess at who won’t make it. We
fake an infected swab so their families can tell the other refugees about it, and
keep up the bullshit propaganda scheme that we actually know any goddamn thing
about what we’re doing. Then we haul away the poor bastards to wait for their
death.

We don’t even get to put
them out of their misery right away because we have to study them for any clues
about the new virus strain. Ultimately, they get to sit in the dark begging for
somebody to kill them, wondering why they’re being forced to live through this
torture, until they finally realize we’ve been lying the whole time. They die knowing
their families aren’t fucking safe at all. We’re just as lost as they are in
all of this.

Fuck that. Fuck keeping that
lie up, fuck the people who tell it, and fuck whoever made all of this happen
in the first place. I know it’s necessary, I know that telling the truth would
just cause a panic, but that doesn’t mean for one fucking second I’m going to
just sit back and be cool with it.

Christ, I hate this place.
There’s something to be said about a person who can do the dark things that
other people aren’t willing to do, but that isn’t me. I don’t want to be that
person. I want to be strong, and I want to make a difference, but I don’t want
to be so far gone that I can just bullshit my way around my morality because it
“has to happen.” No. I’m done with that.

That’s why I had Mejhit
contact BJ. I thought for sure she was going to reject me, or that I’d find
myself in a dangerous position, but nothing happened. She asked me if I was
sure, then sent the message, simple as that.

As much as I don’t trust
her, the truth is, she’s been pretty reliable in here. For all of her callous
attitude, I think she’s just as angry with this situation as I am. She almost
looked happy when she told me that BJ had agreed to come see me to discuss my
request in person. She even seemed to go out of her way to give me training
that would be particularly useful in the field. Or maybe she got tired of
setting bones and suturing wounds.

Either way, after a few
thousand personal experiences, I’m pretty confident in my abilities to keep the
team running. You know, as best as could be expected when half the skills I’ve
learned won’t matter in the end.

It’s actually because of her
that I feel confident enough to call for a meeting with BJ at all. Learning
things from books takes time, and practicing on dummies is all well and good,
but being thrown into the water and made to swim has been an educating
experience unlike any other I’ve had before.

Whenever possible, Mejhit
had me get my hands dirty. I know there’s a lot I could still learn, but as
Mejhit herself had told me, there’s only so much that can be done for somebody
when you’re cut off from any decent gear and lack medical supplies.

Which, in all likelihood, is
the only situation I’m ever going to find myself in. Either I’ll be short on
supplies, or it won’t matter because they’re infected anyway. Regardless, I
know what to do. Carrying my hammer and screwdriver has started to feel as
normal as when I used to have a cell phone, whether I want it to or not.

Looks like my time is about
up. BJ is supposed to be here soon, and hopefully I come back with good news.
If not, well… I’m not sure what will happen. I’ve been trying not to think
about it. If I’m lucky, I won’t need to worry about it at all.

Ahh, shit. Now I’m nervous.
Whatever, doesn’t matter, I can handle it. So long, journal. Be back when I
can.

- Natalie

    
Natalie let out a slow and steady exhale, her fingers
absentmindedly tracing the raised lettering on her journal once again for the
first time in a long while. She had precious few moments to write, but she
always found herself in a better state of mind once she had finished. Her heart
was still pounding harder than she would have liked, but it wasn’t without good
reason.

    The
room around her was small, possessing only two chairs and the table she now sat
at. There was only a single light above her head, and while Natalie knew it was
meant to be a meeting room, it felt more like an interrogation cell.

    Her
pack and gear were with her, as BJ had asked that she come prepared to leave,
assuming they were able to come to an agreement. Any minute now, he’d show up
and decide whether he believed Natalie was ready to join. Or so she had been
informed.

    Natalie
had not actually spoken to the bear of a man herself since the night he had
watched over her sleep, but Mejhit had been an efficient messenger. The last
that Natalie had heard from her, BJ and the others had been kept busy during
their week apart. Mejhit had refused to give any specifics, but between
Natalie’s schedule and theirs, there had been no time for the group to reunite.

    It
was just as Natalie began to reminisce that the doorknob rattled, a hulking and
familiar body awkwardly stuffing itself into the room a moment later. Natalie
didn’t bother to hide her grin as BJ nodded his head at her, grazing it on the
ceiling with a discontented rumble as he did.

    Watching
him attempt to settle into the chair across from her brought a guffaw from Natalie,
and she was pleased to see the faintest of smiles on his lips. “You keep
laughing at me and I’m going to make sure you only get kid’s chairs to sit in
for the rest of your life. Don’t test me.”

    This
was unarguably a business visit, but it was good to remember that BJ did have a
sense of humor. For her part, Natalie stilled the mirth on her face and fixed
BJ with her best business front. It was terrible, but it did draw out another
chuckle from the both of them.

    Like
every moment of laughter that they had shared before, Natalie knew it was only
a matter of time before it was swept away. She loved being able to have these
moments, but they were here for a reason. No sooner had BJ finally adjusted to
his seat when he took on his usual appraising stare, confirming that he too
knew it was time to be serious.

    “Why?”
BJ’s face was chiseled from stone, though Natalie could have sworn he looked
almost morose as he asked the question. He was more curt than she had expected,
but she was ready for this. It might be a challenge, but she was certain she
could convince him of why she was eligible for his team

    “I’ve
been learning from Dr. Mejhit. It may have only been a week, but she thinks I’m
good enough to serve in the field. I know that I don’t have as much weapons
train-” Natalie fell short as BJ loosed an agitated rumble, confusion plain on
her face.

    “No,
no no. Not why should I let you come with us. Why in the Hell would you want
to?” BJ leaned in toward her as he spoke, and the table groaned under the
pressure. Natalie’s brow furrowed. To her, the answer had been obvious, but she
would have expected more practicality from BJ for vetting potential new
members.

    “I
want to join because…” Natalie hesitated, not due to tense nerves, but because
she couldn’t think of a complicated answer. “...it’s where I belong. I don’t
know what else to say. It feels right.” She felt a blooming red on her cheeks
as she spoke, immediately regretting what she had said.

    Sure,
the reason I want to go out to a dangerous land and do some stupidly dangerous
things is because, I dunno, it sounds fun. That’s real convincing, Natalie.
Definitely a mature and well thought out answer. Who could say no to that?

    
BJ was silent, though Natalie knew that
wasn’t indicative of anything. After another few seconds, there came a
trademark rumbling that signaled the end of BJ’s deliberations. As frustrated
as Natalie was with herself, she had no idea what way he would decide. BJ often
surprised her with his choices.

    “Are
you sure? There’s no going back.” He hadn’t finished his sentence before
Natalie was nodding vigorously. She refused to stay here, and if all he needed
was the assurance that she was committed to the crew, he had it. Once again, he
took her measure, and Natalie saw the same strange look in his eyes. Was he
sad?

    “Grab
your gear. We’re going.” BJ said nothing further as he pried himself free from
his seat, brisk as ever. Natalie nearly leapt up from her chair in her
excitement. She was surprised he had accepted her without much interest in her
actual talent as a new squad member, but she wasn’t going to question that now.
There would be time for that later.

    “We’ve
got recon orders. The undead have been quiet for days now, and last night we
got reports of a gunfight between unknown parties.” BJ never broke stride as he
left the room, talking over his shoulder to Natalie as she followed behind. She
nearly yelped as she stepped outside into the hall only to be immediately
flanked by Marco and Rico.

    “Hey
hey, whole gang’s back together. I like it.” Rico punched Natalie’s shoulder,
an impish grin plastered on his face. It was enough to warm Natalie’s heart,
though she noticed Marco looked significantly more sour.

    On a
different day she might have been curious about his attitude, but at the moment
she found it hard to care. She was finally back, and this time, she wasn’t just
an honorary member of necessity. Come what may, Natalie was where she wanted to
be, and that meant more to her than anything else.

    The
only thought that continued to weigh on her was BJ’s odd behavior. He was
always reserved, but Natalie was certain something was bothering him about her
request to join his team, and it seemed as though Rico knew what it was.

    While
they picked their way from building to building in the outpost, slowly but
surely getting nearer to the main gate, Rico consistently directed the
conversation toward small talk. It was always just innocent enough to prevent
Natalie from calling him on it, but any attempt she made to steer the talk
toward her new membership was rebuffed.

    Eventually,
Natalie gave up on trying to pry a real response from the group. She knew she’d
get her answer eventually, be it from BJ finally deciding to speak his mind or
Marco inadvertently blurting it out with his trademark tactlessness. Rather
than worry about her reception, Natalie opted to try and do her duty as well as
possible. For now, that meant gathering information.

    “BJ
mentioned that we’re on recon duty today. Something about the zombies not being
active?” While Natalie knew that their leader was well within earshot, he
hadn’t said another word since announcing their basic mission goals. Talking
about him as if he weren’t around may have been rude, but at this point it was
practical, as Rico was the only person who seemed receptive to communication.

    “That’s
right. Weird stuff. Normally, the outpost would see a few deadheads pop up at
the walls from time to time. Never enough to be serious, mostly just stragglers
that wandered over, but lately we haven’t even had that. I’m hoping the sudden
silence means good news for us.” Rico nodded his head to himself as he
finished, speaking just a little too loudly for it to be casual conversation.
Natalie noticed a handful of refugees nearby prick up their ears at his words,
and she felt another surge of frustration.