The Plan (42 page)

“No. They just dropped me off. Wyatt was two sheets to the wind, but Mitch only had one drink, early in the evening, and he did the driving.”

“Are you drunk?” Claire asked. She didn't think so, but she didn't want to have this conversation with him if he wasn't in complete control of his faculties.

“Of course not,” he said, his voice becoming uneasy. “What's going on, love?”

“I wanted to make sure we have some privacy.”

Callum looked around the living room. “Well, you can't get more private than this. Let's go sit on the couch.”

“Honestly, I'd rather stand,” Claire said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “I don't really know where to begin. I was working at home and I had a lot of time to think. I was watching all those videos of you and I realized…” She took a deep breath. “I need to leave.”

Callum looked at her, startled.

“Leave? You just got here.”

“No, I mean, I need to go home. I need to leave the team and go back to Florida.”

Callum stared at Claire, clearly unsure what to say. Confusion was written all over his face.

“Wait,” he said slowly. “I think I'm missing something. Did something happen tonight? Is Gia okay?”

“She's fine. No, nothing happened. I mean, something happened, but nothing terrible. And, not tonight. Well, it's terrible, but no one died.”

“Okay, Claire. Please slow down. Are you sure you don't want to sit down?” Callum rolled his chair closer to her. She put up her hand to indicate she wanted him to keep his distance.

“Claire,” Callum continued, nodding toward the couch. “Sit.”

“Okay,” Claire said, perching herself on the edge of the couch.

Callum rolled his chair over to Claire. He didn't touch her, but got as close to her knees as possible.

“Let's start this over,” he began. “Last we spoke, you were going to pay some bills and watch some videos online.”

“I watched the videos.”

“And?”

Claire took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “There was one of you where you were sitting on a porch and a reporter was asking questions about your life.”

“Okay.”

“Do you remember it?”

“Not particularly.”

“Well, the reporter asked you what your biggest dream is.”

“Okay.”

“And you said your biggest dream is to walk your daughter down the aisle,” Claire said, not meeting Callum's eyes.

“Okay,” Callum said again. “I wasn't being literal, of course. Unless,
you know, I decide to wear my legs. It's not like I think I'll grow some of my own by then.”

“That's not the problem.”

“Then what is?” Callum asked.

Claire stood up and walked across the room. She was too agitated to sit. She began to pace the room.

“I've been so caught up in the excitement of it all,” she said. “I've felt so alive. After losing Jack and the kids, I never thought I'd feel this way again. I began to see I might have a future again, one that consists of more than sadness.”

She stopped moving and turned toward Callum, though she still didn't look him in the eyes.

“But, I realized tonight, I haven't been truthful with you. I haven't lied to you or anything, but I never thought to bring it up.” Claire began to wring her hands. “I guess I never thought it would get so serious and I was so busy thinking of all the happy stuff. I never thought to tell you.”

“Okay, Claire. I think you need to sit back down again.” Callum's voice was full of worry now.

“No. I can't.”

“Whatever it is, Claire, it's okay.”

“No, it's not okay. I'm not okay.”

“Are you sick?” Callum's face was suddenly full of alarm.

“No. I mean, not really. But, I never told you about the accident,” Claire said, her eyes brimming with tears.

“The accident? The car accident? Of course you have.”

“No, I mean, I didn't tell you what happened to me, besides losing everyone.”

“Yes, you did. You were injured. Broken ribs, collapsed lung; you said something impaled your stomach.”

“It impaled my uterus,” Claire said. “A piece of the car impaled my uterus.”

“All right,” Callum said. “What did they do about that?”

“They debated doing a complete hysterectomy, but the doctor on call decided he could just sew up the hole. So, instead, he stitched up my uterus.”

“Okay,” Callum said, alarm slightly evident in his voice. “Did something happen with that tonight? Are you experiencing some sort of complication? Do we need to get you to a hospital?”

“What?” Claire said, so lost in her thoughts she wasn't really focusing on Callum's concerns. “Oh. No. It's nothing like that. I'm fine.”

“Good,” Callum said, exhaling slightly. “So, what's going on? You've really lost me now.”

“Callum,” Claire said, not wanting to look at him, but knowing this was something she needed to do completely facing him. She took a deep breath before speaking. “I can't have any more children.”

Callum paused, but only for a second.

“And you found this out right after you lost your babies?” Callum asked, his own eyes full of compassion.

Claire nodded, but ordered herself not to cry.

“Oh, Claire,” Callum said, rolling closer to her. “I'm so sorry, love. That must've been unbelievably horrible news.”

Claire nodded. “It was. At the moment, it didn't seem to matter. After all, I was mourning the children I'd already had. The thought of ones I'd never have in the future was the furthest from my mind. Imagining myself having more children would've felt like I was trying to replace them and, well, that would be impossible.”

Callum took her hand and, though she knew she should pull it away, she didn't. It might be the last time he touched her.

“Honestly,” Claire continued. “I've given it very little thought since then. My whole life has been about getting through each day. Surviving. Having another baby was the furthest thing from my mind. But, I was a parent. I still think of myself as a mom. I'm just a mom who no longer has any kids. And that's hard.”

Callum nodded.

“And,” Claire said, “The knowledge I could never have any babies again…though it wasn't something I dwelt on…it's always been in the back of my mind, hanging out there. Kind of like the final nail in the coffin. I'm no longer a mom and, in a sadistic twist of fate, not only did I lose the kids I had that night, I lost the ones I might have someday had.”

Claire took her hand away from Callum, sat up straight and took a deep breath.

“That is why, Callum,” Claire said. “I need to leave. We need to end this.”

“End what?” Callum asked, clearly confused.

“End us.”

“What?!” Callum's shock reverberated throughout the room. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about the fact that, before tonight, it never occurred to me you wanted children. I don't know why I didn't realize that. Of course you'd want children. You're young. You've never had them before. You'd be an amazing dad. The thing is, I can't give them to you.”

“Claire, you've got to be kidding me.”

“Have you not been listening to me?” Claire said, her voice rising. “I am not kidding. I cannot have any more children.”

“I don't mean about that. I mean about breaking up with me.”

“No. I'm not kidding about that, either.” Her voice was resigned. She stood and walked across the room.

“Claire, this is ridiculous. Sit back down.”

“No.”

“Okay, then stand,” he said, rolling closer to her. When she backed further away, he stopped moving. “This is not something to break up over.”

“I think it is.”

“Have I ever told you I wanted children?” Callum asked.

“No. I wish you had. I wouldn't have let this go as far as it has.”

“Claire! I didn't tell you because it wasn't on my mind.”

“It was during that interview.”

“Sure.” Callum shrugged. “I guess it was, but it hasn't been since we met. I haven't once even thought about it. I promise you that.”

“Well, you would have eventually. I'm stopping this before it becomes too painful.”

“Before it becomes too painful for whom?” Callum said, his voice catching. “Just the
discussion
about you leaving me is killing me.”

“Callum, don't make this harder than it already is.”

“It doesn't seem all that hard for you,” Callum shot back. “You walk into my house and end our entire relationship, out of the blue, just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “No discussion with me. Not listening to what I have to say.”

“I heard what you had to say, in that interview. You were
very
clear.”

“Claire, please sit down.” She shook her head again.

“You deserve to have everything you dream of, Callum. Not just a great relationship. You deserve a marriage and a family. A houseful of kids, like you said. You can't have that with me.”

“Claire.”

“Callum, I need to leave so you're free to find the person who can give you all that.”

“Oh, no you don't. Don't I get a say in this?”

“Of course, but I already heard your say. You want kids. I can't have them. End of story. People come in and out of your life for a reason. Maybe you came into mine to show me happiness is still possible for me. Maybe I came into yours to show you how completely someone can love you.”

“Claire. I love you,” Callum said, in his voice a hint of desperation and fear. “Please don't leave. We can work this out. It's not the end of the world if we don't have kids.”

“You say that now.”

“Claire,” Callum said, the word a plea.

“I won't leave you in the lurch,” Claire said calmly. She wouldn't let herself cry or else she knew she'd begin to sob. She was doing the right thing and knew it. It was time for her to think about someone other than herself. “I know we have one more event this week. I'll be there for Friday night. Frank can manage without me on Saturday. But after that, I have to go back to Florida.”

“I don't care about that. If you don't want to sing anymore, that's one thing, but I love you. Please tell me this isn't the end of you and me.
Please.”
The tears flowed freely down Callum's face now. He was not a man who shied away from his emotions. He showed no embarrassment over crying in front of Claire.

Claire's expression softened as she looked at Callum. He seemed so broken, but she knew that was only temporary. What was that saying?
If you love something, set it free.
She was letting Callum go because she loved him deeply. She knew he deserved better than her and she was going to let him be free to find that person, the woman who
could
give him everything he deserved.

He deserved the best life had to offer. Callum was the most amazing man Claire had ever met.

She knelt down next to his chair so she was eye level with him and rested her hand on his arm.

“Listen to me. I love you, Callum Fitzgerald. I love you as much as I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. You are an incredible, kind, loving, charismatic, very sexy man. I've been flattered you've wanted to be with me. I know you find that hard to believe because, despite the confidence you show in front of millions of people,
I know you.
I know your insecurities and how you second-guess yourself. I do not,
for one second,
want you to think this is about your limitations. I am doing this, not because I think less of you, but because I love you too much for you to receive less than you deserve.”

“I can't do this without you,” Callum said with such sadness, Claire's heart broke all over again.

“Callum, you were doing amazing things before you met me and you'll continue to thrive once I'm gone. I love you, Callum. That's all I can say. I love you.”

She leaned down and kissed him on the lips. He tried to pull her closer, deeper into their kiss, but she resisted. Claire had to fight every urge in her body that was asking her to stay. She wanted to make love to him, not leave him. But, she couldn't. It would be wrong and unfair. So, instead, she pulled away from him and this time, didn't fight the tears in her eyes.

“Claire, please don't go,” Callum begged. “Stay with me. Even if you still leave Friday, stay with me until then.”

“I can't, Callum,” Claire said. “If I spend one more minute with you, I'm likely to change my mind. And, for your sake, I need to remember why I'm breaking both our hearts.”

And then, without looking back, Claire walked to the door and put her hand on the knob. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself.

“I love you,” Claire said again, opening the door and silently closing it behind her.

Claire knew she should hurry to her car and leave, but her feet wouldn't move. She could hear Callum inside, calling her name as she closed the door. And then, a few moments later, there was a large crash. If she thought he'd fallen, she would've rushed back inside, but Claire knew, instinctively, it was vase on the table that had crashed, into the wall where Callum threw it.

Claire rested her forehead against the front door and began to sob. This is not how she'd wanted their story to end. She'd never wanted their story to end at all. Callum had promised her there was a plan and, stupidly, she'd allowed herself to believe the plan was that the two of them would have a future together.

She knew, if she walked back in that door, her story could end that way,
would
end that way. But, she'd been cheating Callum of the life he ultimately deserved. He'd given her so much. It was her turn to make sure he was given a beautiful future.