The Pledge (28 page)

As soon as I had remembered, I called him. His voice had sounded so small over the phone. He was hurt and confused.

All because I was insecure.

I opened the door to the Union and a blast of warm air hit me. William sat on a bench in the hallway, watching the people bustling all around him.

“Hi, Will.” My voice was quiet. I pressed my lips together; worry filled my gut like a heavy weight. I felt queasy from the thought that he might be mad at me.

“Hi, Miss Taren.” William stood up and opened his arms for a hug. A big, bright smile stretched across his face, and I let out the breath I’d been holding. I gave him a small grin and felt the weight leave my stomach. At least this part of my life would be okay.

I moved into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing the side of my face into his chest. William was tall, at least three or four inches taller than me. He hugged me back tightly before pulling away.

“I’m sorry, Will.” My face pinched, and tears stung my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I was so emotional, but it was probably embarrassment. I was humiliated. I had hurt the people I cared about most.

“I changed my mind.” William’s expression became serious, and I stiffened. The heavy feeling returned to my stomach, and my heart beat faster.

I looked down at the ground and twisted the ring on my thumb.
Changed his mind? About me? Did he not want to be my buddy any longer?
I couldn’t take more rejection right now. I looked up at William; his face was an unreadable blank slate.

“About what?” I whispered. My eyebrows furrowed and my mouth dried.

His eyes focused on mine. With a strong and confident voice, he said, “Call me Billy.”

Laughter burst out of my throat before I could contain it. I buried my face in my hands and peeked out at him. The relief coursing through me felt fantastic. He still wanted to be my friend. At least my stupidity hadn’t ruined everything.

I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. “Of course. What made you change your name?”

William cocked his head to the side and squinted as if in thought. “Will seemed kind of boring, don’t you think?” He nodded his head as if answering his own question. “Yup, yup, Will is boring. I think Billy is more fun.”

This time I nodded as well. He had a good point. “Well then Billy, can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

“Yes, I like coffee, but I am buying.” William led the way to the nearby coffee stand, and we placed our orders. With coffee in hand, I found a small table nestled into a semi-private nook in the noisy area.

“Thank you. The next cup is on me.” I pulled the lid off of my Styrofoam cup and poured in some creamer, stirring it slowly.

William opened sugar packets two at a time and dumped them into his cup. He winked and took a sip of his overly sweet drink. I smiled and blew on my own coffee before taking my first sip. Warmth filled me, and I relished the simple act of sharing time with a friend.

“I really am sorry I missed our last meeting. I overslept. I wasn’t feeling well.” Chewing on my lip, I wiped away the drops of moisture that ran down the sides of my cup. “That’s not an excuse, I know that, but still...I’m sorry.”

William studied his coffee cup, avoiding my gaze. “I forgive you, Miss Taren. I was just scared. I thought something happened to you. That you got hurt.”

I reached out and placed my hand on his wrist. He looked up. His big brown eyes met mine, and I sucked in a quick breath. “You were worried about me?”

“Of course.” He smiled shyly. “You are my friend.”

I shook my head, smiling back at him. Just like the Grinch, I felt my heart grow three sizes larger. Like a slap in the face, realization hit me that my stupid, selfish actions had hurt two of the people I cared most about. I squeezed William’s hand in mine. Both he and Alec worried about me, and I had let my jealousy and insecurities make me act like an idiot. I needed to grow the fuck up because this was not the person I wanted to be.

“I have something I want to give you.” I reached into my purse and pulled out the red ribbon. William looked at the piece of satin and a wrinkle formed on his forehead.

I closed my eyes, allowing myself a moment to remember. “This was given to me by my friend, Alec. He’s the one I told you about before.” I tilted my head to the side and William nodded. I stretched the ribbon straight out across the table, and then folded my hands in my lap. “Back in high school, he used it to fix my broken backpack so I could carry my books home.” My throat tightened at the memory.

William grinned and moved his fingertips along the smooth, glossy fabric.

I cleared my throat. “A couple of weeks ago, Alec and I were studying together, and we talked about how we were connected by a red string of fate.” My heart beat faster and my stomach filled with butterflies. I
loved
being with Alec. Whether we were studying, talking, kissing, or touching, I was happy. Anytime I was around him, I felt centered and alive. I was ashamed at how easily I’d given in to doubt and jealousy. I wondered if Alec would ever be able to forgive me.

Almost two weeks had passed since the night of the halftime show. He no longer sat next to me in class. He hadn’t invited me to study with him. He hadn’t answered any of my texts. I had completely gotten our string snarled into a knot I might never be able to untangle.

“What does a red string of fate mean?” William spoke each word slowly as his eyes narrowed in confusion.

I picked up one end of the ribbon and handed it to him. I took the other in my hand. “It’s an old folktale. To be connected to someone by the red string of fate, means that you are tied together. Your lives are connected. No matter what happens, you will always be close and will find your way back to one another.”

I gestured between us with my end of the ribbon. “You and me. We’re connected by a red string of fate, too. You’re not just my buddy. You’re my friend. No matter what happens, we’re tied together. If I mess up again, which I’ll try really hard not to do, don’t give up on me. We’re friends. We’ll always be connected.”

“Friends.” His smile lit up his face.

“Keep this to remember.” William’s eyes creased in happiness as I placed the ribbon in his hand. I wouldn’t need a physical reminder. The impact of my bad decisions weighed heavy on my heart.

I had one more person I had to make amends to before I could begin to forgive myself. Alec might think our string was broken, but I would do everything in my power to convince him otherwise.

***

“Come in!” Alexis hollered from the top bunk where she was busy studying.

Julie walked in with a pile of her own books and settled on our floor.

“What’s up?” Alexis asked her, smiling at the look of frustration on our laid back friend’s face.

“Hard dicks and helicopters.” Julie smirked, and Alexis groaned loudly.

“Nice, Jules.” I laughed as I sat at my desk, pulling on a pair of knee-high riding boots that perfectly matched Alexis’ brown sweater dress I was borrowing.

“I have a shit-ton of French homework.” Julie sat cross-legged on the floor, staring at her open textbook. “French. Who even speaks French anymore?
Parlez-vous
jack hole?”

Alexis climbed down the ladder, laughing, and turned to stand in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest. “You look nice, T. Where are you going?”

I wrapped my finger in the chain of my necklace and bounced my knee. “I’m going to talk to Alec. I’m hoping he’ll forgive me for being an idiot. I need him to give us a chance.” I rubbed at my chest. I felt like I was having heart palpitations for goodness sake.

“Good for you.” Alexis shot Julie a hard look before turning back to me, her hands clasped tightly together. “I’m sorry again. I should’ve texted you when you didn’t come home that night. I feel horrible.”

“I’ve apologized to each of you like a gazillion times already.” Julie huffed and looked up to the ceiling. “When Alec carried her out of there, I assumed she was going to his place to hook up. I had no idea she was passed out. I thought he was just being romantic. It looked hot.” Julie stood up and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “I really am sorry.”

I grabbed my jacket, shaking my head at both of them as I slipped it on. “My stupidity is not your fault, Julie. Both of you need to stop apologizing. I learned my lesson. I’m only sorry that the person who suffered the most in the whole thing was Alec.” I sighed heavily as I pictured the look of disappointment and anger on his face. The pressure of my regret was crushing. I steeled myself and stood up straight. I had to make things right with him.

“You know I found out that it was that knuckle dragger, Pickles, who turned Alec in for working at The Shell.” Julie was looking at her nails and picking at the polish. “Jen overheard him telling some of his brothers the other night. He was also bragging that he had cheated on you all along.” She dropped her hands and rolled her eyes. “He’s such a prick stain.”

I swallowed away the bitter taste I got whenever I thought about Doug, and grabbed my purse. “Pickles is old news. We’re no longer friends. We’re no longer anything. I just hope Alec will still give me a chance.”

“Girl, you look smoking hot in that dress.” Julie whistled as she looked me up and down. “Alec can say no to booze all he wants, but he’s gonna want a tall drink of you. No guy in his right mind would turn you down looking like that.”

“Thanks. Wish me luck.” They waved, and I took a fortifying breath as I stepped out of the room. I closed the door behind me and headed for the stairs. I wanted Alec to say yes to me, not because I looked good, but because he felt the way I did. We had an unbreakable connection, right? I had to trust that the mess I made could be untangled.

***

“Speak!” Caz yelled into the intercom outside his apartment.

“Hi Caz, it’s Taren. Can I come up?”

“Do you have food?”

I laughed and could hear scuffling in the background. Then Jon told me to come up. As I walked up the stairs to their door, every single worry I’d been obsessing about ricocheted around in my head. I wiped my hands on my dress and blew out a breath. I prayed that my heart would stop hammering like it was going to tear out of my ribcage. Two more steps and I regretted that I didn’t have something in my hands to keep them from trembling. I should have brought donuts.

What if Alec said no? What if he turned me down? Again. The possibility was strong that I could have a repeat of bonfire night, but I had to try. I had to know for sure if I had any chance with him.

The door swung open just as I lifted my fist to knock. Half a second more and I would have knocked on Caz’s chest. I jumped back, but he laughed, dragging me into the living room.

“It’s cold as a witch’s tit out there tonight, Donuts. Get in here where it’s warm.”

“Is he here?” I looked around the living room, and my stomach flipped. I was just as nervous and excited as the first time I rode a rollercoaster. I felt like I had just ascended to the top of the steep hill, and I was dangling over the first plunge.

“He’s in his room doing God knows what. I’ll warn you…he’s grumpy as shit. Enter at your own risk.” Caz pulled the coat off the back of my shoulders and then froze. I turned to see his eyes bulging out as he did a double take. Jon walked out of the kitchen eating an apple, and he stopped, midstride, mouth wide open.

Oh no. What was wrong? I looked down, tugging on the hem of the tight dress, making sure everything was covered and nothing was hanging out. That would be just my luck to have the back tucked into my panties or something. I crinkled my nose and arched my neck back to check behind me. Nope. Everything seemed to be in place.

“Wow. Taren, you look...” Jon’s words were hesitant, and then he swallowed loudly.

“Holy shitballs. I’ve been a good boy this year. Why, Santa? Why can’t I be on the nice list like Alec?” Caz fell to his knees, hands clasped in prayer. “And boots. Boots! Love me some hot girls with boots. Those boots can walk all over me anytime.” Caz spread out on the floor on his stomach. “Come on, Donuts. Have at it.”

“Stop drooling, ass nugget.” Jon threw a pillow from the couch at him before ushering me down the hallway toward Alec’s door.

After Jon returned to the living room, I could hear him and Caz bickering. I knocked on Alec’s door and waited, my stomach freefalling. The roller coaster was plummeting down the hill and approaching the first bend in the tracks. Alec would have the ability to totally derail me if he told me to go away.

“What?” Alec’s voice was loud and flat.

I paused before I went in, holding onto the knob, desperately hoping that I could fix the mess I made. I walked into the room, shutting the door behind me. Alec sat on his bed wearing headphones and reading from a textbook.

“Hi.” My voice quivered, and the smile on my face felt forced. I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, unsure of what to say now that I was in front of Alec.

He looked up at the sound of my voice and yanked off his headphones. “Taren.” The look on his face was anxious. “What are you...?” He stopped mid-sentence as his eyes moved from my face and slowly trailed down. I felt the heat of his gaze as it devoured me. His eyes slid over every curve and dip of my body that was visible through my dress. I could feel myself responding as if he’d already touched me. My skin tingled, and I wished it were his hands and not his gaze, caressing me so intently.