The Price of Innocence (The Legacy Series) (29 page)

“You are too kind,” she answered embarrassed. “Beautiful in some ways, perhaps. In others, I’m afraid not.” She lowered her eyes to the teacup, dropped two cubes of sugar, and then mindlessly swirled it around in circles, waiting for it to dissolve.

“Tell me what happened.” Philippe needed to know.

She sipped her tea to bide a few moments before answering, and then put the cup down on the saucer. Her eyes filled with pain, and Philippe reached across the table and touched her hand. He sensed her flesh next to his own, and a rush of emotion and love flowed through his body, bringing warmth to his heart.

“Simple, really. My father went to bed one night and never woke up again.”

“I’m sorry, Suzette, truly.” Philippe paused, watching the painful memories flash across her face. “I loved your father and will miss him. He was a wonderful man.”

“I miss him as well, Philippe.” She took another sip of tea and sighed. “Father was deeply in debt and owed many creditors. I had no idea. His entire estate—all our belongings, everything—were sold by court order to pay his debts. I had no money to give him a proper burial, so I stood and watch as they hurled his body into a common grave.”

Philippe saw the lingering grief in her heart as she spoke and attempted to halt the conversation. “You don’t need to tell me anything further, Suzette. I don’t wish to cause you distress.”

She inhaled a deep breath to contain the threat of tears. “No, that’s all right. You have the right to know, Philippe.” She took a sip of tea and then continued. “The Daughters of Charity sheltered me while I looked for work. I found a job as a laundress, but the hours and conditions were terrible.”

Philippe’s brow furrowed at the thought of the hard labor Suzette no doubt endured. Surely, she had suffered at the hands of the managers or employees, but what he heard next was even more shocking.

“One of my first assignments was to haul the laundry back and forth to one of their customers. It was a brothel, of all places, the Chabanais.”

“The Chabanais?” Philippe sat up in his seat.

Suzette smiled and raised one brow in his direction, almost surprised at his response. “You’ve heard of it, I see.”

The food arrived and conversation ceased. Philippe sat silently in thought.

“Why don’t we eat first?” she suggested. “I’ll continue my story later.” She lifted her pleading eyes in his direction, and Philippe agreed.

“Of course, whatever makes you comfortable, Suzette.”

The meal continued, and the two exchanged small talk. Philippe wished to hear the remainder of her story and purposely ate his lunch quickly. Suzette, to his dismay, toyed with her food and ate small bites, stretching out the time in an obvious attempt to avoid continuing the discussion. After seeing her procrastination, he changed his plans about finishing their conversation in a public setting. Instead, he directed their chat elsewhere.

“I’ve done well in the Navy,” he said nonchalantly. “I resigned my commission and took my earnings.”

“That is good news—very good news,” she said finally after a lull between the two.

“With the money I’ve gained during my tour of duty, I’ve invested in a shipping company and purchased half interest with a gentleman by the name of Jacques Duval. I will be advising and working on procurement and delivery of goods for merchants. My seafaring days have ended, and frankly, I have had enough.”

Philippe hoped that the news would please Suzette. He had made something of his life. He was more than able to care for a woman and provide a comfortable home. Unfortunately, he found her strangely silent and non-responsive.

Lunch ended, and at Philippe’s suggestion, they strolled to a nearby park for a leisurely walk through the fragrant gardens. Up until that point, Philippe refrained from touching Suzette too often, but he could do so no longer. He picked up her hand from her side and slipped it around his arm.

“Beautiful ladies cannot walk unescorted through gardens, Suzette. You’ll be on my arm, and I refuse to take no for an answer.”

Suzette smiled in return, allowing him this pleasure as a gift rather than a necessity. After a few yards of strolling, he asked her to continue. “Tell me the rest, please.”

“The rest? You wish to know, no doubt, about my stay at the Chabanais and how I ended up with Robert.”

Philippe nodded.

“How can I tell you the rest, Philippe, without you thinking horrid things of me?”

“I will not judge you, Suzette, I promise,” he said, calming her fears.

Suzette appeared hesitant but answered his questions. “Each day, I delivered laundry to the Chabanais. Late at evening, I was fired by the manager at the washhouse. I suddenly found myself back on the streets, in the dead of the night, with nowhere to go or sleep, so I returned to the only place I knew—the Chabanais.”

Philippe slowed their walk and tightened his arm around Suzette’s to encourage her to continue the discourse.

“Madame Laurent, the mistress of the brothel, pretty much blackmailed me into staying. I relented, because I saw no other recourse but to become a prostitute. I was afraid of dying on the streets. The former choice, to say the least, was much more picturesque, though it would cost me a hefty price.”

Philippe motioned to a nearby park bench, wishing to sit while Suzette continued her story. “Would you mind?” he asked. They sat down, and she smoothed her skirt as she continued.

“I will be honest. I was petrified and ashamed that I had stooped to such low standards in order to survive. It was not my first choice, I assure you, but I was frightened.”

“If anything, Suzette,” Philippe interjected, “I do believe that to be truth. It was desperation, no doubt, that drove you there. I know you too well to think otherwise.” He patted her arm, hoping to convey some sense of comfort and understanding.

“Madame Laurent procured Lord Holland to break me in my first night, but to my surprise, he would not take my virginity at the brothel. After our first meeting, he took an interest in me, though I think some of it was purely pity for my situation. I was thankful he did. He returned three nights in a row, and we carefully hid the fact from Madame Laurent until . . .” Suzette physically shuddered.

“Until what, Suzette?”

“Until Madame Laurent discovered our deception. She gave me another patron who cruelly attempted to rape me. Lord Holland found me in peril and pulled the man from my body, before he had a chance to do me harm. Then, he purchased my way out of the brothel.”

Abhorred over the scene Suzette had described, Philippe now understood his rival. She felt indebted to him for saving her life.

“Do you love him?”

Without hesitation, she replied. “Robert saved me, Philippe, from a life of degradation. He paid Madame Laurent a huge amount of money to buy my freedom and then brought me here to England with him. He’s provided a wonderful home and showers me with love and gifts.” Suzette hesitated. “I love him, even though I feel indebted to him.”

“Indebtedness and love are two different matters,” Philippe breathed with a sigh. “You need to separate the two, Suzette. They are not the same.”

“Of course, it’s love,” Suzette emphatically retorted, pulling from the grasp of his arm. “I owe him much, but I love him for other reasons too.”

“Not without a price.” Philippe’s voice carried a sarcastic tone, which he immediately regretted upon hearing the words fall from his lips.

“I gave it to him willingly, Philippe. Willingly! Perhaps a price to you, but it was because of my affection for him that I allowed him to take my virginity. He loves me. I believe he does.”

The silence between the two encircled them while the early autumn leaves rustled and swirled around their feet. Both turned cold toward the other. Suzette’s justification of her actions was strong and evident in her words. Philippe knew there was no convincing her otherwise, and he removed his arm from around her shoulder and stood to his feet.

He knew the truth of Robert’s love and feared telling Suzette what she apparently did not know. The man wanted to keep her as his mistress and nothing more, but his naïve Suzette refused to see the truth.

Offering her his hand, he spoke. “May I see you again, Suzette?”

“Again?”

“Yes, if it is convenient. I mean, is he around?”

“He is away for a few weeks with business to attend to. I believe his father is ill.”

“Then you have time to spend with me,” Philippe concluded. He carefully watched Suzette’s pondering face, seeing she was torn over what answer to give.

“You may call, but we must meet elsewhere. Should my servant see you at the cottage, I’m afraid word may get back to Robert. I don’t want to . . .”

“What lose him? Upset him? Make him jealous that you’re seeing the man you were engaged to marry?”

“It’s a matter of privacy, that’s all.” Suzette turned and began to walk away.

“I’m sorry. I find this entire situation difficult,” he said, exasperated. “I’m not ready to let you drift back into obscurity.” He followed Suzette and grabbed her arm, turning her around. “Do you understand how hard this is for me? I still love you, Suzette. When I returned to France, all I thought about was our impending marriage.” His eyes spoke volumes of longing and pain. He wanted to snatch her away from him—from this life of use and shame.

“All right, you may see me again. I only ask that you do not pressure me. I am happy with Robert, and though that may hurt you, it is my life now.”

She pulled harshly away from his grasp and walked down the path away from Philippe. After a few steps, she abruptly stopped, turned, and looked at him with resolve.

“I am not the same person you were once engaged to marry. I’ve changed, and you must accept that fact.”

“You’ll always be Suzette,” he spoke, objecting to her statement.

With exasperation in her voice, she reiterated her conditions. “Send me notes when and where you’d like to meet for lunch or dinner or strolls again in the park, but I shall not be seen elsewhere with you or receive you at my home. Do you understand?”

“Absolutely, and I’ll respect your wishes.”

“Thank you.” Her voice turned soft, and she begged to leave. “I must go now. Will you hire me a carriage?”

“Yes, of course.” Philippe escorted her to the entrance of the gardens where a line of cabs stood waiting for hire.

“Thank you for lunch, and most of all, for your understanding.” Suzette lifted her hand to Philippe, and he offered a gentle kiss that lingered.

He opened the door, helped her inside, and then gave the driver a few pounds to take her back home. As he watched the carriage depart down the street, his chest tightened with yearning. Unable to let her live a useless life as one man’s mistress, he vowed to win her heart and hand in marriage. After reading the recent news, he knew he had a chance. He would pursue her relentlessly until she accepted his proposal.

It was apparent from their meeting today that Suzette had not read the announcement in the social section of the
London Gazette
. The infamous Lord Robert Holland had married Lady Jacquelyn Spencer the day before. He was convinced that Lord Holland would no doubt maintain his deception and keep it from Suzette as long as he could. It was all too obvious to Philippe now why Lord Holland had procured a small cottage in the countryside for his mistress. He fully intended to keep her tucked away and ignorant of his whereabouts and social news. With Suzette being out of sight and away from the mainstream of London, he could come and go as he pleased, leading a double life.

When the time was right, Philippe fully intended on revealing the rogue’s true colors. Perhaps then, she would be willing to turn away from the futility of their relationship and return to where she belonged—in his arms alone.

Chapter Twenty-One

  Philippe did not wait long. Within a week, another note arrived at Suzette’s home by courier with a request to meet him for a walk in the gardens along the Thames. If she agreed, he would arrange to send a carriage to pick her up at her cottage home.

The young boy who delivered the letter was instructed to wait for an answer, and Suzette felt pressured to make an immediate decision. She knew if she continued to see Philippe, she was playing a dangerous game with his affections, as well as with her own. Her loneliness outweighed wisdom, while she rationalized it was merely rekindling an old friendship and nothing more. She agreed to the rendezvous and wrote a quick response, which she handed back to the courier, tipping him a few coins.

Robert’s absence proved harder to handle this time. Suzette struggled over their relationship, his family, and the event at the racetrack with his sister. In addition, her emotions were on edge, making her irritable, sullen, and depressed. The lack of company and entertainment was taking its toll.

The idea of a stroll through the gardens appealed to Suzette. She had already told Philippe everything, so perhaps this meeting would be less stressful. He understood her decisions, and he knew how she felt about Robert. There was no way, in her own mind, that he would dare entertain a future with her again. Eventually, he would give up. She decided to remind him upon arrival it was only a friendly meeting and nothing more.

As soon as she stepped from the carriage, the fragrance of the garden flowers and the sun on her face felt glorious. She spotted Philippe waiting patiently at the iron gate entrance. His face looked apprehensive. Suzette stood still for a moment, looking at Philippe’s stance. She had forgotten the handsomeness of his countenance, his tall slender body, and dark brown hair and eyes. He was a stunning man, and part of her soul sparked with pleasure as she gazed upon him.

She recalled how her father had adored him, for he thought that Philippe possessed a heart of gold. He was a good and honorable man who respected and loved her deeply. Suzette’s father held no hesitation in approving their marriage. Philippe, however, wanting to give Suzette the best in life, insisted he join the French Navy to find a solid career first and gain the finances to support her before they wed.