The Problem With Crazy (29 page)

Lachlan reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling it closer to him. He unstretched all my fingers from the fist they’d been making, and rubbed the little lines in my palm, caused when I’d dug my fingers in a few seconds earlier.

“See this?” He waved my pinky finger in front of my face. I laughed. “It’s perfect. See how you have—” he paused, and counted, tapping each of my appendages in turn. “—one, two, three, four,
five
of them.”

“You should see my other hand.” I gave a half-smile.

“You have five perfect fingers. And these scars you’re giving yourself,” he said, running his finger over the little indents in my skin where my nails had burned me, and I shivered. “They’re temporary. In one hour, one day, one week—they’re going to fade. But nothing’s gonna change these perfect fingers.”

“So you’re saying that, even if I have Huntington’s, I’ll still have good hands?” I raised my eyebrows.

“I’m saying that, deep down, nothing will change your perfect.”

In that moment, I forgot about everything. I could handle my future, whatever it may hold. Someone believed in me.

And I was head over heels for him.

“You’ve made me try new things,” I whispered. “Even if I do test positive, and you have cancer—I don’t know that I’ve ever been so involved, or felt so aware of my life.”

And I did. Every cell in my body was buzzing as he slowly reached his hand over and trailed a finger along my jawline. I bent my head into it, wanting the moment to go on and on, to fall into his embrace completely. His lips were close now, so much so that I could feel the soft heat of his breath on my face, my lips.

“I’m falling in love with you.” He moved his hand to the back of my neck and gently pulled my head toward his, closing the gap between us and pressing our lips together. It was familiar and yet different all at once, passionate yet romantic, as I felt the heat of our emotion and the stress of the past few weeks rush through my body. I clung to his shirt and pulled a fistful of it to me, enjoying the firm feeling of his chest as it collided with mine, his shoulders caving over me.

I let my tongue explore his mouth and felt my chest heave against his as he gently sucked on my lip, and then swirled his tongue around its edge. His hands were playing with the hem of my shirt and I itched to be closer to his him, to feel him against me.

I pushed him gently back and lifted my tank up, raising it over my head and letting it fall to the floor.

“Kate.” Lachlan swallowed. I went to press myself against him and he pushed me gently back, checking me out from my hips, to my bra, to my eyes.

“You are so beautiful.” He smiled sweetly as his eyes took in my body, his naked desire plain to see.

I moved closer and pressed against him, my mouth greedy for his. His hands roamed up my body and lingered over the lacy edges of my bra, gently moving toward my breasts. His fingers teased my nipples and I arched into him, the sensation shooting heat between my legs.

“Let’s … let’s go to my room.” I pulled apart from him for a second. Mum said she was spending the night at the hospital, but on the off chance that she came home unexpectedly, I didn’t want to send her straight back there when she suffered a heart attack induced by seeing her daughter naked on the couch with some guy she’d heard of, but never met.

And I really didn’t think I could trust myself to keep the rest of my clothes on for much longer.

“Mm,” Lachlan groaned. He placed his hands on my shoulders and exhaled deeply. “Okay.” He stood up and turned his back to me, picking my shirt up off the floor and throwing it at my chest. “You’re going to need to hold that there, or I’m not going to make it.”

“’Kay.” I stifled a smile and held my shirt to my chest as instructed as I led him up the stairs. I was buzzing. This was really happening. I had a guy, who liked me, who completely got the hereditary-disease thing, and who turned me on like I’d never thought possible. I couldn’t wait to get him into my room.

Once we were inside, I shut the door behind him. He walked over to my bed and sat down on the edge, taking everything in: my alphabetically-organised DVD stand, my clothes hanging in colour-coded order in the wardrobe.

“You’re very neat.” He observed, his gaze resting on my empty trashcan.

“It’s hereditary.” I smiled, glad to be admitting to one family trait that was substantially less embarrassing than the last hereditary incident I’d confessed to.

“I’m going to turn on the radio.” Shirt still at my chest, I flicked the switch on my sound system, suddenly a little bit nervous again. The sound of mindless advertising filled the room and I inched my way toward the bed. Lachlan was looking at me, his eyes wide, like I was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

“Can we … lose the shirt again now?” He sounded eager, hopeful, all at once.

I dropped the shirt, letting it fall to the floor. He gave a tiny gasp and I felt my heart start to race again, the heat of his gaze setting my pulse on fire.

His hands reached out and grabbed my thighs, pulling me close to the bed till my stomach was at his eye height. He placed his big, strong hands on the small of my back, pulling it closer to him as he kissed my stomach, over the hollow of my belly button, soft, wet, heated kisses that made me tingle on the inside.

He popped open the top button of my fly and gently pulled my zipper down, tracing a soft finger over my lace panties that were now partially exposed. I shuddered with anticipation, my breath hitching in my throat. It was all I could do not to thrust further toward him.

He slid my jeans off, pulling them down my legs and gently tracing the inside of my thighs with his fingers. I shivered, goosebumps lining my body. He was moving so slowly, not touching anywhere even remotely forbidden, and the anticipation was killing me.

“Up next, we have a killer track from hot new band Dave & the Glories; You Crazy Bitch.”

The words broke through my anticipation and sent my blood running cold.

What. The.
Hell.

Surely it was just some stupid song they’d written that was tongue in cheek, nothing to do with me. Why would Dave write a song about me? And Michael would warn me if such a song existed.

Wouldn’t he?

I was vaguely aware that Lachlan was kissing the inside of my thigh, but I could barely concentrate as the opening guitar riff ended and Dave’s voice kicked in.

“
She was the girl that I wanted, the girl of my mind-blowing dreams
,” he sang in that nasal twang. “
But she’s blown it all up, she’s made a big crazy sce—ene.”

My heart started to thud. He wouldn’t.

Would he?

“
Yeah, her dad, he’s insane,”
the bridge rang.
“Yeah, all lost in his brain. Yeah—it’ll happen again!
”

My knees were weak, and not from Lachlan’s kisses. He moved his hands to the line of my panties and I covered them with my own, preventing him from taking the next step.

“Stop,” I whispered. He looked up at me, a slight frown marring his smooth olive forehead.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was equally quiet, but even if he’d yelled, I wasn’t sure I would have heard.

“
She keeps her room so clean but she’s messy insi-ide, her brains going out with the outgoing ti-ide, she holds back what I want, never scratches that itch, and yeah … O-oh yeah! You crazy bitch
.”

I sunk to the bed next to Lachlan, holding my head in my hands. Everyone from school would hear. They had to know it was about me, after Dad’s performance at graduation. He’d written a song, airing all our dirty laundry, all
my
dirty laundry, for the whole world to hear. Not everyone was as understanding as Lachlan. Hell,
I
wasn’t even completely accepting of my father yet.

How could I expect the rest of the world to be?

“Is this—is this your ex?” Lachlan asked. He placed a hand gently on my back.

“
She keeps her room so clean but she’s messy insi-ide, her brains going out with the outgoing ti-ide
,” Dave sung again as the chorus went a second time around.

I couldn’t look at Lachlan, couldn’t bear to make eye contact. It was one thing him knowing the truth about my dad, and another him having to listen to my ex-boyfriend sing about it on the radio. My blood boiled.
Dave …

“
She keeps her room so clean but she’s messy insi-ide
,” the chorus kicked in again.

Something within me ticked over. I couldn’t handle this. Nothing about this was okay.

The adrenaline mixed with a few beers coursed through me as I leaned over and grabbed clothes from the hamper, scooping them into my arms and throwing them across the room, a sea of soft fabric floating through the air.

“Kate … Are you okay?” Lachlan asked, as I blindly walked toward the centre of my room.

I grabbed another handful and emptied my arms into nothingness. White socks, black underwear, coloured bras and T-shirts, all kamikaziing towards the floor. I had to make it dirty. Then none of it would be true.

“
She keeps her room so clean
…”

“This isn’t exactly how I imagined the first time you threw your panties at me.” Lachlan gave a wry grin as he peeled a lace thong from his shoulder.

I felt my face redden and I snatched the G-string from his hands before he could examine it closer.

After throwing it on the chair I walked over to the bed, pulling the quilt from the mattress and letting it fly, an arc of black and white sweeping through the air and coming to rest, half on my desk chair, half on my bin.

The DVDs were the next victim of my rampage. I grabbed a handful and lifted them, carefully balancing my way over to the middle of the room where I could dump them with maximum effect.

“Kate?” Lachlan asked. He stood in the corner, looking very uncomfortable. I didn’t have time to think about that. It wasn’t important right now.

I managed to drop the first pile of DVDs on top of my quilt cover. I returned to grab a second, confident I could repeat my actions. I could mess up this room. I could change it. I could be messy here and then maybe on the inside I’d be clean, and I wouldn’t be the girl in the song. I wouldn’t be that “
crazy bitch
.”

With the DVDs balanced between my hands, I started the precarious walk over to my bookshelf, ready to finish this, to separate my new life from my old, clean one. I took one case from the top of the pile and slammed it against the wall, a grey mark appearing where it made impact.

“Kate!”

I don’t think it was his voice that did it, more a combination of me being slightly drunk and dizzy, and misjudging the force with which to hold the DVDs. All I know is, one moment I was holding them and the next they had spewed out from between my arms and were flying through the air, landing all over the floor, a mass of colourful covers and shiny discs.

I dropped to my knees. It was all too much. I had to pick them up. Pick them up.

A loud, gulping sob broke from my lips as I tried to capture as many DVDs as I could in my arms, watching as they slipped out of my grip again and back onto the floor.

“
You … c-crazy bitch
,” I sung along to the final line of the song, my breath catching with each sobbed word.

“Kate.” Lachlan was on the floor next to me, grabbing DVD cases in both of his hands and stacking them into a pile. He got a nice collection together then started a new pile, making towers of DVDs on the floor around us.

I gave up trying to help and instead drew my knees to my chest and turned my head down, the tears and pain consuming me. What was I doing? It was too much.

After a few minutes I felt Lachlan place an arm around my back and another one in the gap behind my knees. He scooped me up and carried me over to my bed. I was so emotionally vacant, so worn out from being so upset, I barely noticed the fact I was dressed only in underwear and he was fully clothed.

He placed me gently on the bed and went to get my quilt from the floor. He shook it out and let it float gently down to rest on top of me. He switched off the radio and turned out the lights, and I heard the sound of clothes rustling about over my shudders, my racking cries of pain that wouldn’t abate.

I fell asleep, emotionally exhausted and completely drained, my almost naked back pressed up hard against Lachlan’s stomach.