The Promise (39 page)

‘I can’t really say, he hardly said a word,’ she said. ‘I must apologize for him, he isn’t normally rude to anyone, but he’s down in the dumps.’

‘It affects men in different ways, as I’m sure you know as you’ve been working in France,’ he said. ‘I have met men so badly injured they really have no quality of life left, yet they are optimistic and cheerful, while others with quite minor injuries rage about everything. But once away from the sound of guns and all the pressure of war, even the most difficult of men usually come round. He’s a lucky man having such a pretty and devoted wife. He has a lot to be thankful for. It’s the ones who have been gassed, blinded and paralysed that I feel most sorry for. They don’t have much of a future.’

Belle had thought Haddon Hall simply wonderful and was so grateful to Captain Taylor who had pulled strings to get Jimmy in here. He was helped into a wheelchair when they arrived and wheeled to the dormitory he would share with five other men on the ground floor. It was a lovely room, very light and bright, with a whole wall lined with books because it had been the library. They were shown the bathroom, newly built on the ground floor with a hoist to help those who needed it to get into the bath. There was a billiards room, a drawing room complete with piano and comfortable chairs and couches, the dining room, and finally the orangery Mr Gayle had already mentioned. There were board games, jigsaw puzzles, water-colours for those who could paint, and one man who had lost both legs was building a model ship.

They’d had afternoon tea in there too, scones, sandwiches and cake, all of which were delicious, but Jimmy barely said a word.

‘Now, when you’re coming back to visit him again, telephone and I’ll either come and pick you up myself or get someone else to do it,’ Mr Gayle said, handing her his card. ‘We all appreciate how difficult it can be for the wives and mothers of the wounded boys, especially those who have small children and live a long way away.’

‘I wondered about getting digs here to make it easier to visit,’ Belle said. ‘Do you think that’s possible?’

‘I can put out a few feelers for that,’ he said. ‘As you’ve been an ambulance driver, would you be willing to do some driving here?’

‘By all means. I worked at the Royal Herbert as a nursing aide too before going to France,’ she volunteered. ‘I’d be happy to do that again as well.’

‘You are a very plucky young lady,’ he said, glancing sideways at her. ‘I do so hope your husband will rally round while he’s here. He needs to take advantage of all the help and advice on offer.’

‘I’m sure he will,’ Belle said. ‘I’ll leave him for a couple of days to get used to it all. He seems to be gloomier when I am around.’

‘I expect he’s afraid of losing you,’ Mr Gayle said. ‘Men can be very stupid, they often lash out at the very one they should be cherishing.’

Belle paused for a moment as she came out of Blackheath station. It felt like years since she’d left that April morning with Miranda, yet it was only six months ago. She remembered how they had tried to behave like sensible, responsible adults because Miranda’s parents, along with Mog and Garth, were seeing them off, yet in reality they were dizzy with excitement, intoxicated with the thrill of freedom. They had laughed all the way to Dover, unaware then that they had signed up for something that would test them in every possible way, and with no glamour at all.

Within three months they had developed muscles in their arms that a prize fighter would be proud of, they’d found lice in their hair, they’d slipped over in mud so often that it hardly registered. They rarely had time to arrange their hair, the most they could do was wash it and scrape it back into a bun. Some days they got drenched to the skin in the rain, other days they were soaked in sweat. They lived in a hut Miranda said was barely fit for cattle, and they ate food that at home they would have baulked at. They knew they were only one small link in the great chain of wartime administration, but they took pride in getting the wounded to the hospital as quickly yet as gently as possible, and offering what comfort they could.

Miranda had found the love she’d dreamed of. She might only have had a few short weeks with Will, but at least she didn’t die never experiencing the bliss of true passion.

As Belle looked across the street at the welcoming lights of the Railway, she knew she must guard against ever letting Mog know that she too had found that bliss. While she doubted Mog would condemn her for it, confiding in her would make it harder to wipe Etienne from her mind. And she must do that.

She looked up and down the street; everything looked exactly the way it always had in the gas lights. The welcome from Mog and Garth would be warm, she knew they would envelop her in their arms and promise her that she and Jimmy would always have a home with them. But elsewhere in the village Belle was going to face scorn. And for now she’d have to live with it.

Picking up her suitcase, she resolutely put her shoulders back and crossed the road.

‘Belle! I thought you’d never get here,’ Mog exclaimed when she opened the side door to her. ‘You must be exhausted. What time did you leave France? How is Jimmy?’

The quickfire questions were as Belle expected and she let herself be drawn into the narrow hall to be embraced.

‘Jimmy’s fine, Haddon Hall is lovely, and yes, I’m exhausted and it’s wonderful to be home,’ she said, burying her face in Mog’s neck and breathing in the familiar smell of lavender cologne and baking.

‘Come on in and I’ll make you a cup of tea,’ Mog said. ‘Your bed is all made up with a hot water bottle to make it cosy. Garth will be out to see you when he’s closed the bar. It’s never that busy these days.’

As Mog made a pot of tea and put ham, cheese and bread on a plate, Belle noticed her face was drawn, her hair had far more grey in it and she had aged considerably. She was wearing a navy-blue dress which, though not old, was very drab, like the ones she used to wear back in Seven Dials. It was appalling that Blessard’s revelations and Mrs Forbes-Alton’s spite had made her revert back to the little mouse she used to be.

‘Save telling me about Jimmy until Garth comes through,’ she said, putting the plate of food in front of Belle. ‘Just tell me how you are. You said in your last letter he was very low, and I’m guessing that can’t have been easy for you to cope with. I’m sure you won’t like to tell me any of that while Garth is around.’

Belle half smiled at how perceptive Mog was. ‘No, it’s not easy, mostly he’s so grumpy I feel quite defeated. But a few good nights’ sleep will put me right. I feel easier now he’s at Haddon Hall, and I’ll just deal with things as they come along.’

‘It’s not going to be easy for you in the village either,’ Mog sighed. ‘People still look the other way when I go into a shop, and I’m afraid they may say nasty things to you.’

‘I shall just ignore them,’ Belle said more bravely than she felt. ‘The only thing that upsets me is to see you looking so careworn and sad.’

Mog shrugged. ‘Garth said he’ll sell up when the war ends and we’ll move to Folkestone or Hastings. But he doesn’t really understand what it’s like for me; as you can imagine, no one dares say anything to him about it. So he gets cross with me as he thinks I’m imagining the slights and whispers. You’ll also find he’s got no real understanding of how Jimmy is feeling either. To Garth he’s a wounded hero and a missing leg and arm are a badge of honour. The stupid man thinks Jimmy can sit in a chair all day in the bar and be as happy as a pig in clover.’

Belle winced because that was exactly how Jimmy had predicted Garth would react. But she could hear the hurt in Mog’s voice about not being believed about how the neighbours were treating her. ‘I’ll soon put Garth right on all counts,’ she said. ‘The way Jimmy is now, we’ll be lucky if we can even persuade him to come downstairs. To be honest, Mog, he’s very bitter and withdrawn.’

‘He’s not loving towards you?’

‘No, not really. Well, he apologizes when he’s said something sharp, and I know he doesn’t really mean to be that way. But he’s got quite a chip on his shoulder.’

‘Oh dear.’ Mog slumped down on to a chair. ‘I can’t imagine him being like that. He was always so kind and thoughtful. It sounds as though you’ve had a tough time with him.’

‘Maybe I haven’t been sympathetic enough, after all, I’ve grown very used to bad injuries. I think he’d have been better in another hospital really, they tended to give him special treatment because of me. I think he resented too that I was off working during the day,’ Belle replied. ‘Oh, I don’t know, Mog, maybe all the men are like that with their wives at first. Please don’t tell Garth any of this. Jimmy may change back to his old self at Haddon Hall.’

As Belle ate her supper she asked Mog questions about how she and Garth were, how the pub was doing and whether she’d heard anything from Noah.

‘We had a letter from him to say how sorry he was about Jimmy,’ Mog said. ‘You can take it to Jimmy when you go to visit him. Of course, he’s away most of the time as a war correspondent. Lisette has her hands full with Rose, the baby, and Jean-Philippe. Noah said he’ll visit Jimmy as soon as he can. And you must go and see Lisette. Noah said she wanted to know all about your work in France.’

Belle smiled. She would be glad to go and see Lisette, who was the one person she didn’t need to hide her past from, Lisette’s being so similar. As for Noah, Belle would always have a special affection for him. He’d done as much as Etienne in rescuing her in Paris, and he was the one person who had known she loved Etienne back then, yet he’d never divulged it.

‘What about the pub?’ Belle asked. She felt Mog was avoiding that subject.

‘Not too good, ducks. Well, there’s not that many of the younger regulars left here. We get the old ones in still, but they’ll nurse a pint for hours. Money is tight for everyone, people are weary of the war now too. All in all, it means a big drop in takings.’

Garth came into the kitchen later, and he beamed on seeing Belle and embraced her in a bear hug. ‘Good to have you back,’ he said. ‘We’ve both been lost without you.’

He at least looked reassuringly the same as he always had, with his fiery hair and beard, and shoulders like a barn door.

‘Tell me about the wounded hero,’ he said. ‘Can they give him a peg leg?’

Belle told them details of what Jimmy remembered about how he got his injuries, the treatment he’d received, and the possibilities of an artificial limb. She also made it clear how lucky he was to have been sent to Haddon Hall. ‘He’ll be there for at least two months. I thought I might try and get some digs down there, but I’ll leave him to settle in first.’

‘He should be back here with us,’ Garth said in indignation. ‘You and Mog can see to him.’

Belle bristled. Garth meant well, and it was good that he wanted to look after Jimmy, but he didn’t have any idea how difficult it would be to take care of an amputee, especially here where there were stairs and narrow doorways.

‘He has to learn to do some things for himself before he can come home,’ Belle said. ‘He also has to come to terms with what’s happened to him.’

Garth made a disapproving snort and Belle saw red.

‘Mog and I aren’t strong enough to lift him up to the lavatory, and he isn’t in the best of spirits either. You might imagine he’ll be happy sitting in the bar all day with you while people tell him what a brave man he is, but he won’t be, and anyway, that is the worst possible thing for him. At Haddon Hall he’s with men with similar disabilities and people who can teach him how to deal with them. At present he’s bitter; he needs to get that out of his system.’

‘We can make that store room into a room for him,’ Garth said, pointing to the room off the kitchen as if he hadn’t heard a word she’d said. ‘I can put a ramp down the back step for his wheelchair so he can use the outside lavatory. You won’t need to lift him then.’

‘He can’t wheel himself around with only one arm,’ Belle said through gritted teeth. ‘He can’t even pull his trousers down himself yet. For goodness’ sake, Garth, hold back your plans until you’ve seen and talked to him. I know you mean well, but Haddon Hall is the right place for him now.’

Garth stared at her for a moment, then suddenly looked stricken. ‘It’s that bad, eh?’

Belle could only nod, all at once realizing he hadn’t quite grasped how disabled Jimmy was.

‘I didn’t think,’ he admitted. ‘I just wanted him here with me.’

‘I know,’ she said, her irritation wiped out by his affection for his nephew. ‘But we’ll all have to be patient a little longer till we can be a proper family again.’

He moved towards her and drew her to his big chest. ‘At least we’ve got you back,’ he said gruffly. ‘You look worn out and much too thin, but Mog and me will soon put that right.’

Belle leaned into him, reassured that however bad some things were, Garth was still his strong, dependable self. Whatever difficulties lay ahead, she felt the three of them could tackle them together.

For the first week of being home Belle felt completely lost. She had no role; Mog cooked and cleaned, Garth ran the pub, and there was nothing left for her to do. She dug out her old clothes and tried them on, finding they were all too loose because she’d lost weight. But even her old favourites seemed too colourful and fancy now and made her look like the scarlet woman people believed she was.

On her first morning home she was shunned in the baker’s. Two women she knew slightly pointedly turned away as she walked in, as if she was suffering from an infectious disease. She bought the bread Mog wanted and as she was leaving she heard them talking about her. ‘The brass neck of her, coming back here,’ one said. ‘It’s her poor aunt I feel sorry for,’ the other added.

She went back to the Railway immediately, trying hard to walk with her head held high, but inside she was crying. She stayed indoors for the rest of the day, making out to Mog that she was very tired rather than admit what had happened.

Later Belle sat by the window of her bedroom remembering how happy she and Jimmy had been when they decorated the room together just before their wedding. Neither of them had put up wallpaper before, and they ruined a whole roll by putting their hands through it, hanging it crookedly or tearing it, before they got the hang of it. But they had laughed so much, delighting in the idea of creating their own little haven. She could see the flaws – parts where the pattern didn’t match up, little places where the paper had come away from the wall, the odd bubble which had never been smoothed out. But it hadn’t mattered to them, or that the furniture was second-hand. Belle had made the lace-covered counterpane and the curtains, and Jimmy had rubbed down the scarred, battered dressing table and wardrobe and re-varnished them.