The Proposal Plan (13 page)

‘Yes.’

The room exploded in wild applause, whistling and cheering. And she was swept suddenly out of her seat and into Ed’s arms. He twirled her around, her feet inches from the floor, in a bear hug. As their friends crowded around them, slapping Ed on the back and kissing Lucy’s cheeks, the music relaunched into an horrific funked-up version of the ‘Bridal Chorus’. Like a rush of ice water through her veins the realisation of what she had just done swept through her and in alarm she looked around wildly for Gabriel. She was too late. The door swung shut behind him and all that was left was his half-empty drink on the table.

G
ABRIEL
glanced around the hallway of his house. Somehow he’d managed to get himself home on autopilot. He remembered none of the physical journey from The Abbey whatsoever. Every ounce of his energy had been spent turning what had happened over and over again in his mind. And in trying to stem the sensation that his heart had somehow been crushed, stamped on and kicked into pulp.

He couldn’t believe she’d said yes. Not when she’d spoken the word and not now. And without wavering, without hesitation or even a glance in his direction. Weren’t women in two minds supposed to go for the neutral answer and say they’d think about it? That was what happened in the movies and he couldn’t for the life of him fathom why it hadn’t happened tonight. If she’d had anywhere near the feelings
for him that he’d thought she had, then, surely yes would have been the last thing she’d say.

He could kick himself now. Her ridiculous proposal idea. He’d contributed to this. Lining up Amanda to give her a makeover, making Ed sit up and take notice. In a surge of desolation he remembered that a couple of weeks ago this had been her dream. Ed proposing to her. The end of her rainbow. Was it such a leap that when her dream came true she would grasp it with both hands? It seemed entirely possible right now that the kiss, everything they shared, might cease to mean anything to Lucy in the face of the future with Ed that she’d so desperately wanted before.

Lucy watched Ed soaking up the attention from friends and strangers alike in the bar. She needed to get him out of here, somewhere quiet where they could talk. Less than a month ago this would have brought her ecstatic happiness. Ed proposing. The beginning of having a proper family of her own at last. How ironic.
That stupid proposal plan, Lucy. Be careful what you wish for
.

She was horrified that she’d agreed to marry Ed. How could she have done that? She’d just
gone and made things a million times worse. Yet even if she hadn’t panicked, how could she possibly have done anything else? After the flamboyant way he’d proposed could she really have crushed him in front of all their friends? She couldn’t help remembering Gabriel’s advice to her back at Smith’s. It seemed like months ago now but it was only a matter of days. He’d told her not to propose in front of their friends if she didn’t want to force a false ‘yes’. And he’d been right. If you cared about someone you couldn’t humiliate them like that, so you would take the only other option. Say yes at the time and then do your best to undo it later. That was what she’d have to do now, if she could ever disentangle him from his adoring public.

Two hours were long gone before she managed to get him back to her flat. Even then she’d practically had to manhandle him into the Mini. Now he threw himself back onto Lucy’s sofa and sprawled there, letting out a noisy sigh. He was still wearing the silver Elvis jumpsuit, had insisted on wearing it for the rest of the evening as their friends applauded his performance and congratulated them both. He had dispensed, though, with the ill-fitting wig,
and his fake tan paled to white at his hairline, the blond hair changing to black at the sides of his face. Lucy had eventually managed to persuade him to leave the party and come back to her flat, and now he leaned back comfortably, arms spread wide, grinning at her sitting-room ceiling.

‘What a great night, eh, babe? You know, Suzy said we should go to Graceland as part of our honeymoon. Not such a bad idea, is it? Could do the whole tour. Visit the King’s grave, everything. What do you think?’

There was silence for a long moment before she finally took the plunge and spoke.

‘It’s no good, Ed.’

He looked up in surprise at her quiet tone, such a marked contrast to his overexcitement. He saw her looking at him seriously, steadily. He sat up properly.

‘What do you mean?’

She took a deep breath. ‘It isn’t going to work, Ed.’

His eyes widened.

‘I really wish it could work. But I’ve been deceiving us both. And I’ve been totally, unforgivably unfair to you.’

Her eyes filled with tears at the expression
on his face. This was not some easily disposable two-date boyfriend. She had loved Ed. She had. The fact that it had been more with her head than her heart didn’t demean him one bit. She blinked hard. She had to get this over with. He deserved someone who loved him with passion, not someone who was just making do.

As he came back into focus she could see in his face that he’d guessed what she meant. But she needed to voice it anyway, say it out loud.

‘Ed, when I went to the dance with Gabriel…’ she began. She had to try and find a way to explain, to somehow make things between them not
right
, exactly, she could never do that, but at least make them better.

He interrupted her unexpectedly. ‘You know, Lucy, tonight was a spur-of-the-moment thing really,’ he said. ‘After that row we had I tried to come up with something that might cheer you up. But now that it’s over with and I’ve had time to think, well…’

She watched him, waiting for him to carry on.

He was looking at her, his eyes not wavering from hers, his face contemptuous. She wanted to look away from the onslaught of his hurt reaction,
ashamed of how she’d made him feel, but she made herself meet his gaze. He deserved to say his piece.

‘You know I’ve always tried to be what you wanted me to be. You’ve always harped on about marriage and kids but you know I’ve never really been the marrying kind. Then after that row the other night I thought if it was what you wanted I’d go through with it to keep you happy, that’s all.’ He made a disgusted face. ‘I was wasting my time, wasn’t I? What I really think now is that we should scrap the whole thing. And not just the wedding plans. Everything. I should have listened to my instincts the other night about you and Gabriel. I think I knew, even then. You’re not what I want or need any more. Maybe we’ve had our time, run our course.’

‘Ed…’ She shook her head at him.

‘It’s OK, Lucy.’ He smiled at her. A strong smile. No cracks in his voice. ‘We’ve had some fun, haven’t we? Don’t be sad. You’ll soon get over me.’ He grabbed his jacket in one swift movement and turned for the door.

She jolted out of her stupor as he reached the hallway and crossed the room to swing around
the corner after him. He was standing at the end of the hall, the door of her flat held open.

‘Ed!’ she cried in an anguished tone.

He turned back.

‘Ed, I’m sorry.’ Her voice cracked. She looked at him, trying to show in her face how true that statement really was. That she regretted her treatment of him with her heart and soul.

He smiled at her. Dignified resignation showed in his face. There was no attempt to talk her round. She didn’t blame him for that; it was no more than she deserved. She’d betrayed his trust. ‘Goodbye, Lucy,’ he said. The door clicked shut behind him.

She stood and looked at the closed door for a few minutes, gathering her thoughts. In a way that door had shut on everything she’d taken for granted. The easy option where she’d always have been able to predict life at every turn. As she calmed down she felt no regret, no pang for that mapped-out life. She walked slowly back into the sitting room and automatically checked her phone for texts from Gabriel. She found herself looking at the screen in dismal surprise. Nothing. No calls. No messages. For the first time ever he appeared to be able
to cope with them being at odds with each other. Didn’t he care? She tried to ignore the sudden fear that this was a knockback too far for Gabriel. An accepted proposal in front of all those people. Maybe he was washing his hands of her.

She refused to believe that. She put the phone down on the table and dismissed the impulse to dash to his house and explain. Instead she would let the dust settle. There was something vaguely disrespectful to Ed in rushing to Gabriel the instant the door had closed behind him. Plus the fact it was late now. Past midnight. She would wait until the morning before doing anything. And, she told herself, Gabriel would have definitely got in touch by then anyway. He couldn’t stand tension between them for long.

Gabriel Blake gave up trying to sleep a little after three in the morning. He made his way to the kitchen and brewed coffee he didn’t really want, just for something to do that wasn’t lying down thinking about her. He wondered how long it would be before he could sleep soundly again and didn’t hold out much hope.

His initial shock at Lucy’s acceptance had
given way now to a gnawing sense of loss. The thought of her planning her wedding in delight, marrying Ed, making a home and then down the line starting a family filled him with utter desolation. How could he bear to watch that? To see her, a happily married woman, all the time wishing she belonged to him. Torturing himself over the question whether he could have done something, anything, differently. Perhaps if he’d been clearer, stronger with her when he’d told her how he felt. He passed a weary hand over his eyes. It was too late for that now. He’d missed his chance.

He realised with a rising sense of despair that he’d lost her. It was a different kind of grief from the way he’d felt when Alison had died but that didn’t diminish the magnitude of it. He had lost her not just as a lover, a wife, but also as his best friend. Because he couldn’t see a role in her life for him that wouldn’t amount to daily agony as he watched her loving someone else.

Lucy woke up early, the shock of everything that had happened blasting into her mind like a hammer blow. She grabbed her mobile from the bedside table. It hadn’t disturbed her sleep
even though she’d left it switched on and she could immediately see why. No texts. No missed calls. No communication from Gabriel at all. She couldn’t believe it. It was so unlike him and the implication that he no longer cared what she did brought tears springing to her eyes. She rubbed them away angrily with the back of her hand.

She needed to talk to him, to explain.
What if he doesn’t want to hear it?
She refused to accept that possibility. Scrolling through her phone list, she called Sophie to tell her she’d be in late and arranged for her to open up the shop. Then, heart thumping in her chest, she dialled Gabriel’s number. It took ages for him to pick up. It was so unlike him. She was used to him hounding her after they argued, or when one of them did something to offend the other. It had always infuriated her, but she would take it a million times now over this desolate silence from him. Maybe he’d decided to cut her from his life completely. Decided that she wasn’t worth the effort or the grief. Her heart twisted agonisingly at the thought.

Just as she thought he was going to carry on ignoring her—she had no idea how she would deal with that—he finally picked up.

‘Lucy.’ How tired he sounded. It pulled at her heart.

‘Will you meet me?’ she asked him. ‘Can we talk?’

There was a long pause. She bit her lip.

‘Is there really anything to say, Lu? I’m happy for you. You’ve got what you wanted, what you planned for, haven’t you? I know you’re worried about us staying friends but I think maybe it’s best if you just get on with things for a while. I’ll keep a low profile for a bit.’

Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Gabriel, please. I haven’t. Got what I wanted, I mean.’ She clutched at her hair in frustration. ‘This is such a mess! Will you please just meet me? Just for ten minutes? After that I’ll leave you alone if you want me to, I promise.’

Silence fell again, but her determination was kicking back in. After all this time, all this anguish, she wasn’t going to be put off this easily. If he wouldn’t meet her she’d damn well just go round to his house and ring the doorbell until he let her in. If he didn’t want anything to do with her he could tell her to her face, after she’d told him how she felt. At least then she’d know she could do nothing more.

A sigh. ‘Where?’

She clenched her fist in triumph. ‘Pulteney Bridge. Half an hour.’

He hung up without saying goodbye.

Gabriel put the phone down. Hope tried to infiltrate his desperate heart, but he was too quick for it. He’d thought he’d all but won her last time they’d spoken and then last night had happened. He knew how much their friendship meant to her. And that she must be terrified of losing it. He wished he could tell her what she wanted to hear, that he’d be there for her for the rest of her life, just as he always had been, but he couldn’t watch her make a family, grow old with someone else, all the time wishing it were him.

He loved her. When it came right down to it, he loved her. And he couldn’t bring himself to refuse to meet her. But he intended to keep it short and make it clear that he needed space. Just how long he would need it for he wasn’t sure. A lifetime? He didn’t know.

He grabbed his car keys and prepared to leave the house. And then at the last moment he turned back from the door. Before he could stop himself he picked up the ring, still in its
box on the counter, ready to be returned to his parents the next time he visited, and pocketed it. He knew he was tempting fate but he didn’t care. If he sensed the slightest possibility of convincing her to go back on her marriage plans, he intended to fight for it with every ounce of strength in his body.

L
UCY
waited patiently by Pulteney Bridge. She wasn’t expecting Gabriel to be on time—why would he break the habit of a lifetime? She looked over the stone railings down at the river. The rush of water on the weir below was soothing.

‘Lucy.’

She turned from the water to face him. Who had she ever been trying to kid? All those years since she’d buried her feelings for him when she met Alison. All those years had led up to this moment. She was here with the hope of spending all the days of her life after this one with him. She might have been able to convince herself once that there could be another option. That she could squash her feelings and just keep his friendship. But not any more. The thought of
giving him up now caused her such acute pain that it felt physical,
not just emotional. As if her body and soul would be crushed alongside one another if she had to forgo him now. Had he felt so let down by seeing her accept Ed’s proposal that he’d decided it wasn’t worth the risk? No, she couldn’t let herself think that way. She had to make him understand.

Two weeks ago and her suggestion that they meet at the bridge would be undisputed shorthand for only one thing: a joint run. Things were different now. Nothing was assumed in their relationship any more. The easiness between them was gone. At the very least they couldn’t pick up their friendship where they had left off.

They moved away together from the huge stone railing and she followed him down the steps to the path that ran alongside the river. Her heart pounded in her chest the way it did when she’d gone for a run, as she had done with Gabe so many times down this very path. Just walking next to him, knowing he was close enough to touch her, made her limbs feel like jelly, her skin tingle deliciously.

She looked up at him just as he glanced down at her. Nerves writhed in her belly as if she were on a first date. She was determined
to go through with this, no matter what happened. He might reject her out of hand, but if she didn’t try she’d never know. Her lifelong craving for security wasn’t enough on its own. She couldn’t base her life, her relationships, on that need alone. Not now she knew the depth of passion she was capable of feeling.

‘How’s Ed?’ he asked. A heavily loaded question.

She looked down at the path. He believed them to be together of course. But why wouldn’t he? He’d witnessed firsthand her unwavering acceptance of Ed’s outlandish proposal. In her panic she hadn’t even hesitated, had she? The question that bothered her now was how he felt as a result of it. He didn’t exactly look as if he was burning with jealousy—not such a good sign.

‘He’s fine,’ she said. ‘As far as I know.’

She picked up instantly on his slight change of posture. A sudden sharpening of his attention. He stopped walking and touched her arm. Not a strong hold, just a tap to get her to look at him.

She did. She took in the thick dark hair, the determined set of his strong jaw. The grey eyes, which looked almost blue today in the
sunshine that was taking the edge off the cold air. She could see he looked tired and before she could stop herself she raised a hand to touch his face. He immediately covered it with his own and electric shocks crackled in her fingers, her stomach, her thighs.

‘As far as you know?’ He searched her eyes.

She gazed steadily back at him. ‘Ed and I are over, Gabe.’

‘But last night…’

‘I should never have said yes. You know that, don’t you? You were there. You saw the trouble he’d gone to. He thought he was losing me to you and so he decided to stake his claim.’ She sighed. ‘Making him jealous, changing my clothes. My stupid proposal plan. All of that worked in the end. How could I humiliate him in front of all his friends by saying no? You told me yourself proposing in front of all our friends would be a mistake.’

She searched his face for some reaction but he looked completely neutral, unreadable. ‘I talked to him afterwards, came clean about what went on between you and me. I wish I’d been upfront with him before I’d let things get that far between us, but I honestly thought I
was in control.’ She sighed. ‘It’s no excuse. But I’ve done the best I can to put it right.’

‘So what do you want to do now?’ His expression was cautious, giving little away. Of course he was cautious. She’d told him before that just because it wasn’t right with Ed didn’t automatically make it right with him. He had listened to her. He was letting her have total control this time.

She looked down at her feet. ‘I know things have been complicated since the dance, and I’m sorry about that, Gabe. You have to know that I had no choice but to sort things out with Ed before I could talk to you. Ed’s proposal just made things even more difficult. But the thing is…’ she glanced up at him shyly ‘… when I realised I’d rather have a three-week fling with you than a lifetime with Ed, there was no contest really.’

An amused expression appeared on his face and he took her hand in his. ‘In what universe do you think three weeks with you would ever be enough?’ he asked her gently. ‘I’m not even sure a lifetime would be enough for me. I know my track record is rubbish, I know you probably think the odds of me holding down something long term are minuscule, but, Lucy, I can
promise you that’s what I want. To be with you, build a future. You have to believe me.’

Her stomach was doing flip flops. She tried to keep her voice steady. ‘I’m really glad to hear you say that,’ she said, allowing herself a nervous smile. ‘Because although I mentioned the three-week-fling option, it was never really going to be up for grabs. You know me too well for that. Our friendship means far too much to throw it away for a fling. And anyway, I always aim high.’

Her heart began thumping as she took a small step backwards from him and dropped to one knee on the cold paving. The river flowed by behind him, the sun bouncing off its surface. She looked up at his face. An expression of surprise and sudden understanding rose in his eyes.

‘Gabriel,’ she said, and his name caught in a snag of emotion in her throat. So much depended on this moment. He could still say no. She cleared her throat with a croaking sound. Oh, great. Just what was needed for the perfect proposal: a Kermit the Frog impression.

‘Gabriel,’ she tried again. ‘Will you mm-mmf—?’

He was on his knees next to her, grey eyes
level with her own, his hand plastered firmly over her mouth stopping the words mid-sentence. She frowned and grabbed his big hand with both of her small ones, tugging at it until he let her pull it away.

‘What are you doing?’ she asked in a panic. He was stopping her before she could make a fool of herself. He was letting her down gently. Despite what he’d just said, marriage wasn’t what he wanted, then. Would she sacrifice her marriage dream as long as she had him? Her heart tightened a little. Of course she would. In a second. How much she had changed.

He smiled at her. ‘It’s not February twenty-ninth any more, Lu. We’re into March now, in case you didn’t notice.’

Was that it? The nervous energy she’d expended on this and he was quibbling about the
date!
She pointed an indignant finger into his face, just inches from her own. ‘I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old, Gabriel Blake. That’s my entire adult life. And I am
not…
’ she raised her voice an insistent notch ‘… waiting another four years just so I can ask you on the correct day!’

His eyes crinkled in amusement as his face broke into the lopsided smile she loved.

‘So this is your last chance,’ she said. ‘Don’t blow it.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Gabriel, will you mmmmmf!’

His hand was back against her lips again. She could smell the faintest trace of his aftershave, spicy and deep, making her stomach feel soft. She was glad she was on her knees already as she wasn’t sure they would have held her up much longer.

He smiled as she wrenched at his hand again. And then her eyes widened and she quit tugging instantly as his free hand produced something from his back pocket. A tiny velvet box.

‘No, Lucy,’ he said. ‘Will you?’

At last he took his hand away so he could flip open the box for her. But even with her mouth free, she couldn’t find any words. She gazed down at the most exquisite emerald ring she’d ever seen. It sparkled up at her.

‘It was my grandmother’s,’ he said, as if he couldn’t bear the silent wait for her answer. ‘I thought you’d like it better than something I picked up in a shop.’

‘It’s beautiful,’ she whispered. His face was inches from her own. Warmth began to sweep slowly, deliciously through her. He’d put aside
his commitment fears. Made the biggest gesture he possibly could to prove it. For her.

‘Of course I’ll marry you.’

She was in his arms. She was spinning, light-headed, as his mouth crushed hers and his fingers tangled in her hair. She could feel the muscles of his shoulders beneath her hands and she felt his heart hammering like a drum against her own. She was acutely aware of his hands beginning to wander lower, snaking down her back, and she thought she might actually faint onto the cold paving.

The sudden rush of a bicycle flying past them, almost close enough to knock the pair of them into the river, brought them both back to reality with a jolt and Gabriel helped her to her feet, laughing. They linked hands and walked slowly back up the river path towards the city centre.

‘You’d better not backtrack on that acceptance tomorrow,’ he teased her, sliding an arm around her.

She elbowed him in the ribs. ‘Very funny. You didn’t ask me in public, did you? So yes means yes—you needn’t worry.’

He gave her waist a squeeze. She was acutely aware of his arm circling her, of his
touch. The thought of being alone with him made her quake with anticipation.

‘Where to, then—home?’ he asked her.

‘Where is home exactly? Don’t you mean “your place or mine”?’

‘No, I mean home.’ He squeezed her fingers. ‘I want this to be proper, from the outset. And much as I know you love that titchy flat, Lucy, you have to agree my place is bigger and we need the space for all those endless bits and pieces you buy from tat shops.’ She made as if to slap him, and he dodged her, laughing.

‘Anyway, you rent, I own. Move back in with me. You know you want to.’

Her flat held no strong ties for her now. She realised she associated it very strongly with the past and Ed. Perhaps it would be a good thing to let it go. And it demonstrated again how serious he was about them being together. There was no hedging his bets this time with suggestions of holidays.

She grinned at him. ‘Only if you promise to relinquish the remote control once in a while and make sure you put kitchen equipment away in its designated drawer.’

‘Agreed,’ he said.

They continued for a moment in silence. A
comfortable silence. His fingers knitted loosely in hers. Her stomach was a mass of soft knots.

‘Do you think I should have asked your dad’s permission?’ he asked her suddenly.

‘Are you joking?’ She looked up at him with an incredulous expression. ‘We might be back in touch but the only person who makes decisions about
my
life is me.’

‘With reference to me? And maybe our kids one day?’

She smiled up at him. ‘Deal.’