The Protector (20 page)

She nodded as she took a seat on the couch.  I turned my back to her and reached for the cup of tea I had made her. “Thank you,” she murmured as she took it from my hands and cradled it in hers.  I handed her some strong pain reliever as well, stronger than what she had taken before and she took without hesitation or question.

“Is the pain bad?” I had to ask knowing her answer was going to be a lie.

“No.”  She pursed her lips together and looked away from me.  I knew she was hurt, so asking the question had been more for conversation than a reality of an answer. I could see the faint outline of black circles around her eyes and her nose was still slightly swollen from the impact of the air bag.  I knew that if I had asked her she most likely had one hell of a black and blue mark from where the seat belt had held her back during the impact of the crash.

“You know it’s ok to fall apart?”  I moved and took the seat next to her. “You have been through a lot Alison.”

She looked up from her tea and into my eyes. I could feel my heart begin to race. I couldn’t control it. “I am ok. I am not as fragile as you think,” she smiled.  I knew she was lying to make me feel better, and she was horrible at it as she tried to adjust her body to get into a more comfortable position. Each time she moved she winced even more.

As she did so this urge to lean over and kiss those tilted lips came over me. I could feel my body move forward. ‘Not the right thing to do’ I thought to myself and stopped. I couldn’t do that to her.  It was the last thing she needed.  And I knew she was as fragile as she pretended not to be.  “You need to try and get some sleep.,” I knew within a about 30 minutes time she would be out cold from the medicine I had given her.

She was quiet and only nodded at my request. She sat there for a few moments sipping her tea, finishing it to my happiness. I knew I could take the pain away just a little and I wanted to do everything in my power to allow her to get some rest.  It had been a long day and her world was even more upside down than it had been when she stepped off the plane in DC.  

Alison stood up and slowly walked toward the kitchen and put her cup in the sink.  I stayed where I sat and waited for her to come back into the living room.  She turned away from the sink and leaned her back against the counter.  She put her hands to her face and rubbed her face, slowly wiping away the tears that were welling up in the corner of her eyes.  I moved to get up and with the intent of walking to be by her side. But she stood straight and walked back in to the living room. Her eyes were red. She stopped in the archway in between the kitchen and the living room and looked at me with a questioning glare. She stood there and said nothing, she only stared, meeting my eyes. 

I didn’t move, and held her gaze. She knew I could hold this gaze for as long as needed and I knew she would be the first to look away. And she was. She took a deep breath.  “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” I realized my tone was snide after the words came out.  I was surprised by her questions to some extent. 

“Helping me.  I don’t understand it.”  She stayed where she stood and crossed her arms over her chest, rubbing her arms.  She winced in pain as she did this.

“What don’t you understand?”  I replied, this time more snide than before.  For some reason I thought she could read my mind but then reality hit as I realized what a stupid assumption. She had no idea I wanted to help her. No idea, I felt obligated to help her, and no idea that helping her was more important to me than anything else in my life.

“I don’t understand you. I don’t understand who you are, except that you aren’t supposed to be helping me Jack.”

My name rolled off her tongue and I wanted to smile as she said it, but I could feel bile come up the base of my throat.  My stomach turned sour.  I wondered if she had heard my conversation with Conway while we were on our way to Phoenix.  She had been asleep and I had figured it was safe to call him.  Conway had once again been insistent that I bring her to DC for her safety. I had refused claiming we still had no idea who was behind the whole debauchery.  I took a deep breath before I opened my mouth. I wanted desperately to control the sarcasm this time.

“I can’t take you back to DC Sonny. It’s not safe.  I still don’t know exactly who it was who tried to kill you in Albuquerque. I still don’t know who Tom was really working for. Everything I thought was true, no longer is. The reality of it all the moment tom sent you in his place was the moment your life was put into danger. Until I know that you are safe, I won’t let go.”

She was once again staring into my eyes. “I don’t get it. Wouldn’t I be safe in DC at one of the safe houses? Wouldn’t it be faster for you to find things out if you weren’t on the run protecting me?  It would be over sooner than later and you could get on with your life.”

I didn’t want to tell her my true thoughts on her safety and going back to DC. I didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t know who I could trust. I wasn’t even sure I could trust Seth at the moment. Her life was too valuable to me.  And none of the other things mattered anyway as I had no life to go back to.  This was my life. Doing exactly what I was sent to do. Seek, find, protect and sometimes destroy. I kept my mouth shut as I contemplated my answer.

I could tell she was getting frustrated by lack of an answer. “You still haven’t answered me?” Anger rose in her voice as her eyes moved away. “Jack, why then? Why are you taking it upon yourself to protect me? You don’t have to help me. I know this has to be a burden to you!”

The sarcasm suddenly disappeared, and this time the anger came shooting through me. I couldn’t believe that she thought of herself as a burden to me.  For such a smart woman, she had no clue, I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her until she felt safe. I wanted to run with her to the ends of the earth if it meant she would be safe from all that sought her. “You know very little Sonny. You are far from a burden.” I seethed through my teeth. The anger that came from my tone startled her for just a second and she took a stop back.

“I am not afraid anymore. I want my family to be safe. Just take me to Washington and let it be done.”  She walked over to where I was and took the seat next to me.  I knew she was scared. She had to be, any other person in the same situation would be hysterical and scared to death. I knew she was, but she hid it well.  What irritated me the most was how she could assume I didn’t want to help her.  It also irritated me that she wasn’t thinking this all through. Taking her back to Washington would not solve the problem, nor would it make it go away.  In all reality, taking her to Washington meant that I would be taking her life away.

I got up from the couch and stood in front of her.  Her green eyes grew big with fear. I was mesmerized by the fact that when she cried they turned an even deeper emerald green. My heart melted as I leaned down close to her ear. She sucked in a breath. “I am not going to take you to DC. I am NOT going to let anyone hurt you. Accept it.”  I whispered into her ear. My right arm reached under her knees and my left arm around her back. I lifted her effortlessly off the couch and began to carry her to the bedroom.  Now under any other circumstances, this would be romantic and I would have loved to strip those awful sweats off her body. But this was not the time or the place. I could hear her heart begin to beat faster and she reached her arms around my neck to hold on. 

I walked back to the bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. “Get some sleep Sonny. You had a long day.” She nodded and turned away from me on her side. I walked away from her and into the bathroom to take a shower.

A

My heart was pounding excessively as I heard him walk away from me and walk into the bathroom that was off the bedroom.  Once I heard the door close, I turned back around to face the door. I didn’t understand this man at all. I knew he intrigued me and I was eternally grateful for his saving graces, his patience with me and the way he wanted to protect me. But I wanted him to realize he didn’t have to do it. He didn’t have to ruin his perfect life to protect me.

I couldn’t bear the fact of him getting hurt trying to protect me.   A pain radiated through my chest as I thought of the Lieutenant who had jumped into
harm’s
way and flying bullets to save me. The same man who crashed his car, again just to save me.  Anyone getting hurt because of me was the last thing I wanted.

What intrigued me the most about Jack was his nature.  He appeared to be this hard core tough guy, but this soft side erupted every so often.  Back in Albuquerque, he had tried to keep his distance from me. He did not ask me questions about my life, but I found myself telling him everything.  He was just that type of person and ironically, I knew nothing of him. What I did know was that he had been hurt deeply by something in his past. That much I had gathered – call it intuition. He was still healing from that and I was interrupting that healing process.  My eyes were getting heavy. I was exhausted and I was sure the big white horse pill Jack had given me had something to do with it. Everything was becoming hazy, but it was a welcomed haze.  I wanted desperately to wait for him to come out of the bathroom so I could ask him more questions., but my eyes won the battle and before I knew it I was out cold.

J

The hot water brought a welcome relief to the tightness in my shoulders. The tension of today’s events had finally hit me. It didn’t matter how many times I had been shot at or had dove out of the way, at the end of the day it hurt like hell.  I was exhausted too, mentally and physically. My brain was still wrapping around how to keep her safe. I saw no other option but to run. I still wasn’t sure where though.  Phoenix was safe for now, but it was only time before they figured out where we were.

As I walked out of the bathroom, I knew she was asleep.  Her breathing was even and quiet.  She looked cold so I grabbed the blanket and put it over her and turned to walk out of the room.  I wanted to watch her sleep but I knew she needed to be alone and so did I. I need to plot out our next move. Where we would go? She needed clothes, toiletries, passport. Money was not an object. I knew how to access that. The cover story to get out of the country was a different story.

I walked over to the table to where my cell phone was. It was one that they could not trace. I called an old friend-Jenkins.  He would be able to get me some papers quickly and quietly and right now we needed to be invisible and Jenkins could provide that invisibility.  He was one of the best and the most expensive. When I had needed to hide witnesses, Jenkins was the one I called. I refused to use the fake passports the government provided me for jobs. They could always track them. Jenkins were untraceable unless you knew the names we would be using. I finished my phone call. He said he could have them ready in about 36 hours, possibly sooner. I could handle that. It would give me enough time to plot out a path. 

I laid on the couch letting the exhaustion I now felt hit me.  I closed my eyes, not fully intending to sleep, but soon enough the same dream flooded my sub conscious.  The water was cold and my body went rigid, but unlike the other dreams, it was calm now. I didn’t have to struggle as hard to reach her hand but I still could not pull myself through the surface into her waiting arms.  As I struggled to break through, I could hear her screams, calling out for me to save myself.  The water disappeared and I was then on the floor of the gray room with bars. She kneeled at the bars reaching for me, her sobs inconsolable. I tried desperately to move, to pick myself up off the ground but the weight of the wings that were now on my back held me down.  It was as if I had died and I was suspended somewhere between heaven and hell, a fallen man with broken wings.  I tried to crawl and reach for her, but I couldn’t move.  “Alison,” I heard myself scream. 

“You need to try,” she screamed stretching as far as she could to reach me.

“Alison,” I heard myself say as I gasped desperately for air. “I’m not worth it.”

I wasn’t sure if it was the sobs of my dreams or the screams of reality that awoke me. But it didn’t matter because both were screams of pure terror.  I jumped up off the couch and realized the screams were not a dream. I reached the bedroom in a flash, honestly too fast for human ability and wrapped my arms around her. She buried her face into my chest, looking for comfort. I pulled her in as tight as I could possibly could and kissed the top of her head.   I wasn’t sure how to make her feel safe. All I knew how to do was hold her in my arms. My breathing was almost as heavy as hers and my heart raced right along with hers. I sucked in as much air as I could into my lungs, thankful for the reality and life the air gave me.

I adjusted my body so it was completely on the bed and leaned up against the head board.  I took a deep breath in and could smell her freshly washed hair and body.  The smell was intoxicating.  As if she could tell my need to hold her closer, she shifted her body weight to where she was almost sitting on my lap.  She fit perfectly into the crook of my arm and against my chest and held me as tight as I held her. I didn’t want to believe it but it was as comforting to me as I hoped it was for her.

Her breathing slowed and finally she drifted asleep against my chest. I held her most of the night, until I could no longer stand it. Her scent, the feel of her body against mine, it was too much to absorb and the man inside of me, not the protector, but the one who wanted touch every part of her came creeping through again. I moved to slide her off of my chest and her arms tightened around me. 

“No, please.” Her voice was quiet and calm, but there was a hint of fear still.