Her kiss was tender and her mouth sweet. I took her in with my eyes and my lips. But as we became engrossed in the passion we both wanted, a realization over took me. As much as I wanted her I couldn’t do this to her. We had been here before and I had the
self-control
to stop. I needed to gain some control now and stop before we went too far. A man I was, chivalrous I was not. But knowing I was soon going to have to walk out of her life forever, making love to her was not something I could do without hurting her more.
I gently pulled my lips from hers and pushed her away as she leaned even closer. Her hands continued from my chest to my shoulders and to my face.
“Sonny,” I meagerly tried to get the words out. “Please.”
She pulled away finally, confusion in her eyes. “Jack?”
I took a deep breath to regain my composure. “Sonny, I want you more than you know. “ I took her face in my hands and gently kissed her lips.
“But?” I could see disappointment fill her eyes. The future was something I could not see, but I didn’t see how it was even possible for me to have a future with her.
“No buts. I won’t do this to you.”
She pulled herself away from me and sat back on the bed. “Then you are stronger than I am.” The disappointment faded away and a smile crossed her face. “Tell you what we can revisit this conversation tomorrow night when all this is over and done with. And I am of my own free will to decide what is best for me.”
We would not revisit this conversation tomorrow but I wasn’t going to take away that hope or the beautiful smile that warmed my heart. “Come here.” I reached forward and grabbed her into my arms. I cradled her gently and let her trace my tattoo. I kissed the top of her head and leaned back against the pillow. We talked about almost everything that night. I let her ask everything that was on her mind and I did not refuse to answer.
I told her more about my childhood in Ireland, the rolling green hills, and the grandparents I loved dearly. I talked about the family vacations to the Azores. My father had visited the Island during World War II and took my mother and I there often. It was always happy there. I had only been back a few times since my father was killed. But I told her of my dream to stay there for a
while. I wasn’t sure that dream would ever come true at this point though.
I told her more about Paige and our life together. I told her of the great pain we both had felt when she lost the baby and my regrets of not being there for her more. She listened to my words intently, not interrupting, even to ask me to elaborate. I told her about the home I kept in Virginia, the one I seldom went to. She asked about my mother and I told her I tried to talk to her often, but she had started a new life in Washington State with a man and she was happy.
The night wore on and I could tell she was getting tired. She tried desperately to stay awake. Like her, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her before the dawn broke over the horizon. Joed and Noor had each taken separate rooms on either side of ours. I held her tightly and she slept soundly in my arms no nightmares to interrupt her.
I slept little, waiting impatiently for the end of it all. I didn’t want to fall asleep and have the dream. I knew how it was going to end. I wasn’t going to ever reach the surface of the water, nor was I ever going to get up from the floor of the wretched cell. I was damned to remain there, no matter how hard she tried to break those bars or pull me through the water. I would never be the soul she needed or deserved.
27
Diablo Stadium
Joed had made arrangements for us to meet at the Tempe Diablo stadium the next day. Spring training was over and the Angels were back in LA. It would be empty and the parking lot was open enough for us to hand over the processor to the Israeli’s. I knew who had facilitated the bogus hand off in Tel Aviv and who had put Alison in danger. I had always had a suspicions but my trip back to DC with Joed had brought to light many revelations. It was bigger than what I thought, bigger than what all of us thought.
I managed to pull myself out of bed and not wake Alison. I quickly showered and made a fresh pot of coffee. Hotel coffee was not my favorite but it satisfied the need. I wanted to go for a run, to clear my head, but I was afraid Alison would wake up and panic if I wasn’t there. I didn’t want to make her panic. She was already nervous about the events ahead.
I heard a soft knock at our door and looked out to see Noor holding cup holder with four Starbucks cups in it. I quickly opened the door and stepped out to meet her.
“How’d she sleep,” she asked quietly as I took two of the cups from her. Joed came out of his room in time to grab one of the remaining cups.
“Soundly.” I said grateful to be able to say the truth.
“My people have agreed to what you have asked Jack. It will go as you requested.“ I knew what he was referring to and I knew how it would all play out. I had played it in my head over and over throughout the night as Sonny slept next to me.
“Good,” I managed to say as I gently nudged the door open with my foot. “Thank you Joed, Noor.”
She smiled, “You’re welcome. I figured you would need it.”
“No, thank you for taking care of her.” I owed this woman a lot. She had never been more than a colleague, and an antagonistic one at that. Our paths had crossed many times throughout our careers and this I gathered would be the final time it would cross.
I turned and walked back into the room to find Sonny sitting up in bed. Her tank top had fallen off of her shoulder exposing the top of her round breast. I had to shake away the urge to throw the coffee to the side and crawl into bed with her. I resisted the urge and handed her the coffee.
She said thank you quietly and did nothing to fix her top.
The morning ticked slowly by as we waited for the afternoon to arrive. I tried desperately to get Alison to eat something but each time she refused. She claimed it was her nerves. I didn’t argue with her. By the time it was time to leave, I could read the anxiety in her body language.
It was a warm day in Phoenix. Warmer than it was supposed to be for this time of the year. Alison held my hand tightly as we walked out of the hotel to the car we had picked up the night before. We had left the BMW in the garage of the condo for later use I told her. I had done that, to give Alison the impression we would be returning there later that evening. I felt guilty for giving her that false hope.
The parking lot was empty when we arrived. The four of us sat in the car waiting patiently for the others to arrive. Joed and I went over the plan with Noor and Alison in the car once again. Alison would take the processor with Joed and hand it to who she believed were the Israeli’s. They would take her into custody with Joed and take her out of sight and out of mind. This is when the real adventure would start. Once I knew she was gone and protected I could focus my attention on Conway. And Seth had assured me he would be there to watch the hand off take place and to take care of me in the process.
As the black suburban pulled up I could hear Alison suck in a deep breath. Joed looked at me with concern. “Ready?” he mouthed. I nodded once and turned to Alison. “Ready Sunshine?”
Her smile was weak as she surveyed her surroundings outside the car. Joed and Noor opened the doors and stepped out to give us some privacy. “You’ll be ok. Just follow Joed and do as they tell you. They will not hurt you. I promise you that.” Her expression didn’t change. She reached her hand up to feel the stubble on my chin. I took her hand and kissed it and then leaned in and kissed her hard on the lips. As I pulled away, I could hear her heart as it raced.
“I’ll see you later then,” she managed to whisper.
“No.” My tone was firm and her eyes grew big as the words came off of my lips. The words did not come as easily as they had when I rehearsed them in my head and I could feel the ball of fire well up inside of me as her eyes filled with fear.
“No?” there was confusion in her voice. “Jack?”
“No, this is the end of the road Alison.” I said her full name so she would get the full impact of my words. “It’s time for you to go back to Albuquerque and get on with your life. Our little adventure is over, but… “
Just then Joed opened her door. “Let’s go.”
“Jack?” She looked back and forth between me and Joed not completely digesting what was happening.
“Get out Alison. Go with Joed and get this over with.” I pushed her out the door and that ball of pain exploded in my chest. The pain was excruciating and worse than being shot. The look on her face was what hurt me the most. Knowing that I had caused her pain, even in the emotional sense was devastating. But I saw no other way around it. As much as I wanted to be with her, I was not what she needed in her life. Joed grabbed hold of her arm as she grabbed her backpack and looked at me once again before getting out. She was confused, hurt and angry. Once she was out Joed moved to shut the door. I wasn’t sure if Alison was still within earshot, but the words I had so desperately wanted to say came rolling off my tongue, “I love you Sonny.”
I watched as she walked out of my life as quickly as she had walked into it.
A
Joed’s grip on my arm was tight as he pulled me out of the car. Disbelief and shock radiated through every part of my body as Joed shut the door. I wasn’t sure but as he pushed the car door closed, I thought I heard Jack say something. But my ears had to be hearing things as his last sentence to me before I got out of the car hurt.
We walked toward the black suburban and as we did another car came into view. It sped up and slammed on its brakes stopping close to the car Joed and I had just gotten out of. Noor was now on my other side and both her and Joed began to run pulling me toward the suburban. This was not part of the plan, I quickly ascertained. I turned quickly to see who was in the other car and Conway jumped out yelling for us to stop. Noor and Joed ignored the man and ran quickly, almost picking me up and carrying me to the waiting suburban.
I watched in horror as Jack got out of the car with his hands in the air. I could not hear what he was saying to Conway, but I could hear Conway’s screams.
“What the hell are you doing? You were supposed to give it to me and do away with her.”
I struggled to break free of the grip the two had on me. Conway’s words rung in my ears. “Put me down!” I screamed. As we got closer to the suburban, the back two doors opened and two men stepped out guns in hand. They each wore black jackets, and one of the men I recognized as Seth.
“Get her in!” I heard him yell. My feet were touching the ground again and I managed to wiggle my arm loose from Noor’s grip. Horror crossed her face as I turned and got my footing enough to pull my other arm free. It seemed to all be happening in slow motion. I began to run, screaming Jack’s name. Jack turned and I could see his mouth move and his arm stretch out as if he could stop me from a distance. “No Alison,” he screamed.
Simultaneously, a gunshot rang out and I could feel a body push me to the ground. I hit the asphalt hard and my ears began to ring as multiple gunshots fired from weapons all around me. I lifted my head in time to see Conway turn and point his gun at Jack and fire.
I could feel my mouth open and an ear piercing scream come out of it. I watched in horror as Jack fell forward from the shot. I heard more shots and watched as Conway’s chest exploded into a flurry of red. His tall frame fell hard against his car, producing a loud thud.
My legs refused to move as I watched Seth run to Jack. There was no other noise but my horrific screams as someone picked me up off the asphalt and carried me to the waiting car. Hot tears stung my eyes as Joed threw me into the car and followed me in. “Go, Go, go,” he yelled. I felt the suburban accelerate at an alarming speed and my body slump down. I felt arms encircle my body and someone pull me close to them. My screams turned to sobs as I tried to look out window of the speeding vehicle. I saw nothing but the two men next to Jack.