The Pull of Destiny (24 page)

Shrugging out
of his hoodie, Luke said “I don’t know yet. Joanna wanted me to take her but
she has a boyfriend and I value my life.”

Smart.
Timothy Wheeler wasn’t the
type of guy anyone wanted to cross. He had a faintly menacing air around him.

“You could take
her platonically,” I suggested helpfully, then scratched my nose in thought.
“If platonically is even a real word.”

I’m pretty
sure it’s not a real word, Celsi.

“I don’t think
Timothy would like the idea that the guy who’s hooking up with his girlfriend
is taking her to a party,” Luke said evenly.

Even though it
was common knowledge that Luke and Joanna were friends with benefits, Luke had
never acknowledged the fact that he was still hooking up with Joanna.
Until
now.

“I guess,” was
all I could think of to say.

Leaning further
back in his chair, Luke suddenly asked, “Who is Robyn going with?”

My eyes widened
as I looked up at him. “You want to take Robyn?” I asked, a strange feeling in
the pit of my stomach.

“Yeah, I
suppose,” Luke said unenthusiastically. “I mean, we’re always at these things
together so we might as well go together as a couple.”

It made sense,
but I couldn’t stop the feeling in my stomach from intensifying. There was no
way that Luke would ask me to the gala, I knew that much. So why did I feel so
jealous that he was planning to take Robyn?

“She’s going
with Todd.” Impulsively, I added, “Her boyfriend.”

Luke’s bored
expression didn’t change. “Robyn has a boyfriend? How long have they been
dating?” he asked, not sounding like he even cared to know.

“About a week.”

Luke snorted
derisively and I glowered at him. Only Shazia and I were allowed to poke fun at
Robyn’s short relationships. “Don’t you think it’ll be over by Friday?” he asked.

Bristling
visibly, I said, “No. They like each other. They’ll last.”

Luke shot me a
quick look under his bangs, realizing that I was rather ticked off. “I was just
joking,” he said.

I sighed.
There
goes Celsi, overreacting again.
“I know, but-,” I started, not sure how to
explain myself.

Thankfully, the
arrival of the ice cream (brought to our booth by counter girl and another BR
employee) saved me from digging myself deeper.

“Thanks,” Luke
and I said in unison as the girls set the trays carrying the cups on the
scuffed table.

“No problem!
Enjoy!”

They took off
and I stared at the array of ice creams.
Heaven on Earth.
I picked up a
small plastic spoon from the tray. “It looks so good, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Luke
stared at the ice cream and took a deep breath. “CiCi?”

I tensed. This
was it. He was getting ready to tell me that the reason he was acting so
distant was because he didn’t think we should hang out anymore due to Nate.
At
least I have ice cream to tide me over.
Small consolation. “Yeah?”

“Can I ask you
something?”

I blinked. Huh?
What happened to the ‘breakup’ speech? “Sure.”

Luke stuck his
spoon into a peach colored ice cream but he didn’t take a bite. Meanwhile, I
was on my fourth spoonful, on a mission to try every last flavor on the table.
“Your cousin- Nate, right?”

Oh, the
‘breakup’ speech was coming, alright.

“Yeah, his
name’s Nate,” I said, swallowing another spoonful and hoping that I didn’t get
any on my clothes.
That’s the ultimate mark of a greedy person.
But if
he was going to give me the cut direct, the quicker I ate, the better.

“Why’d you go
off on you like that?”

Again, not
expected. I ran a hand through my hair, staring at Luke, who was staring back
at me. “He’s just- he’s overprotective,” I said, surprised to find myself
defending Nate.
I guess blood
is
thicker than water, after all.
I
just didn’t want Luke thinking that Nate was a huge jerk and that he was always
like that.
He
is
a huge jerk, and he
is
always like that,
Celsi.
Sure, he was. But Luke- he didn’t have to know that. But I had a
feeling he already did.

 “That wasn’t
over protectiveness, it was just plain evil!” Looking annoyed, Luke rested his
elbows on the table, leaning forward. “I’m an overprotective big brother, but
if my sister was with a guy, I wouldn’t talk smack, especially in front of the
guy.”

Nice line,
but your sister is 5, Luke. What the hell would she be doing with a guy?

Still, despite
my cynical thoughts (I’m prone to them) I couldn’t help feeling buoyed that
Luke Astor was getting incensed on my behalf.

“He just wants
to look out for me,” I said lamely.

Luke’s eyes
narrowed. “By calling you a slut?” I opened my mouth to reply but he continued
talking. “Okay, I did too. I mean, I insinuated it. And I’m not making excuses;
I know I was wrong for it. But this guy who’s calling you names- he’s your
cousin!” He shook his head, disgust curling his lip. “There’s no way he should
be talking to you like that. You don’t deserve it.”

I ran a hand
over my face, slumping in the booth. “Maybe I do, Luke.”

Luke shook his
head, still looking irate, disgusted and pretty damned sexy. “Nobody does.
Especially not you, CiCi,” he said, sounding so compassionate that I felt tears
come to my eyes. I blinked them back. I wasn’t going to cry. But knowing that
Luke cared so much about me that anger was flushing his cheeks- I felt so
appreciative for it. It was nothing to him whether he did or didn’t care. But
he did.

Propping my
chin on my upturned palm, I stared out of the window. “He wasn’t always like
that,” I said softly, remembering a time when Nate was the sweetest guy in the
world. Even though he was just 9 years older than me, he’d been the only father
figure I ever knew.

“Really?” Luke
sounded unconvinced, spooning some ice cream into his mouth. “I find that
pretty hard to believe.”

I shook my
head, no longer sure why I felt the need to defend Nate. I guess I just had to
let Luke know where he was coming from. “He used to be ordinary. Normal.” I let
out a breath, turning from the window to find Luke’s dark green eyes on me. “Like
a brother to me.”

“So what
happened?”

Luke still had
a skeptical look on his face and I bit my lip, deciding to explain so that
maybe he could see why Nate acted the way he did and draw his own conclusions.
I really didn’t know exactly how Nate had changed so much, but I had an idea
why.

I looked down
at the table, wondering where to start. “When Aunt Kelly took me in, Nate was
great. He treated me like a princess.” I smiled to myself, memories of Nate
taking me to the Zoo or to the corner store for candy still fresh in my mind.
“Everything I wanted, he would get me, just to try to get me to forget that my
mom- that she abandoned me.” Luke’s eyes narrowed and I belatedly remembered
that I had never told him about my mom just leaving me at Aunt Kelly’s and
never coming back. I was already on my way to revealing so much and I didn’t
want to start with that story too, so I hurriedly continued. “He was the best
big brother ever.”

“Uh huh.”

Luke seemed so
dubious that I smiled despite myself. “You don’t believe me.”

He shrugged. “I
do, I just have a hard time picturing the guy who swore at you treating you
like a princess,” he said, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. “So what
changed?”

“He met a great
girl and when she found out that she was pregnant, she moved in with us and
Rhea was born.”

I closed my
eyes, remembering how excited Nate and Tori had been about the baby. Nate held
down two jobs to ensure that Rhea got the best crib, stroller and clothes he
could afford.

“Your niece?”

“She was a little
angel, Luke,” I said, tears springing to my eyes again as I heard Rhea’s
infectious laugh ring in my head. “Sweet, adorable- Nate doted on her.” Opening
my eyes and willing the tears not to fall, I said, “You know how you go through
life hearing about children being kidnapped, getting into accidents and things
like that?”

Luke nodded,
reaching across the table to put his warm hands over mine. “Yeah.”

“And you think
‘that couldn’t happen to me and my family’?” I blinked back more tears. I
didn’t want to cry in front of Luke.
Keep it together, woman!
But this
was the first time in ages that I had talked about Rhea and it was still so
painful to know that I would never see her beautiful face again. “That’s what
Nate thought about Rhea. Me too. She was just- too harmless, too special.” I
didn’t know how to explain how we all thought that there was nothing that could
take Rhea away from us, but I saw from the look on Luke’s face that he
understood. “Everything Nate did was for Rhea.”

His eyes not
leaving my face, Luke slowly stroked his thumb over my wrist. “What happened?”
he asked slowly.

I swallowed, a
knot in my stomach. “It was a Saturday and I was at home with Tori and Rhea.
Tori was supposed to be looking after Rhea because I had to go to work, but she
was sleeping, so when it was time for me to leave, I put Rhea down for her
nap.” I remembered that day so clearly, it was the worst day of my life. Rhea
hadn’t wanted to go to bed, I had to bribe her.
I told her I would buy her
Pringles if she went to sleep like a good little girl
. “She loved Pringles,
so she finally agreed to take a nap. And when I came back home with the tube of
chips... A tear slid down my cheek as I went on. “When I came back, Tori was
still sleeping. I- I went to check on Rhea.”

I couldn’t stop
the tears from coming as I recounted the events of that awful day. My lip
wobbled and I held my head in my hands, not looking at Luke. Why did he have to
see me crying?

I heard him
mutter, “Oh, my God,” and suddenly he was right beside me, his arm around my
shoulder, pulling me against his warm body as he handed me a napkin. “You don’t
have to continue, CiCi, I’m sorry-,” he murmured, his lips moving against my
forehead.

But I couldn’t
stop. “She was so still- it was the worst thing-.”

Shaking, I
sobbed into Luke’s t-shirt as he wrapped both of his arms around me, squeezing
tight like he never wanted to let me go. Which was fine with me. And if I
hadn’t been crying, I would have really enjoyed how his hands were gently
rubbing up and down my sides or how he was simultaneously kissing my forehead
while murmuring soothingly into my hair. But I couldn’t focus on that (damn).

“Wow... she
was-,” Luke started, smoothing my hair from my face.

Sniffling, I
nodded into Luke’s chest. His muscular chest. “She was- she was dead, Luke. She
suffocated with her own pillow.”

“I’m so sorry,”
Luke said, picking up another napkin to wipe away my tears. One of my recurring
fantasies, having a hot guy comfort me while I cry, but I couldn’t enjoy it. He
kissed my cheek, his nose against my skin. I shivered again but that had
nothing to do with the crying and everything to do with being so close to Luke.

“I just went
nuts. I woke Tori up, called an ambulance but it was too late.” The feeling of
utter desolation that had swept through me upon finding Rhea in her crib- it
still haunted me till this day. And what had happened next only made things
worse. “When Nate heard, he went crazy.” I sniffed again, raising my head from
Luke’s chest with regret. He didn’t let go of me. “I never saw anything like
it, Luke. He smashed the dishes, broke a window and just threw things around.”
Aunt Kelly had screamed at him to stop, but it seemed that breaking things was
the only way for Nate to vent his rage. And he was truly angry. Unfortunately,
he was angry at one person- me. “He blamed me for what happened to Rhea.”

“Really?” Luke
sounded disgusted as he rubbed his cheek against my hair, sending tingles
rushing through my body. I was going into sensory overload. “Why?”

Tears seeped
out of my eyes as I sighed. “I put her to bed,” I explained simply.

“Damn,” Luke
breathed. I felt him swallow. “I’m so sorry, CiCi.”

“I loved her so
much! I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her,” I said, running a hand over
my face. “But Nate wouldn’t listen to reason, it was my fault and he wanted me
to pay. The neighbors- they called the cops on him but before they arrived, he
took off.” I took a deep, shuddering breath. “He wasn’t at the funeral.”

I didn’t want
to think about the funeral, about Rhea’s tiny casket, about how Tori just went
to pieces seeing her beloved daughter being lowered into the grave. Because if
I thought about the funeral, I wouldn’t be able to stop crying.

“What?” Luke
sounded livid. “Are you serious?”

I nodded. “He
came back home about two weeks later and he’d changed. He started drinking
heavily, being loud and unreasonable.” Living at home started to become
nightmarish. But that was something Luke didn’t need to know. “Tori left him
and he just got worse. He was so- bitter. He started hating me even more
because I was a constant reminder of what happened to Rhea but- it wasn’t my
fault, Luke! I never meant to hurt her.”

“You didn’t
hurt her, CiCi. How could it have been your fault when you weren’t even there?”
Luke asked as another wave of tears took over me.
Crying in public is never
pretty. Especially when I’m the one crying.

“To Nate, it’s
my fault,” I said when I could finally speak again. “If my mother had never
left me at their house, Rhea would still be alive.”

Maybe that was
true. I was just bad luck to everyone around me.
The Celsi Sawyer curse.

“I don’t
believe that. Don’t say things like that, CiCi, you know it’s not true. Your
cousin is a jackass if he doesn’t realize that it was just an accident.” A
pause. “CiCi, does he- does he hit you or anything?”

I pulled back
to look at Luke properly. He was staring at me with a troubled look on his
face, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. “Well, he’s violent when he’s
drunk,” I admitted.

“He hits you?”
Again, Luke sounded angrier than I would have expected.

I shook my head
quickly. “No, he just throws stuff. Not at me, though. Just at the walls,” I
lied.

“Oh, God,
CiCi,” Luke breathed against my forehead, running a hand absently through my
hair. My stomach did a back flip.
Could he possibly sound any sexier?
Wasn’t
he supposed to be comforting me, not turning me on?

“I’m used to
it,” I said honestly, finally mustering the nerve to pull out of Luke’s
embrace. I leaned against the backrest of the booth but Luke just scooted
closer to me, putting an arm around my shoulder and pressing me against him
again. “And even if I wasn’t, I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“How about your
dad?” Luke asked, giving me a sideways look.

Softly, I
replied, “I never knew my dad.”

“I’m on a roll
today, aren’t I? Just bringing up painful subjects,” Luke sighed. “I’d invite
you to come live with me, but my dad’s as bad as Nate.”

I stared up at
him; he had a perfectly serious expression on his face. “You’re joking,” I
said.

He shook his
head, grinned wryly. “I wish I was.”

We sat in a
comfortable silence for a long while, Luke absently playing with my hair and
humming a song under his breath. I rested my head on his shoulder on impulse
and he slipped his free hand in mine.
You’ve come a long way from concentrating
on not looking at me, haven’t you, Luke?

“Thanks for
listening, Luke,” I said finally, my voice small. I felt ashamed that I had
cried so much, but I was glad that I had confided in someone. Not even Robyn
and Shazia knew exactly how I felt about Rhea, and how deeply the accident had
affected me. “I needed that.”

“Anytime. After
all, you’re there for me; I needed to return the favor.”

“I thought you
were gonna tell me that we shouldn’t hang out anymore,” I admitted. Luke
glanced down at me in surprise.

“Why’d you
think that?” he asked, trailing a thumb across my cheek. I tried not to
tremble. Obviously Luke had no idea what he was doing to me!

“You were
acting- odd. Kinda distant. So I thought...” My voice trailed off and I
shrugged.