The Queen Bee of Bridgeton (20 page)

Sometime during dinner, the significance of what was about to happen registered in my mind. The student population of Bridgeton had voted on whether they liked me or not. Of course, I knew I shouldn't really care, but I did. I wanted to be liked, which meant I wanted to win. But then again, I didn't want to win. The winner had to go on stage and give an acceptance speech. What if I said something stupid? What if I didn't say anything at all?

By the time dessert came, I nervously tapped my finger on the table. I made the silverware clink, causing people in the fancy French restaurant to stare at me. Sasha gave me a look that said 'relax' or possibly 'relax, you idiot', but I couldn't stop. Will placed his hand over mine which made my finger stop, but then my leg picked up where my finger left off causing the whole table to shake from my knee banging the bottom of it. I realized I was being ridiculous, but the idea of me as prom queen was even more ridiculous. If I won, I couldn't stand up in front of everyone and make a speech. And if I didn't win, that would mean no one liked me. Either way, I felt trapped. I felt trapped in this restaurant. I couldn't breathe. No, I couldn't go through with this. What a stupid idea. I had to tell Sasha her plan wasn't going to work. I had to get out of this. I had to get out of there.

"Okay, let's go for a walk," Will
said
, standing up from the table.

"So, tell me exactly why you're nervous," he said once we were outside and walking around the block. "I have seen you dance alone on stage in front of a sold out audience. You weren't nervous then. What is it about giving a 20-second speech that throws you into a panic?"

"Dancing is different. I'd give my firstborn child to be able to dance instead of give that speech."

"Hey, don't go bartering off our children like that," Will
teased
.

"I'm serious, Will. This freaks me out. I hope I don't win. What am I
gonna
do if I win? What am I
gonna
say? I never know what to say to people. I wish you could be on stage with me.  Why aren't you running for king?"

"I won last year, Babe. I can't run twice in a row."

"Duh!
I knew that. You see how stupid I am? I'm too stupid to give a speech." I said, slipping into full panic mode. "Oh, I wish I were Sasha, she always says the right thing."

"Stop saying things like that," he said firmly as he stopped and stepped in front of me. "You're not stupid and you're not Sasha, thank God. You're
you
and
you
are the greatest person I've ever met in my life." Will wrapped me in his arms after planting a passionate kiss on my lips.

When the time to announce the king and queen came, all of the nominees went on stage. Lauren
DeHaven
hugged me and the other three girls running against her as if we were all part of this big happy family. She pretended like she'd be equally happy if either of us won. What a fake bitch, I thought.

Sasha, as student body president, opened the envelope for king first and, of course, it was Poe. Lauren
DeHaven
cheered for her boyfriend as he made his speech in which he mentioned the state champion basketball team. I wondered if I could somehow mention the basketball team in my speech if I won. But that wouldn't make any sense. As Sasha opened the envelope for queen, Lauren
DeHaven
actually grabbed my hand and the hand of the girl next to her.

When Sasha read my name off the card, Lauren
DeHaven
squeezed my hand so hard I thought she might snap my fingers off. Then she hugged me and whispered in my ear, "This
ain't
over."

Sasha jumped up and down in excitement as they placed the crown on my head. I was too shocked to jump up and down. I was too shocked to move. I felt completely stiff and frozen as Sasha hugged me and whispered, "Breathe, don't forget to breathe." But I forgot to breathe. I forgot everything. All I saw was that microphone looming in front of me. With each second it grew bigger and bigger. And it was mocking me. Logic told me it was impossible for an inanimate object to mock someone, but I swear that microphone had it in for me. It told me that in a matter of seconds everyone in the school would see what an idiot I was and they'd immediately strip me of my crown.

The audience drew quiet as they waited for me to take the microphone and say something profound.

Sasha hugged me again and inconspicuously pushed me toward the microphone, but then at the last second she grabbed it and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I know the queen is the one who is supposed to talk right now, but I really couldn't pass up the opportunity to tell everyone how incredibly proud I am of my beautiful and talented little sister. You did the right thing by choosing the sweetest, kindest, most deserving person at Bridgeton. She is the best sister anyone could have and the best queen Bridgeton could have."

I appreciated Sasha standing up for me and saving me once again, but somehow I felt I needed to stand on my own for once.  I was no longer a loser who ran into cows, waited patiently while the popular kids blocked her locker, or babbled about public urination.  I was a queen and I needed to act like one. I tapped Sasha on the shoulder and gestured for the
mic
.  Her eyes bulged and her lips parted in protest.  She didn't think I could do it. I had to pry the microphone out of her hand.

"Uh…hi…uh…everyone," I began nervously.

"We love you, Dancing Queen!" Someone yelled followed by more applause and cheers. Then the crowd grew quiet again. I looked out on the sea of faces staring up at me waiting to hear something profound.  Nothing profound was coming to me. A weight of doubt sat in the pit of my belly.  I thought I might vomit.

Then I found Will smiling at me. 'You can do this,' he mouthed.  He was right. I
could
do this. What was I so afraid of?  I took a deep breath and said, "I want to thank all of you for your votes, but more importantly, I want to thank you for the confidence you've given me. I've never been cool, or popular, or beautiful and you've made me feel like all those things tonight. Congratulations to the other four nominees, Sophie, Caroline, Hayley, and," I paused dramatically then added, "Lauren," noticeably leaving off the
DeHaven
.

Lauren
DeHaven
momentarily lost her cool and angrily crossed her arms. I could almost see steam seeping out of her ears as she glared at me and Sasha.

When the speech ended and I left the stage, I had never been so relieved in my life. After Poe and I danced the king and queen dance, I found Will and convinced him we should go. It had been a perfect evening so far, and I wanted to leave before anything changed.

***

Somehow the spring recital at Ms. Alexander's studio
kinda
snuck up on me. Not to say I wasn't prepared. It's just that usually I spent the two weeks before the show doing publicity. I traveled to local public schools and performed solo excerpts from the show. I hoped maybe there was a younger version of myself sitting in the audience who I could inspire to lead a life of dance. That year I didn't do my little tour. Because of the prospect of
DiRisio
, it was likely my last performance with the studio so Ms. Alexander wanted it to be a complete surprise. I had three solos that even the other members of the cast had never seen before.

In Ms. Alexander's studio, we usually stayed away from the classic ballets like, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Romeo and Juliet. When Ms. Alexander was in her prime, she never got cast in those lead parts.  She said American audiences didn't want to see a Japanese Cinderella, Princess Aurora or Juliet. She didn't want me to go through the same struggles she did.  So, most of our performances were her original creations.  And they were beautiful.  We did still have to do the Nutcracker every year.  It was just expected. But she braved the complaints and cast me as Clara anyway.

I
kinda
felt like this year's show was a tribute to me. It began with the entire cast performing a series of rigid movements while wearing the same style drab taupe costume. Then I entered wearing a stunning rose colored tutu performing the same choreography except with more fluidity. I'm shunned and no one will even look at me or acknowledge my existence. Enter the leading man, who joins me in my unique interpretation of love and dance. For this part, I pretended it was Will on stage with me gently lifting me to new heights of self expression.

Over the course of two acts, my character transforms the entire stage into one of color. Not only do the other cast members look at me, but I proceed to lead them in a number filled with dramatic leaps and spectacular turn sequences. In the end, it's clear that I finally belong.

Will
bought
me so many flowers that I could barely see to walk. As soon as I entered the parking lot, I heard clapping. I lowered the flowers and saw that there were at least fifty Bridgeton students holding flowers for me and signs with my name. Apparently, Will had organized a group of students to come and support me. It was the first time my fellow students had ever seen me dance…well, without a table that is.

For a while, everything was right in my universe. I was on top at the studio, I was popular at school, and most importantly, I was loved by Will. But, oh, how quickly things can change.

***

"What the hell is this?" Sasha said a week later as she held a piece of paper in her hand. I mentally went through all the quizzes and tests I'd had in the past couple of days and I really didn't think I had failed any. I hadn't gotten my Spanish test back, but I was pretty sure I'd aced it. I had no idea why Sasha was angry with me.

"Sasha, I haven't failed any test, I swear," I pleaded with her.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about?" she asked, softening a little.

"No."

"Have you checked the message board?"

"No," I said as she started to drag me to the main office.

When we got there, she pointed to the bulletin board and said, "Read that." I almost couldn't believe my eyes. I had to read it three times and each time my heart beat faster and faster and louder and louder until it pounded in my ears. I had been summoned before the honor council.

As student body president, Sasha received a special notice saying she had to sit on the council.  I could understand her anxiety.  She had to decide whether or not to expel her sister from school.

"Honestly, did you cheat?" I never, ever thought I'd have to hear those four words from my sister.  "Please tell me you didn't cheat on something."

"Sasha, I have no idea what this is about.  Of course, I didn't cheat. Have you seen my grades?" 

Sasha stared at me for a while trying to gauge the veracity of my words.  She must have decided to believe me because she said, "Well, if you didn't cheat, what is -," she paused. "Those bitches!" she yelled before storming off.

"What's this about an honor trial?" Will
asked
when he met me at the tree for lunch; the tree that used to be a special place for me and Sasha.

"I didn't cheat, Will. You
gotta
believe me." Will hugged.

"Of course, I believe you. Everyone does.  The entire school is behind you on this one."  Will brushed a strand of hair away from my face then handed me a sandwich.  "They're
gonna
have to have some extreme amount of evidence against you," he said sitting on the ground and taking out his lunch of three turkey club sandwiches, three bottles of chocolate milk and three bags of Doritos. My stomach churned either from the thought of Will wolfing down all that food or the thought of my integrity being publicly challenged.