The Quest for the Heart Orb (18 page)

“My only excuse is that I spent my life being condemned for my Mareon heritage by those who’d always known me, so I hesitated to reveal it to strangers.  I see now that it was a foolish decision on my part.  Knowing that the Orb Quest is at constant risk of attack by demons, I should have known better.  I apologize to you, Sir Corbon, and to everyone else.”

Sir Corbon relaxed a little.  “I accept your apology, Hara Ren, of course, though the fault was mine.  As a Knight of Isiben, I should have taken the time to identify what I was seeing before acting as I did.”

“Your apology is also accepted, Sir Corbon, and appreciated,” Ren said.

“Good,” Karma said, relaxing her stance and retracting her staff, signaling an end to the tensions.  “Now that that’s over, can we have some lunch before this rain becomes any heavier?”

The crowd dispersed, and Caral and Lashi approached with a tray of food, covered with a heavy cloth to keep out the still drizzling rain.  Ren accepted a plate almost blindly, her hands shaking almost too hard to hold it.

If everyone had reacted the same way Sir Corbon had after she pushed her hood back, she would have understood.  She would have known how to react, and she would have known what to expect.  She would not have been surprised. 

But they hadn’t reacted the way she expected at all.  The women had accepted her, which was a miracle of sorts, but they had their own differences, which made that somewhat understandable.  But why had everyone else accepted her and her Mareon blood?  Why hadn’t they gasped in horror or shrunk back in disgust?  She didn’t understand it, and she didn’t know how to respond to it.  It was as though the very foundation of her life had shifted.  That, more than anything else, had shaken her deeply. 

Marl stepped in front of her, reached over, and pulled her hood up.  It was wet, but it served to stop the rain from pelting her in the face.  “I have a spare leather cloak that will repel the rain,” he said.  “I’ve already made arrangements with Princess Kapia for her attendant to alter it for you so that you can wear it over your cloak.”

“You are too generous, Sir Marl,” she whispered.  “I should decline your offer, but I agree that it would be best for everyone should my face remain dry from now on.”

“I did not make the offer out of concern for the alteration of your skin when wet, Hara Ren,” Marl said as he began patting her face lightly with a dry cloth.  “I made it because I do not want you to become ill.”   She glanced up at him in surprise, then blurted out the first thing that came into her mind.

“Why did you protect me?” she asked.  “Before Karma revealed the truth.”

“You are not evil,” he said.  “Nor are you demon,
cin-sahib
, or anything else of that nature.  I knew there was a reasonable explanation, I just didn’t know what it was.”

“What makes you so certain that I am not evil?”

One corner of his mouth turned up as he finished drying her face and put the cloth away in a pocket of his cloak.  “I just know.”

Ren looked down at the plate of untouched food in her hands.  “Thank you for standing up for me, and protecting me.”

“It was my honor,” he said with a brief bow.  Ren had no idea how to respond to that so she confined herself to a nod.  “You said that you were condemned for your Mareon blood.”

“Yes,” Ren said, understanding that his words were more question than statement.  She also knew, suddenly and absolutely, that she would never hide anything from this man.  “The first time I cried in front of the other children, on the day of my mother’s death, my future was set.  The single corona stone I had at the time might have been overlooked, but not the scales.  Reptiles have scales, and too many demons are reptiles. 
Brai
Adaya told everyone that I was Mareon, not demon, which saved me from the wrath of the villagers.  But the explanation for my differences didn’t make me any more acceptable to the other children.”

“Your childhood must have been lonely,” Marl said.

Ren didn’t want to discuss her childhood so she shrugged lightly and moved on to what was, for her, a far more important matter.  “What do you think of my Mareon blood, Sir Marl?”  The question itself was bold, but her voice was barely above a whisper.

“It makes no difference in the way I feel about you, if that’s what you mean,” Marl said.

“How you feel about me?” Ren asked, surprised into looking directly into his black eyes.  As she watched, those eyes fill with regret, and her heart sank.  “I apologize, Sir Marl.  I should not have asked you that.  It’s just that I feel so relaxed with you.  It’s almost as though I’ve known you for years instead of days.” 

“I know,” Marl said, shocking her so much that she nearly dropped the plate in her hands.  “I’ve felt the same way from the moment I laid eyes on you.  It’s why I accepted the assignment to guard you, though I shouldn’t have.  I should have stayed far away from you, but I cannot seem to help myself.”

“You regret meeting me?”

“Never,” Marl declared.  “But I fear we will both regret my weakness.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” 

Marl wished with all his heart that he didn’t have to tell Ren the truth about himself.  But now that he knew she felt as he did, he had to tell her.  She had a right to know.  “When we began the Orb Quest a few months ago, I was among the highest ranking knights of Isiben,” he said.  Ren’s clear green eyes sharpened with interest.  “I was, above all things, an honorable man.  I am not that man any more, Hara Ren, and I fear I never will be again.”

“What happened?”

“I abandoned my post, and my Prince,” he replied with as little emotion as possible.  “I was absent, I’m told, for many days, yet I have no real memory of that time.  I remember only darkness, pain, and most shameful of all, fear.  There is an empty place in my mind where those days should be, and I have no idea why.  Nor do I know what evil I did during that time.  I suspect that I am tainted.”

“You think you’ve done evil?”  Marl nodded.  “Why do you think that?”

“Because my last memory, before the darkness, is of a
cin sahib
cutting his way into Lady Techu’s tent,” he said.  “I see it clearly in my mind.  I don’t know if I actively helped, or if I stood by and watched, but there can be no excuse for either.  Since my return I’ve struggled constantly to break through the darkness and remember what happened, but my efforts have been futile.  I am not a whole man, Ren, nor will I be until I know the truth of that dark time, and what I did.” 

They heard a shout, and Marl looked back over his shoulder just as Lashi came to take Ren’s plate, tsking under her breath at the untouched food.  “It’s time to move on,” Marl said.  “Shall I assist you into the saddle?”

“Yes, please,” Ren replied.  “I’m not too sure of that stirrup yet and I don’t want to fall.”

“I will never allow you to fall, Hara Ren,” Marl said solemnly as they walked toward her diplo.  When they reached Spot’s side she stopped and turned to look up at him.

“Sir Marl, you just told me that you know I’m not evil,” she said.  “Does that mean that you think I’m a good person?”

“Of course,” Marl said without hesitation.  “Very much so.  I know that absolutely.”

“And I know the same things of you,” she said.  “You are a good man, and there is no evil in you.”

“After what I just told you, how can you be sure?” he asked. 

“I don’t know,” she said.  “I just am.  I would stake my life on it.”

“I hope you never have to take such a risk,” he said, turning to check the straps on her saddle.  He tightened one, then turned back to her.

“It wouldn’t be a risk,” she said when he was facing her again.

“I wish I could be that sure,” he said, turning her around and placing his hands at her waist, disregarding the stirrup.

“So do I,” Ren said softly.  Then he was lifting her, she swung her leg over the saddle, and he was gone.  Her diplo began walking when Goldy and Dippy did, but she barely noticed.  She silently replayed their conversation and as she did so, a memory began tickling her mind.  The harder she tried to pin it down, the further away it seemed to slip.  So deep was her concentration that she didn’t even notice when the rain finally stopped falling.

“Is something wrong, Ren?” Karma asked after watching the younger woman ride in silence with a frown on her face for nearly an hour.

Ren looked up and shook her head.  “I’m just trying to remember something,” she replied.  “It’s so frustrating!”

“What’s frustrating?” Kapia asked.

“Have you ever felt as though you couldn’t quite remember something?  Something important, but you don’t even know
why
it’s important?  It’s close, like I can almost brush it with my fingertips, but I can’t get hold of it.”

“Yes, I know exactly what you mean,” Karma said.  “I agree, it’s very frustrating.  Maybe if you talk about it, it’ll help.  What were you thinking of before it began? 

“Sir Marl was telling me that he disappeared from the Orb Quest for a number of days, and that he can’t remember anything about the time he was gone.  He fears he may have done something evil.  It was after he told me that I started to feel like there was something I couldn’t grasp.”

“I’m surprised,” Kapia said.  “He doesn’t usually discuss that with anyone.”

“Was it wrong of him to tell me?”

“Not at all,” Karma said.  “I think it’s a good sign that he spoke with you about it.  We’re all very worried about him, Ren.  If he doesn’t find his way soon, we’re afraid we’ll lose him.”

“Lose him?” Ren gasped, feeling the blood drain from her face in shock.  “Why do you say that?” 

“Tiari can see something she calls
auras
,” Kapia said.  “They’re like lights or colors around people that tell her a lot about them.  I don’t really understand them myself, but she says that Marl’s aura is not good.”

Ren leaned forward so she could see Tiari on the far side of Kapia.  “Can you see lights around me, too, Tiari?”

“Yes, of course,” Tiari said.  “You’re like Karma and Kapia in that you have two colors.  Deep blue-green with streaks of silver.  There’s also a lot of gray, but less than when you first came to us.”

“Gray?”

“Depending on the person, and the shade, gray can indicate sadness, despair, even a waning life force,” Tiari said. 

“What of Marl?” Ren asked.  “What does his aura look like?”

“His natural aura is, I think, a strong, steady green,” Tiari said, then frowned thoughtfully.  “In fact, I think it might be blue-green, much the same as yours, when he’s well.  Unfortunately, since I’ve known him, there’s been mostly yellowish green with lots of dark gray, which is not good.  Today the yellow areas are much greener than I’ve ever seen before, but the gray hasn’t changed, and that’s a bad sign.  If you know of something that will help him, I hope you remember it soon.

Ren’s face paled.  “Then it’s even more important that I remember…whatever it is.”

“I’m going to ask you a very personal question, Ren, if I may,” Karma said.

“Of course,” Ren said.

“Do you feel as though Sir Marl is your other half?”

“Other half?” Ren repeated slowly as though tasting the words, then fell silent.  The other women waited patiently, giving her time to think.  A couple of minutes passed before she spoke.  “Before I joined the Orb Quest I’d never known a married couple, nor witnessed two people who cared for each other in a romantic way.  Added all together, I doubt I’d spoken a dozen words to members of the opposite sex before arriving on the
Hidden Sister
, and I certainly never imagined my life with a man in it.  And yet, from the moment I looked up to see Marl running toward me with a spear in his hand to save me from that bear-cat, I knew that he was my future.”  Ren paused for a moment, then looked up to meet Karma’s gaze.  “I think that, without him, I will never be whatever it is I
could
be with him at my side, or even what I
should
be.  Is that what you mean?”

“Yes,” Karma said, smiling.  “That is exactly what I mean.”

Ren’s answering smile soon faded.  “What if I cannot give him the help he so desperately needs?”

“I don’t know, Ren,” Karma said.  “I’m sorry, but I won’t lie to you.  We’ve been worried about Marl since his return.  He’s regained his physical health and strength, but his spirit is…damaged.”

“I don’t ever want you to lie to me, Karma, and I appreciate your honesty,” Ren said.  “I won’t give up trying to remember…whatever it is.”    

“Well, I’ve heard that it helps to think about something else,” Kapia said.  “Then, when you least expect it, the answer you’re looking so hard for will just pop into your head.”

“I’m willing to try,” Ren said.  “Do you have another topic in mind?”

“I do,” Karma said, then bit her lip as she looked around to make sure all of their guards were far enough away for them to talk privately.

“What is it?” Ren asked.

“It’s about Garundel,” Karma said, then closed her mouth, leaving it at that.  She was relieved to see that Ren didn’t look angry or frightened, though otherwise her expression was difficult to decipher.

“What did he say?” Ren asked.

“Not a word to me,” Karma said.  “My understanding is that he knows, but believes you to be unwilling to acknowledge the connection.  He intends to abide by your wishes.”

Ren’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully.  “He told Prince Zakiel, who told you.”

“Yes,” Karma said, smiling.  “I like how quickly your mind works, Ren.”  She paused, considering her next words.  “I brought this up because I wanted you to know that your secret isn’t really a secret.  This is a close-knit group of people.  We’ve travelled together, relied on each other, and fought for each other for some time now.  It won’t be long before everyone will know that there is something between you and Garundel.  Also, I want you to know that you can speak freely with any one of us.  We will never betray your confidences, and we will not judge you, provided you don’t do anything deliberately harmful, cruel or mean.”

“Your support and honesty mean a lot to me Karma,” Ren said.  “The truth is, I really don’t know what I should do.  I’ve never had anyone to talk to about this, but I’d like to give it a try.”