The Rancher's Blessed Event (7 page)
Read The Rancher's Blessed Event Online
Authors: Stella Bagwell
“How do you know?”
At some point in the last few minutes, she'd become aware of his hand moving gently against her shoulder. Now it was beginning to burn through her knit top like a red-hot branding iron.
Desperate to halt her runaway senses, she shrugged out of his grasp and reached for a basket of warm taco shells.
“Have you ever lived with a woman, Cooper?”
Caught completely off guard by her question, he watched her go over to the dining table and take a seat at one of the place settings.
“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked crossly.
She glanced at him, then set about filling her plate. “Maybe nothing. Maybe I'm just curious.”
Snorting, he joined her at the table and took his own place at an angle to her right. “I seriously doubt you've had one curious moment over me since I left here.”
She'd had a million curious moments, but she'd never confess that to him. She'd rather eat nails than have him knowing how much she'd grieved for him after he'd went away.
“What about the woman? Or women, I should say.”
He glanced at her sharply, then reached for a taco shell. “I haven't been married or anything, if that's what you're asking.”
“I didn't really figure you had,” she said bluntly. Years ago, Cooper had made it clear enough to her that he wasn't ready to become a married man. Looking at him now, she could see he hadn't changed. He still had that tough, loner, I'm-my-own-man look about him.
A dull flush spread over his face. “I lived with a woman for a while,” he muttered. “Or at least when I was between rodeos.”
Her brows arched. “You didn't want to marry her?”
He shook his head and Emily found her gaze wandering over his thick dark hair, cool gray eyes and sensual mouth. Most women would find him more than attractive. He'd probably never had to look very hard for female companionship whenever he'd felt in the mood for it. But had he ever been in love? Had he ever needed someone as much as she had once needed him?
“She had a young son by a former marriage,” he went on. “The kid hated the very sight of me.”
“And whose fault was that? Did you try to get along with him?”
Cooper grimaced as he stuffed the corn shell full of meat and fresh vegetables. “As best I could. He didn't want to share his mother with me. And I guess I'm too much like my old man. I'm just not that good at fathering.”
Not bothering to hide her surprise, she studied his face. “Why do you say that? Kenneth always spoke lovingly of his father.”
He shrugged as though the subject meant little to him, but somehow Emily knew otherwise.
“I loved William, too,” he told her. “But he wasn't the best of fathers. Not in my eyes. Of course, things were different for Kenneth.”
“What do you mean things were different?”
His features stiffened. “Ask anyone who knew my old man, Emily. Kenneth was his chosen one. He could do no wrong. I could never do anything right. I've told you this before. But I guess you've pretty much forgotten anything I ever said.”
Where Cooper was concerned, she hadn't forgotten anything. Emily did remember him calling himself the second best son. At the time she'd thought he'd only meant it in terms of his ranching responsibilities, or more rightly, his lack of them.
“I remember. But that was all about the ranch. I'm sure your father loved you just as much.”
He snorted. “Not hardly. I knew each time William looked at me he couldn't help but think about the wife he lost. But what the hell, I learned to live with it. I just didn't learn anything about fathering from him.”
In spite of all the pain this man had caused her, she felt her heart softening, wishing for his sake that his childhood had been better. Reaching for her milk glass, she asked, “What about the woman? You didn't love her enough to try to stay or make it work with her child?”
He shook his head. “She wanted me to be a family man. You know that isn't me.”
Yes, she had known it. But Emily had believed and hoped he might love her enough to change, to want to be a family man just for her. What a horrid mistake that had been.
“A person isn't necessarily born knowing how to be a parent or a spouse. You have to learn by doing,” she told him.
“And what if a person does it all wrong?”
She shrugged. “No one is perfect. You learn from your mistakes and try to do better.”
Leaning back in his chair, he studied her as he chewed a bite of taco. “Sometimes the damage is already done and you can't go on and do better.”
Was he talking about him and her? No. He couldn't be. As far as he was concerned leaving her hadn't been a mistake. “Then you pick up the pieces and go on as best you can.” Just as she'd had to do years ago, she thought. And just as she was doing now.
Cooper's eyes drifted away from her. “Well, I think I'd rather be alone. I don't want to be responsible for another person's happiness. Especially a kid's.”
Her nostrils flared as she tried to hold on to her anger. “Then why don't you go on and be alone somewhere else and let me handle my own business?”
Because she was his business, Cooper thought with dawning realization. When he'd come to that conclusion, he didn't know. He only knew he couldn't go on his merry way while she stayed here on the Diamond D, pregnant and alone.
He looked back at her and wondered about the sudden pain in his heart. “I will. When the time is right.”
Chapter Four
“D
addy, he's beautiful!” Emily exclaimed as she watched the big Appaloosa gelding trot around the round metal pen. “Where did you find him?”
addy, he's beautiful!” Emily exclaimed as she watched the big Appaloosa gelding trot around the round metal pen. “Where did you find him?”
Smiling at the pleasure on his daughter's face, Harlan Hamilton wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “At the horse sale in Clovis. What do you think about him?”
She grinned impishly up at him. “He looks just like my old App, Apache. How much did you have to give for him?”
Harlan laughed. “Now why would I tell you? You don't let someone know how much you spent on their gift.”
Her mouth fell open. “Gift? Oh, no. You're not going to give me that horse.”
Her father laughed again. “Then who am I going to give him to?”
“Well, IâI don't know,” she stammered. “Keep him for yourself.”
“I don't even like Appaloosas. You do. Besides, another horse is the last thing your mother and I need. We probably have thirty head now.”
She looked up at her father, who was still a handsome, virile man even though he was nearing sixty. He and Rose had worked hard to make the Flying H the beautiful ranch it was today. No easy feat considering they'd married during a devastating drought and family turmoil. But the two of them had persevered through those trials and many more problems down through the years. Now the ranch was beautiful and solvent and blessed with all the livestock it needed.
Her parents' hard work and success had always been an inspiration to Emily. If they could do it, then so could she and Kenneth. But down through the years, Emily had learned a couple needed more than hard work and determination to make it through the troubles and heartaches life dishes out. They needed undying, unconditional love. And God help her, she just hadn't felt that sort of love for Kenneth.
She'd had a deep affection for him and she'd respected him. But she should have never married him. It had taken Emily only a few short weeks to realize she'd made a mistake in letting Kenneth talk her into becoming his wife. But at the time he'd proposed, she was still raw from Cooper's rejection, not to mention still grieving over the miscarriage she'd told no one, not even her parents, about. She'd felt alone and unloved and Kenneth's attention had been a balm to her broken heart. But she hadn't loved him. Try as she might, she'd never been able to make herself feel for him the way she'd felt about Cooper.
“Would you like for me to saddle him for you, honey?”
Her father's question pulled her out of her deep thoughts. She smiled up at him and shook her head. “It's only been a little over a week since I took that fall at the feed grounds. I'd better wait about doing any riding.”
He patted her shoulder. “You're going to be fine, sweetheart. The only trouble you're going to have is keeping your mother away from that baby once it gets here.”
She hugged his waist and briefly pressed her cheek against his broad chest. “Thank you for the horse, Daddy. Will you bring him over to the ranch for me?”
“Today, if you like.”
Rising on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Daddy. I think I'll go up to the house now and see Mom for a few minutes before I go home.”
Nodding, he tweaked her cheek. “Okay. I'll see you later. And Emily,” he added as she started walking away, “it's good to see you smile again.”
She hadn't realized she'd smiled. She hadn't even known she could. But she was glad she'd made her father happy. He was the one man who'd always loved her, who would always love her.
At the house she found her mother in the kitchen baking pumpkin bread. The room was warm and so full of potted plants it looked more like a hothouse than a ranch kitchen.
“Darling! I didn't know you'd driven up. Does your daddy know you're here?”
She wiped her floured hands on a dish towel and hurried over to kiss Emily's cheek. “You look much better since I last saw you! There's color in your cheeks and you look like you've been eating, thank God.”
Emily hugged her mother, then took a seat on a nearby bar stool. “I've been trying to eat all I can.”
“That's wonderful to hear. And it's so nice to see you dressed up and wearing makeup. I hope this is a sign your spirits are lifting.”
Emily glanced down at her black jeans and cranberry colored sweater. She wasn't dressed up by any means, but compared to the way she had been going around, it probably looked that way to her mother. But since the day of her fall and Cooper's not so kind remarks about her appearance, she'd made a point of paying closer attention to her hair and skin and clothes.
“Actually my spirits are much better. And to answer your earlier question, I've already seen Daddy. Why didn't you tell me about the horse?”
Rose went back to stirring her bowl of batter. “Because it was his surprise. I didn't want to spoil his fun.”
“Well, he shouldn't have spent the money.”
“He wanted to. Besides, you need a good horse. Those you have on the Diamond D aren't the best in the world.”
Emily gave her mother a wry smile. “They can't all be like your beloved Pie.”
“I guess I am spoiled by him,” Rose said with obvious fondness.
“Not to mention attached. You know horses can't live forever, Mom.”
Rose shrugged and smiled. “No. But Pie's doing a good job of it. He's twenty-five and still going strong. The vet says if I continue to take good care of him he'll probably last ten more.”
“Well, there's no doubt he'll get good care around here.”
Rose poured the batter into a row of tin loaf pans, then placed them in the oven. Once she was finished, she took two mugs down from the cabinet and poured them full of coffee.
“It's decaffeinated,” she assured Emily as she took a stool beside her.
With a murmur of appreciation, Emily sipped the warm brew. “It's so wonderful not to be sickened by the smell of coffee. Knock on wood, I believe my nausea has finally passed once and for all.”
“That's good to hear. You've had enough to deal with these days.” Crossing her legs, Rose looked at her thoughtfully. “So tell me what's been happening. Is Cooper still staying with you?”
Emily sighed. She really wasn't in the mood to discuss Cooper with her mother. He was like a raw spot. Every time she thought about him she flinched with pain. “He's gone to Ruidoso today to check about getting liquid feed for the cattle.”
Rose nodded with approval. “That's good. You never did have enough grazing land. The licks will help.”
Emily knew her mother was right. The Diamond D cattle needed all the nourishment they could get, but it irked her to have Cooper supplying it.
Gazing into her coffee cup, she said, “Daddy didn't ask me anything about Cooper. You did tell him he was back on the Diamond D, didn't you?”
“Yes, I told him. I expect he didn't mention Cooper because he figures the guy is just passing through and his being here isn't going to make any difference one way or the other.”
Emily wished she could think in those terms. “I hope he's right. I hope Cooper is just passing through, but he keeps telling me otherwise.”
“Do you think he really means to stay?”
Closing her eyes, Emily drew in a long breath, then let it out slowly. “Deep down I think this is just a passing thing with Cooper. I think the luster will wear off soon and he'll decide to hit the road again. Personally I can't wait.”
“Why? Has he beenâforward with you?”
Opening her eyes, Emily looked at her mother. “In what way?”
“In any way.”
Emily grimaced. “Why do you ask something like that?”
Rose gave her daughter a gentle smile. “Darling, the man was attracted to you at one time.”
Cooper had been attracted to her, Emily silently agreed. But the attraction had only been a physical thing, and certainly nothing strong enough to keep him here in New Mexico. “Oh, Mother, that was so long ago. It doesn't mean anything now.”
“Maybe not to you. But Cooper might not have forgotten.”
“Mother! That's...well, I can't believe you of all people could even think such a thing!”
Rose actually laughed, surprising Emily even more.
“It isn't really such a shocking thing,” Rose insisted. “You're still a young, beautiful woman. And for some reason Cooper has never married.”
“Not because of me!”
“How do you know? Did you ask him?”
Emily gasped at her mother's question. “Of course not! I meanâwell, I did ask him if he'd married. But that was...only because I was curious. Any self-respecting man would know I'm still grieving over my husband.”
Sighing, Rose took another drink of coffee. “Are you grieving, honey?”
Emily stared at her mother as if the older woman had suddenly lost all her senses and morality. “Mother! What has come over you? Do you think I wanted Kenneth to die?”
Seeing how offended her daughter was becoming, Rose slid from the stool and curled her arm around Emily's shoulder. “Darling, calm down. I'm not thinking anything of the sort. But I am going to speak frankly to you. Because I think it's what you need now.”
Emily went very still as she looked into her mother's lovely face. “Talk to me frankly? About what?”
“You. I realize down through the years I never really questioned you about your marriage to Kenneth.”
“No. You've never been an interfering parent.”
Rose shook her head. “I've tried not to be. But actually, I didn't have to ask about your marriage. I knew you weren't happy. At least, not happy the way your father and I are.”
Emily's gaze dropped to her lap. “Not every couple is as blessed as you and Daddy.”
Rose smiled softly. “No. Not every couple. And I realize Kenneth's death was a dreadful shock to you. I know you would have given anything for the accident to have never happened. But that's not the same as the deep devastation a woman feels when she loses her soul mateâ”
“But Kennethâ”
“Wasn't your soul mate,” Rose finished before Emily could.
Emily opened her mouth to further protest, but then her shoulders sagged with resignation. Dropping her head, she asked, “Are you trying to make me feel guiltier than I already do?”
Rose took the mug from Emily's hand. After placing it on the bar, she pressed her daughter's hands between her own. “Now we have finally reached the real issue I wanted to speak to you about.”
Emily stared at her blankly.
“For years now I've seen you carrying around a heavy blanket of guilt. It's time you threw it away.”
“Guilt? I don'tâ”
Shaking her head, Rose smiled and cupped her daughter's face in her hands. “Emily, do you remember when your father and I first met? You were thirteen and a little bit wary of me. Until you found out that, like you, I had lost my mother, too.”
Emily nodded. “That was twenty-three years ago, but I remember it like yesterday.” She and her father had moved here from east Texas when Emily had been seven and her birth mother had died. Up until Rose had come into their life, she'd had little female companionship.
“You said we were kindred spirits then,” Rose said. “And I think we still are. That's why I know how you've been feeling. You've always believed you let Kenneth down. That you didn't love him enough. That it was your fault you couldn't get pregnant. And now I think you even feel guilty about his accident. As though you caused it in some way.”
Emily felt a giant rubber band inside her snap with relief. Still, she murmured, “Like Cooper said, I shouldn't have let him get on that horse. But I'veâ”
“Emilyâ”
Emily held up a hand to ward off her mother's protest. “I've decided that whatever I was to Kenneth, I wasn't his keeper. I couldn't watch him every moment as though he were an irresponsible child.”
Rose patted her daughter's hand, then resumed her seat on the bar stool. “Now you're talking like a sensible woman.”
“I don't know if I'm sensible or not. But I damn well don't intend to let Cooper take me down. Not over Kenneth's death. Not over anything.”
Her expression thoughtful again, Rose said, “You know, when I was around Cooper I always liked him. I just didn't approve of the way he handled things with you. Is he anything like he used to be?”
Her face grim, Emily said, “Exactly. And I wish he was gone. I wish I never had to see his face again.”
“Well, I'm beginning to think the man ought to hang around. This is the most spunk I've seen in you in years.”
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