The Rancher's Daughter (8 page)

             
The cool breeze blowing in felt good to her face.  The trailer squeaked and bounced along.  She could smell the sweet grass and her mind began to wander.  She thought about her time with Heath at the creek and her mind wandered back ten years ago.  She remembered how in love they were back then.  She thought about their fight and tears came to her eyes.  She wiped them away, and let her mind wander some more. 

             
She realized she had ruined his life.  She had ruined both their lives.  Yet Heath had done well for himself.  He’d moved on and made a name for himself.  She couldn’t take that away from him.  He had dreams of owning his own property and he deserved it.  If he stayed here and married her, then he’d be stuck with this ranch and all her bills and he’d never be able to make what he wanted out of it.  She couldn’t ruin his life twice.  She wanted him to be happy.

             
More and more her mind began rationalizing things.  She realized she couldn’t marry him.  It wasn’t fair to him.  He didn’t love her anymore.  They were good together and they had loved each other once but they had grown apart.  She knew in her heart she couldn’t hold him to his proposal and she would have to break off the engagement. 

             
As much as it hurt her to picture him with someone else, she did.  She imagined him falling in love with someone else and she didn’t want to stand in his way.  She wiped more tears from her eyes.
Her turn off was just up ahead so she slowed down.  She had to stop zoning out and concentrate on her driving.  She had a load of cattle in the back and taking a turn too fast could be disastrous. 

             
It had been a week since the auction, and Josey still hadn’t talked to Heath.  She didn’t know how to.  She tried to bring it up several times but couldn’t find the right words.  Today she decided, she would definitely tell him.

             
She was working in the round pen with Legend when she finally made her mind up.  She saw him walk behind the barn not two minutes ago, and she was about to tell him.  She left Legend in the round pen and marched in the direction she’d seen him go.  She found him underneath the tractor.  He didn’t hear her walk up so she cleared her throat. 

             
Heath rolled out from under the tractor and looked up at her.  He had grease on his face and gloves on his hands.  He raised an eyebrow in question waiting on her to say what she came to say. He was smiling though.  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” she said. “I don’t think we should get married.”  His smile faded.  His jaw clenched shut. “What’s this all about?” he asked her.  She drew her eyebrows together. “I just don’t think it’s fair to you.  You’ve got yourself some mighty big plans and I don’t want to keep you from doing those things.  You said you wanted to buy your own ranch, and well, I think you should.”

             
Heath’s face was turning red, his jaw ticking.  He was angry, she hadn’t meant to make him angry.  She thought this would make him happy.  He was free to go and buy the ranch he’d always wanted and marry the woman he loves.  She had thought it through this was what was best for him.  She was sure of it.  So why was he mad?

             
When the yelling started, it could be heard in the next county over.  He was hurting and he was angry.  He had loved this woman all his life.  Yet he could never make her happy.  He didn’t want a life without her, but she hadn’t wanted him.  They fought for a while.  The ranch hands all scattered in the other directions.   

             
“Just like that you’re going to throw my ring back in my face.  I should have known you’d break off the engagement.  You’re a piece of work you know that.  It’s just like it was ten years ago.  You never wanted me anyway.  I came back for you.  I came back to help you, to keep you from losing this ranch.”  “Well, I never asked you to come back!” she yelled.  “Fine, I’ll leave then.  I promise you I will never come back.  You will never have to see my face or worry about me taking your precious ranch from you. I’ll go back to West Texas, and I’ll stay the hell away from you.” He stomped off and she watched him go. 

             
She tried to replay it all in her head.  What went wrong?  What she could have done different, she didn’t know.  She only wanted what was best for him.  Why couldn’t he see that?

             
She caught Sam looking at her from his office window and she looked away.  She couldn’t bare it.  He would hate her now.  It didn’t take Heath long to pack.  He threw his bags into the bed of his pickup and got in his truck.  He never even looked at her as he drove past.  She watched him leave, her heart breaking.  What was she doing?  She thought about their fight the first one and the last one.  She
ran and saddled up Legend.  She rode out at a gallop, leaving everything behind.  She rode until she came to her favorite place at the creek.  Then she dismounted and let Legend graze.  She leaned against a tree and wept.  She felt as if her heart had just, been ripped out for the second time.  

             
The hours past and still Josey cried.  She lay on the ground against the tree and closed her eyes.  She dreamed of Heath.  She felt like she was dying inside.  Why had she just sent the man she loved away for the second time?  She questioned herself, was she a raving lunatic?  Her dreams revolved around Heath.  She dreamed of being his wife and having his children. 
She dreamed of lying in his arms at this very spot, and watching their children play in the creek. 

             
The sky grew dark and Josey didn’t care or notice.  She was in a stupor.  To her being inside her head was better than being in the real world.  In her
dreams,
she
and Heath were happy.  In reality, they were over.  It was her fault.  She hated herself for what she’d done.  She started getting cold and she wrapped her knees in her arms and rocked back and forth.  Still the tears came. 

             
Legend eased over her and dropped his head down to nuzzle her with his nose.  She reached her arms around him and clung for dear life.  He lay down beside her and she cried into his shiny coat.  She had her horse, her ranch, what else did she need, she thought.  She knew, though, she needed Heath.  She had never fully been whole without him.  He was the part of her that she had buried deep inside her for all of ten years.  Now that he’d come back and she’d uncovered that part of her she didn’t know how to put it back.  She couldn’t put it back. 

             
The horse’s warmth seeped into her bones and she stopped shivering.  Soon she fell asleep and when she awoke it was too the sound of Legend answering a call from another horse.  She heard the
hoof beats
before she saw the light.  She heard her father’s voice call her name and she stood up.  J.W was off his horse faster than he’d moved in years. 

             
He wrapped his daughter in his arms and kissed the top of her head.  “I got worried when you didn’t come in. You had us all worried sick.  Do you realize it’s after midnight?” She shook her head, “I’m sorry.” 

             
J.W with his hand on her back guided her to her horse and helped her mount up.  They rode back in silence.  Josey and J.W had never been much for words.  They had always been quiet when something was bothering them.  

             
He would ask her about it later.  He couldn’t let her go through life constantly sending the man she loved away.  He knew about the fight they’d had all those years ago.  He had been there in the shadows.  It had nearly destroyed him when he’d heard that she was pregnant.  He’d been furious at first, but then he saw the grief on his daughters face and he’d never brought it up.  He’d never even spoke a word about it to Hilary. 

             
He felt like a failure as a father, but now he realized it had never been about his failings as a father.  It had been two people who were in love and didn’t know how to control their urges.  He’d been that way with Hilary even though he was a grown man and a father.

  She was going to have to learn how to grit her teeth and ask for forgiveness.  Heath was gone but he wasn’t lost.  She could get him back if she tried.  It had always been hard for him to admit his faults and Josey had taken that after him. If you really loved someone, you worked at that relationship.  She had to learn that. 

             
Heath stayed the night at the only hotel in town.  He couldn’t get Josey off his mind.  It was obvious she didn’t want him but that didn’t stop him from wanting her.  He took the picture he carried out of his wallet and looked at it.  He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hand through his hair then crumbled the picture up in his hand. 

             
He threw it across the room then for good measure he started throwing everything he could pick up.  He fell to his knees with his head in his hands and asked God why.  Why did the woman he love not want him?  Why couldn’t they just be happy together? 
He punched the floor then got up and pulled a tiny bottle of whiskey out of the small refrigerator then downed it. 
He wanted to get drunk and forget about her so he drank the little bottles of whiskey one by one until they were gone.  When there was no more left, he drug his self out the door to the bar across the street. 

             
Several ranch hands played pool in the corner and women with shorts up to their butts, their navels shining and wearing boots hung all over them.  He walked to the bar and plopped himself down on a stool and ordered some more whiskey.  One of the girls made her way over to him, “Hey cowboy, how about you buy me a beer?” 
She
said in the sexiest voice she could conjure up.  Heath was not in the mood though and  he told her to “Get lost!” 

             
He sat there drinking all night.  He had no idea how he got to the hotel room but he was there when he awoke the next morning. 
He drug himself out of the bed and headed to the bathroom. 
He needed a shower and some Tylenol. 

             
He propped his head against the shower wall letting the water hit him in the face.  He had no idea how long he stood there.  He got out once the water turned cold and he began to shiver.  He wrapped the towel around his waist and stood in front of the mirror.  He braced himself on the counter with his hands.  He stood there staring at himself, hating
himself
for not being strong enough to withstand the heartbreak.  He saw the picture behind him on the floor.  He turned from the mirror and picked it up.  He unfolded the picture and stared at it.  He would always love the woman who smiled at him in the picture.  He picked up his wallet off the
nightstand, replaced the picture,
and set it to the side. 

             
He quickly dried himself off and put on his clothes.  He brushed his teeth making sure to get rid of the smell of whiskey.  He picked up the phone and called his friend at the Rocking K.  He let his friend know he was on his way then he left the room.  He loaded his bags in the truck and drove down town to the bank.  He stopped and said
good-bye
to his Uncle, before going to the bank. 

             
He walked into the bank and headed straight to Williamson’s office.  The weasel stood straight up, probably wondering if Heath was about to hit him.  Heath gave him a half-cocked smile and took a seat.  “State your business, Jenkins.” Williamson said.  Heath nodded, “I’ve come to pay off the note on the Chisholm’s ranch.” “Well now,” Williamson smiled, “that’s a pretty big note.”  “I know it and I have the money.  I want to pay it off and I want you to leave them alone. “ 

             
Williamson turned on his computer and pulled up Heath’s account.  The shock registered on his face once he saw how much money was in his account.  There was enough to pay off the loan and still have a substantial amount to live on.  Williamson withdrew the amount necessary to cover the ranch note and put it on the ranch account as paid in full.  Heath signed some papers and Williamson printed out a receipt. 

             
Heath walked out with a smile on his face leaving Williamson still shaking his head.  He got into his truck and headed
west
. 

             
The miles past slowly, and his mind wandered.  He thought of Josey.  He thought of the baby they’d lost.  He’d thought of his dreams.  He thought of the wedding they wouldn’t be having and the children he would never know.  He drove for hours never once stopping to rest.  He couldn’t stop, if he
stopped,
he might turn around. 

             
He turned the radio up to drown out his thoughts.  Every song on the radio seemed to be about him, so he turned it off.  He banged his hand on the steering wheel and grinded the wheel beneath his hands.  He couldn’t get her off his mind. 

             
He pulled over at the next rest stop and just sit there, thinking about her.  He took out the picture and rubbed his finger over her face. His eyes started to water and he wiped the tears from his eye with the palm of his hand.  He was a man, and men didn’t cry, he told himself.