The Reason: How I Discovered a Life Worth Living

© 2014 by Lacey Sturm

Published by Baker Books

a division of Baker Publishing Group

P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287

www.bakerbooks.com

Ebook edition created 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

ISBN 978-1-4412-4652-3

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the
Holy Bible
, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture labeled KJV is from the King James Version of the Bible.

To protect the privacy of those who have shared their stories with the author, some details and names have been changed.

llustrations by Jordan Clarke,
www.jordanclarkdesign.com
.

Published in association with Yates & Yates,
www.yates2
.com
.

“A book with this much substance will, without a doubt, live on to change lives for generations. I truly believe Lacey’s story has fallen into your hands at the perfect time. Dive right in and find out the reason.”

—from the foreword by
Brian
“
Head
”
Welch
, lead guitar for Korn / Love & Death, author of
Save
Me
from
Myself

“Fresh. Passionate. Powerful. Lacey Sturm does in
The
R
eason
 what she has done her whole career—she tells the truth, sings the truth, dances the truth. Her story will blow you away, and her heart will touch you. Read
The
Reason
.
Just like her voice and presence, Lacey’s writing compels and penetrates, and in the end she will change you.”

—
Chap
Clark
,
PhD
, author of
Hurt
2.0
:
Inside
the
World
of
Today
’
s
Teenagers

“In a time where the gulf between sacred and secular seems to grow incrementally, Lacey bridges the gap with her soul-bearing candor, raw passion, and prophetic insight. She communicates the comedy, tragedy, and triumph of her life story with fluidity and grace, and her message is timelessly impactful. It ‘screams’ of Jesus Christ, who is alive and active today, even in our darkest times, and the great news that no one is beyond his reach.”

—
John
L
.
Cooper
, lead singer of Skillet

“At its core Lacey’s story is one of hope. From desperation to redemption to victory, this is an amazing journey that, apart from God, would not be possible. Hers is a story that will encourage and challenge all who read it.”

—
Michael
W
.
Smith
, singer and songwriter

“I have been fortunate to witness Lacey grow from singer/songwriter to wife to mommy to now author. She is an amazing soul with a heart like no other. Her life and her story have been such an encouragement to me, and I know this book will also inspire and change you forever.”

—
Sonny Sandoval
, lead singer of P.O.D., founding member of The Whosoevers

“Lacey has touched so many lives around the world through her music. Her story will hit your heart.”

—
Ryan
Ries
, cofounder of The Whosoevers

“Lacey Sturm is a voice of hope to a hurting generation. In her book, you will experience God’s unstoppable heart for you and for those in your life who need a supernatural reset. Lacey’s message is real, raw, and dripping with love. Dive in and be blessed!”

—
Nick
Hall
,
founder
and
primary
communicator
of
PULSE

To Brittany Wigand. Thank you for caring about the passerby behind the music you fell in love with. Your story always reminds me of how God can turn my worst moments into glory in the lives of others, if only I will let him. It’s with you—your encouragement and your story—in mind that I wrote this book. I believe in you so much.

To the one like my teenage self, who is a breath away from finding the beauty of a life worth living.

To whoever needs to know that God loves you and has a plan for your life, and though you will die one day, he doesn’t want you to die tonight.

You are important, loved, and prayed for.
Love, Lacey

Cover    
1

Title    
3

Copyright Page    
4

Endorsements    
5

Dedication    
7

Epigraph    
11

Foreword by Brian “Head” Welch    
13

This Today    
17

From Shadows    
19

1. The Reason I Lived    
21

2. The Reason I Love Jazz    
29

3. The Reason I Became an Atheist    
39

4. The Reason I Fell in Love with Sadness    
47

5. The Reason I Loved Nirvana    
57

6. The Reason I Stopped Caring    
65

7. The Reason I Wanted to Scream    
75

8. The Reason I Wanted to Die    
83

9. The Reason I Couldn’t Kill Myself    
91

Into the Half-Light    
97

10. The Reason I’m Alive    
99

11. The Reason I’m Beautiful    
111

12. The Reason People Matter    
117

13. The Reason I Sing    
129

14. The Reason I Wanted to Change the World    
141

15. The Reason I Wanted to Go to Hell    
151

16. The Reason I Couldn
’
t Sleep
    
159

17. The Reason I Stepped Down from Flyleaf    
167

18. The Reason God Will Always Love Us    
183

Your
Tomorrow    
191

Afterword by Franklin Graham    
195

Acknowledgments    
197

About Lacey    
201

Back Ad    
203

Back Cover    
204

It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

C. S. Lewis,
The
Weight of Glory

T
here is a state of being that, unfortunately, countless people have fallen into. A place so empty that words fail to accurately express the hopelessness felt in the soul. The person feels completely and utterly lost. Besides the heartbeat keeping the body alive, all else seems dead.

The end.

But that very “end” can become a new beginning where a brand-new structure rises out of the gloom of emptiness.

There have been countless stories about this mind-boggling change of existence, and my life happens to be one of them. I cofounded the rock band KoRn in the early 1990s. My success exceeded way beyond what I ever could have hoped for. But my failures totally shattered all of my accomplishments, and I was left to waste away in a prison of drug addiction, depression, and despair.

I was spared for a
reason
.

The heart of a human being isn’t only an organ that pumps blood through the veins. The heart is at the very core of who a person is.

It has the capacity to experience the bliss of heaven.

It has the capacity to feel the miserable hollowness of hell.

Lacey Sturm has experienced both of these extremes, and she has been given an incredibly important platform to help turn our generation around.

I’ve known Lacey for a few years now, and her story will always be one of the most jaw-dropping life transformations I’ve ever heard. Each time I hear her story I can feel her hopeless pain and sorrow as she reached the point where she gave up on life after trying to satisfy herself with the world’s antidotes, which only left her soul in agony.

Lacey was spared for a
reason
.

Pain is an interesting experience we all have to go through. In this race of life, pain has the power to drag us down and ruin the rest of our lives—or it can be used as wind under our wings to lift us to the glorious heights of destiny. We’ve seen it countless times.

Parents of a murdered child fall into a lifetime of depression—or they start an organization in their child’s name to help others.

A rape victim becomes an alcoholic to deal with her pain—or she starts a program to help other rape victims get past the horrors of their experience.

Lacey has yielded to the process of pain turned into power. She has lifted and inspired so many people, male and female, and this girl is barely getting started! Lacey is a true poet and songwriter who speaks the language of the heart. Her soul is a hope magnet for countless other souls slipping away into nothingness like she once was. I am proud to call Lacey and her husband, Josh, my friends, and I can’t wait to see
the results of this book for decades to come. A book with this much substance will, without a doubt, live on to change lives for generations.

I truly believe Lacey’s story has fallen into your hands at the perfect time. Dive right in and find out the reason.

Brian “Head” Welch
(Korn / Love & Death)