The Reason I Stay (44 page)

A
repetitive, annoying noise woke Emily from her pleasant dreams, leaving her disoriented. She fussed over her iPhone trying to silence the alarm, until, at some point, her brain decided to wake up and notice that the annoying sound was coming from the doorbell.

With some mumbling she swung her legs out of bed and stood up, the hardwood floors cold beneath her feet despite the approaching summer. “Lucky bastard,” she mumbled towards the window and the still sleeping sun.

The doorbell rang again and again and again. Heavy, knocks came from the other side of her front door. As irritating as the overload of sound was that early in the morning, Emily couldn’t help but smile.

Before the door was completely open, the screaming began. It was a high-pitched, overly excited, two-voice chorus, saying something that sounded like, “Happy anni-friend-sary!” and it made Emily enormously glad that the only other resident on her floor was one of the screamers.

The words melted Emily’s heart and lined her eyes with tears. Of course she remembered that, exactly a year before, Jody and Zack had entered her life. She had adamantly closed herself off to the world, so how could she ever forget becoming friends with the only two people she had allowed in her heart, even if it was with some reservation? At first the friendship had just been a way for Emily to keep the promise she made to her sister, but as the year passed, they had become so much more than that.

Their opposite personalities were perfect compliments to each other, which led Jody’s fiancé, Bradley, to describe them as three thirds of a person. Emily was the heart of the trio, Zack was the conscience and Jody was the impulse. Together they were a balanced, whole being. They were also the only people, outside the boundaries of those Emily considered family, who she loved and trusted enough to open up to about her past.

She hadn’t shared everything with them, though; no one other than her sister knew everything. Not even Simon and Johanna Webber, the older couple both Watson sisters considered parents, and the reason why Emily had chosen New Haven to relocate herself after she left California. However, she could say, without fear of being wrong, that Jody and Zack were the ones who knew her the most.

Laughing, she stepped aside, allowing her friends entrance. Their hands were full with grocery bags, covered plates, flowers, a balloon, and even a bottle of fine champagne, which was odd considering the time of day.

“What’s all this?” she asked, following the newcomers to her breakfast bar.

Jody set down her bags and turned to curl her tiny arms around her friend’s shoulders. “Happy first anni-friend-sary, Cheesecake! I’m so happy to have you in my life.”

“Oh, thanks Cupcake! I’m so happy to have you, too, even though you have no concept of appropriate hours,” Emily responded in between laughs, kissing Jody’s freckled cheek. “Or appropriate morning beverages. It’s not even seven yet and you’re drinking champagne?”

“I’m Irish. For us there’s no such thing as too early for a drink.” She winked before continuing, “If you want, you can mix it in your coffee and make a bubbly, disgusting version of Irish coffee.”

Emily simply laughed, and shook her head at her friend. “I’ll sip it to celebrate, but you know I don’t drink, J.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She waved dismissively. The depressing subject of why Emily never drank wasn’t really appropriate for such a happy morning. “And this time, it’s not my fault!”

Jody’s green eyes filled with pride and honesty as she stated that last fact. There were many things that those close to her considered well-known facts. One of them was that she had no concept of the appropriate time to do things, another was the overwhelming pride she felt whenever she managed to kick one of her bad habits.

“First of all, don’t ruin good champagne with coffee, that’s nasty and a waste. I’ll make mimosas,” Zack reprimand Jody with a characteristic eye roll and disgusted look. “Second, happy anni-friend-sary, Cheesecake!” His attitude changed as he shifted his attention from one friend to the other. His eyes softened and his dimpled smile threatened to split his face in two as he closed in on Emily for a friendly peck on her lips. “Today, the inappropriate time is all on me. I have to be at the hospital at eight thirty for a surgery. It’s scheduled for ten but it’s a major procedure and I’ll have new interns, so I want to make sure everything is alright. Oh, and these are for you.” With a big smile, he thrust a beautiful bouquet of white chrysanthemums and pink Peruvian lilies into her arms. A floating, cake-shaped balloon followed.

Emily’s eyes watered as she looked down at her gifts. “Thanks guys, they’re beautiful! This is the first bouquet of flowers I’ve ever gotten, and the first balloon, for that matter.” The sadness in her words did not escape her friends.

“Gay men are more considerate than straight men—that’s a known fact! Wanna see? Do the flowers have some meaning, Zack?” Jody mocked, successfully placing a smile back on Emily’s face.

“As a matter of fact they do, smart-ass. Peruvian Lilies are symbols of friendship and Chrysanthemums celebrate long and faithful relationships.”

Laughing, and shaking her head at her friend’s mutual teasing, Emily went to the living room to retrieve the old amber vase that once belonged to her Nana. The loud pop from the champagne cork found its way to Emily’s ears, almost muffling Zack’s sibling-like, and completely empty threat to aim the cork at Jody’s butt if she didn’t stop talking.

Once the flowers were stored in a vase and the laughter died down a bit, Zack filled three flutes with the orange juice and champagne mixture, and placed one in each of his friends’ hands. Lifting his own, he made a toast. “Here’s to our first anni-friend-sary. May we have many more.”

Both girls followed the toast with “Hear, hear”, and then Emily removed the flute from Zack’s hand and passed it to Jody. “You’re operating on someone’s child in a few hours. No alcohol for you.” Emily took a sip of hers before handing it over to Jody, too, who drank all three glasses easily.

Emily and Zack busied themselves with their breakfast preparations. Aside from the fact that both of them were single and he was gay, they seemed like an old married couple, perfectly in sync with each other.

With Zach living only a hallway away from Emily, daily breakfast at her place was as much of an established tradition as their Friday nights at Old Joe’s, the restaurant and pub Jody owned across the street. For Jody, who worked late nights and therefore woke up very late most mornings, the five minute drive to Emily’s house for breakfast was something done only on special occasions, and on Saturdays, for their weekly Pajama and Breakfast.

In less than half an hour the three friends were sitting around Emily’s round turquoise dining table feasting on pancakes, scrambled eggs, fresh fruit, croissants and their favorite deserts, which had inspired their pet names: a cupcake for Jody, a slice of fruitcake for Zack and a tiny cheesecake for Emily. They talked about books, work and Jody’s mother-in-law problems, which were always entertaining and made them laugh until their bellies ached. It was a perfect way to celebrate such a wonderful year.

At eight o’clock, Zack got up and kissed both girls on their cheeks before leaving to get ready for work. “One of these days I’ll burn that god-awful excuse for a pair of pajama’s you’re wearing. I know that you’re single and not ready to mingle, but you don’t need to sleep like that,” he said gesturing up and down Emily’s body. “Look at me; I’m also single
and
I’m wearing decent pajamas that aren’t from high school.”

“They’re comfortable.”

“And butt ugly,” he teased with a wink. “We’re on for the benefit tomorrow night, right?”

“Yes, Z. I already made my hair and nail appointments for tomorrow, and I won’t disappoint.”

He smiled and winked once more. “Okay then . . . see you both for dinner. Love you.” His voice was still ringing in the air when the door closed behind him.

Soon after Zack left, the two women busied themselves with the clean up as Jody filled Emily’s ears with her characteristic T.M.I. babbling. They laughed and talked until the sun shone bright through Emily’s living room, announcing that it was time for Jody to go home and Emily to get ready for her busy day.

Alone in her apartment, Emily reflected about the past year in her life. That year had finally brought her peace.

Professionally, she was thriving. After four years working and fighting for her dream job as a book reviewer for
Everyday Stuff
, a prominent lifestyle blog owned by Laura and Chelsea—a pair of sisters and longtime friends of both Emily and Charlotte—the blog and her page had exploded, bringing in profitable sponsors. This turned into a nice fat paycheck for Emily, and even a few awards. In addition to that, she had her small freelance editing company, which was also going at full speed, and the study groups she hosted for Simon’s students were thriving, too.

Simon had been her professor and MA thesis director back in Stanford a few years ago, and after her program ended they became close friends. He and his wife filled the void she and Charlotte had experienced for loving parents, and the two women filled the void in Simon and his wife’s hearts, which were hollowed by the early death of their only daughter.

Emily had been his favorite and most promising student and, as any parent would, he thought he knew what was best for her: getting her a PhD and helping her to become a professor as well. As per his wife’s request, he accepted Emily’s passion for reviewing and stopped pressing her for the framed piece of paper, but when she moved to New Haven he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to show her the pleasures of teaching. That’s how the idea for study group started.

At first she’d been a little reticent about accepting his offer; the amount of interaction she’d have with unknown people scared her, but she could never say no to him so she accepted. In time, she grew to love her sessions with the students and, though she wasn’t convinced, or even close to being convinced that quitting her job to become a professor was the best idea, she was invested in her interaction with the group. In part, that was what gave her the idea for the book clubs, which had quickly become one of her favorite things in world.

The club had started as one group with only five girls and had grown to three different groups of ten, which she organized and presided upon once week at the local Starbucks. They had become so popular that, even with finals and summer vacation approaching, some club members requested for the meetings to continue.

Her personal life was also improving, although the pain of her past hadn’t completely left her mind. At times she still felt overwhelmed by it, and the nightmares continued to haunt her dreams. Her figurative walls still stood firm, keeping everyone other than her two best friends at a distance and guarding her from any physical or emotional intrusions she wasn’t yet, and might never be, ready for. Allowing Jody and Zack into her heavily guarded heart was a huge step for her, and one that brought along the peace and normalcy of friendship and family, regardless of the lack of blood relation.

Having a couple hours spare until she was due at campus for the last study group of the semester, Emily filled herself with a bit more coffee and decided to get changed and fit in her morning run.

With the impending final exam just a day away, the twelve students who sat around the large rectangular table were quieter than usual. They paid extra attention to Emily’s words and the worksheets she handed them, making the two hours they stayed locked in the cozy library room, surrounded by the old-book smell she loved so much, pass in the blink of an eye.

Emily’s early morning was taking its toll. Her eyelids were growing heavy and her yawns were relentless. She could almost hear her body begging for some caffeine or sleep, but as soon as she stepped her foot outside the Sterling Memorial Library she knew that coffee would have to wait. She leaned her back against the cold, rough stone wall of the building and took in the perfect day. It wasn’t too hot or cold. The trees were full and colorful with flowers, and the sun was shining bright from a perfect blue and cloudless sky. Students and staff walked to and fro, talking to each other and joining the birds and cars in an urban symphony.

The beep of an incoming message sounded from somewhere in her purse, bringing her back to reality and to the more than thirty messages she received from Jody and Zack while in the library. They were all part of their one-message-for-each-day-we’re-friends plan, and though she loved them, every time she read one of Zack’s and saw the text abbreviations that were so unlike him, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for the intern who probably though he was hitting big by scrubbing in, only to discover he would be sitting in the corner and typing funny texts.