The Reluctant Dom (21 page)

“Yeah?”

She stepped in and closed the door behind her. She was naked, except for the collar. When she opened the shower door he didn't stop her.

“Want me to scrub your back?”

“That's not the part of me you want to scrub, and you damn well know it.”

She smiled. “I never said I didn't want to scrub other parts of you too.”

He motioned her inside. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body against his.

Damn
, she felt good.

She slid her hands down his abs and found his cock. Just the sight of her stepping into the shower had made him hard again. As Seth rested his forehead against the shower wall, Leah worked her fingers up and down his shaft and around his balls. Not just her hands but the feel of her arms around him, her body pressed against his...

It would be easy to turn around and pin her against the wall and fuck her silly. He bet she was wanting him to do just that, probably wet and ready to go for him.

Fuck.

He pressed his palms flat against the cool tile and closed his eyes. She felt damn good. The only thing stopping him was a realization he'd had on his jog. Maybe Kaden could feel compersion or whatever the fuck it was called. Maybe Kade was a bigger man than him, able to share his wife.

But when all was said and done, Seth wasn't sure he could share those feelings. He wasn't sure he could share Leah with Kaden.

If he didn't take that one final step, it wasn't so painful for him to watch her walk through that bedroom door every night and close it and know she was curled up with his best friend.

Guilt wouldn't eat him alive over the jealousy he felt.

Because if he didn't take that last step, she was still just Kaden's wife, and his personal guilt over getting involved with her was limited in scope. He felt he had no right to stake a claim to her if he didn't claim her in the first place.

If he didn't claim her, maybe Kaden wouldn't die.

Conscious thought escaped him as she brought him close and finally gave him release. He bucked his hips in time with her hands, softly moaning as he shot off all over her fingers.

He felt her kiss his back, between his shoulder blades.

“How was that?” she whispered.

“Good,” he said, his voice ragged. He couldn't face her. He gently patted her arm. “Thank you. Let me finish up and I'll be out in a little bit for breakfast.”

“Okay.”

He didn't move until he heard her leave the bathroom. Then he leaned against the wall, laid his forehead against his arm, and silently cried.

* * * *

Kaden was working in his study when Seth emerged from his bedroom a little while later. If Leah noticed his red eyes, she said nothing. She was once again dressed in a long T-shirt.

“Here's your breakfast.”

He tried not to look her in the eye. “Thank you, hon.”

She left him alone, perhaps sensing his disquiet. She was always good about that. Like she clued in and seemed to know when to hover and when to clear out.

Maybe that's one of the things that made her a good slave.

God he couldn't get used to using that word when referring to Leah.

He didn't want to face Kaden yet. He
really
didn't want to feel the force of Leah's eyes on him either. He retrieved a six-foot singletail and took it out to the backyard, started practicing on a tree. Kaden had told him if he could start taking the tips off of leaves without knocking the leaf off the tree, he'd be on his way to mastering it.

Seth would be happy if he could just hit the freaking tree.

He worked for over an hour, taking his time, trying for accuracy instead of power. When his arm had reached its limit for throwing the whip, Seth sat in the shade under one of the large live oaks toward the back of the property, his back against the trunk, facing the woods. Their property bordered a large state park, a nature reserve. It wasn't unusual to see deer early in the morning or late in the evening.

What the fuck was he doing? Why was he holding out? Part of him called himself a fucking dumbass. That part was located immediately north of his testicles and south of his navel.

Kaden wanted him to do it. Leah wanted him to do it. His own body wanted him to do it.

His heart and mind and conscience wouldn't let him do it.

Seth closed his eyes. What they were asking him to do went against every grain of his being. Yes, some of the BDSM stuff was easier to deal with now. He imagined making love to Leah was yet another milestone he'd have to deal with. He spent his life in mediocrity and he damn well knew it. He hadn't gone to college, had joined the Army to try to figure out what to do with his life. Kaden was always the smart one, the one with his shit together. And while Seth knew he wasn't a stellar success in his life, he'd tried to always deal honestly and honorably. He'd never cheated on his wives or girlfriends—ever. He'd never knowingly gone out with a woman who was already involved with someone else.

Fucking his best friend's wife was
not
honorable.

No matter how much all three of them wanted it.

He couldn't put it off much longer.

He sat there for over an hour when he heard footsteps in the grass. He knew from the sound it was Kaden.

“Can I join you?”

Seth nodded.

Kaden stretched out in the shade. “What's on your mind?”

He shrugged. “Lots of stuff. Just trying to make a bunch of freaking square pegs fit in round holes.”

“BFH.”

Seth laughed. “Yeah. Bigger fucking hammer time, all right.” He was quiet for a moment. “I know you probably think I'm a chickenshit.”

“I don't think that about you. I never have. I never will, either.”

“Come on, Kade. You're the successful big shot attorney. I'm the fuck up. Let's face it, even when we were kids, everyone thought of me as your mercy friend. I still don't know why you liked me all these years.”

“Because you're my friend. Because you didn't give a shit that I was a big shot attorney. You were always willing to volunteer to help me with projects or just come over and hang out and you never asked me for anything.”

“Bullshit! I've asked you for tons of stuff over the years.”

Kaden rolled over onto his back and stared up at the branches. “I don't give a shit about favors and stuff. You never asked me for anything you couldn't give back in return. You never tried to use me. You never tried to ask me for money. You never tried to get free legal advice from me. When you got divorced, you never asked me to handle your cases or even for a referral. I had to practically force you to take Mike's name and number. I've always been ‘just Kaden’ to you.”

“Yeah, well who the hell else would you be?”

“That's my point.” He leveled his grey eyes at Seth. “I don't trust my own brother and sister the way I trust you. I sure as hell don't like them the way I love you.”

Seth was quiet for a moment. He smirked. “Still not doing you.”

Kaden laughed. “Me either.” They sat there for several long, quiet minutes while two squirrels chattered and chased each other in the branches overhead. “What's really going on?” Kaden quietly asked. “It's more than feeling guilty.”

Seth shrugged.

“This has to—absolutely must—happen ... before. You know that.”

Seth shrugged again. “I know.”

“You didn't have a problem with it that one time.”

“Uh, yeah, thanks to the freaking tequila. Oh, and, by the way, she wasn't your wife.”

“It's more than that.” Kaden sat up. “You can't put off the inevitable on my end by putting off the inevitable on yours. This is for her. I want to see her happy. I meant it when I said she's fantasized about you plenty of nights. Let's make her dream come true while we still can.”

“Be a little more fucking eager to pimp your wife out, why dontcha?”

“Dammit, it's not the same thing and you know it!”

Seth stewed. He did. He also didn't want to admit the truth.

“This week, you're taking Leah to the club. Alone. Tony will be there if you have questions.”

Seth's jaw clenched. “I don't think I'm ready.”

“Yes, you are. You're a damn sight more ready than most of the asshole wannabes that show up. Leah trusts you to take her. Just go, play an easy scene, and come home. That's all you have to do.”

Seth didn't respond.

“You need that alone time with her.”

“Fuck, Kade, that's taking you away from her. She doesn't have much time left with you!”

“Is that what this is about?” he quietly asked. “That you feel guilty you're spending time with her and it's taking time away from me?”

Seth didn't answer. That was part of it, but not all.

“I already told you, we've got a big bed. Feel free to sleep in it with us every night.”

“I don't know,” Seth whispered, “if I can handle seeing her...” He couldn't finish.

Kaden studied him. Then, after a long moment, he spoke. “You don't know if you can handle seeing her make love to me.”

Seth closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded.

The laughter surprised Seth enough he opened his eyes. Kaden was howling, loud and hearty.

“I don't see what's so fucking funny.” And it sort of pissed him off.

Kaden shook his head and laughed harder. When he finally could speak, he said, “Dude, that's great!”

“I think you're getting off on fucking with my mind.”

“No! Don't you see?” He sat up again and looked at Seth. “You're jealous—of me!”

“You sure you don't have brain cancer, because you're acting like you've got none left.”

“You love her, asshole! That's what I've been trying to get through your thick goddamned skull! It's what I want to happen, because the more you love her, the less likely you are to divorce her at the end of the first year!”

Seth wasn't yet ready to admit that he didn't give a shit about the time limit. If Leah would have him forever, he'd keep her forever.

Kaden still tried to reason with him. “Would you do anything to make her happy?”

Seth nodded. Of course he would. He'd do anything, including trade places with Kaden so she didn't lose him.

“Having you and me, together, would make her the happiest woman on the face of the planet. Maybe so goddamned happy that, for a little while at least, she wouldn't be thinking of the thing that's going to make her pretty miserable for a long time. Is it worth it to you to make her happy?”

As whacked as it was, he couldn't deny Kade's logic was valid.

Whacked, but valid.

Kaden leaned in a little and dropped his voice. “Here's what I feel. When I think about her being alone with you, yes, I feel a little jealous. Not because I don't want her with you, but because I'm not there with her. When I watch you make her come while we're having a session, I stand back and I enjoy how she's enjoying it. It's what I don't see and I'm not a part of that rips me up. Being there and seeing and hearing her enjoy herself ... it's great. Think about it.”

Seth did. He had to admit in retrospect that, yeah, it was always a lot easier to watch Kade work with her than it was to lie alone in bed and wonder what they were doing behind closed doors.

“Okay. I can wrap my head around that,” Seth admitted.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. “Does she ever take charge?” Seth asked.

Kaden laughed. “Oh yeah. Buddy, there's been times she's hopped on and rode me like a fucking pony. All I could do was just lie back and let her have fun.”

Kaden left him alone. After another few minutes, Seth returned to the house.

Leah had dinner in the oven and it smelled great. He let her hug him. Admittedly, putting his arms around her felt right. Kaden's words hung in his brain. Yes, it was the unseen he hated. When his imagination ran wild and he couldn't be part of what was happening.

But to see her enjoy herself...

She was beautiful.

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Chapter 12

After dinner, Kaden returned to his study to finish a few things. Seth sat on one end of the couch and watched TV while trying to quiet the swirl of emotions in his brain. Why was he fighting this? Was a blow job so much different from a hand job? And was having sex much more than that? Honestly?

Leah finished the dishes and softly padded into the living room. She wore her heavier collar and a long T-shirt. When she started to sit down, he stopped her.

“Wait.”

She looked puzzled but complied. After a moment, he softly said, “Take off your shirt, please.”

Her skin flushed but she immediately pulled the shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor.

She looked beautiful. Sweet, soft, rounded curves that felt right when pressed against his body.

Leah stood, waiting. He knew he could keep her standing there all night and she wouldn't move, wouldn't complain.

Seth did something he'd never done before—he made the hand gesture he'd seen Kaden make countless times during sessions or around the house.

Leah's eyes widened but she dropped to her knees in front of him.

His heart raced. Was he really going to do this with her?

He leaned forward and whispered, “Leah, answer me a few questions. Honestly.”

She met his eyes and nodded.

“Do you really love me?”

“Yes.”

“Are you honestly doing this willingly? I mean, besides the obvious reasons, because you
want
to do this with me, not because you think you have to?”

“I want to do this with you, Sir.”

He sat back again and spread his knees, then crooked his finger at her. “Do you want to do something else? Something ... more?”

She eagerly nodded. His cock throbbed in response to the hopeful look on her face.

“Would you like to go down on me?”

Another eager nod.

Point of no return.
“Okay.”

She slid forward, between his legs, helped him open his shorts and pull them down his hips. Then came her gentle, tentative touch as she carefully caressed his shaft and sac.

He moaned.

When her warm tongue flicked the head of his cock, he closed his eyes and gently fisted his hands in her hair. He had a feeling he could sit here all night with her going down on him and maybe glimpse what heaven felt like. Her lips softly closed around the sensitive ridge at the base of the head, massaging him.