The Replacement (31 page)

The door finally swings open and a pretty blonde answers, looking frustrated. “Yes?” Her lips are pursed tight and her jaw is stern, her eyes studying me from top to bottom. They do a quick sweep and settle on my stunned gaze. I glance behind her, searching for Ryder.

“Um, hi. I was wondering if Ryder’s home?”

“He is. And you are?”

“I’m…I’m Elise. A friend.”

“Elise,” she says my name like she’s tasting it. “I don’t think Ryder’s mentioned you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” My fingers grip my purse strap, and my keys cut into my palm. There is a small, colored tattoo just beneath her ear. It’s ugly as sin, and I doubt it’s the only one on her body. There are probably more. In unmentionable places.

“I’m Lauren. Ryder’s fiancée.”

My heart stalls and I stop breathing. Words stutter from my lips, but they’re unintelligible. I try again, pushing them out carefully. “I’m sorry, his…fiancée?”

“
Mmhmm
,” she says matter-of-factly, extending her hand to show me her ring. It’s small and elegant. Something Ryder would pick out. After she shows me the ring, she cups her belly, and it’s then that my gaze drops to the round bump she’s sporting.

Air bleeds from my lungs.

My mind rejects the sight before me. Everything turns hazy, turning my world upside down. This isn’t real. There’s no way in hell. “And you’re expecting?” I breathe, feeling my face pale.

“We are.” She smiles sweetly, but it’s fake. False to the core. “It’s cold out here. Would you like to come in? Ryder will be right out. He just stepped into the bedroom to make a phone call.”

“No,” I mumble, backing away from the door. “That’s okay. Thanks.”

“I insist.” Her fake smile brightens and she widens the door, beckoning me to step inside. My heart, my mind, and the adrenaline pumping through my veins compel me to dash for my car and peel out of there as fast as fucking possible. To never come back. I start to listen to those instincts, turning on my heel.

“Really, it’s okay. I have to get going.” I only make it two steps before Ryder’s calling out to me, joining Lauren at the door.

“Elise,” he greets me cautiously, and when I bring my gaze to his, I see the fear lurking in his irises, just like it’s simmering in mine. Only his is a different brand of fear. His is swimming in guilt, and mine…mine is drowning in dread. “Come in, will you?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I think it’s a great idea,” Lauren quips, turning for the kitchen. Her gaze rolls to Ryder and she smirks as she passes him. “I love to meet Ryder’s friends.”

“Elise,” Ryder says sternly, voice almost a whisper. “I can explain. Please, come in.”

My heart is still thumping wildly in my chest and my brain is playing tug-of-war with my emotions. Part of me wants to flee, to run as fast as humanly possible from this crime scene—that is exactly what this will be if I stay here a second longer.

But another part, one I want to banish to some deep, dark place, wants to walk through that door, to hear what Ryder has to say.

“Only for a second,” I agree, taking a wary step inside. Ryder hurries to the kitchen, where Lauren is transferring freshly baked cookies from a pan to a Christmas dish. My stomach churns. Here she is, Ryder’s ex-turned-fiancée, baking cookies and playing house.

“I’m going to take Duke for a walk,” Ryder says to Lauren. “Come with us?” he asks when he returns to meet me near the front door. He looks at me expectantly, but I can’t bring myself to move an inch. I’m engulfed in disbelief, staring at the apron wrapped around Lauren’s waist and the way she’s made herself right at home in Ryder’s cabin. There are interior decorating and parenting magazines fanned out on the coffee table, and little feminine touches everywhere. Flowers on the table. Floral throw pillows on the couch that certainly weren’t there the last time I was here. A soon-to-be wife’s fingerprints at every turn.

I nod gravely and step back outside while Ryder calls for Duke. Lauren pours coffee in the kitchen, her gaze moving to mine as she watches Ryder join me. “Don’t be long, you two,” she sings. “I’d hate for your coffee to get cold.”

“Be right back,” Ryder says, shutting the door behind us. Duke trots past us and begins down the dirt driveway. The second we’re alone, Ryder grabs my hand and leads me after Duke, ushering me away from the cabin.

“Don’t you touch me!” I burst out, yanking my hand from him. I walk briskly after Duke and Ryder follows, his words spilling in a rush.

“Elise, slow down. Just listen to me.”

“Start talking, Ryder.”

“How are you feeling?”

“How am I feeling?”

“Yeah, since last night.”

I whirl around and go toe-to-toe with him, shoving his chest hard. His heels kick up dirt as they slide into the ground. “You son of a bitch!”

“I’m not marrying her, Elise. I know how this looks, but it’s not what you think.”

“She’s wearing a fucking ring, Ryder! You picked it out, didn’t you? Say it. I want to hear you say it!”

“Yes, alright! I bought the ring. But it was years ago. I proposed back when we were together. She wanted to think about it. She eventually turned me down. I didn’t ask for it back.”

“Why is she wearing it now if you’re not marrying her? And she’s pregnant?” I screech, giving him another shove. “She’s fucking
pregnant
? You lying, hypocritical son of a bitch!”

He grapples with my wrists as I beat at his chest. “The baby’s not mine. Stop it, Elise.”

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do! Why? Tell me why you gave me this gift? What was it all for then, huh? Tell me why!” I keep pounding into his chest, tears scorching my face. My vision is distorted, but I can see so many things pass over his hardened gaze.

“Because I love you. You know that. Calm the hell down, damn it!” He catches one of my wrists and juts his head back to keep his face away from my fists.

“How long have you been engaged? I deserve to know!”

“Oh, yeah?” He catches my wrist and presses it against the other behind my back, holding me at arm’s length. “Just like I deserve to know how many times you’ve fucked Christian Walker since you kicked me out of your place that day? You don’t offer me any goddamn courtesies. What makes you think I owe you one now, huh?”

“You bastard.” I shake my head, cutting him with a searing glare. My face is drenched and my chest is heaving. “I didn’t touch Christian while I was with you. And even if I did, I tried to tell you. I tried to fucking tell you! I’m not girlfriend material. I don’t make promises because I know I can’t fucking keep them. But you!” I explode into another fit of fury, wiggling against his hold, trying desperately to break my wrists free. “All that bullshit you spewed to me. I believed you! I actually believed you.”

“I never lied to you. Not once did I tell you something false.”

“Oh, no? What does failing to tell me you’re engaged classify as, huh? It’s not your baby? Are you kidding me? What, did she just miraculously get knocked up? Did that ring just accidentally slide on to her fucking finger?”

“She showed up on my doorstep wanting to talk. She’s pregnant with some other dude’s kid. He doesn’t want the baby. I couldn’t turn her away.”

“No, so you just propose to her instead? Invite her in and say, ‘Sure, move in to my fucking
house
?’” I groan in frustration and give up fighting his hold, glaring up at him through the tears.

“I didn’t propose to her. She was wearing the ring when she showed up. She’s going through a hard time. She’s been rethinking everything lately. What happened to us, how she turned me down years ago…all of it. The asshole that knocked her up took off and she’s lost right now. Confused. She was looking for…comfort. That’s all.”

“She wants you back.” The words come out almost petulantly, and I hate the sound.

“Yes. But she doesn’t have me.” His hand slides behind my back and grasps at one of my wrists. He brings my hand around and presses it against his beating heart. “You do. Did. Still do.”

“She’s living with you. How could you…” My lip quivers and I look away, knowing damn well I’m the hypocrite, here. Ryder’s right. I’ve been fucking Christian Walker. Practically living at his place. I can’t process any of this. There’s no absorbing the harsh reality that is staring me in the face. “Have you been sleeping with her?” Stupid question, I know. But my words asked no permission from my brain or mouth.

Ryder looks away, his grip hardening on my hand, saying nothing but saying everything. I feel his heart thrash harder against his chest. Those rich, soulful eyes are unwavering and tormented, and nothing makes my stomach ache more. “Why are you here, Elise?”

I rip my hand from his chest and stumble back, panting as I work to drag in deep breaths. “It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it does.”

“Why are you so angry about finding Lauren here? Come on, I want to hear you say it.”

“There’s nothing to say. It’s too late. I’m too goddamn late.”

“It’s never too late. Say it!”

“Because I’m fucking jealous, alright? Are you happy?” My feet make a kick-start, darting around him, but he jumps in front of me. I veer to the right and he matches my move, blocking me off from each direction.

“Why are you jealous?”

“Get out of my way, Ryder.”

“No. Tell me why you’re jealous.”

“Because I want you, you know that!”

“Nuh-uh. Wanting me isn’t enough. Wrong answer, Elise. Try again.”

I can’t handle looking into his eyes. They’re wild and on fire and they’re not mine. None of him is mine. He belongs to Lauren now. “Let me go, Ryder!”

“Not until I hear the truth. I want to hear it straight from your mouth.”

“I love you!” The affirmation bursts from my lips like sharp firecrackers. I hear Duke bark in the background but it’s a muffled sound, muted by the potency of my words. “I love you, okay? Fuck! Is that enough for you?”

Ryder stills and I’m finally able to pass him. I beeline it for my car but the gentle touch of his hand on mine stops me. His fingers slowly lace through mine. I can’t turn around. I can’t look at him. If I do, what I see will level me.

“Elise,” he says quietly, moving to step around me. When he aligns himself in front of me and peers down into my eyes, my heart implodes. I was right.

There’s nothing but love there.

“You’re not the other woman, here. You’re
the
woman.” He gives me a small, careful smile, and those dimples peek out from their hiding place. I missed them. I missed him.

I love him.

“Come here,” he whispers, pulling me flush against him. His lips come down and taste mine, kissing tenderly at first in a soft exploration. I collapse against him and his arms close around me, lifting me up and off the ground. My legs curl around his waist and hook at the ankles, and I breathe him in. I want to drown in him.

“What about Lauren?” I ask, gasping for breath.

“I’ll take care of it, I promise.”

“But you—”

“I haven’t been sleeping with her.”

“You haven’t?” I want to lash out again, want to yell at him for not telling me the first time around, but I know that he was just giving me a taste of my own medicine. And I of all people know what it’s like to want to hurt someone because you’re hurting.

He nips my lip and brushes his nose against mine, holding me against his firm body. “No. She knows I’m not interested in getting back together. She knows where I stand. She’s hopeful. Persistent. But she knows.”

“You can’t just kick her out. Not when she’s alone and pregnant and scared.” I can’t believe the words are coming out of my mouth, but it must be proof that God gave me a heart. It must be in there, somewhere. It’s bleeding for Ryder, after all.

Of course I want him to kick the bitch out. She had her chance. She turned him down and tossed him out like trash, incapable of seeing what kind of man he is. The good kind. The strong kind. Loyal and sincere. A rock.

She blew that chance, and I’ll be damned if I stand around and let her move in and try to stake her claim on him again. Not now. Not when I know I have his heart. Not when I know my place in his life and what he is willing to do to give me his.

Holy shit, I have Ryder Jacobson’s heart.

“Where do we go from here?” I ask. “What do we do?”

“We start over.”

“There’s no starting over. I can’t take back the things I’ve done. Lauren’s in your kitchen right now.”

“I never said we erase the past. What’s done is done. But we can change direction. Can you do that? Do you want that?”

“Yes. God, yes.”

“Then let’s do it.”

I study the lines of his face, wonder if all he’s saying is possible. It has to be. If I didn’t believe it was, I would have never showed up here like this in the first place.

“I can go to France with you,” his voice breaks my train of thought. “It’s just what we need. Think about it. Think about what it could mean.”

“What?”