The Return of Jonas (Pearl Vampire Chronicles #4) (2 page)

“Thanks, man,” Carlos replied, then he kissed my forehead and said, “I’ll be back, I promise.” 

I managed to nod then I released my arm from Carlos and wrapped it as tight as I could around Matthew, burying my head in his chest.  This I couldn’t possibly watch.  I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard the doors on the plane shut and heard the propeller spin faster. I felt the waves as it turned in the water.  We didn’t move or speak until long after we couldn’t hear the plane’s engine anymore. He just did exactly what I needed him to do.  I knew he would.  He always does.  He held me tight and waited. I finally did the only thing I could do, the only thing I wanted to do, the only thing that felt right.  I turned and stared into his eyes, filling myself with the love that poured out of them.  Then I leaned in and kissed him, tenderly at first, then more urgently.  Not the same urgency of farewell that I felt when I kissed Carlos, but with the urgency of something that I wouldn’t survive unless I did this.  I wanted him, now.  I had to have him, now.  I needed him, now.  And I would cease to exist if this didn’t happen right now.  He followed my lead, tentative at first, not sure if this was what I really wanted, then his own urgency took over.  I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist as his hands found my lower back and slid up under my shirt.  We knew were completely alone on the island now and had no reason to go back to the house.  I lifted my arms over my head and he pulled my shirt off.  It fluttered silently to the dock as I loosened my legs enough to pull his shirt over his head. I moaned as I felt the excitement of his skin pressing against mine. Just like the first time we had made love in a hotel room in San Diego – when my skin makes contact with his, it generates enough sexual electricity to power a small city.  I released my legs just long enough to get out of the rest of my clothes, then jumped back up and wrapped them around his waist again.  He hesitated for a bit, allowing my desire to reach that frantic point where I had no choice but to beg.

“Oh my God, please,” I gasped.  I was shaking with anticipation when I finally heard the zipper of his pants and felt him shift slightly as he worked his pants down his legs.  I couldn’t wait until they were all the way off though.  They were still around his ankles when I dropped down and groaned as I took him inside me.  We were both strong enough to stay like this, but he knew we both needed more.  He kicked off his pants, walked off the dock and dropped onto the sand, pressing himself as close to me as he possibly could.  For the first time ever, there was no sense of having to rush.  No one was around who might hear us, no one was searching
for us, no one was chasing us, no one was waiting for us, no one was trying to kill us.  It was just us.  With the slow passion of two people whose only mission was to please and enjoy each other, we made love.  For days, we made love, moving into the house only when the sun was beating down on us, stopping only long enough to eat and sleep.  Us.  Just us.

Chapter Two

We ended up staying on the island for two weeks.  It was the honeymoon we never had.  It was the new beginning I so desperately needed.  Reluctantly we closed up the house, my house I had to remind myself, as I stifled a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” he said.

“I still can’t believe you bought this place,” I said as I smiled.

“What?” he grinned
. “Is the island not big enough for you? You want a bigger island?”

“No, I do not want a bigger island, dork.  I just can’t believe you were crazy enough to buy…”

I stopped abruptly, as for some odd reason what he said to Carlos on the dock two weeks earlier finally sunk in.  I dropped down into the kitchen chair and stared at him.  My heart was pounding in my chest.  There were a million thoughts running through my head, the worst of which was ‘Dear God, he knows.’

“Sarah?” he said.

“Why did you say ‘Good luck out there’ to Carlos when he was leaving?” I whispered, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.

He walked around behind me, apparently not wanting to meet my eyes
when he answered, not a good sign, I thought.  He kissed the top of my head and said, “He just hasn’t been himself lately. I was just wishing him luck in, ummm, fixing that.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and felt my heart break.  He knows, but he doesn’t want me to know that he knows.  I reached up and grabbed his hand, which was resting on my shoulder, and squeezed it tight.
Then I stood, turned and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tight.  “I love you with all of my heart, Matthew Pearl,” I mumbled into his chest, vowing in my head that I would make this up to him, even if I live ten thousand years, I will make this right with him.

He brought my face up to his, this he could say without hiding, “I love you too, Sarah, forever.”  Then he gave me one of those kisses.  The kind filled with all of his love for me, the kind that took my breath away, the kind that I didn’t deserve anymore.  This time, though, I
reciprocated; as I flooded myself with all the love I had for him and put every ounce of it into this kiss, this one kiss.  This was my most important kiss, ever.  This kiss had to convince him that my love was for him and only for him, that I wanted him and only him.  I poured my heart, my love, my soul, into this one kiss and I didn’t stop.  Even after his legs gave out and we fell to our knees on the floor, I didn’t stop.  This kiss was going to last forever as far as I was concerned.  It was Matt who finally had to end this kiss, not because he wanted to but because he
had
to. His face was a collage of emotions as he stared at me, opening and closing his mouth as he tried to find his voice.  The only sound that escaped him was a small sob as his head fell onto my shoulder.  We held each other as the sun rose above the horizon and streamed through the windows, silently saying everything we needed to say.  We both knew we had to leave but neither of us wanted to move. 

I finally broke the silence
. “We have to go, don’t we?”

He nodded into my neck.
I stood up and held my hand out to him. He grabbed the bags, I grabbed the cooler full of blood and together we walked down to the dock and onto the boat.

I did my best to help him enjoy the trip back.  In the late afternoon on the first day, I went below to heat up dinner for us.  I drank mine then took off all my clothes, crept back up top, sat on the couch behind him, laid his two pints on my stomach then said
, “Hungry, honey?”  He killed the engine and was on me in less than a second.  The next night it was dinner in bed.  The next evening, I strolled out onto the bow in my tiny bikini and lay down to ‘sunbathe.’  I wasn’t alone out there, or in my bikini, for long.  By the time we pulled into the port in Miami, Matt was the only man on my mind, most of the time.  I didn’t miss Carlos too much, which I was glad for, but it was hard to not contact him, just to see how he was doing.  I kept having to tell myself, ‘Give it time, Sarah, we both need that.’ 

I felt the stress begin to creep back into Matt on the flight to Peru.  He had a huge amount
of work to deal with when he got back.  He had to find a replacement for Ramon – his security assistant who had betrayed us to Malina and almost gotten us killed, for one thing.  He had to deal with those who had abandoned us when Malina fell – a dozen or so of our team had left us.  Malina was one of the remaining evil Elders who hadn’t been killed when we first fought them off and broke their hold over all vampires, and who it turns out had a revenge streak a mile wide. She tried to take back what we had taken from her, first by kidnapping Matt and then by coming after me.  But she had failed – most notably when she and I fought – and I tore her head off.  Ramon had disappeared when the fighting broke out but he was young and a follower who now had no leader, so we weren’t worried about him.

I
also had an idea forming in my mind of something I wanted to try when I got back, but I had to get the approval from the other cabinet members first.  If they agreed, it would keep me very busy too.

On the ride from the airport, I snuggled into
Matt in the back seat.  “I’m sorry” I said.

“For what?” he said.

“For hurting you.”

I felt him cringe next to
me; he clearly did not want to talk about any of this. “Sarah, please don’t.  Not now,” he whispered.

“I won’t,” I said
. “I just had to say I’m sorry, and don’t you dare say it’s okay, because it’s not.  It’s not okay, it never was okay, but I’m doing everything I can to make it right.”

He kissed my forehead
.  “I know.”

The car pulled up to the gate and we walked through the courtyard in the moonlight.  I glanced in the back corner, realizing
that even though it had only been a few years, it seemed like a lifetime ago that we had stood over there and gotten married.  Nobody had been trying to kill us then (or so we thought), the friendship line between me and Carlos wasn’t completely blurred back then, I never thought I’d face a devastating loss again (even though it turned out to be fake, that Matt really didn’t die, it didn’t lessen the pain that I felt at the time that I thought he was dead.  After losing my first husband, Rob and my 4-year-old son, Scottie, in a car accident that happened when they were on a fishing trip and then seeing what I thought was Matt’s death on a DVD (that turned out to be fake), well, it just brought back all of the pain, heartbreak and loss that I’d ever felt and it was too much for me to handle; my body shut down, I went into a stupor, a coma.  And Carlos had stayed with me the entire month that I was in it, taking care of me, playing nursemaid), we never thought we’d face death, we never thought we’d be forced to be apart.  It was only three years ago and how I desperately wished we could go back to how we were then.  But, then the Elders would still be here, Malina would still be here, vampires worldwide would still be sad, lonely and afraid.  As hard as things are right now for Matt and me and Carlos, I can’t have any regrets.  I have to learn from this, grow from it, use it to make everything better.  I have to, or it will all have been for nothing. I also knew that in order for both of us to get over it, we’d eventually have to talk about it.  Something he’d probably fight tooth and nail.  I thought tonight was not the night for that. But I was wrong.

I moved closer to Matt and wrapped my arms around him as we walked down the hall.  I was devastated.  I should be relaxed, happy and hopeful now.  Instead, I was worried, scared and doubtful.  It crushed me.
“Are we going to be okay?” I whispered.  His step hesitated, but he continued forward the final few steps to our room without responding.  His silence just about killed me. We got inside the door and I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Matt?” I choked out.  He dropped the bags, hanging his head with his back to me, hesitating.  “Oh God,” I groaned, sinking down to the floor with my back against the door.

Suddenly he was there with his hands on either side of my face.
  “Don’t,” he gasped. “I had to think about my answer, that’s all.”  I tried to nod but didn’t bother to try to stop the sobs that were pouring from my chest. “You asked if we’re going to be okay.  That’s up to you, Sarah.  I have no intention of going anywhere.  I’m here forever, unless you tell me to go. But it’s entirely up to you to decide if we’re going to be okay.  I don’t know what’s in your heart, honey.  Only you know that.”  He turned and sat next to me, taking my hand in his.  I leaned over and put my head on his lap. He began caressing my hair.

“I kissed him, Matt,” I said, and I felt the slight hesitation in h
is hand, before it moved again.

“I know
,” he said.

“I kissed him and I wanted to do more, a lot more.”

“I know,” he whispered.

I turned and looked up at him
. “But why do you still want to be with me?  Why don’t you hate me?”

“Sarah, I can’t hate you for what happened.  You didn’t kiss him before you thought I was dead, did you?”  I shook my head as he continued
, “You didn’t want him before you thought I was dead. I mean, first she made me sleep with her.  That had to have hurt you Sarah, even a little, even though you saw on the DVD that I was starving, strapped to a table and didn’t have any choice. And, of course, my kidnapping and quote, unquote, death had a profound effect on you.  I knew it would.  Malina knew it would. She knew your past history.  She knew that having you lose another person that you loved would send you over the edge. Quite honestly, I knew that the only way you’d survive it would be for you to cling to someone else and I also knew that the only one close enough, strong enough and loving enough for that to happen was Carlos.  You two are so much more alike than you and I.  You both have such compassion and a huge zest for life.  It scares me, but you’d really be perfect together.  But I think what took all three of us by surprise is, the feelings that you developed for him in order to survive this whole ordeal, when those feelings didn’t go away after you two found out I was alive.  Your feelings for me didn’t diminish, I know that, I’ve always felt that from you, but neither did your feelings for him, or his for you.  That’s where we sit right now.  Only you can know what’s in your heart, only you can figure out what it is that you truly want and only you can know if we’re going to be okay.”

“But it’s you that I want,” I whispered.