The Right Kind of Wrong (18 page)

By the time we reach my grandmother's, the sky is a sheet of gray. The air has cooled considerably and I shiver when we get out of the car. Grandma is sitting on the porch swing, her expression blank. "Grandma, why are you sitting out here in the cold? It's going to storm soon. Don't you want to come in?"
 

"I'm fine, dear. Could you just bring me out a jacket?"

I look at Vince but he just shrugs.
 

"What's wrong? You look upset."

"I told you, I’m fine, Kara. Please, just get me a jacket."

She doesn't speak to me like that. Ever.
 

I walk to her bedroom and pull out a yellow jacket, but it doesn't seem warm enough. I spy a quilt on the shelf and get it down. A box tumbles with it, clocking me in the head.

"Dammit!"

I start to pick up the contents until I see what's scattered all around me. Envelopes.
 

With a return address from Charlie Pierce. I slide a letter out and start to read.
 

"It's starting to storm, I didn't know if you wanted to grab a blanket for your grandmother, too.” Vince stands in the doorway. “What do you have there?"
 

I'm too stunned to say anything. He walks over and grabs the letter from my hands.

"Oh, shit. Kara, is this what I think it is."

I nod. "I think so."
 

"I'll pick these up. Why don't you go give your grandmother her jacket?"

"Okay," I whisper. I carry the jacket and blanket out to my grandmother and ask if she needs anything else but she doesn't answer. By the time I get back to her room, Vince has the stacked letters in the box and it is under his arm. He takes my hand and leads me up to my bedroom.
 

"Are you okay? Why does she have letters from Charlie?"
 

"I don't know, but we're going to find out."

He sets the box on the bed and pulls out the stack of letters but I stop him. "I can't—"

"We'll look at them later, okay? Come here." He pats the space beside him. I sit down. He moves the letters off the bed and pulls me to him.

"Hey, we'll figure this out. We're getting there."

"I know. I just... it's too much all at once." I look at the patterns on the bedding.

He cradles my face and forces me to look at him. I think he might say something, instead, he leans in and kisses me. Hard. All I want is to forget what we've been learning about my family. I want Vince to make me forget.
 

So I let him.
 

I kiss him back hungrily. I pull him to me so his skin touches mine. His warmth works it way to my bones. His mouth moves from my lips to my neck to the space beneath my ear. "Kara, I think I'm—"

I stop his words with my hand. "Don't. Just kiss me." I take the bottom of his shirt and bring it over his head. He's all flesh and bone, his skin pale in a beautiful, flawless sort of way. I run my hands over his chest and he moves my shirt up. I peel it off and though this is the most physically exposed I've been with Vince, I know it's nothing compared to what he's learned of me during this trip. I pull him down to me, our lips working in tandem. I move my hands to the waistband of his jeans and fumble until I find the button. He moves my hands away and sits up.
 

"We don't have to do this."

I look at him and those blue eyes have never looked so iridescent, so magnetizing. They captivate me. Everything from the folds of my eyelids down to the curve of my ankle bone surge with the desire for his touch. I shake my head. "I want this. I want you."
 

He moves his thumb along my cheek and softly kisses me. "I've wanted you since Jenkins' class. I just didn't know it."

I bite his lip and his moan makes every part of my body ache. He pulls me up from the bed with him so we're chest to chest. He undoes the button of his jeans and pulls them off. Then his boxers. I stare at him. All of him. I unhook my bra. He looks at me briefly, but distracts me with his mouth while he unbuttons my shorts. They drop to the floor.
 

He grabs me and pushes me against the wall. His hands move to my breasts and he cups them. He sends ripples down my body and I buck against him. He pins my arms and moves down my body. He uses his teeth to pull down my panties and I wish I would've worn a sexier pair. When they're on the floor next to my shorts, he moves his mouth back up until he reaches my lips. Instead of kissing me, we stand like that, skin to skin, mouth to mouth. The sensation of being naked and so close is killing me.
 

He carries me to the bed and runs his hands through my hair. When I don't think I can stand it any longer, I reach for him but he moves my hand away and smiles. "Not yet."

And then I find out why. I don't think I'll ever forget how good he is with his tongue.

C
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T
WENTY
-F
OUR

We lay together afterwards, our breathing soft and rhythmic. I'm completely spent.

If the letters weren't nagging at my curiosity, I might be able to sleep. I don't think that's going to be possible as long as the letters and I are in the same vicinity. I turn on my side and face Vince. His eyes are closed, but I know he's not sleeping.
 

"Vince?"

"Mmm?"
 

"Let's read the letters now."
 

He pulls me into him. "Sleep."
 

"I can't. I'm too wired and the letters are calling me."
 

Vince rubs his eyes and yawns. "Okay, okay. Bring the box up here, and let's see why your grandmother has letters from old Charlie."

I lean over the side of the bed and pick the box up. I spread the stack of letters to find the earliest one. Better to start at the beginning. The oldest envelope is stamped 1943. I slide the letter out and read it aloud.
 

Elaine,

If you're reading this, you've accessed the box I've set up for you. Tell me, how did we even get here? My father's words mean nothing if you ask me to come back. I can be there in an instant if you just say the words. I've done nothing but think of you since I left. You consume my thoughts and I wish now that I would have stood up to my father. I want to take care of you. I stayed behind for you, Elaine. Can you say the same about Wesley? I'll be waiting for your reply.

Forever, Charlie.

I cry out with the realization that he loved her. Charlie loved my grandmother. The written word has never hurt as much as it does right now. Vince pulls me toward him but I push him away.
 

"Shit. This isn't what I expected." he says.

I shake my head. "I can't believe this."
 

Vince picks up another letter and this time,
he
reads it aloud.

Elaine,

I respected your wishes but I can't seem to find solace in anything. I wake up and think of all that you are. I can't make you love me, but I will spend my entire life trying. Please believe me when I say that I've loved you since the day my brother brought you into our lives. I should feel terrible, Elaine, but I won't apologize for loving you. When the time is right, I'll be here, waiting for you.
 

Forever, Charlie.

I have no idea if my grandmother answered a single one of these. Did my grandfather know? Did he find these? Did he know his brother betrayed him to be with Grandma? The thoughts are toxic. I read the next letter.
 

Elaine,

I saw you from afar. I won't tell you when or how. Just know that it took everything in me not to run after you. You were with Wesley and a little boy. I assume my nephew. You smiled and whispered something into Wesley's ear and his laugh reverberated through the street. You could have killed me right there, Elaine, with how happy you looked. I don't know what I was expecting but I'd hoped that you were still missing me. I know that's not the case, now. I won't bother you again. Just know that nothing has changed.
 

Forever, Charlie.

The urgency and the grief in his words carry a weight of sadness. He was giving up. Letting go.
 

Elaine,

I know I told you I wouldn't bother you again but I'm in the hospital with my wife. I cannot bear going into Sara’s room and watching her slip away from me. When I sit beside her bed, I hold her hand but you come to mind. I told her about you and she understood. She's always known, she said. I wanted to give Sara everything, but I never could. There's always been a piece missing from me and she told me once, it was better to have part of my love than none at all. She was an incredible woman, but no matter how I tried to push you out of my thoughts, the stronger hold you had over me. How can you have this effect on me still? I still feel as strongly about you as I did the day we met. I would do everything over again in an instant. Would you? Say the words. Please.
 

Forever, Charlie.

The last letter Vince picks up is dated only two years ago.

Elaine,

I’ve wished for this day for so long, when everything and everyone we knew would evaporate and only the two of us would be left. I didn't really believe it would come because what are the odds? But now that day has come and I'm an old man. I'm worn down and tired. Elaine, I am not the same man you first met. I'm not even the same man who wrote you the last letter. My wife has died, I just got word that Wesley is gone. And the doctors discovered cancer in my lymph nodes. I haven't the energy to try and convince you what to do. I only have time to dream that things would have played out differently and wish that you and I could have grown old together. My feelings for you have never changed. Not once. Not ever. If you say the words, just this last time, I'll find a way to come back to you.
 

Forever, Charlie.

I set down the last letter and can barely breathe. This isn't the same man I've pictured in my head over the last couple days. This is a man who loved a woman so deeply he was willing to give up his own family for her. And yet—I know the man my grandfather was. He loved Grandma with every piece of his heart too, but what does all of this say about my grandmother? I don't think she would have kept these letters unless...

Unless she loved Charlie back.

C
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WENTY
-F
IVE

I stack the letters back into the box and look at Vince. "He was in love with her. He truly believed she'd ask him to come back."

"I know."
 

"Do you think she loved him back? Did she even love my grandfather at all?"

"I don't know, Kara. You're gonna have to talk to her."

I nod. This has gone on long enough. I'm ready for the truth. Even if Grandma isn't.
 

"Okay. Let's go talk to her then."

Downstairs, my grandmother is in her rocking chair, reading. She looks at us when we reach the bottom of the stairs.

 
I need to do this now or my nerves will get the best of me. "We need to talk, Grandma." I set the box in her lap and watch as she puts it together.
 

She lowers her head and touches the letters with her hands, wrinkled and spotted with age spots.

"My God. How did you…?" Her voice is a well of emotion ready to erupt. "I guess it doesn't matter how found out, only that you did. Honey, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I hoped it'd never come to this."

 
"What happened with Charlie? He loved you, but you didn't love him back, right?" Grandma leans back in the chair and her tears begin to fall.
 

"It's a very long story, dear."
 

"Please, tell me," I plead with her.
 

Grandma wipes the tears from her cheeks. "Charlie had his eyes on me the night Wesley introduced us. Charlie was quite the charmer back then. He could talk a girl into just about anything. But I didn't fall for it right away. It's why I was attracted to Wesley. He wasn't concerned with being someone he wasn't. He was an honest man who wanted a woman who would take him for what he was. I admired that. It reminded me of my own father." She sips her water before she continues.

"Lord, Wesley was stubborn. When the war started, he wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. He told me his country needed him and he was enlisting for his family, for his future children to be free. He was so passionate it was hard to talk him out of anything."

"So where does Charlie play into all of this?"
 

"I'm getting there, child. You already know how much James hated me. Wesley was putting in such long hours at the company before he left for the war. He was hardly around. And when he was, he still wasn't fully here. I missed my husband. I missed the man I fell for. Charlie would come around for dinner and to visit. One day, he came over and said he was dropping off some paperwork for Wesley. He asked me a question I couldn't avoid any longer. If I hadn't answered him, maybe life would have turned out differently."

"What did he ask you?"

"He asked if I loved Wesley."

"And what was your answer?" I'm not sure I want to know.
 

"I'd been so mad at Wesley the last few weeks and I suppose in that moment, I hesitated out of spite. Charlie didn't take it like that. He thought my hesitation meant that my heart was open to him. I promised myself I'd never hurt Wesley. I'd never betray him. But I was weak and selfish. Before I knew what was happening, we were spending time together in secret."

"Oh, Grandma. How could you do that?" My eyes glaze over with the all-too-familiar wetness I've experienced all week.
 

My grandmother shakes her head. "I don't know. I was a stupid, stupid woman."

"Did you love him?"

My grandmother is silent and I have my answer.