The Road To Forgiveness (8 page)

Instead of dealing with the pregnancy,
talking it out, and coming up with a mature solution with
Sebastian, I ran like I always do. In the end… I wasn’t better at
all.

I leave the bathroom and head into the hotel
bedroom where Sebastian is sitting on the edge of the bed. His
elbows are on his knees and his hands are clasped together while
his head is down. He looks exhausted.

He looks up as he hears me enter the room. We
look at each other for a few moments, neither of us willing to
start a conversation that would inevitably end in an argument. He
reaches a hand out to me in a gesture for me to come to him. I go
to him, seeking the comfort of his arms.

Once I am seated on his lap with my head in
his neck he rocks me gently. I feel almost child-like in his arms.
He gently caresses my back as he kisses my head. I don’t want to be
the first to speak, to break this beautiful moment, but I need
to.

“Sebastian,” I say quietly into his neck.

“Shh, no talking. I just want to be here with
you. I want to hold you in my arms for as long as possible before I
have to hear the words that will break my heart.”

I look up into his eyes and see the sadness
pouring out of them. He knows what I want to say and he isn’t
willing to hear it as much as I am not willing to say it.

“Okay,” I whisper as I lay a kiss on his
neck. As tired as I am, I need to kiss him. Need to be with him.
This will most likely be our last night together and I need to make
the most of it.

I continue to place open mouth kisses on his
neck, swiping my tongue briefly over his pulse before sucking
gently on his skin. His arms tighten around my waist as I bring my
arms up and around his neck. My hands grip into his hair and pull
him closer to me. I trail kisses up his neck and to his chin,
nibbling at his five o’clock shadow. My mouth drifts over and I
kiss the edge of his mouth, biting the corner of his lip
gently.

Sebastian grunts loudly as I feel him stir
below my ass. He wants me as bad as I want him. I move my mouth
over and capture his lips in an intense, slow kiss. His reaction is
immediate as he takes over control of the kiss. His lips overpower
mine as his tongue enters my mouth. Our tongues tangle together as
the kiss grows hungrier, neither of us getting enough.

I turn my body so that I am facing Sebastian.
My legs straddle his hips as he sits further into the bed. He
reaches behind my back and pulls my body to his again. Our lips
connect as he sucks and pulls on my lower lip with his teeth. I
moan into his mouth, He has me so hot for him. He could kiss me
like this forever and it would never be enough.

His hips start to thrust upward and I can
feel his erection teasing my core. I start to grind down on him,
needing the contact. I’m about to come just from this action alone.
Sebastian must be able to sense this because he starts thrusting
harder and within seconds I am calling his name and coming hard in
my panties.

He picks me up from under my ass and flips me
on the bed. I watch him, mesmerized by his movements as he removes
his clothing. First his shirt, then his pants and sock, until he is
left in just his boxer briefs. The tent in his boxers is hard and
long and I can feel my walls pulsing, waiting for him to be inside
me.

He slowly lowers his boxers, never breaking
eye contact with me. Once he is completely naked he comes over to
the foot of the bed and lifts one of my feet. He places my foot on
his chest and slowly removes my sock.

It’s the simplest of acts but Sebastian is
making it slow, sensual, and completely erotic. He kisses my instep
before placing my foot down and repeating this with my other foot.
His palms grip my ankles and slowly make their way up my legs,
above my jeans. He gently squeezes as her reaches my thighs. Then
he traces a finger up my inner thigh until her reaches my core. His
whole hand takes over as he cups me through my jeans and his thumb
moves to rub me through the layers of my clothing. Just as my
release starts to build again he lets go and moves his hand to the
button of my jeans. He slowly takes my pants off, then my
panties.

His hands move up and under my sweater to
tease me over my bra. My nipples are instantly hard. Sebastian is
taking his time, every move is well thought out and I am so horny,
I think I might explode.

My hands moves to take hold of him but as
soon as I touch his cock, he grabs my hands and lifts them over my
head.

“Not yet,” he whispers in my ear. “We have
all night, Honey.”

I let out a groan in frustration. I just want
to touch and pleasure this beautiful man and he isn’t allowing it.
It’s completely frustrating yet turning me on even more.

His hands move to the bottom of my sweater as
he lifts it up and over my head. He throws it somewhere on the
floor as his body covers mine. His mouth lowers to my chest as he
licks and kisses my breasts. He lowers the cups of my bra and takes
my hard nipple into his mouth while one of his hands pinch my other
nipple.

My breast start to tingle as the sensation
below grows stronger. I might come again with out him even
penetrating me. My breath becomes uneven as both of Sebastian’s
hands start to squeeze and rub my breasts. I can feel his mouth
moving lower on my stomach as my breasts continue to be
stimulated.

So many sensations are happening at once and
I don’t know which ones to concentrate on first. His mouth moves
lower until I feel his mouth suck my clit. I instantly feel the
pressure build as my entire body starts to shiver. Sebastian starts
to suck and bite until I’m ready to explode. His tongue starts to
make slow circles around my clit. I can barely breath, my face is
hot and my hands have a death grip on the sheets. He flicks my nub
one last time and I explode on his tongue. Thrashing and moaning
his name.

“I love you… I love you so much. You’re
everything to me, Mia,” he says as he lifts his head and looks up
at me from between my legs. I can barely focus. My orgasm was so
intense I am literally seeing spots.

“I love you, too,” I pant as I’m still coming
off the high of the second intense orgasm he gave me tonight.

“You’re so responsive,” he says as he kisses
his way up my body. “I love that you react to every touch I give
you. Your body craves mine and my body craves yours.”

His mouth moves to my breasts, and as if my
body is agreeing with his, my nipples harden again as soon as his
mouth makes contact.

“We’re perfect for each other, Mia. I’ve felt
it since the day you walked into my office. I just need for you to
feel it too.”

His mouth moves up to mine as he takes me in
a slow kiss.

What he doesn’t know is that I did feel it,
too. I’ve known from the very beginning he is different and I’ve
known from the very first night we made love that we are meant for
each other. The problem is, knowing something is true doesn’t mean
you should act on it.

If we had met before Miles died then maybe we
would have a chance. Maybe I would get my happily ever after. Maybe
everything I went through in the beginning wouldn’t matter at
all.

The reality is I met him after Miles death.
We still could have worked it out but the pregnancy changed things.
I can’t raise this baby. My four weeks away from him changed my
thinking a little bit but not completely. Every day of my pregnancy
makes me want my child a little more, but in the end it would feel
like I was betraying Miles. I couldn’t have that.

Sebastian moves his hips over mine and before
I have time to think he is thrusting inside me. He feels incredible
inside me.

“Oh…. Sebastian… Yes!”

“I love you, baby,” Sebastian says with his
head between my breasts.

He’s moving at a leisurely place. Every time
he thrusts deep, he circles his hips before pulling out of me. It’s
amazing and I never want it to end. Its also torture.

I can feel the slow build up of another
orgasm on the horizon but I know if he keeps up this pace I won’t
be able to take it. My body won’t be able to handle the
intensity.

“Harder, I need it harder,” I breathe out
while looking down at him.

He kisses his way up to my ear, as he
whispers, “No. Nice and slow, baby. I want it slow.”

I groan in frustration as he keeps up his
leisurely pace. His lips moved to mine as he kisses me deeply,
sucking my tongue into his mouth. It feels incredible. My body is
shaking and my limbs are beginning to tingle all over. My body
can’t take much more.

I squeezed his dick with my pussy. Milking
him over and over again in hopes he will loose control. Lucky for
me, he does.

“Yes, “I think internally as he starts to
pound harder and harder in me. I start to feel dizzy as my pussy is
preparing for the most earth shattering orgasm of my life.
Sebastian thrusts one more time with a deep groan as he started to
come inside me. My body shoots over the edge as my orgasm takes
over and I start milking every last drop of Sebastian’s release.
Neither of us speaks. We can’t. It’s the craziest sexual experience
I have had with him. Every time with him is the best but this time
is record book sex. I know no one has ever experienced the
connection Sebastian and I just had. I’m completely sated.

As my breathing starts to calm down,
Sebastian moves us both until we are lying under the sheets. I
drape my arm over his chest as he lifts my leg and placed it over
his body. There is no post-sex awkward conversation, no meaningful
looks. We both lay contently, basking in the silence until we both
drift off to sleep.

*****

“
Mommy, help me.”

I was running through my house. I could here
his voice but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

“
Where are you, Mommy? I need
you.”

I opened the door to every room in the
hallway. He wasn’t in any of the rooms. I ran back to the kitchen
to see if I had missed something. I checked the cabinets, the
pantry and under the table.

“
Save me, Mommy. Why aren’t you saving
me?"

“
Where are you, Miles,” I screamed

All of a sudden I hear a thud and tires
screech from outside the front of the house. I run out the front
door as I see a car speed down the road.

“
Miles… Miles are you out there?”

I don’t hear anything.

I start to panic as I race around looking
for him. My heart stops. Miles is lying in the middle of the road,
covered in his own blood. His dead eyes are locked on mine.

“
No!” I scream as I fall on to my knees on
my front lawn. Tears start to overflow my eyes as I stare at my
son’s lifeless body.

“
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I
kept you home today. You shouldn’t have died.” I stand up and run
over to his lifeless body. I brush his hair out of his face as I
sob uncontrollably.

“
Why? Why did you still die? I did it
right this time. Why…”

My eyes shoot open with panic. I momentarily
forget where I am. I look around the dark room with no recognition
until my eyes land on Sebastian. He is sound asleep next me. My
heart starts to calm down as my breathing starts to slow from my
nightmare. I’ve been having them every night since I got back to
Georgia.

I look past Sebastian at the clock and it’s a
little after four in the morning. I’m covered in sweat and I know I
will not be able to fall back asleep on the damp sheets. I look
over at Sebastian one last time. His worry lines aren’t as
prominent on his face when he sleeps. He looks angelic.

I get out of bed as quietly as I can and make
my way over to the sitting area. I decide to turn on the
television. I need some form of distraction. I lower the volume and
search for something entertaining. Unfortunately, this is a
difficult task at four in the morning. I find Nick at Night and
they are airing old episodes of
Roseanne
. I loved this show
growing up. Granted, I was watching re-runs then, too, but I loved
the fact that she showed a lifestyle I was used to. No one in my
town had money so it was good to see a show that resembled my part
of America.

I’m three episodes in and I hear a noise come
from the bedroom. I look up and see Sebastian heading over my way.
He looks perfect as usual in just his boxer briefs and a grin.

“Did I wake you?"

“No, it’s almost six. This is the usual time
I wake up, remember?”

I smile at his response not knowing what else
to say. We have pushed the conversation off long enough and today
we need to have it.

“Do you want to get ready for the day and get
some breakfast?” Sebastian asks me.

“I can’t. I’m having breakfast with Charlie.
It’s kind of our thing.” This was true. Charlie was a breakfast
person so when we went out to eat, it was for breakfast. food

I text him during the first episode of
Roseanne, seeing if he wants me to pick him up around nine. He had
responded with a ‘yes’ a few minutes before Sebastian woke up.

“Oh… well, I guess maybe you and I should
have our talk before you go.”

I swallowed back the bile that started to
come up. No matter how long I had, I would never be prepared for
this conversation.

“I’m divorcing Marcy,” Sebastian says
throwing me completely off my train of thought. Out of all the ways
I saw this conversation going, him telling me he was divorcing
Darcy was not one of them.

I stare at him with wide eyes. Part of me is
over the moon with happiness and the other part of me is terrified.
Terrified that there will be absolutely nothing to stop him from
getting what he wants.

Me.

“Umm… okay. When did you decide this?” I ask
because it is the logical question to follow with.

He is hesitant to answer. He comes over and
sits down next to me on the sofa. I start to fidget nervously so he
gently places his hand on my knee, to comfort me.