The Road to Her (11 page)

“Did I?” She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to. Sorry.”

I paused. “No, I liked it.”

We looked at each other a while, neither of us sure what to say. Elise broke eye contact first, hastily looking away and down at her drink. She traced her finger round the rim of her glass and stared into it, apparently deep in thought. “Anyway,” she finally said, flicking a look back towards me, “it’s next week.”

“Well, I’m looking forward to it already,” I said, kind of stilted.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping at our drinks and looking out around the club, until I couldn’t bear the lack of conversation any longer.

“C’mon, drink up.” I slapped her arm playfully with my hand. “Let’s have a dance.”

We both knocked our drinks back and left the bar, picking our way over to the dance floor and melting into the darkness there. We danced together for the next four or five tracks, a heady mix of techno, R & B, and dance which was great to get lost in for a while until, finally, I’d had enough and made my way back to the bar, Elise following me close behind.

A girl and a guy stood where we’d been standing earlier. As Elise nodded to the barman to order us both drinks, I could sense the people next to us staring and whispering to one another, but I ignored it. That sort of thing always happened whenever I went out on the town, either with friends or with other people from
PR
, but it happened more frequently now since Jasey. I’d learnt a long time ago to ignore the stares and the comments, which invariably either ended with some catty remark or a request for a photo on their phone.

I sat up on a stool and turned my back to the two people behind me, focusing on Elise instead, who was now paying for our drinks. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned round to see the girl smiling at me, the guy now gone.

“Are you…?” she asked, tilting her head and looking hard at me through the gloom of the club. “You are, aren’t you?”

I smiled. “Who?” I asked politely.

“Jasmine,” the girl said. “Jasmine Hunter.”

“Yes,” I said simply.

“I thought it was!” the girl said excitedly. “I said to Mark I thought it was you.” She waved a hand in the direction of the dance floor, so I guessed Mark had been the guy she’d been with just now.

“You watch
Portobello Road
, then?” I asked.

“Oh God, yeah!” the girl said, her face lighting up. “I love it.”

Elise appeared behind me, handing me my drink.

“And are you…?” The girl’s eyes widened. “O.M.G! It is! Casey!”

“All right?” Elise casually lifted her chin.

“Can I have a photo?” The girl delved into her handbag and pulled out her phone. “Mark’ll be gutted he’s missed this!” She swung round and looked out across the club, then back to us.

Elise and I leant our heads closer and smiled awkwardly as the girl took a photo of us both, then waved her hand at the barman and asked if he’d take one of her with us both. The photos over, I nodded politely and turned back to the bar again.

“Nice to meet you, anyway,” I said, picking my drink up.

“So are you two, like, you know, seeing each other in real life, then?” the girl persisted.

“No,” Elise and I said at the same time.

“And are you both, like, lesbians?”

“No.” Elise spoke first, while I remained silent.

“We just play the characters,” I said, smiling, thankful that Elise had answered before me so that I hadn’t had to.

The girl—I think she said her name was Sarah—then started chatting to me about Jasmine and how she’d always been her favourite character and how she loved all the Jasey stuff. I tried to remain polite, aware that Elise was standing next to me not saying a word, just sipping occasionally at her drink and stifling the odd yawn.

At hardly any point in our conversation did Sarah even mention Casey—only to tell me she thought that she and Jasmine were awesome together. She didn’t directly address Elise anymore, either, choosing to focus all her attention on me instead. I didn’t mind, if I’m honest, and yes, she was cute if that’s what you’re wondering. Talking to her was no great hardship for me.

I could sense Elise’s growing boredom, but despite me trying to involve her in the conversation, she remained stubbornly silent until, finally, she slammed her drink back in one gulp and wandered away from us towards the dance floor. I watched her go from the corner of my eye, still talking and listening to Sarah, and wished that Elise had made more of an effort to speak to Sarah, too.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Sarah suddenly asked.

“Let me get you one,” I said, catching the barman’s eye and ordering us two more.

We chattered on a little while more, Mark still nowhere to be seen, and Elise lost to me somewhere in the darkness. I enjoyed talking to Sarah, but all the time I was talking to her I was thinking about Elise, wondering where she’d gone to, fretting that she was pissed off with me for ignoring her on our night out.

I needn’t have worried that much, though. About ten minutes after she’d left us, I finally caught sight of her, to the edge of the dance floor, dancing with some guy. She had her arms wrapped round him like she’d known him all her life, and I have to admit my first thought was that she’d probably now appear in all the Sunday papers with a dumb headline like
The Lesbian Has Turned
or something equally stupid.

Sarah was still talking to me, but I wasn’t listening to her anymore. I was focused on Elise, snaking her body around this random guy, occasionally glancing over to where I was, then winding herself around him even more when she saw I was watching. I turned my attention back to Sarah, trying to keep up with what she was saying to me, but all the while I was aware of Elise and this guy.

Finally, after nearly half an hour, I’d decided I’d had enough. I was tired anyway, and the night hadn’t turned out to be the celebration and relaxation I’d expected. I suddenly longed to be back in my apartment, curled up on my sofa watching TV with the biggest bag of crisps ever invented. I made my excuses to Sarah, politely declining her offer of her phone number and, catching Elise’s eye, motioned to her that I was leaving.

She ignored me, instead draping herself even tighter around the guy she was dancing with and finally disappearing into the gloom of the club.

I stood on the edge of the dance floor a while longer, desperately searching for her, but when she was nowhere to be seen, I finally decided to leave her to it. Leaving the club, I hailed the first cab I saw coming down the street, arriving back at my apartment just after eleven thirty p.m., feeling utterly miserable.

My head was swimming, images of Robbie grinning smarmily at me when he’d told me Elise had asked him out, others of Elise with Robbie, and of Elise with the guy in the club swirling round and round in my head like leaves in the wind. I was furious with Elise on so many levels: because she’d made no effort to speak to Sarah with me, and because she’d left me standing at the bar to go and dance with some arbitrary bloke, when this was supposed to be
our
night out and it hadn’t seemed to have mattered to her as much as it did me.

Most importantly, though, I was furious with myself for giving in to the gnawing, worrying, churning emotion of utter jealousy that flooded my whole body every time I thought about Elise dancing with that guy. It was a sensation that I hadn’t had for over two years, since Grace, and now Elise was bringing it out in me.

I’d fallen for her, hadn’t I? Hook, line, and sinker.

Chapter Ten

I jumped as the door to the green room swung open and Elise breezed in. She practically skipped over to me, throwing herself down on the sofa with a thump, then laced her arm around my shoulder. I could smell the faint remnants of what I assumed was last night’s alcohol still on her and felt my heart drop.

It was Saturday morning and now I was back at work, mooching around the green room, still hurt and upset from the previous night’s events.

“You look happy,” I managed to muster up.

“Still a bit drunk from last night, if I’m honest.” Elise squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the corners of each eye between her thumb and finger.

“I guessed.”

“You left early.” She turned her head slightly and looked at me.

“Yeah, I was tired,” I lied. I wanted to add a sarcastic
So you noticed that I’d left, then?
but stopped myself.

“You missed some night, though.” She laughed softly to herself, as if remembering something.

“Yeah, suppose.”

“And I pulled,” Elise said slowly.

“Pulled?”

“Yup.” She sat up straighter and looked at me from the corner of her eye. “Remember that guy who I was dancing with when you left?”

“Not really.”
Of course I did!

“Well, his name’s Stig and, well, after you’d left he bought me some drinks.”

“Stig?” I snorted. “What sort of name’s that?”

“It’s his name,” Elise said impatiently.

“Right.”

“And, anyway, I went back to his place,” Elise said, watching me. “And it was amazing.”

“You slept with him.” It was a statement more than a question.

“Yuh-huh.”

“That was nice for you.” I moved away a little from her on the sofa, making her instinctively remove her arm from my shoulders. I don’t know why I did it. It just made me feel a bit better, even if my shoulder felt empty without Elise’s arm around it.

“Yeah, it was,” she mumbled.

“And Robbie?” I asked priggishly. “What about him?”

“What about Robbie?” Elise looked at me sullenly.

“Well, uh, didn’t you go out with him the other night as well?”

“And?” Elise replied, pinching her eyes impatiently. “That was just a one-off. I told you—I never date work colleagues.”

“Priceless,” I muttered back under my breath.

Elise looked surprised. “What?” She asked. “What did you just say? Priceless?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s nothing to do with you, anyway,” she said flippantly.

“Of course not,” I replied. “So why tell me?”

“Just making conversation, Holly,” Elise snorted. “Chill.”

“I’m perfectly chilled,” I said archly. “I just don’t need to know what you got up to, thanks.”

“It was just sex, Holly.” Elise shrugged. She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her cardigan tight around her, then lay her head back against the sofa and closed her eyes. “It was good sex, too,” she murmured, more to herself than to me.

“Mm-hmm.” I bit my lip to stop me from saying anything more than that.

“It’s what happens in the real world, Holly!” Elise half-opened her eyes and peered at me. “Girl goes out, girl meets boy, girl goes home with boy.”

“Not to me, it doesn’t,” I said, adding a small ironic laugh.

“Are you jealous?” She turned and looked at me in amusement.

“Don’t be daft!” I blurted out.

“You are, aren’t you?” She shuffled back on the sofa, bringing herself up straighter again, and brought her knees up even closer to her. “You’re jealous that I pulled and you didn’t.”

“You are
so
dumb sometimes, it amazes me!” I shook my head. “Number one, I’m not jealous that you copped off last night. Number two, I don’t give a holy shit what you get up to in your spare time, and number three…” I paused. “Okay, there is no number three,” I said, feeling stupid. “But if you seriously think I could be jealous of you, then you’re even more vain than I previously thought!”

“Vain? Me?” Elise’s face fell.

“You. Vain.” I glowered at her. “Sometimes I think you invented the word.”

“Gee, thanks.” Elise looked across to me, her forehead crumpling.

I immediately felt bad. “I just don’t really want to hear about your sex life, Elise,” I said quietly.

“Sheesh, could you
be
more pious?” Elise rolled her eyes.

I loathed it when she rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t want her to roll her eyes at me! I just wanted her to understand that I really didn’t want to know about her getting together with some random guy. Because it hurt me more than she’d ever know. I gritted my teeth. “You have
no
idea, do you?” I said.

“No idea about what?”

I took a deep breath. “Forget it.” I reached down past her and grabbed my bag, then got up and left the room before she had another chance to speak to me.

Back outside in the corridor, I leant against the wall, trying to make sense of what she’d just told me, trying to fight the awful feelings building inside me every time I thought about her and Stig. I pressed my head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “Shit, shit, shit!” I muttered under my breath. Elise had slept with some guy, someone whom she’d only met an hour earlier. And, yes, she was right. I was jealous. Jealous as hell, but not because I hadn’t pulled like Elise had.

I was jealous, pure and simple, because I wanted Elise.

*

I don’t know why it had taken me so long to see what, in hindsight, had been blindingly obvious for ages. When Bella had first told me all those weeks ago that Robbie had asked Elise out, it had pricked curiously at me. Now I understood why, and when she’d finally asked him out, it had upset me terribly, but then when I’d seen her dancing with that bloke—I mean, c’mon!
Stig?
—it had hit me harder than a runaway train.

Perhaps the reason I’d let her get to me was precisely that: I cared what she thought about me because I cared for her. Okay, so I’d thought her a wholly unlikeable person in the early days, but in the space of a few weeks I’d gone from disliking Elise intensely and being hurt and angry by the way she was with me to being hopelessly and insanely attracted to her. And it scared me to death. What scared me even more was her finding out because I knew what her reaction was going to be—disgust and horror. She’d tell me I was a dumbass for confusing life with art, just like the fans sometimes did, and I guess she’d be right; how could I be so stupid for falling for my co-star, for God’s sake? She wasn’t Casey, she was that sarcastic, lippy, confident, all-round smart alec Elise.