The Road to Her (33 page)

“I had my very own eureka moment,” she said, “which got me on the first plane back over here.”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”

Elise stared down at the floor, absent-mindedly turning one of the cloth bracelets on her wrist. “My agent over there,” she said slowly, “called me one day, asked to see me.”

“To offer you work?”

“More like, to offer me men.” Elise shrugged.

My stomach plunged. “Other actors?” I managed after a few seconds, the words nearly choking me.

“Yeah.” Elise didn’t look up. “He produced this file, full of headshots of actors,” she went on, “ones who are further up the greasy pole than I am. You know the type?”

“I know, yeah,” I replied. “Young and perfect, just the sort of guy your agent wants you to be seen with.” I looked at her, trying to read her reaction to my words.

She finally lifted her head and looked back at me, her face expressionless. “Do you know what he said to me?” she asked. “Do you know what the fuck he suggested?”

I shook my head.

“He told me to look through the photos and choose the one I thought I’d look best with.” She threw up her hands. “Can you believe it? He actually asked me which one I wanted to hook up with.”

I let myself slowly slide down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, then brought my knees to my chest, clasping my hands round them. “Hook up as in…?” I asked weakly.

“How do you think?” Elise sprang up from the sofa, her hands shaking. “As in, go to premieres together and be visible. My agent said I’d look good with any of them, but he wanted to give me a choice,” she scoffed. “He told me to make out for the cameras with them. He said it would help get my face known in good old Tinseltown, and that it wouldn’t do the actors’ credibility any harm to be seen out with the
cute English chick
.” She emphasised the last words.

“And what did you say?”

Elise ran her hands through her hair.“What do you think?” she cried, her eyes filling with tears. “Do you really think I’d be that shallow?”

“No, I…” I dropped my gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“He offered me work, as well,” Elise continued, “said that most of the guys in his grubby little portfolio were in soaps or TV movies—that kind of thing.” She sat down on the floor next to me, our shoulders touching. “He said he could get me work in the same programmes.” Elise turned her head and fixed me with her adorable eyes. “Every character he offered me was the same shallow piece of nothingness that couldn’t even hold a candle to Casey.”

“So?”

“I realised nothing would ever compare to what I have here with you.” She paused. “What I
had
here. No character could ever be as good as Casey, no bit part in some cable-channel soap could ever match up to what I had on
Portobello Road
.” She put her hand to my cheek, bringing my head round to face her. “And the thing that makes it so fucking awesome here is that not only do I have an incredible character to play, but I get to play her opposite you.”

“But you’ll always be worried about what other people think, won’t you?” I tried to keep the wobble from my voice. “That’ll always stop us. I can’t live like that, always running scared.”

“I won’t be. I promise.” Elise’s hand stayed cupping my face.

“You will, Elise,” I said quietly. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing a tear to spill down my cheek. Elise wiped it away with her thumb. “It’ll always be like that,” I whispered. “You worrying about what people think, or what they might say, because of your career. That’s the difference between us.” We held each other’s gaze. “I don’t care what people think.”

“No.” Elise shook her head, tears filling her eyes, too. “I’ve thought about nothing else since I’ve been away.” She took her hand away from my face and wiped her eyes with the inside of her wrist. “If being with you means I lose my career, then the career wasn’t worth having,” she said earnestly.

“You say that now…”

“I just want to do ordinary things with you, Holly.” She put her hand on my leg and stroked it. “I want to go to sleep with you every night and wake up with you every morning. I want to row a boat down the Thames with you, eat picnics in the winter with you. I want to rid your kitchen of spiders and spend silly afternoons picking your socks up off your bathroom floor and fixing spotlights that we both know won’t work.” She was half laughing and half crying by now.

I stared at her, feeling as though someone was squeezing my already bunched-up heart and draining every last ounce of blood from it.

“I don’t care what I do, Holly, as long as it’s with you.” She wiped at the mascara running down her cheeks, smearing it even more.

“I don’t want to go back to a life without you because without you I don’t have a life. Can’t you see that?” Tears were now cascading down her face, Elise no longer bothering to wipe them away. “I don’t want to be Brad Bentley’s pretend girlfriend, when I can be your real girlfriend.”

“Brad who?” I smiled.

“Exactly.” I felt Elise relax against me.

I gazed at her, not daring to move. It was as if I was in one of the dreams I’d had so many times since Elise left. I half expected to wake up and find that none of the last twenty minutes had actually happened.

I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again. She was still there. Perhaps this wasn’t a dream after all.

“So?” Elise took my hand. “What do you say? Can you forgive me?”

Chapter Thirty-five

“This is everything I’ve wanted to hear for such a long time, but how do I know you mean any of it?” I looked at Elise, tears starting to prick at my eyes again. “How do I know you won’t get cold feet the first time someone sees us out together and go running off again?”

“I won’t,” she said slowly, lifting my hand to her face and kissing it. “I promise you, I won’t.”

“I don’t know if I believe what you say anymore, though,” I said. “That’s the trouble. I just don’t know if I can trust you again.”

“Can’t you at least try?” Elise asked, her eyes pleading.

“I don’t know,” I said, my resolve starting to waver. “I don’t know what’s the right thing for me to do.”

“What’s right is that I love you!” Elise said. “And I know it’s going to take you time to trust me again, but I’m begging you. Just give me one more chance. I want to prove to you that I mean everything I’m saying right now.”

I linked my fingers through hers.

“And how will you do that?” I asked, hypnotised by the feel of her skin against mine. “I won’t let you hurt me again.”

“I’ll never do anything to hurt you again,” Elise said.

“If everything you’re saying is true, then prove it to me,” I said suddenly. What I was about to say was a risk, I knew, but I needed to know that Elise meant what she was saying to me.

“How?”

“You just said you wouldn’t care if you lost your career because of me.”

“I did,” Elise said, “but—”

“You know I’d never ask you to risk that,” I said. “You know as well as I do that you belong in front of the camera, that’s what you live for. I could never expect you to put all that in jeopardy for me. But I really don’t think that you admitting to our relationship is going to harm your career, at least not over here.”

Elise started to speak but I hushed her. “If you’re willing to turn your back on LA because your agent wanted you to make a name for yourself by hooking up with nameless guys, then I think you’re ready to come back to
Portobello Road
and be open about our relationship.” My heart was thumping out of control behind my ribs, my breath coming short and shallow as Elise and I stared at each other.

To my surprise, a slight smile tugged at the sides of Elise’s mouth.

“I’m one step ahead of you,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“I contacted some magazines,” Elise said slowly. “All the big ones.”

“And said what?”

“Invited myself to be interviewed,” she said. “Told them I had a scoop about my private life.”

“About…me and you?” I leant back and looked at her quizzically.

“No, about me,” Elise said simply. “Your name doesn’t have to come in—”

“But I want it to!” I interrupted. “This is exactly what I want—openness about me and you.”

She reached out and took my hands in hers. “Life’s about being with the person who makes you laugh, who makes you happy, who makes you feel special, and that’s what I’m going to tell them.” She dipped her head and looked up at me through her fringe. “It’s about being with the person you can’t stop thinking about, the person who gives you a squishy feeling inside when you know you’re going to see them,” she said. “The person you can’t imagine living without. The person you truly want to be with.” We held one another’s gaze. “I truly want to be with you, Holly, and soon the whole country will know that, too.”

I leant into her. I knew one more look from her was all that it would take.

“Sometimes it just takes someone to be an arsehole before they realise what they’ve lost,” she said softly. “And I have been.”

“Have been what?”

“An arsehole.”

“You got that bit right,” I said, glancing at her, the hint of a smile on my lips.

“I’ve missed that, too.” She rested her head on my shoulder.

“Missed what?”

“Your smile,” Elise sighed.

My smile deepened. “You’d do all that for me?” I asked.

Elise shook her head. “I’d do it for us,” she said simply. “Everything I’ve ever wanted in a person is sitting right here next to me. Everything.”

I rested my head on top of hers.

“You’re funny and sweet and adorable and lovely and you’re all I want,” she said, her breath fluttering against my neck. “You’re my Holly Eight-Year, do you know that?”

I raised my head away from hers.

“You mean that?” I asked.

“Every word.” She lifted her head off my shoulder and our eyes met, the look of complete love and longing on her face pulling me in to her, totally captivating me.

I let her take my hand, the feel of hers so warm and soft, making me feel safe again.

Slowly and tentatively she put her arm round my shoulder and pulled me to her. Her face was now millimetres from me, her warm breath on my skin, her lips almost touching mine.

“Please,” she finally said, her voice low and quiet. “Just let me try again?”

Her words disappeared as my lips met hers. I was lost in her; the weeks of despair just drifted away as I kissed her back. I shivered as she slowly kissed me, the sensation of her tongue against mine sending tingles up and down my spine, and melted at the touch of her soft lips, her body pressed against me, her hand reaching up under my T-shirt and stroking my side as she kissed me, over and over again.

Finally, she pulled away and wrapped her arms tight against me again, as if she never wanted to let me go. I leant into her, Elise warm against me, her breath in my hair, all my feelings of love for her that I once thought I could ignore just flooding back again because they’d never gone away in the first place.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice muffled in my hair. “You have no idea just how much I love you.”

“I do love you, too, Elise,” I said, tracing a finger up and down her arm. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”

She cupped my face in her hands and kissed me again, softly and slowly. “I’ve been such an idiot,” Elise said, kissing my face, my eyes, my hair, my forehead. “Such an idiot.” She took my hands in hers and pressed them to her lips. “No one else matters, Holly,” she said. “All that matters from now on is us, and soon everyone will know just what you mean to me, too.”

She stood up, holding her hand out for me. I let her pull me to my feet and lead me over to my window. Elise stood behind me, her arms linked around my waist, her chin resting on my shoulder as we gazed out at the early evening lights flickering into life across London.

“My whole life’s been one big act, Holly,” she said. “I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not, so this time, I’m playing it for real.” She softly kissed my neck. “Are you with me, my little Holly Eight-Year?”

“Always, Elise,” I said. “Always.”

Epilogue

I settled back in the boat, the warmth of the wood, heated by the midafternoon sun, hot on my bare arms. Squinting up into the sunshine, I shielded my eyes with my hands as I watched the swallows quickly swoop and dive over the water’s surface, which sparkled in the sunshine.

Idly dangling a hand over the boat’s edge, I dipped my fingers in and out of the cool water and thought about everything that had happened to me over the last few months.

I was ridiculously, utterly, totally, absurdly happy.

“Perfect, isn’t it?” I muttered sleepily.

I turned my head and gazed lazily at Elise, lying next to me, head tilted towards the sun. She lifted her sunglasses and glanced at me, a contented look spreading across her face.

“Perfect, just like you,” she said.

“Smooth!”

Elise propped herself up on her elbow and smiled down at me, tracing her fingers across my face.

“Read it to me again.” I linked my fingers behind my head and closed my eyes. “Especially the bit in the middle. I liked that best.”

“We only just read it!” Elise laughed but still reached behind us, making the boat rock slightly, and picked up the magazine. “The same bit as before?”

“That’s the best part, isn’t it?” I opened one eye and looked at her.

“Not the photos?” She pulled her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose and peered over the top of them at me, one eyebrow raised.

“Just read it!” I flapped a hand at her and settled down again, waiting for her to start.

Elise lay down next to me again, holding the magazine above her head to shield herself from the sun. “Okay, wait.” She ran her eyes over the page. “Here we are:
It’s true love! Actress Elise Manford tells us how her love for co-star Holly Croft grows deeper every day…
”

“I could lie here and listen to you say that over and over, you know?” I turned my head and smiled.

“
Following her exclusive interview with this magazine last month, in which popular
Portobello Road
actress Elise Manford revealed that she was dating co-star Holly Croft, Elise now talks about how being with Holly both in real life and on screen has changed their lives.
”