The Rock Season (8 page)

She nodded and brought me in for a hug. “I’m so sorry, baby girl.” She held me for a minute until I thought I had it together. Then she held me at arm’s length and raised her eyebrow at me. “Are you ready for round two?”  

I gave her a little smile and shrugged.

“C’mon,” she said. “I think this calls for some liquid courage.”

We walked arm in arm to the bar in front and she ordered two shots of Jager.

“Oh God! Really?” I hated that stuff, and she knew it.

“Yes, really! It’ll make you forget what you were upset about and make you pissed at me,” she said, cracking up.

We toasted and slammed them down. The black licorice taste almost had me bringing it back up, but I squeezed my eyes shut and kept it down.

“Bleeeeehhhhhhhck! Ugh, that is the nastiest stuff on the planet,” I exclaimed. I was wiping my mouth off when I noticed Aaron sitting at the back of the bar, his back to us. I elbowed Maryland and gave her a questioning look.

“Most definitely. Just tell him the basics and then say ‘I’m not ready to say more than that.’ That’s it! Go for it! I’ll be cheering you on from here.”

I took a deep breath for courage and approached his table. “Can I sit?”

He looked up at me and his expression was concerned. He started to stand up and speak. I shook my head. I gestured to the chair across from him and he nodded, so I sat down. I took a deep breath for courage and went for it.

“My baby was stillborn about three weeks after I saw you the first time. The doctors said I had pre-eclampsia. I’m dealing with it, but I’m not really ready to talk about it any more than that.” I exhaled and tried to smile.

Aaron looked at me, scrutinized me for a really long time. His expression went from disbelief, to sorrow, to acceptance. He exhaled and rested his elbows on the table, leaning in and lacing his fingers.

“And you’re here because the music helps you get away from it all.”

His eyes were so engaging. I felt like he could see right through me and it was freeing. I couldn’t hide anything I was feeling, even if I wanted to. To know he was this attuned to my feelings was intense.

“Yes. Listening to music, writing about music, coming to shows. It keeps me sane when I don’t know whether I am anymore.”

He nodded. He swirled his ice around in his empty glass.

“When I ran out of here the other night it was because my little brother had shown up drunk at my best friend’s house looking for me. He was crying about a girl. He’s a twin, they’re sixteen, and my father is going through treatment for prostate cancer so I have to be there for them. My dad’s going to be fine. I took this job here doing security to get away from it all. What better place?”

I smiled dreamily at him and repeated, “What better place.”

We heard the cheering get louder announcing the arrival of the Killers. He looked worried I was going to run off again.

“There’s an empty seat next to me,” I said, feeling bold. “We’re back a little further than you, I think, but-”

He stood up and held out a hand for me with a smile, which I returned. His hand was warm and soft. His touch gave me chills. We walked over to Maryland, who was beaming.

“Hi,” he said to her. “Do you mind if I join you two?”  

Her eyes flared at him and she pursed her lips. “Hmmmm, you better be careful what you ask for,” she said and he coughed out a laugh.

I was always amazed at how provocative she could be.

“I guess I should be,” he said to me with a wink. He was still holding my hand. My heart was pounding and it was energizing. He let me lead him out and to where our seats were. He held my hand the entire walk.

I’d discovered the Killers a little late in the game, but really admired their song writing. I hadn’t seen them in concert before and I was pleasantly surprised at what a good show they put on. I watched Aaron a lot of the time. He stood with his head tilted back on his neck, his chin thrust out, bouncing his knee to the music. A few times he sang along, but it was so loud I couldn’t hear his voice above the din. Tonight he was wearing a dark blue, long-sleeved button down shirt and faded blue jeans with black boots. The dark shirt really went well with his skin tone and he’d left the top two buttons undone, showing a dark patch of hair just between…

“Do you need anything,” Maryland asked in my ear.

I nodded and said, “A cold shower!”

She looked past me and her eyes rolled back in her head. Then she laughed and said “Two bottles of water, coming right up!”

Aaron glanced over when Maryland left and then smiled at me. He leaned in and spoke loud enough in my ear that I’d be sure to hear him.

“I’m so glad you found me.”

The vulnerable look in his eyes had me thinking that made two of us. I linked my arm through his and leaned my head against his shoulder. I don’t know why I did it, but I instantly felt lighter in spirit. We fit so well together, side by side. I let the music sway me against him and we moved together. Then the Killers started playing “Daddy’s Eyes” and I couldn’t help moving a little more. He seemed to be similarly affected. By the time Maryland came back, Aaron and I were both rocking out and singing along to the song wholeheartedly. She handed us each a water bottle. We tapped our bottles together and giggled while we took a sip. I don’t think I’d ever had this much fun with a guy before!

And then it was over, far too quickly. And we were doing the junior high dance thing again.

“I saw on the marquee that Heart is playing next week,” I said, bravely.

His eyes lit up and he nodded. “I wouldn’t think you would miss that one. I’ll be working.” He tugged on my hand and I linked my fingers with his. His lips quirked up on the side and he said, “I’m not sure where I’ll be working that night, so if you are planning to come, maybe you should let me know where you’re sitting. You know. In case you need saving. Or water. Or there’s an empty seat.”

He could not be any sexier, or adorable, or funny, or just plain frickin’ perfect right now. I put on my most serious face and said, “You’re right, of course. And I just learned that my concert buddy is leaving,” I looked at Maryland and pouted.

She rolled her eyes and gave him a pointed look. “So that means you have to look out for her. If I get back from Alaska and find out that anything happened to her at a show-”

“I would fully expect you to blame me. Here,” he patted his pockets and frowned. “Oh. I don’t have any of my cards with me.” He looked worried.

Maryland whipped out her phone, took a picture, and pushed it towards him. “Give me the digits, Security Man.”

He laughed and reached for it. He entered his number into her phone and handed it back.

She frowned. “McShane? You look about as Irish as I do!”

He laughed and said, “I’m afraid it’s true. By way of Afghanistan.”

Her eyes narrowed and she stuck out her hand. “Scottish, by way of Alaska. Nice to meet you.”

 They shook hands and she held his for a minute.

“You be a gentleman now, you hear me? Stevie, I’m going to go use the facility before we drive home. I’ll meet you at the front gate.” And she bounded off. Aaron watched her leave with a smile of disbelief. “She’s fantastic,” he said and I had to agree.

“She’s the best friend a girl could have.”

When he faced me again, he had a mischievous look on his face.

“It sounds like you have an opening for a concert buddy,” he said in a low voice. So low it felt like a warm caress.

I felt a huge blush coming on. And I gulped. “I just found out myself. Yeah. I guess I do. Know anyone who would be interested?”

His lips spread again into that huge smile that took my breath away. “I think I do,” he replied. The crowd had really thinned by now and I hated that it was time to go. “Stevie,” he said, looking like he felt the same.

I smiled at him and blew out a breath. “Care to walk me to the gate?”

He hesitated before offering his arm, which I gladly took. We walked in silence up to the front. I still didn’t want to go. He was lingering, too. When it became ridiculously obvious we didn’t want to say goodbye, he said, “Remember to send me your seat number. I’ll find you.” His eyes searched mine for a moment. Then he leaned in and quickly kissed my cheek before turning away.

“Oh my God, that was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, Stevie! How can he be that fucking hot and that fucking sweet all in one package? And did I mention package? Damn! You better start doing some serious exercise. I bet he’s hung like-”

“Maryland!” I knew she could keep going if I didn’t put an end to it. It’s not like I wasn’t thinking of the same thing. Holy heart pounding was he a sight to behold. And yes, we watched him walk all the way out the employee entrance.

McShane

When her text came two days later I had to sit down in my office chair. Maryland had taken a picture of her holding her ticket. I had to zoom in to read the number and that gave me a great shot of her damn cleavage.

“Fuck me, I’m going to die.”

“What’s going to kill you,” Schroeder said, scaring the shit out of me.

“Dammit, Schroeder! You sneak up on me like that again and either I’m going to have a heart attack, or I’m throwing your ass on the floor! Neither will be good for our friendship. I’m just warning you.”

He snickered, looking over my shoulder. “Great Ginger Goddess! Is that your concert chick?”

I’d told him about our meetings up until this point. He was now thoroughly convinced that the Shoreline job was incredibly important for my future. He thought perhaps he should try to get a job there as well. Callie’s friend did indeed think he was too boring.

“How am I boring,” he asked me after she’d told him.

I sighed. “Schroeder, you aren’t boring. But answer me this: If a woman showed up on your doorstep dressed in only a trench coat, what would you do?”

He frowned. “Ask her if she needed to call a cab? What? She’d obviously be in the wrong place if she showed up on my fucking doorstep!”

I was no Casanova, but I’d had several relationships more than Schroeder and the sex was never their complaint. It was my unavailability. Or my other responsibilities. Or my determination not to blow all of my money on them.

“Yeah, that’s her and God help me, man, I’m totally a mess over her and we haven’t even gone out on a date. At this point, I don’t even know how to ask her!”

The day after the Killers show, I sat down with Mom and asked her about pre-eclampsia. She explained to me it was brought on by the mother’s high blood pressure and that it caused the placenta to stop working properly. I explained why I was asking and her hand flew to her chest.

“That poor girl! I’ve miscarried before and that was terrible enough.”

Startled, I reached for her hand. “Mom, no! When did that happen?”

She smiled at me and ran her hand over my cheek. “Oh, son, I’m sorry I never told you. It was before I became pregnant with you. Your father and I desperately wanted children. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. That may have caused it. Perhaps this young lady was under a lot of stress?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. She said she’s not ready to talk about it so I don’t want to scare her off.”

Mom nodded and thought for a moment before she spoke. “Aaron, I don’t want to discourage you, but if she is grieving the loss of a child, she may not be in any place to start a relationship with you. Can you accept that? For her?”

“Of course! I just want to know her. I wouldn’t care if I never touched her as long as I could just talk to her, look at her. She’s so beautiful, Mom.”

My mother smiled and her eyes got teary. “I only hope that this one appreciates my wonderful son. Come here and hug your mother,” she said as the tears spilled from her eyes.

I hurried to her side and knelt before her. “Mom, what is it?”

She tried to wave away my concern, but I could see something else was bothering her. “You are too good at reading me, son. I’m sorry. I’m just thinking how wonderful you are, how like your father.” The sad look on her face told me what was wrong.

“He went back to the doctor,” I started and she nodded, sighing heavily.

“They’re afraid the cancer may be back. He needs more tests this week and next.”

“Done, Mom. I’ll take him. You don’t need to worry.”

She nodded. “I know you will, Son. I’m just so afraid. I know I have you to lean on and you’ve been so good with your brothers, but I’m not ready to lose your father, Ali Salaam. I love him so much. We have so much life to live yet together.”

My heart was aching for my mother and father. I knew part of the reason they had so much life to live together still was somewhat because of the birth of my brothers. I had just graduated from high school when she found out she was expecting twins. It put a lot of strain on her. She thought she was done raising children and now here she was with teenagers again! She and my father should be enjoying retirement together. Instead, she was working full time and then some, helping women and children who suffered from abuse navigate the legal system and start new lives. She was so important to so many people. She just wanted more time with my father.

“You will have that time together, Mom. Somehow. Let’s just hear what the doctors have to say.”

She sniffled and I handed her a tissue. She took a few shaky breaths and I did the same. As much as she wasn’t ready to lose Pops, I wasn’t either. He was my idol, not to mention I wasn’t ready to take over completely being the man of this family.

Thankfully the doctor’s visits were positive. The oncologist said he just needed more time to heal from the chemo and that there were no more signs of cancer. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The Heart show was a week away. In the meantime, I had to work a Kid Rock show, which was obnoxiously rowdy, and a Country Music Festival. Schroeder and I went through a bunch of our vinyl at the store to put on our online auction. I took the twins to get school clothes and we went with Pops to a Giants game to celebrate their 17th birthdays. We tried to go to a game for their birthday every year. We took the ferry from Alameda and Pops had a great time, even if he was really wiped out by the experience. The twins were really concerned watching him walk up the steps. I tried to reassure them that he would get better, but they were really troubled by it. I wasn’t surprised when they burst into my apartment that night, without knocking of course, while I was working out.

“Aaron, can we talk to you?”  

I sat up on my weight bench and wiped the sweat off my dome with my t-shirt. Lifting weights and working off my frustrations on the heavy bag nightly kept me sane.

“What’s up,” I asked them, preparing myself for their questions.

Patrick spoke up while Peter chewed on a fingernail. “We just wanted to know about Pops. Is he going to get better?”

I stood up to grab some water and gestured for them to sit on the couch. They sat side by side, looking miserable.

“He is better. He’ll get better. The chemo just took a lot out of him and it’s going to take a while before he gets his stamina back. That’s why I’ve been walking with him. Most men fully recover from prostate cancer. I’m taking him to the doctor Monday for them to run some more tests and we’ll see. The last visit was fine so we’ll just keep praying.”

Neither of them looked pleased with my answer. Peter looked up at me and I could see tears in his eyes. “Is he going to die, Aaron?”  

It was a double-edged sword in the gut. How did I prepare them for the very real possibility that they wouldn’t have much longer with Pops and also encourage them to be hopeful and strong?

“He will, someday, but I have faith that it won’t be anytime soon. I know it seems bad, but that’s just because we’re so used to seeing him as a tough guy, fixing shit around here, working for the city.”

Patrick snorted. “Yeah, and he used to be able to bench press a helluva lot more than you.”

I laughed and wiped my sweat off again. “He’s a strong man, which will help him. For now, you little shits will have to accept that I can bench press the most in this house.”

Their shouts of disbelief grew louder and soon they were ripping their shirts off and taking turns with my weights. Their swimmer physiques were a little more muscular than the usual 17-year-old boy because they liked to mess around with my weights. Peter topped out at 175 lbs and Patrick was able to hit 190. They bitched and whined when they watched me lift 275 for my last set.

“Damn, asshole! I guess I’d be ripped like that, too, if all I did was sit around my apartment instead of going out and getting laid.”

I shook my head. “You know what, Patrick? I can’t wait for you to find a girl who can knock you on your ass with just one word. The smell of her just sucks all of the oxygen out of your brain and you can’t speak. And when you find the right one, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep her.”

I noticed Peter, grinning out of the corner of my eye.

Patrick looked back and forth between us. “Both of you are pussies!”

That comment pissed me off. “Patrick, you better fucking have more respect for your brothers and you damn sure better be more respectful to the girls you are dating. You may think it’s all fun and games, but did you ever think about how she might feel once you’ve messed around with her? I guarantee most teenaged girls don’t have sex with boys because they are enjoying it. For one, you barely know what the hell you are doing and number two, it’s a hell of a lot more invasive and scary for a girl. And if you do find a girl who acts like she’s enjoying it, she’s probably a fucking mess because of some asshole who came before you. So just keep that in mind the next time you call someone a pussy for actually giving a shit what their partner thinks and feels. Trust me. Sex is much better when it’s mutually enjoyable.”

Patrick was scowling at me. “How the hell do you know so much about it? You never seem to be with a woman for long. You never bring them around here.”

Peter laughed. “That’s because he knows better than to bring them around here. You should hear Grandma Samadi getting after him about great grandbabies.”

He shook himself and I laughed. “I’ve had a few relationships, but the older I get, it’s harder to find someone who wants the same things I want. The last girl I dated ended up fucking someone else because I was ‘spending too much time with my family’.” Their faces fell and I knew I’d struck a nerve.

“That’s bullshit! Didn’t she know about Pops?” Patrick’s face turned red at that statement.

I nodded and said, “Some people only care about themselves. I don’t want that for you.”

Peter was sitting on the arm of the couch and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Aaron you do more for everyone else than you do for yourself. You deserve someone who takes care of you for once.”

My little brother’s words warmed my heart. I hugged them both, taking care to get them as sweaty as possible. They slugged at me in return and I kicked them out before we started really brawling.

I took a hot shower, my muscles still shaking a little from my workout, my hands shaking from thoughts of my Pops, my breathing shaky from thinking about Stevie. But then I smiled. Only one more night to go and then I’d see her. My body instantly warmed to the idea of being close to her again. When she rested her head on my shoulder, I wanted to pull her in and hold her close, offer her comfort. I just really didn’t want to blow this with her by getting too hot and heavy. I’d have to save the hot and heavy for times like these. In the shower. By myself. Thinking of her.