The Room (24 page)

WITNESS
(Leaping from the stand and trying to grab the defendant by the throat.) SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I/ll KILL YOU KILL YOU KILL YOU.

The witness was then taken from the courtroom by the officers present.

COUNSEL
Your honor, I would like to suggest that counsel meet with his honor in chambers so I can clarify what has happened.

It was now time for a public performance. Obviously it would have to be before a select audience. An audience with whom his animals were familiar. Sometimes highly trained animals, such as his, get a little spooky in front of strangers, and he didnt want his dogs to be nervous. He wanted them to perform to perfection. They were going to prove that he was the worlds greatest dog trainer. Obviously they would be more relaxed in front of their families than anyone else. The perfect audience – parents, wives and children. They would be the pride of parent- and grandparenthood. My son the dog.

And every child should have a dog … Yeah … Hahahaha … Look at Rover fuck. Fuck Rover fuck. Hahahahahaha … Mans best friend.

He made sure the kennel was well lighted for the event. He wanted to be sure that every little movement, every little ripple of muscle, flare of nostril and twinkle of eye was clearly and unmistakably visible.

And against a wall he placed – built – stalls in such a manner that the invited guests would be unable to miss any of the performance and they, in turn, would be clearly visible to the dogs.

He thought of making a brief speech, a sort of ringmaster introduction, before the performance, but vetoed the idea. However, he did explain to the audience what the wires were for and demonstrated their use with a few rugs. When the howling subsided he warned the members of the audience that if they disturbed the show in any way he would yank the wires as hard as he could.

He also thought, briefly, of music in the background, but dismissed that quickly. He wanted nothing to distract from the primary purpose
of the momentous event. It must be kept simple. The audience in their stalls, unable to avoid seeing clearly and completely; the room illuminated with a pleasant brightness; and an absolute stillness.

The wired dogs sat stiffly in a corner, waiting.

The audience stood frozen in their stalls, waiting.

He leaned against the wall, happy.

He didnt deliberately delay starting the performance to intensify the barbed and crushing pressure of time on his dogs and audience, but simply to feel and experience the joy of anticipation to its fullest. When, eventually, he reached the point of needing to put the anticipation into action he tugged the wires.

His dogs trotted to the middle of the kennel. They continued to stare at him. He tugged the wires. Dont you know you should always face your audience? They turned obediently. The eyes of the audience and the dogs collided then adhered. He watched the tender scene for many minutes and allowed them to do the same. Then, with another tug, the show began.

O.K. fido, beg. Stand up and beg. They stretched into action immediately and stood on their hind legs with their paws extended in the proper manner, staring into the faces of the audience. Thats the good boys. Here, catch. He threw them each a dog yummie and they snatched them from the air with their mouths and crunched them noisily before swallowing them. He smiled at the audience. Arent they good dogs. Im really proud of them. Now show them how you can talk. Thats the good boys. Now bark. Good. Very good. Now howl. Isnt that good? Very good. Now yelp. No, no. You can do better than that. Comeon now. Dont embarrass me in front of our guests. Yelp. Louder, yanking on the wires and watching the faces of the audience turn stone in disbelief and terror. Now thats the way to do it. Very good.

As he put them through their paces he concentrated on the faces of their loving families and glanced at his dogs only from the corner
of his eye. When they finished their preliminary tricks he told them to sit and rest for a moment, facing the audience. Then his face suddenly cracked with a sudden realization and he apologized to all present. Im sorry. I forgot how much little children love dogs and always want to pet them. Comeon fidos, go lick their rosy little cheeks and let them pet you. For a second his dogs froze, but only a gentle tug on the wires was necessary to shove them into movement. They went to the audience and licked the cheeks of the children. Go ahead kids, pet them. They love to be petted. Especially behind the ears. Thats the way. See that? See how they cuddle when you do that? O.K. fidos, now roll over so they can scratch your bellies. Thats it. Get those paws up a little higher. Good dogs. Now thats really good. Go ahead kids. Scratch them on the belly. They love it. They really do. They like that better than anything. O, dont let those things bother you. Theyre just a couple of dangling dongs of destiny. Hahahahaha. They wont bite you. Thats what they use to make cuddly little puppies. Hahahahaha. Thats it. Thats the way. See, I told you they love it. Look at the way they roll. O they really do love you. See how theyre licking your hands. Thats the good doggies. O.K. Thats enough. Sit up. The petting hands were withdrawn and the dogs sat up, a foot from the audience, awaiting the next command.

O.K. Now show them how you do your duty. They started trotting toward the post in the corner, but were stopped by a tug on the wires. Thats not the way I taught you to walk. Remember that you are show dogs and you should take pride in your breeding. Now lift your paws the way I showed you and keep your heads high and your noses in the air. Now circle the room and show them how well you have been trained. Thats it. Thats the way. Thats just fine. Good dogs. Good dogs. Now once more around the room. Good. Very good. You see how lightly they walk. Just barely touching the floor. Almost as if they were floating on an air cushion just above the surface. And notice how their noses are tilted upward, ever alert to the scent of danger. And notice how their tongues swing in unison with their breathing and tread. Im sure you must agree that a well-trained dog is a thing of beauty. O.K. boys. Post time. He chuckled as they jogged to the post and lifted hind legs in the prescribed and proper manner. Careful
now. I dont want you to splatter each other. Good. Very good. Now continue. They sniffed at the ground for a few seconds, then, satisfied, they scratched small holes and gave them a final sniff before squatting and shitting. When they finished they sniffed the piles of warm shit before pawing the dirt over them. Very good. Did you see how well they did that? Most dogs just toss the dirt in every direction except the right one, but they completely covered their mess. I think they deserve a hand for that. He waited for a few seconds staring at the audience and waiting for them to applaud. They stared silently. Immobile. O come now. That isnt right. He tugged on the wires and the dogs yelped beggingly. Lets hear it for them. The hands of the audience moved like those of animated mannequins. Thats better. Now you guys give them a little bow to show them you appreciate the applause. Thats it. You people should keep in mind that a good performance deserves applause and is very much appreciated by the performers. Isnt that right boys? They nodded their heads. Thats my good doggies. O.K. Up. Up. They stood on their hind legs, begging. He threw them each a dog yummie.

Well now, I think its time to move on to bigger and better things. Why dont we show them how brave and stouthearted you are. As you people know there is nothing dearer to the heart of a dog than to be able to protect his masters and mistresses from danger. Especially children. How many times have we heard of cases where dogs have saved lives that were in danger from all types of disasters from a burglary to a fire. So I think its only fitting that I reward these wonderful animals by allowing them to protect you. Now I have not imported a cat burglar, nor do I intend to set fire to the kennel so they can lead you to safety, but I think what I have in mind will prove to everyones satisfaction, including my dogs, that what I have said about their bravery is true. Obviously to prove what I said I cannot have them simply go through a rehearsed performance such as has been done up to now. I feel that it should be a situation that they are basically equipped for, but one that is new and unexpected. In that way they can prove, or disprove, what I have just said about their instincts and bravery.

Now, I am sure that you are aware that you cannot move from your cozy little stalls, but perhaps you have not noticed that the 2 young
children are in front, exposed, and that there are short, low sides protruding a few feet into the arena that form a sort of runway to where they are sitting. You see?

Now, if you will look directly across the arena – and this will come as a surprise to my dogs – you will see a flap of canvas that Im certain has not been noticed up to this point. Behind the canvas is a large, starving rat – screams from the audience stopped him and he yanked the wires angrily. Goddamn it. I dont mind hearing my dogs yelp and whine, but I cant stand that screaming. Now shut up. And you stop that howling. I hate being interrupted. He remained silent until his anger had subsided enough for him to be aware of the breathing of the others in the kennel. I hope I can continue without being interrupted again. As I said, this part of the exhibition is unrehearsed, but there has been adequate preparation. At least I feel that the preparation has been adequate. I have taught them how to catch mice, chipmunks and other little animals, and I feel they should be able to perform admirably against a starving rat. After all, theres only one of him and 2 of them. Also, they are so much larger and stronger than he is even if he hadnt been weakened by going days without food or water. O yes, incidentally thats why that little pan of water was placed in front of the children. It should make it much more interesting. And easier for the dogs. You see, in this way the dogs know the poor rats goal which should make it much easier for them to display their prowess and prove their bravery. Actually, I guess it is a little unfair to load this contest in favor of my dogs against that poor weak rat, but Ive always had a soft spot in my heart for dogs and children, and I am especially fond and proud of these animals. As a matter of fact, I was very worried about this and gave it much thought. I realized that my dogs couldnt take much pride in subduing 1 hungry and dehydrating rat, and I do want them to have a feeling of accomplishment after having worked so hard and so long to be able to entertain you properly by displaying their many skills to the very best of their abilities. I was also afraid that the poor, scurvy rat might be too weak from his imposed fast to allow them to put forth their very best efforts. So I sort of wired his cage so I can shoot a little ginger into him so he will be able to provide a little competition
for my doggies. As a matter of fact, now that I think of it, I think I/ll go even further. I realize that this isnt very sporting of me, and Im sure that the poor little rat will not appreciate this, but I think I/ll give my dogs an additional advantage. I think you should be allowed to look him over and give him a good sniff before I turn him loose. Yeah, that sounds like a very good idea. Unfair perhaps, but I think you deserve it. Ive really enjoyed your performance up to now.

He pulled away the canvas cover and the eyes and teeth of the caged rat burst across the room. He looked at the rat, from a distance, and was pleased to see that it wasnt lethargic, but rather had the look of what he would call determined purpose. It was thin but obviously not subdued. It appeared to be quite capable. He observed the frantic twitching of his nose as it seemed to guide his eyes directly toward the water in front of him at the other end of the small kennel. He shot a burst of current into the cage and the rat jerked spastically and spit out a piercing snarl. The audience and dogs jerked back from the violent reaction and the squeals and groans from the audience were joined by the howls of the dogs as he jerked the wire. How many times do I have to tell you to be silent. I cant stand your goddamn screaming and the only way I can drown it out is with the howling of the dogs. And believe me, I can keep them howling just as long as you keep screaming. So shut the fuck up and let them concentrate on their jobs.

He glanced briefly at his dogs sitting and staring at the rat, their tongues hanging from their mouths. He looked at the rat hunched against the rear of the cage, his lips constricted in a beautiful snarl, the dull yellow of his teeth a perfect contrast to his searing eyes. His nose still twitching frantically, his skin tight, shiny and dry. He was a lovely rat.

As he continued to look he was calmed by the overwhelming fear in the room and the murderous demons that were seen by the eyes of the others.

O.K. boys. Go on over and take a good look at him. Go ahead now. Youd better take advantage of this opportunity. You dont have long.

They went over to the cage and looked, following the eyes that followed them.

Thats it, walk around and get a good look. Now give a good sniff. Dont forget, the more you know about your enemy the greater your advantage in the battle.

They slowly inched their way forward, sniffing. As they sniffed the rat smell was vague in their nostrils, but disgusting in their guts. Their throats burned with the acidy need to vomit, but their throbbing throats closed them off from that form of relief. Their bodies seemed to be composed of many separate parts each with a life of its own, each feeling the terror in its own individual way and all they could do was to experience the pain of panic.

They looked at the rat, but were unavoidably drawn to the endless length of stiletto tail that beat at them like a metronome, the roaring movement stinging their eyes. And the burning eyes of the rat throbbed in their ears. They couldnt hear their master urge them forward, but the tugging of the wires thrust them toward the cage. Their tongues hung dry. Foul slime chewed their mouths. Lice scuttled under their skin and a thousand rats gnawed their guts.

The huge, wiry whiskers waved blurringly as the rats nose continued to twitch and the fire in his eyes became more and more intense. The long sharp teeth hung from his gums. His eyes followed the dogs as they moved yet his nose seemed to remain pointed toward the water. He suddenly snarled forward toward one of them, almost toppling the small cage. The dogs jerked back. Dogs and rat stared.