The Royal Family (117 page)

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Buddha does not always appear as a Buddha. Sometimes He appears as an incarnation of evil, sometimes as a woman, a god, a king, or a statesman; sometimes He appears in a brothel or a gambling house.

 

The Teaching of Buddha

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You feel like takin’ a ride with me? said Lily’s new trick, whose gaze was as hot as the ribbons of sunlight in the Tenderloin street-canyons.

If I’m pretty for you then that validates me up to Heaven, wept Lily. I could get drunk on validation. Last week I was dopesick and so I got drunk on cough medicine—oh, so drunk!

Are you drunk now? the trick asked.

No no no no
no,
trilled Lily, whose arms were streaked with the long red slit-scars of cut-open abscesses.

Where are you from? asked the trick, who was now driving her down Valencia Street past the Slanted Door where John sometimes came at lunchtime for the Vietnamese chicken salad.

I come from an ugly place, said Lily. I hope you don’t come from hell because I—I—

We’re almost there now, said the trick.

They passed the Mission district police station whose welcoming doorway said
JUVENILE DIVISION
(Lily had been there many times), and at Twenty-First just past Val 21 where John, seeing many trendy diners, had irritably insisted to Celia, who’d wanted to go home and lie down: This is a hot spot. I’m going to have a look! the trick turned left, crossing Mission, then Capp Street where Strawberry was working, then South Van Ness where Domino, blonde and dazzling, stood facing traffic with her hands in her hair, and then everything got darker and emptier.

I wish I was the prettiest and best, said Lily. Maybe I’m one of the top girls, but on account of a lot of financial stuff am I so down, so down to earth. Not to say I’m past the bloom. You know how Beatrice always has that expression on her face and how Domino always has that expression on her face? They think I’ve gone psycho. It’s frozen on my face. But what makes me simmer down just slightly, and then I go back to normal, is my Queen. She always hugs me or kisses me or gives me a suck, and then I want to give her a suck to make her feel good and show her that I love her. I don’t have a minor psychosis. I’m a neurotic fuck but I don’t have any psychosis. I’m on a hit list, but I don’t have any psychosis. I am so dumb, so dumb, I am the stupidest person in the world and it really pays off. Some people really like to fuck with me because some people just like to fuck hoes.

Okay, said the trick. We just have to turn in this alley here . . .

Lily’s dead, may she rest in peace, said Beatrice. They found her stabbed seventeen times in her throat. Our Mama she told me one of her titties got cut off . . .

Lily? laughed Domino, who was flying on crystal meth and could not bear to come down. She had already risen almost as high as the sky. Who was Lily to ballast her with sadness? —Don’t worry about her, laughed Domino. She’s not worth worrying about. Once I went on a date with Lily and her date, and my date didn’t have enough money, so fuckin’ Lily paid for both of them to get in—

That was so very nice of her, said Beatrice.

It was really stupid. Lily made about five bucks and I made twenty-five, she sneered.

But, Domino, Lily she is—

I’ll tell you a good one about her, the blonde scuttered on, hating to think about death because one day death might get her, too. She’s so desperate she smokes packets of sweet-and-sour sauce that she steals from that Chinese restaurant near the Thor Hotel . . . What scum!

She’s
dead,
Domino. Mama saw her.

You saw some other slut by the same name. Lily’s too stupid to die. She’s always telling us she’s stupid. She
admits
it. And if she did croak, who the fuck cares? Get out of my light, Bea—you stink! When’s the last time you took a bath?

But later, when the meth wore off, Domino came into the Queen’s presence where she could no longer escape or deny her sisters’ tear-shining faces even though the Queen stood very straight, upraising her chin with her hands clasped behind her back as if she were some old Nubian figurine whose arms had been broken off by centuries or vandals. Then, expressing what others considered mere mercuriality but which was really an almost holy empathy with her surroundings, Domino also cried. (Even Tyler would be infected by this surprising outbreak of sadness, which he certainly would not have felt had he simply never happened to see Lily again. This taught him the vanity and egotism of grief, which so often comprises nothing except childish rebellion against the closing off of possibilities.)

We got to give the bitch a funeral, said Chocolate. That was one messed up bitch, but that was our bitch. That was our
sister.

Where is she? said Domino.

Cops took her someplace, maybe to Dr. Jasper’s office. You know who Dr. Jasper is?

Yeah, I know.

I think maybe her Mama was still alive . . .

I hate this life, Domino said. I hate my life.

What the fuck’s
your
life got to do with this? This is somebody else’s tragedy here. This ain’t your tragedy.

The Queen gestured impatiently, and all fell silent.

Can we see her again, Mama? asked Beatrice.

Never mind about that, the Queen said. Close your eyes tight and you’ll see her.

Sapphire, touching the Queen’s face wide-eyed, finally understood that something might be amiss and began to whimper fearfully. All the whores saw how the Queen’s arms trembled as she embraced the idiot girl. Domino began to sob loudly then. —Let’s not allow those fuckers to take her away, Maj! she shouted. Let’s go get Lily and—

Never mind, Dom, the Queen whispered. Gonna have a nice little going-away party for her, I promise . . .

Bernadette got excited and said: Can we take the night off like we did when Sunflower passed away?

’Course we can, child.

Is she gonna be with Sunflower now, Mama?

Yeah, she is, Bea, oh yes. You’re my angel. Someday you gonna be up there with ’em, too. You’re my sweetheart. You’re my dear little girl.

In just the same way that Chocolate always stood hand on hip with a bewildered look whenever she needed to return to the sexual disease clinic even though she’d already been there so many times, Domino now fretted and puzzled over what was, after all, not such a surprising event—who can count all the street-whores who’ve been murdered, for God’s sake?

I knew you bitches couldn’t be trusted, she muttered. You’re all running away from me. . .

Allrightie, Dom, all right, said the Queen. C’mere.

What about me? said Chocolate. Me an’ Lily, we was
this
close. So why the fuck can Dom go first? It’s not right.

That’s not your line, sneered Domino from the safety of the Queen’s arms. That’s Strawberry’s line.

All right now, the Queen said.

Holding Domino almost fiercely while Sapphire clung to her knees, she composed herself, then raised her hand reassuringly as they filed before her, and she touched them one by one. Later they gashed themselves with the edges of their bottlecap charms.

Who’s gonna kick in for Lily’s funeral? said the Queen. How ’bout you, Beatrice?

All right, said Beatrice without enthusiasm, maybe I can go out an’ do a B.J. or somethin’ and kick in five dollars . . .

Strawberry?

Why do we have to help that fuckin’
bitch?
She’s scandalous. She snitched on me one time—

Strawberry, shut the fuck up when the Queen’s talkin’, warned the tall man.

I am, I am!

Talk about snitches! You’re all fuckin’ snitches!

Well,
Strawberry?

Gimme a few hours, Maj. I’ll try an’ get five dollars. That bitch is gonna owe me in Heaven.

Bernadette?

Oh, come on, Maj, I got the shakes; I gotta get well . . .

If you got the shakes then
use
’em. Go
shake
some ass and make some money. That’s the way to get well, child. Domino?

This is not going to work with me, the blonde said coolly.

An’ you was just cryin’! tittered Chocolate.

Shut up!
Shut up!
You’re the one who abandoned me that time on South Van Ness. How
dare
you even—Maj, make her . . .

How much you gonna put in, Dom?

I told you. Zip. Squat. Fuck, that’s all Lily ever did, was zip and squat. I say good riddance.

Dom, I don’t like your attitude.

Oh, leave me alone for once, Maj. You’re always picking on me. Lily’s nothing to me, so why the hell do I have to break bread?

’Cause she’s your
sister
.

I don’t care; she never—

The Queen rose. —Hey, ho, shake it down; break some bread, you little cocksucker fuckin’ bitchmama shitass, she said tonelessly.

Where are you from? the trick said.

Africa, said the small black woman. How ’bout you?

From here.

Well, what brought you here?

My wife got a job here, said the trick.

And where’s your wife now?

At home.

Oh, so she’s at home, but you’re out and about, huh? chuckled the Queen. What was you fixin’ to do?

You feel like takin’ a ride with me?

Sure. Sure we can have some fun.

She got into the car.

How far is it you be wantin’ to take me? she asked.

About two miles, he said. He was a balding, bigheaded man, whose white moustache curved down, and whose heavy eyes expressed a crazy sadness and vulnerability, like some bestubbled pouting child.

Allrightie now, the Queen said. What’s your plan? Or you just playin’ with me like I was a little bird?

I want to—I, uh . . .

It’s okay, mister. Nobody have to be shy around me. I know what you want. You want me to make wee-wee on your face?

How did you guess that? said the bigheaded man, agitated.

Well, sweetie, I guess I just know sometimes. I can do that. That’s no problem if I can drink a beer or something first, to make some water for you . . .

I want to ask you something, the trick said.

Shoot, said the Queen.

What did you like to do when you were little?

Oh, playin.’ I just used to play an’ play. Playin’ with the boys.

We’re almost there now, the bigheaded man said. We just have to turn in this alley here . . .

Now, how much was you fixin’ to spend?

Twenty dollars.

If you pay me forty I’ll give you
lots and lots
of wee-wee, sang the Queen in her lullaby voice.

Uh—okay . . . the trick whispered.

They pulled into the dark alley and he switched off the motor and unzipped his pants. His penis was tall and thin like the antenna on the left rear of a police car. The Queen smiled at him. He took her little hand and wrapped it around his glans. Then,
with the habitual motion of the bearded shopping cart man who always checks every pay phone for forgotten change he reached under the floormat and came up with a knife.

She gazed at him with sad brown eyes. She’d known it all along. —That’s him, Maj, Strawberry had whispered. That’s the one that hurt Lily.

Are you sure?

Cross my heart.

Did you see them together?

No, but Justin said—

Never mind, child. Queen can see the light of truth. Queen can look inside everything. That’s him. Can’t you see that shinin’ slime come oozin’ from his heart?