The Sacrifice (The Alexandra Denton Chronicles Book 4) (10 page)

              My life was forever changed.  The day of my father’s funeral, I understood what it was like to simply exist.  I slept and then, woke up waiting for the proof that my father’s death had been a nightmare.  When confirmation that it had been a reality came, I rose and fixed my breakfast.  My father’s face was firmly in my mind as I did and a tear slid slowly down my cheek.  I wondered briefly how I could cry when I was so numb.   

              I showered…I dressed and put on make-up because I was supposed to.  I was driven by my mother who continued to glance in the mirror, worried because I was too calm.  After a while, I realized that she was waiting for the freak out…for the tears….for the total breakdown.

              When we arrived at the funeral home, I refused to glance at the sign with my father’s name on it outside of the funeral home but had to face it once I was inside the lobby.  On a small black board was his name in stark white.  I was suddenly cold and I had begun to shake.  I rubbed my forearms over and over but I could not warm myself.  The murmur of voices were too loud and someone was saying my name. 

              “Alex,” I turned and it took a moment to recognize my beautiful friend, Lynne holding Caleb.  I blinked as I stared at two of the other people my father saved and no one would ever know. 

              “Are you okay?” She asked and then, sputtered, “I mean…I know you’re not okay…but you’re shivering.  Are you cold?”

              I nodded and a jacket somehow materialized on my shoulder.  I blinked again as I turned to Bastian. 

              “Thank you,” I managed but I realized that I only spoke because I had been trained to be polite. 

              The doors opened and the scent of too many flowers swamped me.  The usher swept his hand toward the room where my father laid allowing us in.  My breaths quickened and though I wanted to resist walking down the aisle to the blue casket, I couldn’t.  Tears had come too many times since my father’s death and I found that I wanted to cry but wasn’t able to.  The trembling increased as I walked closer and closer and peered down into the stone face of death. 

              I shook my head as the tears I had wished for earlier slid down my face and all the breath left my body. I turned and ran as I tried to convince myself that the man in the casket was not my father.  His eyes are too swollen.  His face wasn’t the beloved face of the man who held me when I was small.  He wasn’t the man who told me that he loved me more than his own life.

              “Alex!” My name was called and I stopped in the middle of a cluster of chairs and turned to find my uncle. 

              His voice was so like my father’s that I winced each time he spoke, “Your dad wouldn’t want you to run,” he said, “He wouldn’t want you to cry.”

              That may have been true but I couldn’t help the tears.  I had to let it out.  I had to find some type of sanity in a world that had been flipped upside down.  He spoke to me but I couldn’t remember anything he said.  I didn’t even know if I answered him.

              I only remembered when he led me back into the viewing room and covered my father’s eyes, showing only his mouth.  That’s when I saw him and felt my world let go.  The rest of the funeral was a blur.  Only the sobs of other people reached my ears and only my hands held by Ariel and Matt held me in reality. 

              It was only when we were at the gravesite that I got the first hint that he was near.  Wind whipped around us suddenly and his scent surrounded us.  For a moment, it seemed we’d been caught in one of his breaths and then, it was gone. 

              Matt gazed at me with wide eyes, “He was here,” he whispered. 

              I nodded as his casket was lowered into the ground.

**********

              Cleo gave me the reason to break from my grief.  It was her laughter drifting through a house that had been dead quiet for weeks.  Everyone had remained in respectful silence within the house.  No one had visited from my dad’s family nor had they called but they were so wrapped up in their grief they’d probably forgotten about me.  When anyone else visited it was awkward and they left quickly.  So I had wrapped myself in the silence and had become a shadow and nothing else. 

              That laughter was too bright though to keep me in the darkness and too beautiful not to take notice.  Maybe it was because it was the first thing I woke to or maybe it was because I hadn’t heard it in so long.  A smile touched my lips and I rose from my bed and pulled on my robe before walking down the hall. 

              Cleo was sitting next to Jonathon on the couch, trying to pull the remote from his hands. They didn’t notice me at first but when they did both paused in what they were doing and glanced at me with guilty stares. 

              “I’m so sorry, Alex,” she said with wide eyes, “We didn’t mean to wake you.”

              I smiled and both Jonathon and Cleo flinched back as if I had struck them.  I blinked at their reaction and then, shook my head, “No,” I said, smiling wider, “It was a good thing that you woke me,” then, I laughed, “I think your laughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.  Thank you.  I
needed
to hear it.”

              Her smile widened, “Thank you.”

              Jonathon frowned, “Are you sure you are okay?” 

              I pursed my lips as I thought about the answer, “I’m getting there,” I said, tilting my head as I gazed into my little brother’s face.  Over the last few days, I had forgotten how beautiful everyone I loved was.  Even without his wonderful smile, he was still gorgeous. 

              “I think right now that I can live,” I said, giving a half smile, “That’s more than I thought I could do yesterday.  So, I’m getting better.”

              “Is there anything you want us to do?” He asked, finally showing that smile. 

              “Just don’t hide your happiness,” I said, patting his cheek, “I need to see it.”

              “I can do that,” he said, “Anything else.”

              “No,” I said and then, sighed, “The rest…I have to do for myself.”

              “Like what?” He asked, frowning again. 

              I thought for a moment and then, smiled as I thought of my father and my little sisters, “I have to keep a promise.”

              Then, I turned to get dressed before I called Ariel.  After I hung up with her, I walked to my deck so that I could relax.  I inhaled slowly finally feeling as though I was doing something I hadn’t done in weeks…Live.

              I wondered who I would see first as I stood on the deck of my home.  Since I had kissed Daniel after his near death experience, both he and Ky had avoided except for rushed condolences at my father’s funeral.  For the first time ever, I used my visions to give me a decision on something that had nothing to do with demons.   I needed to know that the one I didn’t choose would be okay.  Besides, I needed to feel comfort in my gift for once.

              I was standing on the deck, gazing out over the backyard when the sliding glass door opened.  Ky stood beside me only a few moments later.  He didn’t face me, he only stared out at the yard in the same way as I did until I was ready to speak. 

              “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” I said, frowning finally turning to him.  My heart squeezed as I peered into his face.  The love that I had for him still clenched my heart but not the way that it had before.  It was different now.  I was sure of how I felt about him.

              “You didn’t cheat on me,” he said with a sigh, “We weren’t together.  We’re
still
not together.”

              “I know,” I whispered with a shrug, “But I still felt I should apologize for your pain.”

              He nodded as he finally turned to me, “Alex, I still love you,” he said, choking on the words.

              I bit my bottom lip and then, smiled, “I still love you too,” I said as I shifted uncomfortable.

              “But you’re not coming back to me?” He asked, rubbing the spot over his heart.

              I shook my head, “Though I love you and I have been in love with you before,” I said as a tear fell down my cheek, “I’m not in love with you anymore.  I’m not the one for you.”

              He shook his head, “You’re wrong, Alex,” he said as his tears fell, “I love you.  I won’t love anyone else.”

              I blinked back tears and shook my head, “You’re wrong.”

              He opened his mouth to argue but I put my hand beneath my lips and blew out.  My memories hit him a moment later and his eyes widened.  He stared at me as the light faded from his eyes. 

              “Everly?” He asked, surprised.

              I smiled as I nodded, “So, you see that I am not the one who is meant for you,” I said with a crooked grin, “She is and I couldn’t have chosen better myself.”

              He nodded, “But I still love you now,” he said, frowning.

              “I’m sure you always will,” I said with raised brows, “But it will change to a type of love that is more suitable for both of us.  As much as guys hate hearing this, I have to say it.  We’ll be friends.”

              “I don’t hate hearing it,” he said as two tears fell down his cheeks.

              I caressed his cheek as I gazed up at him, “I know it hurts right now,” I said, “But the only solace I could give you was the assurance that I’m doing the right thing for both of us.”

              He nodded, “Thank you.”

              I smiled and kissed his cheek before I stared into his eyes, “No…Thank you for being there for me during my worst times,” I said in a voice that cracked with emotion, “You will always be one of my best friends.”

              He grasped my hand and kissed it before walking back to the sliding glass door.  He turned to me, “You’ll always be one of mine too,” he said and then, he was gone.  

**********

              It took a while before I called Daniel.  I needed some time to say good-bye to my relationship with Ky before I faced him.  I stood on my deck yet again determined to face my life in a place that gave me comfort.  Days had passed since my conversation with Ky.  Ky and Everly had become close friends and though it stung at first to see them together, I quickly became used to the idea of them as a future couple. 

              I had not seen Daniel since my father’s funeral and the memory of our kiss still weighed heavily on my mind.  I stared nervously at the phone.  Though I was shown Ky’s future, I did not see my own nor did I see Daniel’s.  I did not know how this would end. 

              I sighed as I dialed his number.  I pressed my lips together when he didn’t answer and groaned as I texted him a simple message.
I need you.
 

              I realized with that message that he would show up regardless of how he felt about me.  He wouldn’t risk my life.  I was still one of the Appointed. 

              “Alex,” he said and I stiffened before turning to face him.  He was frowning as his eyes darkened, “You called me.”

              “And you didn’t answer,” I said, tilting my head as I studied him, “You have never not answered.”

              “I thought you might need some time,” he said, stepping forward cautiously, “So, I stayed away.  When you called, I was afraid of what you were going to say.”

              “But you didn’t stay away when I texted,” I said with a raised brow. 

              His eyes darkened further, “I wouldn’t risk your life.”

              I nodded but was silent.  I bit my bottom lip unsure of how to begin but I didn’t have to.  Daniel stepped forward and pulled my chin up with his fingertips. 

              “Alex, I know this is hard for you,” he said, frowning, “I understand if the kiss was just a reaction to fear.  I’m not going to be mad at you.”

              I shook my head and then, met his eyes, “But it wasn’t,” I said as he stared at me confused.  It was obvious that he had not expected me to say that. 

              “What caused the kiss, Alex?” He asked, cautiously. 

              I raised my chin, “I could not see living a life without you in it,” I said, swallowing over my tears, “My heart would be shattered.”

              “I understand that feeling,” he said, giving me a sad smile, “It’s how I feel when I think of you.”

              I nodded as I took a deep breath and then, gazed back at him, “Do you still love me?” I asked, trembling as I awaited the answer. 

              His frown deepened, “Of course I do, Alex,” He said, tilting his head as he studied me, “I’ve not made that a secret.  I will always love you…I will always be in love with you.”

              I exhaled slowly and took the two steps that separated us and gazed up into his eyes, “I will always love you too but I know now that I am absolutely in love with you and only you for the rest of eternity.”

              He blinked in shock before he bent down and kissed me.  I knew in that moment, no matter what else happened, I would always be with Daniel.