The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart (26 page)

The weather struck them as balmy even when the wind rushed over them, and the vast hills coated in underbrush were but ant-mounds
to the Brothers. They drank and ate and set off at dawn, and followed that pattern for several more days. Twice they crossed
other roads that might have led them astray but she always appeared and counseled them on their course. Small towns appeared,
then larger villages, and at one of these they spent a night, arguing and bartering with various functionaries until a consensus
was reached.

Of those living in the town the barber alone spoke their language worth a damn, and he traded them a modest heap of ancient,
disfigured coins for their smallest grave-found ring. Even after they gave a few coins back to that same barber in exchange
for being treated their purse still had a little jingle to it, so they purchased clean clothes, had their weapons banged straight
by the smith, left their horses with the farrier, secured lodging, and, when the priest disappeared for a time, secured a
small pouch of unseasonably early belladonna berries to crush and smear on blades or drop in food, depending on what the situation
dictated. Manfried used reason and vague threats but could not coax the woman to leave the wagon, but otherwise they each
achieved everything they intended that night and felt rejuvenated the next morning.

Men gathered around the Grossbarts at breakfast to hear where they had been and what they had seen, but even the priest was
reluctant to discuss their adventures. They were indeed on the correct road to Venezia, and against the farrier’s insistence
to let the horses rest another day they set out before noon. The good food cheered them immensely, and the wheel of cheese
Hegel had demanded of the innkeeper would go nicely with the cured pork Manfried had secured from a farmer.

Martyn’s crossbow wound had not festered but the barber bound it in a sling, giving him an excuse to indulge in more of the
Brothers’ beer. They passed several farms before the road arced down into the plains, their wagon bouncing now from the speed
instead of the rough trail. After splashing through several creeks they came upon a small wooden bridge spanning a river,
and slowed to maneuver across the dodgy structure.

Across the river Clement and Innocent squatted in the tall grass on one side of the road with Urban on the other, arrows notched
in their bows. Having drawn the short straw, Benedict hid under the bridge on the opposite bank. He had argued for hacking
through the supports but the rest advised that such an action would result in their spoils following the horses and bridge
into the drink. Word had come from the farrier’s apprentice Vittorio just in time, for as they decided on their plan and settled
into hiding the wagon appeared up the road.

The horses slowed to a stop a short distance from the bridge, and the three men on the bench appeared to be holding council.
Clement murmured that they were close enough to fire but Innocent urged him to be patient. After a pause two of the men squirmed
around and entered the wagon’s interior. Crawling forward, Urban saw one of them reappear and hoist a barrel onto the seat
beside the remaining man. This fellow again vanished behind the tarp covering the mouth of the wagon, but when the vehicle
began moving forward Urban signaled his anxious comrades across the road that everything still looked favorable.

Following Hegel’s assertion that something stank ahead and the Grossbarts’ subsequent abandoning of the reins to Martyn, the
priest broke into a fierce sweat. The Brothers generously set the beer barrel beside him to allay his worry but it hardly
helped. The shallow yet quick river shimmered under the sun but Martyn felt only the wind stirring the grass and his habit,
and he nervously tried to spy movement in the grass ahead. Without any options, he prayed and let the horses take charge,
lazily clipping forward.

Hearing hoofbeats, Benedict moved to the side of the bridge, ready to burst out from underneath and scramble up behind the
wagon. The horses reached the river but a sharp twang came from up the bank and something splashed in the water behind him.
Spinning around, he scanned the riverside but saw only the leaning reeds and the clouds overhead. The wagon tramped above
him, rocking the entire bridge as it slowly crossed the river. Rushing out from under the side, he failed to notice the crossbow
bolt that had narrowly missed his neck bobbing rapidly away down the current.

When the horses were almost across the small bridge Innocent shouted, “Stop where you are!”

“I’m a priest!” Martyn shrieked with decidedly more fear in his voice than he intended.

“That means you’ll do as we say, yes?” said Innocent, and the three brigands left their hiding places in the grass.

Their appearance—and their physical appearance in particular—impeded Martyn’s heart of its usual pace. While wild-stained,
their white robes were unmistakably modeled after those of the Pontiff, and above their plain cloth masks perched hats that
amounted to blasphemy. Indignation stirred within the weary priest, and he shakily stood on the bench.

“Sacrilege!” Martyn trembled with fury. “You dare?”

“Easy on, old man,” Clement called, aiming his bow at Martyn while Urban and Innocent flanked the wagon.

“Mockery of he who rules on earth?!” Phlegm rained down on the bored horses.

“Can’t very well all have the same name!” said Urban. “So let’s say those who have ruled, what?”

“We’re the Road Popes,” Innocent said from the other side of the wagon, “and as a priest, you’d best defer to our wisdom.”

“Or face excommunication!” Clement hooted, his arms shaking from the strain of holding his bow notched.

“Death,” raged Martyn, “death
has
come for you, blasphemers!”

“We’ll just have the coin you’re carrying and not worry about any of that, if you aren’t opposed,” Innocent responded.

“The other two are inside,” Urban called over the wagon to his allies, and then to the wagon itself, “Come on out now, hop
quick or we’ll set you on fire!”

Innocent stayed with Clement near the front while Urban moved to the rear, training his bow on the tarp-covered entrance and
waiting for Benedict, who had just gained the bridge. The last pope ran toward them, but something about his hunched-over
gait prompted Urban to glance back. He did so just in time to see Benedict stop, his robe falling open and a crossbow stabbing
out. Only then did Urban notice the copper beard jutting from under the mask.

Disguised in the costume of the man he had just murdered, Hegel shot the pope staring at him directly in the gut. Urban slipped
backward and toppled off the bridge, dropping his weapon and howling as he fell the short distance to the river. Innocent
turned to fire at Hegel but the bolt Manfried issued from the shallows beneath the bridge struck the bandit under his armpit,
tearing through muscle and spearing his heart. Innocent’s arrow took wing as his corpse fell, Providence guiding it to strike
the half-empty barrel beside Martyn on the bench. The already teetering stash of booze toppled onto the bridge and rolled
toward the edge.

With Clement left alone on the road, the Grossbarts’ plan became complicated when their passenger’s song emerged from the
wagon. Martyn screamed at Clement, who responded to the chaos by shooting the priest. Hegel charged around the side of the
wagon, clumsily withdrawing his pick from the baggy robes. Manfried saw the beer barrel splash into the water beside him and
dove after even though he could not swim.

Slumped on the wooden seat, Martyn moaned and bled, the arrow riveting his previously good arm to the back of the bench. Through
watery, squinted eyes he saw Pope Stephen the Sixth—or was it the Seventh?—drop his bow and draw a sword, then Formosus leaped
from under the horses and they did battle. Stephen went defensive but Formosus’s charge was too quick, and the papal imposter
fell to the road under the force of the attack.

His sword arm under Hegel’s boot, Clement screamed for mercy. Hegel gave it to him in the form of his pick, skewering the
bandit’s elbow thrice in quick succession. The third time Hegel left the pick embedded in the mangled arm and snatched Clement’s
wrist, tugging until the pope’s forearm came free and blood misted their faces. Clement went mad with pain and Hegel simply
went mad.

“You goddamn heretic!” Hegel shouted, stomping the dying man’s jaw. “What you get! What you get, you mecky asshole! Think
we’s gonna let some fuckin popes keep us out a Gyptland?! Speak that blasphemy now!”

His mask bright red and dripping, Clement lunged up as if to bite Hegel’s boot, which impressed the Grossbart enough that
he hefted his pick and drove it into the pope’s chest, putting a wet, thrashing end to his agony. Tearing off his own ridiculous
mask and hat, Hegel turned to his brother, but to his surprise saw only Martyn limp on the bench. An instant later he noticed
the music flowing out of the wagon and a horrible, cold sensation soaked his soul.

Manfried had floundered a bit before his feet found mud and he righted himself, wading after the barrel. Before he moved out
from under the bridge the barrel reached the center of the current and was whisked away downstream, vanishing around a bend.
Manfried splashed toward the bank with the goal of freeing a horse and riding along the bank until he caught it. He had battled
a demon for that barrel, and would fight another to keep it. Before he gained the shore, though, he saw the first pope to
plunge off the bridge crawling out of the water down the bank.

Manfried knew that the barrel had not jumped off the coach of its own volition. Grinning, he advanced on the half-drowned,
perforated Road Pope. Urban’s mask and hat were gone, displaying a mildly ugly countenance twisted in agony. Manfried had
faith Mary would catch the cask on a sandbar or inlet, granting him the time to twist the bastard’s face a little more. Dragging
him back into the river, Manfried held him under and wiggled the bolt protruding from his stomach until his mouth stopped
bubbling. Only then did Manfried calm enough to hear the music, and his cruel smile became innocent.

Hegel watched Manfried pause over the drowned man, then drop to his knees, the water rushing over his shoulders. Then Manfried
slumped forward, his long-haired pate resembling a mossy gray stone in the river. When he did not surface Hegel scrambled
down the bank and ploughed into the current, fell, righted himself, fell again, then seized hold of his brother.

Seeing the man’s face shimmer and vanish, replaced by her playful countenance, Manfried misplaced his usual wisdom. Her lips
felt warm in the cool water, and he felt no shame or reluctance in his actions, even when he jabbed his tongue into hers.
He felt a pressure rising in his chest, no doubt his heart swelling with joy, and he pressed harder against her. How she kept
singing with her mouth thus occupied did not weigh on his mind.

Snatching a handful of silver, Hegel jerked his brother’s head above water. Manfried struggled against him for a moment before
blinking stupidly at his savior and vomiting water all over the both of them. His stomach jostled and sour, Hegel returned
his brother’s volley with his own rush of hot sick. Together they extricated themselves from the river and lay panting on
the bank, neither noticing the song had ended.

“The Hell?” Hegel demanded, watching Manfried’s victim bob away.

“Eh?”

“What was you doin?”

“What you think? Killin that bitchswine.”

“Yeah? Needed to get a closer look?”

“Gotta make sure.” Manfried blinked. “Others done the same?”

“Yeah. That priest got stuck though.”

“Badly?”

“How should I know? I was fishin you out.”

“I’s fit, let’s see bout the priest.”

The arrow had embedded in Martyn’s forearm, blood pooling on the bench, and the priest moaned vengeance in his ill-gotten
sleep. Hegel’s search of the two bodies not given to the river yielded nothing, but Manfried fared better down the road where
four horses were tethered in a copse of trees. In a saddlebag he discovered a small wheel of cheese wrapped in the same yellow
cloth as the wheel he had gotten from the inn that very morning. He led the horses back to the wagon to strategize with Hegel.

“Think we got ratted?” Hegel asked.

“Possible.”

“That dingy cricket under the bridge
did
bear resemblance to most a them townies.”

“I say we hoof on back, sniff round and see if we been cowarded out,” said Manfried.

“Yeah, can’t suffer no traitorous churls to keep on bein traitorous. And sides that, priest needs that barber or he’ll bleed
out by the look a his wound.”

“True words.”

They reached the town gate before shut-in and immediately went to the barber’s, the newly acquired horses tethered to the
back of the wagon. The man’s son answered their knocking, and the scrawny teenager’s attempts to keep them at the door were
thwarted. The Grossbarts carried the groaning priest inside and laid him on the table where the startled barber sat eating
his dinner. The memory of their ring shone in his memory, though, so he went straight to work.