The Scandalous Duke Takes a Bride (30 page)

“We are preparing for a trip north to the Marquess of Castleigh’s estate. I will go ahead on train, but I need a number of things from you before you follow behind me.”

“My lady?”

“I’m not asking you to leave the house permanently.”

“I wouldn’t mind, my lady. You’ve been good to us here.”

“Thank you, Louise.” Her words brought Jessica comfort. “I’ll notify Mr. Warren of my whereabouts. While I have no intention of coming back, I can’t possibly remove all my personal belongings in two hours’ time. I’ll need everyone’s assistance to get this done in my absence.”

“I’ll have everything arranged with Mrs. Harper. Nothing that is yours will remain, unless there is anything you wish to leave behind.”

“I’ll leave no reminders of me behind. I’ll need you to pack three of my favorite dresses, my diaries, and what remains of my jewels straightaway for the trip north.”

She looked around her private chamber, the place she’d called home for nearly nine years. For the first time, she felt the coldness seeping around the room and through her. How had she ever loved this oppressive place? “I suppose none of the rest truly matters.”

“You’ve built your home here, my lady. No one would fault or judge you for your disappointment in leaving. Memories have a way of forming you, be they good or bad.”

Jessica turned and looked at Louise. While Jessica’s maid—and all the staff, really—knew exactly the type of justice her husband had doled out, they never discussed what was in the past.

The past was where it needed to be. Over with and done. She needed to move forward. Dwelling on the bad things had a way of leaving you haunted and unable to grow. She’d not fall victim to her husband’s many abuses. She was stronger than that.

“I would not be the woman I am today without having endured marriage to Fallon.” She wrapped her favorite lace shawl around her shoulders. “Reminiscing does little good. Come, Louise, we have to get ready for the trip ahead.”

Jessica was really going to leave it all behind. It was amazing that she could think of the future without palpitations and anxiety bombarding her.

When Hayden had left he hadn’t retrieved the special marriage license, she assumed so she could keep it in her safe possession. She walked over to her nightstand, pulled out her journal, and tucked the parchment into the folds for safekeeping with a smile on her face.

“Before you go about your tasks, Louise, will you pack a valise with my riding gear?” She was sure that Hayden would procure a horse for her, since his stables were close to Birmingham at his private estate.

“I’ll be quick, my lady; you’ll have to be off long before lunch.”

Jessica retrieved the letters from Lady Montant to her husband that she’d had the good sense to pack away in the bottom of her wardrobe with her unmentionables. They’d have to go with her, for they were too valuable to leave behind.

After she readied for her trip, she made her way below stairs to say her good-byes to the staff. She could not part without hugging Mrs. Harper, whispering how much she adored her and appreciated her guidance as a matronly figure over the years she’d lived in this house. Holding Cook’s hand for longer than she needed, wishing her a grand future in the household, for her dishes were sure to please everyone. Embracing Claudia and telling the young woman that she would make a perfect ladies’ maid for the next mistress of the house. And then there was Wilson. Reliable old Wilson.

“You’ve been more kind than I deserved over the years.”

“You daren’t be so harsh. You’re the finest mistress I’ve ever served in all my days.”

“And you’re too kind to say so.”

“It’s the God’s honest truth, my lady. I’ve enjoyed your beautiful compassion, your tender heart, and, most of all, the fiery nature that is all you. I could die a happy man knowing I had the utmost pleasure serving you.”

Tears came to her eyes and trailed slow paths down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her gloved hand.

“Now, my lady, I didn’t mean to turn you into a watering pot.”

She shook her head. “You haven’t, Wilson.” She accepted his proffered handkerchief. “I will hold our memories together close to my heart.”

“You do me a great kindness.”

“Not nearly enough to repay you for your presence and sympathies when I most needed it.” She hugged him tight, burying her head between his shoulder and neck. “Thank you, Wilson. For everything.”

She probably frightened poor Wilson by showing so much affection, for his hand swept over her back lightly in a mutual embrace before it was gone as though he would never dare touch her.

“There’s one last thing I need to do.” She tried to hand his handkerchief back, but he motioned for her to keep it. “I’ll be in the garden for a moment.”

None of the staff said a word. They knew where she was going. They’d been instrumental in pulling her from the pit of despair that had engulfed her after the last miscarriage. No one questioned her or offered to accompany her. What she needed to do needed to be done alone.

Tying her bonnet under her chin, she made her way down to the garden. For all she knew, she’d never be able to sit in her little arbor of roses again and this little place would be forgotten when she moved on with Hayden. This had always been the one spot on the property she enjoyed in complete solitude. This was also the one place she allowed herself to let go and cry when she needed to.

Taking a strip of linen, she placed it on the ground in front of her roses. Hitching up her skirts so they wouldn’t muddy, she knelt on the linen. The roses were thick along the fence, the thorny briar near impossible to see beyond even in the dead of winter. You could only see the marker if you pressed your cheek to the grass, and then only barely. She’d hidden it well, needing the grave to remain undisturbed when she could no longer protect this place that she’d made sacred.

She cut two fat pink roses from the bush and trimmed the thorns off. Taking the first one, she cut the stem down to no more than an inch long and pressed it in her journal. The second she took in her hand and laid flat out on the grass so she could see the painted marker pressed against the wooden fence. It was no more than a simple cross. She’d carved only a short good-bye into the wood:
You will always have a piece of my heart with you. Soar to the highest heavens and be free, little one.

She traced the rough wording, tears slipping from her eyes as she did so. “This is officially our good-bye. I’m sorry we couldn’t have met, sweet darling.”

Leaving had been bittersweet, but the moment Hayden had left the house she suddenly knew exactly what she had to do. This was the start of her future with a man she not only respected a great deal but loved. While their love was rooted in friendship, she didn’t think that made it any less significant than falling in love with someone you just met and connected with.

The hackney she hired pulled around Fenchurch Street Railway a half an hour before the trains were set to leave for Birmingham. She wondered if he would already be here. Would he arrive just before he was ready to set off? So many thoughts bombarded her. She realized she needed to buy a ticket for herself.

Before she made it up to the ticket booth, Hayden stepped out of a hired carriage. Just as he put his tall hat on he caught her eye and paused at the bottom of the stairs.

He handed a few coins to the driver. A boy hopped down from the back, bringing Hayden his case for the trip. He’d packed light, too, but she supposed that made sense since he’d be visiting his estate. A smile tilted his lips upward as he walked toward her. She was far too nervous to reciprocate the action, so instead ducked her head enough that the dip of her hat hid her expression from everyone around her, including Hayden.

Polished boots came into her line of vision first, then his dark trousers.

“I’d ask if you’re here to see me off, but I know that’s not the case when I can see your valise tucked behind your skirts.”

She looked at him with a teasing smile. “I couldn’t let you go alone. Tristan is my friend, too, and we both know Ponsley is a sure shot if he’s to choose the weapon.”

That was not the answer Hayden had expected. He narrowed his gaze at her before leaning over not to press a kiss to her cheek but to gather up her bag for her.

When he stood he held a bag in each hand. “Are you sure you want this? There is no turning back once you board that train with me.”

She opened her mouth, but what should she say? So many things needed to be said, but not in the open where anyone could overhear them.

“Even I need coaxing once in a while and maybe a little wooing,” she said.

“Comfort is the last thing I had in mind for this trip.”

“There is nothing you can throw my way to dissuade me from joining you. My maid will travel on the morning train with the rest of my trunks. For surely we’ll be staying on more than a day or two.”

“Jess, I need you to be absolutely sure about this.” What he was really asking was whether or not she was sure about them.

“Even I know when I’m playing a losing game of cards. Warren has beaten me. There is nothing I can do to salvage my reputation and even less I can do to convince Warren to let me stay. I have to move on and I wouldn’t want to do so with anyone else at my side but you.”

Hayden turned and put out his elbow so she could thread her arm through his. After purchasing their tickets, Hayden hired someone to take their luggage for them and they boarded the train. They’d thought ahead and taken a private car, which meant they could talk in private about their future.

“What will we do for the next five hours?” she asked.

“We’ll eat at the dinner hour. I’ve made all the reservations for the dining car. But that’s three hours off.”

“There are a few things we need to discuss before our plans for the future are set in stone.” He must know everything about her past.

“I hope you didn’t join me on this trip because you’ve changed your mind and you want to convince me we shouldn’t marry.”

“Not at all.” She drew the blinds on the window that faced the main corridor inside the train and sat next to him as she untied the ribbon of her bonnet to remove it.

Hayden took her chin between his thumb and fingers. “I’ve known you a long time, Jess. There is nothing you can say or do that would shock me.”

She looked away from him as she gathered her courage to tell Hayden something she’d never told another soul. “And what if my secrets hurt your standing in society?”

“I doubt anything can be so bad.”

“Then I may just surprise you yet.”

“Look at me, Jess.”

She did. And while the compassion he’d always had for her was visible in the dark depths of his eyes, she still feared he’d turn his back on her once the whole truth was out. What would he think of the life she’d lived? Of the life her parents had exposed her to so they could live like hedonists.

She took a deep breath. “You once said that my husband would have had no grounds on which to petition for divorce, but now know otherwise. And I did read through all the letters that were in Fallon’s desk and it appears that he knew more of my secrets than I imagined, which brings me to believe that Lady Montant knows my full history as well.”

When she paused, he took her lace-gloved hands in his and said, “Go on.”

“My father was a good man.” Tears filled her eyes. “The best man I’ve ever known. And he doted upon me.” She pulled one hand free of Hayden’s hold and used the handkerchief Wilson had given her to blot away the tears building in the corners of her eyes.

“This is difficult for me to talk about when I’ve not shared this part of my life with anyone.”

“I’ll never judge you for the actions of others.”

“My father loved two women all his life. And while this is not unusual, considering most men’s proclivity to keep on a mistress, it was unusual that both women lived under one roof.

“I had two mothers growing up. Anna was my father’s wife. My birth mother, Jane, was his mistress. Anna was barren, so when it came to light that Jane was pregnant both women underwent confinement until I was born.”

Hayden remained silent as she dabbed away more tears.

“Say something,” she whispered.

“I’m not sure there is anything to say. You said yourself your father loved you, as did the women who raised you. Was it unconventional? Absolutely. Would I judge you for something out of your control? Definitely not.”

“It’s not whether your opinion will change, but the
ton’
s, should my secrets ever be revealed.” She took a deep breath that did nothing to calm her nerves. “On the grounds of illegitimacy, Fallon would have been able to petition and would have succeeded in divorcing me.”

“How long did he know the full of it?”

“Father liked nothing more than to tell his life story when he was in his cups. So Fallon knew the story early on in our marriage.”

“When did your inheritance stop paying into the entailment on his estate?”

She had to think on that a moment. “I believe the funds were released over five years. I can’t say for sure since I wasn’t involved with the finances that directly affected the estate.”

“So why did he wait an additional three years before threatening divorce?”

“I don’t think he hated anyone so much as he did me.”