The Scarlet Thread (6 page)

shaking in their boots about the possibility of being laid off, you

have job security, pension, health coverage. We have a nice

home. The children are happy—”

“Most people never get an opportunity like this, Sierra.”

“An opportunity for what? To work for a new company that

may go broke in a year?”

“I don’t think that’s likely.”

“But you don’t know for sure.”

“No, I don’t know for sure,” he said, angry now. “I haven’t

got a crystal ball. But I have a strong feeling about where

they’re going, and I want to go along for the ride.”

“A
feeling?
And you talk about me basing everything on emotions.”

“This is different,” he said through his teeth.

“What’s different about it? You’ve worked so hard for security—”

“Security isn’t everything.”

She closed her ears to his remark. “And now you’re throwing

everything away on a whim.”

“I’m not throwing anything away! You still don’t get it, do

you? Everything I’ve done up to now has been to prepare myself

for an opportunity like
this.
I’m not going to spend the rest of my

life building someone else’s ideas. I have my own!”

“Why can’t you do what you want on your own time
here?”

“Because I don’t have the equipment it takes.”

“And what if it doesn’t work out, Alex?”

“I’ll cross that bridge
if
I come to it.”

Shaking violently, she sank down onto the sofa, her hands

clenched into fists as she fought her tears. “I don’t want to move,

Alex.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” he said, sounding torn

between frustration and understanding. “You’d be happy if we

stayed in this place for the rest of our lives.”

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She met his troubled gaze. “What’s wrong with this place?”

“I want more out of life than a thirty-year mortgage on a tract

house.”

A tract house? Was that how he saw their home? He made it

sound like a cardboard box. She thought of the time she had

spent painting, hanging wallpaper, planting and tending the

front and back yards so that it looked like an English garden.

Hurt beyond words, she covered her face and wept.

Alex said a short, foul word under his breath and sat down on

the sofa beside her. “My little homebody,” he said tenderly,

touching her hair. She jerked away and started to get up. He

caught her wrist and jerked her down again. “You’re not going

anywhere.”

She cried harder, and he pulled her firmly into his arms,

swearing softly under his breath again. “I know you’re scared,

Sierra. You’ve spent your whole life in Healdsburg. What do

you know about anything else? You think this place is the end-all

of creation.”

“Most of the people in Los Angeles would probably think

they’d died and gone to heaven if they could live where we do.”

“People who aren’t going anywhere, anyway. I should’ve

taken you to Berkeley with me. Then maybe you’d understand

how a place can hum with ideas and excitement. That’s what I

feel when I’m around these guys.
Energy.”

She didn’t know what he was talking about, but she felt the

excitement running through him.

“I graduated with honors, Sierra, and what am I doing with

what I learned?” He gave a dismal laugh under his breath.

“Nothing.”

She struggled free. “How can you say that? You’ve been

working only ten years, and you’ve already accomplished what

most people spend their whole lives trying to do.”

“Yeah,” he said cynically. “A three-bedroom, two-bath tract

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middle-class America. Big deal!” His eyes burned with intensity.

She went cold inside at the way he described their life.

He searched her face. “Don’t look at me like that, Sierra,” he

said, softening. He cupped her face. “I’m not criticizing you or

what you’ve done to make this place a home. I didn’t make this

decision to hurt you. I
love
you.” He kissed her. “You know I love

you. I’ve done everything so far to make you happy.”

“I am happy, Alex.”

“I know,” he said grimly, his hands sliding away. “The trouble

is, I’m not.”

His softly spoken words struck a stunning blow. Fear and

confusion gripped her. He was telling her she wasn’t enough;

he wasn’t satisfied.

“I want more, Sierra. I’m still hungry. I want to explore new

frontiers in computer technology. I want a chance to do something meaningful.” He smiled wryly. “And maybe even get rich

while doing it.”

When she remained silent he spent the next hour telling her all

the details of his new job. She couldn’t remember ever seeing

him so excited about anything. Depressed, she said she needed

to start dinner.

“I’ll fly down to Los Angeles on Saturday,” Alex said, leaning

against the doorframe and watching her work. “Steve Silverman

made an appointment for me with a Realtor who handles rentals

in North Hollywood. He knows everyone in that area.”

Good for him,
Sierra thought rebelliously. Her hands shook as

she peeled potatoes. “How soon do we have to move?”

“I start on the first of the month.”

“Three weeks?” She could feel the blood draining from her

face. “But the house will never sell in three weeks,” she said

shakily, looking for any excuse to delay his plans.

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“Probably not, but that’s OK, too. One of the guys at work is

going to rent it.”

Sierra blinked. “Rent it?”

“His wife’s expecting a baby, and they’ve been looking for a bigger place.” The telephone rang in the family room. “Our house

payments are less than what they’re paying to rent a two-bedroom

apartment,” he said over his shoulder as he went to answer it.

She could hear Alex speaking in the other room. “We were just

talking about it. No, but I didn’t expect her to be. Don’t worry

about it.” Silence for a long moment.

Sierra looked out the kitchen window at the rose bushes she had

just planted along the back fence. She’d never see them bloom.

“I land in Burbank at ten fifteen. No, but thanks for the offer,

Steve. I’m going to rent a car. I want to drive around and get a

feel for the area.” He laughed. “I have a good sense of direction.”

Tears ran down Sierra’s cheeks as she finished preparing their

dinner. Normally she enjoyed cooking; right now, even the sight

of food made her stomach churn.

Alex was still talking on the telephone. Discussing terms. He

sounded very cool, very much in control.

He was going through with this. Nothing she’d said had gotten

through.

Oh, God,
she prayed frantically.
If you’re really there, don’t let Alex

do this to me. Put stumbling blocks in his way. Open his eyes to what he

has here. Make him satisfied. Don’t let the house sell. Change his mind. I

don’t want to move! Jesus, I want to stay right here where I am. Oh, God,

please don’t let this happen!

Slamming the head of lettuce on the counter, she pulled out

the core. She put the plug in the sink and ran cold water and then

pulled the head of lettuce into pieces.

With each action, she whispered brokenly. “Oh, God. Oh,

God, oh, God, oh, God.” Her shoulders shook with her quiet

weeping as she listened to Alex shattering her life with his plans.

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2

The Wilderness

W

3

E X H A U S T E D , S I E R R A P U L L E D H E R H O N D A I N

behind the big U-Haul truck Alex had rented to move all their

possessions and to tow his car. Clanton got out the passenger

side of the truck and looked up at the big stark white apartment

complex. Sierra followed his gaze.

The place had all the charm of a fortress.

She rolled down her window, not eager to get out into the cold,

driving January rain. She could hear the roar of traffic from two

intersecting freeways half a block away. “Is this it?”

“It looks a lot better inside. Come on. I’ll show you around.”

She leaned across the seat and kissed Carolyn, awakening her.

“We’re here, sweetheart.”

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said glumly. Sierra didn’t disagree.

Clanton was already going through the iron gates into the

complex. “Hey! There’s a pool! Can I go swimming, Dad?”

“Sure, if we can find your suit,” Alex said, laughing.

As Sierra climbed out of the car and came around for Carolyn,

she was certain she could smell and taste the smog despite the

rain pouring down on her head. She took her still-sleepy daughter by the hand and followed Alex through the gate. The inside

courtyard was sterile: a gray cement patio, white stucco walls,

and a black iron fence. Three stories of apartments were stacked

together like crates in a warehouse. Geometric. Ultramodern.

Cold and impersonal.

Sierra didn’t see any signs of life until a woman peered out at

her from a first-floor living room window. Sierra forced a smile.

The woman drew back sharply and let the sheer drapes fall into

place once more.

Welcome
home,
Sierra thought bitterly, following Alex.

“We’re on the second floor, apartment D,” he said. Clanton

was first to the stairs, eager to see his new home.

The apartment was as white inside as the building was outside,

except for the rug, which was a pale beige. The living room was

roomy enough, but the kitchen was cramped and utterly utilitarian. The small dining area was barely large enough to accommodate a table and four chairs. Sierra wandered into the hallway. To

the left was the bedroom Clanton and Carolyn would share. It was

only big enough for twin beds and one dresser. The other dresser

would have to go into the closet. Sierra’s mouth thinned. Clanton

and Carolyn were going to love this; they were fighting already.

A glance into the bathroom revealed walls, tiles, and a commode in antiseptic white. She continued down the short hallway

into the master bedroom. Most of their furniture would fit,

though Alex’s armoire would probably have to go inside the

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closet. Sierra caught her reflection in the mirror on the closet

doors; she did not look pleased. Turning away, she went to open

the drapes covering a large window and discovered a view of the

courtyard and pool below. Just like a hotel.

Depressed, she went back into the living room.

Alex hung up the telephone that Steve Silverman, his new

boss, had been kind enough to have installed before their arrival.

Steve had told Alex to call as soon as they arrived, and he and

Matt would come with helpers to get them settled. “They’ll be

here in ten minutes,” Alex said, grinning. Either oblivious to or

ignoring her mood, he caught hold of her shoulders and kissed

her before heading for the door.

In less than two hours, all their furniture was in position and

boxes stacked high against the living room wall. Steve had a

couple of pizzas delivered. Matt had brought a six-pack of beer

and another of soda. Clanton and Carolyn tucked away the food

eagerly while Sierra pleaded no appetite and escaped into the

bedrooms to hide her angst. She made the beds, hung pictures,

laid out the bathroom rug and towels. Then she set to work on

the master bedroom, the sound of the men’s laughter irritating

her more with each passing minute.

Clanton found his bathing suit. Her first
no
brought out his

debating skills. Her mother always said Clanton would make a

good lawyer. “I said no, Clanton. It’s raining and . . .”

He followed her out into the living room and appealed to Alex.

“Dad, can I go swimming? The rain isn’t going to hurt me.”

“Sure. Go ahead,” Alex said, pausing in his conversation with

Steve and Matt long enough to gainsay her. He saw her expression after the fact. “What’s the big deal?” he said as Clanton

charged out the door before she could say anything. “He’s going

to get wet anyway, and the pool’s heated.”

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