The Score (11 page)

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Authors: Kiki Swinson

BOOK: The Score
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Matt had really turned into one big disappointment since he'd lost everything. I mean I had put up with a lot of shit from him when he had money, but I guess that came with the territory of having every material thing I could dream of including trips to several exotic places that I would have never been able to travel to on my own.
I guess I thought once I started being the fucking breadwinner this nigga Matt would have just chilled and been good to me. Nah, he was still the same ol' ho-ass Matt Connors, minus the bankroll, cars, clothes, and expensive trips. I just couldn't live with a nigga being broke and being a nasty cheater sharing his dick with the world. I deserved a better life and trust me I was about to buy a brand-new life.
I slid into my clothes as quietly as possible. Then, I tiptoed into our closet and opened the safe. I quickly stuffed all of the cash into a duffel bag that I had stashed on top of the safe earlier that night. Another thing that Matt hadn't noticed. I think an empty duffel bag on top of a safe would be a red flag. But, once again, Matt had slept on me.
I raced over to the far corner of the closet and dug out the suitcase I had hiding behind some of my long coats. I'd packed the suitcase months ago right after finding out about Matt and Yancy. At first, I had packed it to leave right away but the more I thought about it, the more I began thinking with my head instead of my broken heart. I wanted to really exact revenge on the two of them. I just had no idea it was going to be with two point seven million dollars free and clear in my possession. That's right. I was taking all of the money. I could've left Matt and Yancy a couple of hundred or even a couple of thousand dollars but I didn't. Fuck them!
After I took out what I was to pay Ryan, which was three hundred thousand dollars for his work, I'd be left with the rest. The entire take was all mine. I wasn't leaving Matt and Yancy a dime and they would never hear from me again.
My heart skipped several beats just thinking about that shit. Sweat was running a race down the sides of my face and my back. My legs shook with each step and my stomach was in knots. I took several deep breaths trying to keep it together but it was really hard to fathom. This was real. This was really happening. I was leaving Matt forever. I was never looking back. I had been with Matt since I was a teenager and now at thirty years old, I was finally breaking free. It was bittersweet to say the least. I had been through so much at his hands. Like a wimp, tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't believe it was coming down on me this hard.
I could feel my heart breaking as I hoisted my suitcase up and started walking out of our bedroom door for what I knew would be the last time. In the doorway I turned around and took one last look at Matt as he lay there helpless and in his most innocent state. I wished he was really all that innocent.
Stay focused, Lauren. He is the same nigga. No matter how much you give of yourself, he will still be out there fucking other chicks. He will still be that same shiftless-ass nigga that won't respect you. This is for the best,
I said to myself in a stern pep talk.
It wasn't that hard to remind myself that Matt was a disgusting, ungrateful, lying-ass cheater. I was fighting tears of anger, joy, hurt, and relief all in one. This wasn't the first time I'd attempted to leave Matt but it was going to be the last time. Standing there I started thinking back to the first time....
 
 
November 2005
 
I had paced the floor of our apartment until the bottom of my feet ached. My fingers were raw, bloody, and sore. My eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. My voice was hoarse. My head pounded from a massive self-induced headache. I had no one else to blame but myself. I had trusted, believed, and loved Matt even when I knew he was a lying-ass bastard. But this latest thing was just too much. I looked down at the pictures that I had sprawled out on the floor in front of me. I bent over at my waist and dry-heaved. That's how disgusted I was by what I was seeing. I stood up, closed my eyes for a few seconds, and began pacing again.
“Motherfucka. Wait until you get here,” I puffed. “You gon' do this to me again? Not even six whole months later? Oh no. This is it, Matt! I am not a fucking doormat. You have fucked Lauren Kelly over for the last fucking time, you piece of shit,” I screamed out loud as if Matt was right in front of me and could hear me. I walked to the corner of our living room and wrapped my fingers around the handle of an autographed Louisville slugger Matt had gotten from a sports memorabilia auction. I gripped the baseball bat in my hand like I was about to hit a home run.
“Argh!” I shrieked as I hoisted the bat in the air and swung it with all of my might into the center of the fifty-five-inch plasma TV that was hanging on the living room wall. “Argh!” I growled, hitting it again. Finally the screen shattered and glass rained down around my feet. I could feel several shards pierce the skin on the top of my left foot. I was probably bleeding but I didn't care.
With my chest heaving up and down, I sniffled back the snot threatening to escape my nostrils.
“Stupid! You stupid for forgiving this nigga the first time,” I chastised myself cruelly. I threw the bat down and began sobbing harder. Just like earlier, each time I destroyed something an overwhelming feeling of guilt would seemingly choke me until I could barely breathe.
I stopped moving for a second and tried my best to take a deep breath. I raised my hands to either side of my head and tugged on my hair until it hurt my scalp.
“Why? Why, Matt? I'm not good enough?” I sobbed. “I have done everything to show you that I'm with you one hundred percent! Why?!” I screamed through wracking sobs. “You ain't no better than my fucking grimy-ass mother! You never loved me just like she never loved me! Always picking people over me. She picked all her men and her fucking drugs over me. You picked bitches over me!” I cried out.
Through teary eyes, I looked around at the rest of the mess I had made just thirty minutes before. Suddenly I felt a mixture of fear and shame at what I had done. I cupped my hand over my mouth as I looked around. Matt was going to kill me when he found out.
“What did I do?” I said, whirling around to take in the mess.
A pile of Matt's most expensive clothes were heaped in the middle of the floor. I coughed as I stepped closer to the at least two hundred thousand dollars' worth of items that were now covered in every cleaning product I could find in the house—Clorox, 409, Pine Sol, Dawn, Soft Scrub—you name it, I had dumped it on Matt's most treasured clothing items including a vintage Pelle Pelle jacket that had belonged to his uncle who'd been murdered. The mixture of all the chemicals had smoke rising from the clothes like they were about to make a bomb and explode. I could also see that most of the clothes had begun changing colors or the material had begun eroding into shreds right before my eyes. I made a ninety-degree turn and my eyes went wide. “Lauren,” I gasped. “What did you do?”
I had completely lost it. All of the beautiful glass and crystal accessories that usually adorned the tables and shelves in our living room lay in shards throughout the room. I had either thrown the glass and crystal against the walls or against the hardwood floors in one of the many fits of rage I'd experienced that night. All of Matt's jewelry was in a bag that I had packed by the door along with every stitch of clothes that I owned. Matt's prized sneaker collection, including at least twenty-five pairs of Air Jordans, were ruined from me either cutting them with scissors, slicing them with a box cutter, or pouring bleach on them.
“Oh my God, Lauren,” I gasped as I took in more and more of the damage I had caused. I had started thinking about what Matt was going to do to me when he found out. Especially when he found out about his uncle's jacket.
I walked over and bent down next to what had been a large canvas portrait Matt had paid a local artist to paint of him. It was now sliced down the middle, across the side, and from corner to corner until barely any canvas remained attached to the wooden frame. I swore if Matt was in front of me his face might've looked the same as that damn picture.
I slid down to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I was exhausted. Finding out about yet another chick Matt was sleeping with had made me emotionally and physically spent but finding out that he was having a baby with someone else had literally broken my heart into a million little pieces. It hadn't been that long ago that I had miscarried our first child. I felt so betrayed. At the moment, I felt confident that as soon as Matt walked in the door I would slap the shit out of him, spit on him, then grab my bags and leave.
“This is the last straw, Lauren. You have to leave him or this nigga will never stop,” I told myself. I don't know why I sat there waiting to confront Matt instead of just leaving. Each hour that passed that Matt didn't come home my confidence dwindled and dwindled.
When Matt finally arrived, I was sprawled out on our leather couch that now had stuffing spilling from it like a gutted pig from me slicing it with my box cutter. I had the pictures laid out around me. I was staring straight at the door when Matt turned his key and walked through it. He was speaking to someone on his cell phone and had the nerve to be laughing. That didn't last long. I don't know if it was the pure evil showing on my face or the damage that Matt saw first.
“What the fuck?” Matt clucked, his face immediately folding into a confused frown. “Yo, son, let me hit you back,” Matt said, and disconnected his call. I swallowed the hard lump that had formed at the back of my throat. My mind was telling me to get up and attack Matt but my body wouldn't cooperate. The tears immediately began rolling down my face again. Seeing Matt's face, smelling his cologne, and just thinking of being without him was too much to take. My insides ignited with a mixture of fear, anger, hurt, shame, and just total devastation.
“Yo, Lauren! What the fuck did you do? You fucking bugging?!” Matt boomed as he whirled around and around taking in the destruction. I swear it was like someone had pulled a red veil over my eyes and shocked me with a jolt of electricity. I jumped to my feet and charged into Matt like a Spanish bull.
“I hate you! I hate you! I can't believe you did this to me again!” I screeched until the back of my throat itched. I hurled wild punches and slaps at Matt's face, neck, and head. I swiped my fingernails across his left cheek and caught nails full of skin.
“Ah! Get the fuck off me!” Matt barked, clutching onto my wrists. He squeezed them so hard I thought he'd break the bones inside. Although I felt the pain in my wrists it was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling in my heart.
“You got her pregnant! I hate you!” I screamed. Matt used his strength to push me backward until I landed on my back on the couch. He was too strong for me but I wasn't going to give up the fight.
“Get off of me! I'm leaving you! I hate you!” I screamed and cried at the same time. I knew my face was red because I could feel the blood filling up under the skin of my cheeks. The hot tears ran down my face like a newly opened faucet. Since Matt was holding my wrists I began kicking my legs. I really wanted to inflict the worst kind of pain on his ass.
“Yo, chill. Fuckin' chill,” Matt growled. He pinned his body on top of mine so I couldn't kick him anymore. I didn't give up though. I wriggled, flailed, and bucked against Matt.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Lauren?” he grunted. It was taking all of his strength and effort to hold me down because I was going wild bucking my body, spitting, crying, and cursing.
“She came here, Matt. I saw her belly. I have all of the pictures of y'all together. I have the fuckin' sonogram pictures,” I wailed.
“I saw the sonogram pictures of your first child,” I whimpered weakly. Just saying those words had defeated me. Suddenly my body went still and I closed my eyes. The only sound filling my ears was my own rapid breathing. At that moment I really wanted to die. I would have rather given up my own life than to think of Matt bringing a life into the world without it being with me.
“Why? Why did God punish me and take my baby but let you have one with her?” I croaked pitifully.
“Lauren, baby, stop. I swear, I don't know what you're talking about,” Matt said calmly. I felt my insides going soft. “You are the only one I'm with. Somebody is lying. These haters want to break us up. None of that shit is true. I ain't got no baby on the fucking way,” he said softly. I remained silent. “Do you hear me?” Matt asked. I stayed quiet and still.
Finally he loosened his grip on my wrists and got up off of me. I lay there a few minutes completely still.
“Lauren?” Matt said my name. “Did you hear what I said?”
Like a demon possessed I sprang to my feet before Matt could really react. I turned toward him and with all of the force in my body I slammed my fist right into his mouth. Caught off guard, Matt slumped over and fell off the edge of the couch.
“You're a fucking liar! I'm leaving!” I screamed, hurling more punches and kicks at him. Then I ran straight for the door. I wasn't fast enough. Matt had gathered himself and gotten to his feet. He tackled me from behind, turned me toward him, pushed me up against the door, and crushed his bloodied mouth on top of mine.
“Mmmm,” I moaned, trying to fight him. Matt had my arms pinned up on either side of my head.

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