The Search for Ball Zero (30 page)

“
Yea, but did it have guns
all over it and spaceships flying around and shit?” Perry asked
again.

“
Na mon.”

Tony liked that answer and thought out
loud,”Hhmm. Maybe we can just drive

up there and blow the shit out of that
place with their own warstore?”
“
It can’t be
defenseless.” Perry said.

“
Maybe this crazy forest
is their defense.” L added.

“
Today be being da seventh
day mon. New warstore.” Bob reminded them.

King concluded the meeting,”Let’s rock.”

They all started preparing for war. The
chimps and gorillas really liked the medieval armor, and they put
on as much as they could.

Tony watched the tribe prepare.

One of the gamer Chimps grabbed Tony’s
shoulder, “Come.” They walked over

to the pile of drone boxes. “Watch.”

All of the drone boxes were unpacked and the
drones were all sitting there in a circle on the ground. The Chimp
sat next to them, he had a small screen made of Stackers. He
touched the screen and moved some windows around. The screen
changed and had around 100 dots on it. Each dot was equal distance
from the others, they seemed to form a 10 by 10 square. The Chimp
scooted over and grabbed a drone. He touched the drone to the
Stacker and the drone took off into the air flying quickly. Then it
suddenly stopped and began hovering. He touched another drone to
the Stacker and it took off, doing the same thing. It flew up and
began hovering next to the previous drone. He kept doing this and
the drones were forming a drone wall. He touched two at a time and
they went quickly into formation. The Chimp smiled as he did this.
When they were all up and in perfect formation, he moved his finger
on the Stacker and all the drones moved together, in perfect
formation. The Chimp smiled even bigger and looked up to Tony.

“
Rad!” Tony said. “That
actually gives me a great idea!” Tony patted the gamer Chimp on the
back and knelt down next to him, they began talking.

Tony turned and looked up at the warstore.
Some of the tribe was climbing up

the giant machine, at the top it was lined
with chimps, gorillas and monkeys, all with random assorted pieces
of medieval armor, swords, axes, morning stars, tasers and pepper
spray. King was giving a pre-battle speech. They all cheered and
raised their weapons. To anyone except Tony, Perry and L, it
actually would look pretty scary. They thought it was cool as
shit.

“
This is it.” Tony looked
at his fellow humans, then laughed at himself, “That’s

what they say in movies before the final
battle.”
“
Yep.” L shook her head, her oversized viking
helmet lagging behind the shake. She still was wielding that battle
axe, had a chain mail chest piece over her GWAR shirt, her normal
slightly ripped jeans and had two glocks strapped to her hips. She
looked like a Heavy Metal Tomb Raider.

L looked down at Fozzie,”And you, you
little shit head. You’re staying here.” Perry and Tony looked at
each other and shook their heads.

Perry laughed,”Good one, L. Maybe your best
one ever.”

L laughed back and made a funny face at
him,”Thanks.”

“
You look so hot all ready
for battle.” Tony complimented her. He leaned in a

kissed her, his forehead pushing on her
helmet.

Perry had put on a chain mail chest piece
also. He had his shotgun strapped on

his back and a small pack around his waist,
and that was it. Well, he was also still holding one of those
rainbow dildos. He shook it in the sky, “Candy!”

Tony had found a cool plate mail chest piece
that wasn’t too big or cumbersome

that he liked and was wearing, it had a
sweet dragon on the chest. He had both pistols holstered around his
waist and had a bag slung over his shoulder. In the bag he had a
jumble of pepper spray and tasers. He opened the bag and showed its
contents to the others asking, “Want some?” Like it was a bag of
chips. Perry took a taser and put it in his pack, L took one of
each and strapped them to her belt.

They walked towards the warstore. In a
movie, it would be dusty and windy,

they would be walking in slow motion, in
unison, with badass looks on their faces. In the Dark Tower
Universe it would be three Gunslingers, a Ka-Tet heading to their
own Dark Tower.

They heard an engine on the other side of
the warstore, and a second later Lemmy came sliding around the
corner in his Jeep. He slid pretty close to the Humans and had a
big smile on his face. “Ready?” He asked.

They all replied and laughed,”Yep.” And
began climbing up to the warstore

cockpit.

The tribe saw Lemmy from on top of the
warstore and cheered. A bunch of Gorillas, Chimps and Monkeys
climbed down the front of the warstore to get into the clown car of
a Jeep. The could freely climb the face of the warstore, they
zipped by the climbing humans, who had to use the maintenance
ladder rungs to climb up.

The humans took a while to climb all the
way to the top of the warstore. They

finally made it and were standing on the
grated walkway outside of the cockpit, right where Slash blew the
Captain’s brains out. A lot of the tribe were hanging out there,
Moon was there, he had a good suit of armor that covered most of
his body, of course his Baboon ass was sticking out. They were a
rag tag looking bunch, kind of Mad Max meets Planet of the Apes,
but they were ready and raised their weapons as the humans walked
by. Some grunted and hooted, Perry looked left and right
acknowledging each of them. “Kick ass.” He said to the group.

Inside the cockpit King stood near the
Captain’s chair, Bob was at the gunner station. As the Humans
entered King motioned to the pilot station, Tony sat down and got
comfortable. Janis was there, L walked up to her and they hugged.
Slash sat at a random station across the cockpit, Perry plopped
down somewhere in the middle. King asked “Humans ready?”

Tony looked over,”Perry, sit at that other
station.” He pointed to one near Bob. “It controls the drones.”
They both got up and walked over to it. “All it does is release
them with this.” He pointed to a button on screen and
continued,”Then with these over here you can set their formation
and tactics. I’ve never used it, but it looks like tactics are just
attack or defend.”

“
Looks easy enough.” Perry
stated, “And this one probably brings em back.”

“
Probably” Tony
agreed.

Perry hit the launch button and in a high
voice said,”Testing!” They heard a

sound like air releasing as drones began
flying from the front of the warstore in a tight line. Perry’s
screen flashed, it looked like a view from the drones. They were
instantly in a square formation, like it showed on Perry’s
“formation” button. Everyone in the cockpit could see the drones in
front of the main window. A reticle appeared on Perry’s screen and
quickly targeted Lemmy’s Jeep. The word “Target” appeared on
screen. “Woah, Woah!” Perry yelled, he noticed the tactics were set
to “attack”, he quickly pressed the “defend” button over and over.
The screen flashed and the reticle disappeared. The tactics
switched on his screen to defend. Then a reticle appeared on screen
again, targeting Lemmy’s Jeep with the words “Target” again. “Woah
Woah!” He yelled again.

King rushed over to Perry’s station, “Stop!”
He yelled.

Perry pressed the button on screen that said
“Return” and as quickly as the

drones released, they were gone, back inside
the warstore.

Perry looked up at King confidently,”Don’t
worry bro. I got this.”

Tony shook his head,”Perry this is Ball
three man. If we lose this it’s Game

Over.”

Bob looked over at the Humans,”Each warstore
kill is an extra ball mon.”

Tony laughed, and thought this Bob guy fit
in pretty good,”And if we blow up

the headquarters we’re at Ball Zero.”

“
Let’s rock.”

Tony started the warstore moving, it began
creeping ever so slowly. He looked

over at King, then down the hall at the
broken outer door at all the chimps and gorillas sitting on the top
of their warstore. “Are they just gonna sit out there like that?”
He asked King.

“
Yes.” King
answered,”They no like trapped in machine. Free outside.” King
looked around the cockpit,”This death trap.” Perry
laughed.

King continued,”No worry, they hang on.”

Tony accelerated some. Everyone leaned back
a little as the metal mountain got faster. The warstore controls
were smooth and responsive, Tony was already getting the hang of
it. It felt like they were going slow, but the warstore was
probably cruising at 20 miles per hour. Tony reached into his pack
and pulled out two Stackers. He placed one on his station and
touched it, it turned on. The face he touched flashed and turned
into a scene in the forest. The gamer chimp was sitting a few feet
away, he ran up to the camera and picked it up. The chimp and Tony
each had a Stacker and were using them as a simple live video
feed.

“
How’s it going?” Tony
asked.

“
Ready and waiting for you
signal.” the gamer Chimp replied.

Tony put the other Stacker next to the first
one, then touched it. The screen flashed and on came Lemmy’s face.
Lemmy looked into the Stacker. His hair was blowing in the wind,
crammed behind him you could see a bunch of the tribe. A few Spider
Monkeys were on the seat next to his shoulder.

“
Howdy!” Lemmy yelled
over the sound of the Jeep’s engine. A chimp behind him pointed and
his eyes widened,”Hang on one second.” Lemmy said into the camera.
Then he focused on driving and hit the gas. The Jeep hit a jump and
caught air. From Tony’s view, the scenery behind Lemmy went from
trees to blue sky. The tribe members in the Jeep hooting and
hollering, then the Jeep slammed into the ground. Lemmy gave a high
five to the Chimp behind him and looked back into the Stacker.
“What’s up?”
“
Just checking in.” Tony said.

“
We stay with you.” Lemmy
replied. “Let me know if you need scouting.”

“
You know this place
better than me.” Tony said,”We’re following you.”

From the cockpit Lemmy’s Jeep came into view
in front of them, a slow motion

dust trail expanding behind it.

Tony continued,”When there’s a hill we can’t
see over, scout that for us. Just

like we talked about.”

“
Yep. Yep.” Lemmy said.
“There’s one a ways up here.” His Jeep accelerated.

The warstore cruised along the forest floor,
Tony tried to drive in the open

plains instead of over trees when possible,
but that wasn’t always possible. They drove for a long time, in
mostly silence. It might’ve been awkward if they weren’t driving
into a life or death situation. Perry thought they’d been driving
for about as long as a Three’s Company episode. He drifted off
remembering Chrissie and Teri’s boobs from that show. Then Candy’s
face appeared in his mind and he got sad. Then his pregnant cloned
ex girlfriend appeared, she looked at him, smiling and bent over,
her hospital gown separating and her beautiful cloned ass emerging
from it. He squeezed the rainbow dildo he was holding.

Through the Stacker, everyone in the cockpit
could hear what was happening in Lemmy’s Jeep. He did one of his
famous gravel-y slides, then everyone in the Jeep was focused on
something. At first they were quiet, then they started making
excited monkey sounds. Lemmy looked into the camera,”Contact.” The
cockpit snapped to attention.

Lemmy continued,”A warstore, in the valley,
right on the other side of this hill.”

“
Perfect.” Tony thought,
but didn’t say. But he did look around at the others in the cockpit
and said,”Right on time.”

Perry knew that look on Tony’s face. “What’s
up?”

“
We have two options. Blow
them to Fuck or try to take another one.” Tony said,”I think we
need another one.” Tony looked over at King and Bob.”Bob’s better
than me at piloting this thing. But both of us piloting two
warstores at the same time, we would pwn anything in our path. We
did it in the simulator.” He then looked at King. “King says with
him and the guys on Lemmy’s Jeep he could break into, and take over
another one.”

Perry just looked at Tony, and his eyes
widened. He didn’t say anything.

Lemmy looked into the camera,”It looks
pretty normal.”

King yelled over to the Lemmy Stacker,”Come
get.”

“
Okay Boss.” Lemmy said
and hit the gas.

Tony looked over at King,”You’re sure,
right?”

King replied,”Sure.” Then King walked out of
the cockpit, looking serious. As he exiting the outer door he
motioned to the Tribe and a bunch of Gorillas and Chimps followed
him climbing down the warstore.

Bob was thinking,”Wait? I go too mon?”

Tony was in strategy mode,”After they get
it.” He paused,”If they get it you go. You’re our only other
pilot.”

“
He can’t die, but they
can?” Perry asked. Bob looked at Perry, then at Tony,

then back at the main screen. Tony’s face
looked at his screen, but his eyes looked over at Perry and he
shrugged like “What am I supposed to do?”

Lemmy looked into the screen, King was now
on the Jeep with them,”Okay, in

position.”

Tony looked into the other Stacker at the
gamer chimp and said,”Do it.”

The gamer chimp ran over to another Stacker
and fiddled with it. From Tony’s